Disclaimer: sad-ish chapter :( there is kind of a time gap between chapter 11 and this chapter. I didn't want to rush it, but I didn't want to give you a bunch of boring filler chapters either, so yeah. You can assume a few months, two or three maybe, have passed.


I register first the broken window, then the blood on my fist, hot and dripping onto the floor. It'll stain.

"Dammit!" I scream, breaking into sobs. I curl into a ball and let myself cry.

I almost can't believe how fast I've gone downhill; it was slow, my days getting worse, and now it's all at once. It was just a few months ago I was looking at an awestruck Madge Undersee waving to a crowd and making friends with my baby sister. Then I fell in love, I'm sure of that now; the hints, the inklings, that I've seen her before that, they haunt me. Every time I've brought it up to my mother or Thom, something else came along and now I've convinced myself there's nothing to find out. Thom has such a good alibi I'm almost certain he's being honest, anyway. And why would I expect him or Ma to know anything more than they've told me?

Still, one question remains:

What is this feeling and where is it coming from?

I'm going crazy.

I pick up a shard of glass and let it stab into my palm. And I cry, hell, I cry. It's just luck nobody's home; I doubt I'd be able to hold it in this time.

Not only do I know that I've seen Madge Undersee somewhere else, I just feel like she's given up on me. I shouldn't have let her kiss me. I shouldn't have even gotten attached to her; I did that with Katniss and I should have learned. But I didn't because I'm sofuckingstupid and I can't do anything right.

I've been assured, time and time again, by my whole family that I'm doing just fine. But I can't just not notice how Posy is still thinner than most of her friends, and it's not a natural thinness. I can't help but see the tiredness in their eyes, or how Rory's been out all the time looking for work. How Vick doesn't like to bring his friends, or girlfriends, hell if I know, back home. "It's too sad here," he said. "Everyone is always sulking."

How could I have not noticed this before?

Because you're a failure, I tell myself over and over. Quit fucking trying.

After I am finally able to quiet my sobs, I hear a faint knock on the door, and someone calling my name. I can't answer; I can't move; I can't breathe...

The knock grows more persistent, but I can't find the will to move. The blood has dried on my hand, and I try to open it to let go of the glass shard. I groan in pain as my fingers open, stuck to my palm with blood. I'm just picking the point of the glass out of my skin when I hear footsteps.

"Gale Hawthorne," a voice exclaims. "What were you - oh my-!"

I look up and laugh. I knew I was going crazy.

Before me is Katniss Everdeen, looking just like she did when she left me.

I continue to laugh as she gasps and kneels at my side, trying to figure out what happened. I can't help it; each breath of air bubbles out of my chest hysterically. Am I just dreaming?

She grabs my face, looking me dead in the eyes. "Gale," her voice is low, "stop."

My laughing breaks into quiet sobs and my breath starts to even out. She's cleaning out my cuts, and I wince every time one stings. "I know, I know," she murmurs. "Damn, Gale, what did you do?"

"Punched a window," I say dismissively. "Guess the rumors were true?"

She looks up at me, concerned, but doesn't address my first comment. "Yeah," she mumbles dryly, rolling her eyes. "Peeta's unpacking, and I just - I wanted to say hi, and I heard - I heard sobbing..."

"That was me," I say brightly, though she knows I'm being sarcastic.

"Haven't changed how you deal with things then, hm?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nevermind. Do you have any bandages?" she opens the cupboard under the sink and finds one, quickly wrapping it around my hand. She then makes work of sweeping up the bloody glass while trying to get me to talk about how I'm feeling.

"What the hell, Catnip," I smirk, and she looks at me, eyebrows raised. "Since when do you spend time talking about feelings?"

"You forget who I'm married to," she deadpans.

"Right."

After the mess is cleaned up, she sits beside me like we're in the woods. Brushing hair out of my face, she says softly, "We don't have to talk about it."

I turn to her. "Don't you hate me?"

She looks at the floor, tapping her fingers on her knee. "Not anymore," she whispers. This is the Catnip I know. Always honest.

"Thanks."

I wait a second, and then ask, "So why did you come back?"

Katniss doesn't hesitate. "I'm ready to start over."

"Is it just a vacation home?"

A laugh bubbles out of her. "No, I just said that so no one would talk about how I'm 'rekindling my past' or some shit."

I laugh, too. "In the Capitol they make a story out of anything. Were there photographers chasing after you, too?" I flinch when I realize I added "too" at the end of my sentence. It reminds me that Katniss must want to talk to me about Madge.

But if she thought of that, she doesn't bring it up. "They were at the train station in 4, but most of them don't like Twelve. They think it's still basically in ruins."

I don't mean to let "That doesn't seem to stop them from photographing Madge," slip out, but it does.

Katniss studies me for a second and then says quietly, "Or you."

But then she clears her throat. "Madge is interesting. She doesn't depress people." I laugh out loud, but she ignores it. "I'm just a constant reminder of war, the Games. And she's happier than I am."

Is she really?

"I mean the face she puts on," Katniss murmurs, as if she read my mind. "I know it's not real. I always have."

I nod, but Katniss isn't looking at me. We sit in comfortable silence until she turns to me and says, "Peeta will be wondering where I am."

I make some sort of noise acknowledging her words, and she brings her fingertips to my cheek. "I don't like to see you like this."

"I'm sorry to disappoint," I say, my voice flat.

She kisses my cheek. "Come by sometime. Tell your mom I said hello."

When I think she's gone, I hear her voice again. "I'll come back, Gale."

The reassurance wills me enough to get up off of the floor and start thinking of ways to fix that fucking window.


A/N: Just wanted to say, don't worry, there will be no romantic Everthorne in this story! All Katniss/Gale interaction is platonic. So what do you think? And Rish, do you like my Katniss? :) What do y'all think will happen next? (a lot more is coming soon. I figured with all the sad lonely chapters I put you guys through, I should give you some huge events. the climax of the story is coming :))