What They Really Think
Chapter 12
When You're Gone
Blues, Ms. Keane X Professor
Bubbles
I sit on the ledge of our fountain, sniffling quietly. His hair floated in the water, golden and sparkly. I caressed his face.
"No... You can't... Speak to me...", I whisper. He remained silent. I start to sob, clinging to him, stepping into the fountain. The water rose goosebumps on my skin. I lay my head on his chest, crying heavily. I stay with him for hours, crying.
"Bubbles! Get out of there- Oh god..." Buttercup pulls me out of the fountain. I scream. She pulls me along with her, somewhere. I fight and shout.
"BITCH! BROKE!", she yells. The boys lean out the window.
"Shut up and get in here, Butterbutt!", Butch yells. We go in the house and upstairs. They were in Boomer's room. It looked clean and unused.
"He hasn't been home in two days!", Brick snaps. I burst into fresh tears.
"I... I found him dead...", I sob. Both boys look at me.
"Who did it?", Butch asks angrily.
"It looked like suicide.", Buttercup says. I think it hurt worse to hear than to see. Like it was something unpersonal that they could explain away with logic. And it broke me. I fall to my knees, sobbing, drowning in my sorrow. The others look at me, at a loss of what to do. I cry a little harder at this. They take a few steps away from me, and then betrayal is added to my pain. Didn't they see how broken I was? Didn't they see- A piece of paper catches my eye. It was the only thing that marred the cleanliness of this room. I pick it up and read it.
Dear Journal: I think she's really forgotten me. I see her so happy, and it breaks my heart. At first I just caused more trouble, hoping to see her again, that light in her eyes as she hits me, and takes her small victories. It wasn't directed at me personally, but it was the closest thing to a smile I'd ever see with her around me. But I realize now that was selfish, and I think I'll just take myself away from her life, let her live it. Maybe she didn't love me like I thought she did, but if this is my gift to her, maybe she'd see I at least had those feelings.
The feelings are the hardest part. They change so often, and they take control. Especially my fear that she would be in harm's way if I got involved with her. But the feelings I have as I write this are dread, fear, and love. And hope. Hope that I'll go somewhere better, and she'll meet me there, as an angel. I've always thought of her as an angel. It'll be nice to see it in reality.
But enough, this is only making it harder. Brick, you're welcome to my books and savings, Butch, my video games. Bubbles gets my stuffed toys and crayons. I know she'll like them. Goodbye, guys. I loved you no matter what.
I fling the paper away from me, and head off, blinded by tears. I didn't see the driver. I didn't see the rapidly approaching headlights. And I didn't see the pool of blood that covered my body as I died.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
I float through the golden place I was in, and smile at the wondrous clouds and blue skies. I don't see the boy until I run into him.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see- Bubbles?" I look into the rich blue orbs of Boomer.
"Boomer? Oh god, where am I?"
"Heaven... Bubbles, I think you're dead." I gasp, and feel the tears I'd left behind on the mortal plane.
"But...", I whisper.
"Your wings... They're beautiful..." Boomer murmers, carressing the feathers. I shiver lightly and look up at him. A small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth.
"Thank you.", I say shyly. "Yours too..."
"Bubbles..." He trails off and gulps. "I missed you..."
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
Professor
Two Weeks Before
I pick up Blossom from her tutoring session. Ms. Keane glances at me. I look away. It was tense. I knew it would be after we broke up. Blossom flies me home and we go through the door.
"Do you miss her?", she asks me suddenly.
"Yes, Blossom. I miss her very much.", I reply gently. She nods but doesn't press it. She sits down with her planner and starts writing, biting the tip of her tongue. It reminds me of her, she did it all the time. I head for my room, painfully aware of the empty bed. I open one of the drawers and pull out a red vest, folded carefully. I press it to my face and inhale her scent. Tears spring to my eyes and I put it back, crawling into me bed.
The next afternoon when I pick up Blossom, she is standing by the door. When she sees me, she leaves the door awkwardly. It pains me to see her avoid me. This time it takes me a while to realize we were at home, I was so hurt. I sigh and pick up my keys. I need to go for a while.
"I'm going to the store, Blossom, be home soon." I head out, driving slowly, and then I see her. A woman, huddled in the brewing storm. I pull over.
"Can I help you?", I ask. She looks up, startled.
"Yes please. I was trying to get home, my car broke down, and I had no one available to help me." She frowns at this. I don't pry, but get out and hold the door open. She smile gratefully and gives me instructions to her house, and I drive her home. As she gets out of the car, she smiles at me.
"Thank you."
"You're very welcome." She turns to go. "Wait!"
"Yes?", she asks.
"I didn't catch your name.", I say.
"Lily." She looked like a lily, white blonde hair, and refreshing spring-green eyes.
"Well, Lily, would you like to catch a movie tomorrow?", I ask. She brightens.
"Sure!", she grins.
"I'll pick you up at seven.", I call. She grins and skips inside. I drive home, smiling.
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
After our date, I go home to three pacing girls.
"Well, how was it?", Bubbles all but yells at me.
"It went fine. We have plans for brunch tomorrow.", I smile.
"Yay!", she yells, colliding with me. Later I fold up the vest one last time, and put it away to send to her tomorrow. It brings bittersweet memories with it.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
Bubbles
He shows me around heaven, holding my hand. It feels so right, and it made me happy to realize his dreams of me being an angel. He smiles shyly at me and we sit on a golden bench.
"I... I like you, Bubbles. Like like." I smile.
"I know... I saw your journal entry...", I say breathlessly.
"Which one? You're in most of them.", he says sweetly. I lean in and kiss him lightly.
Professor
We sit across from each other at the brunch restauraunt.
"This is so much fun. You're a really great guy.", Lily says, smiling at me.
"You're a beautiful, great woman.", I reply softly. SHe leans in and captures me in a kiss.
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
Bubbles
Then he shows me the viewing pond. It allows you to watch scenes from your life. It brings me a sense of peace, yet a deep pain as I watch some of the scenes. I felt the loss, and I missed my life, but being here with Boomer helped lift that. It was like a beginning, wrapped in an end.
Professor
I find myslef thinking less and less of her. Lily occupied my time, and we were happy. She made me smile. But the most important thing, I got the closure I was looking for.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
