A/N: Hey guys! So here's a chapter inspired by The 1975's Pressure. The song really does help me give a peace of mind, every single time. Go give it a listen, if you haven't!
Enjoy this one!
I own no one else but Zariah and her family; not including Daniel Bryan.
:)
P.S: I may be using '* * *' to signify a new scene since the line doesn't work! Sorry about that :(
06th March 2014, Thursday – Northridge, California
After completing 4 rounds of push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups, I move on to weight lifting. Keeping it lightweight, I aim to complete 3 reps of 20. I arrived 30 minutes ago with Tyler and Dylan Sprayberry to complete my work out of the day. With the two here with me, I ended up spending more time here than intended. All I want to do is get this done and over with, get a shower and go home.
"Do you work out every day Zariah?" Dylan asked, as he takes a break from pull-ups.
"Yup." I answered, halfway done with my first rep. "I don't do intense every day though."
Dylan chuckled as he lifts himself up, chin above the bar. Tyler is beside him, intensely focused on getting his last rep done before moving on to his next exercise.
"Damn, even when you're not technically wrestling?" He asked, before joining me to lift weights.
"Well, we gotta stay in shape 24/7 Posey." I sighed, getting up after completing my first rep.
"What? You haven't actually been in a match?" Dylan questioned. "You're not serious?"
Honestly, I'm just as baffled as he is. And to answer his question, I shrug my shoulders and lay down again to continue with my second rep.
The 15-year-old then expressed how incredulous it is for me not to be in a match before. Ever since I joined the cast, I've gotten along well with most of them; especially with Sprayberry. The newbie and I are constantly eager to one-up the other when it comes to doing stunts or anything athletic.
"I have been in matches before, just not a televised one on the main roster."
To end his droning, I finally explain my situation. I shared how tiresome it was waiting for the creatives to come up with something for me or even accept any of the pitches I prepared. Just the thoughts of all those nights I spent my time to change my character up; just to be ignored and simply declined, it irritates me.
I don't know how anyone else can deal with the team, but I can't. At least not on a full-time basis, now that I'm starring in a TV series.
"They're crazy." Tyler remarked. "Dude, your body is toned up."
"Yeah, totally. It's insane… What do you do besides wrestling?"
I laughed at how both guys are now staring at me as I sit still at the bench press machine. Do they really need an answer for that or what…? After nearly a minute of silence, I realized I do have to give them something. Anything at all to stop them from staying fixated on me.
"You already know I played lacrosse…" I pointed out, reminding them how I bedazzled them with my skill while they were practicing with Arden the other day. "I also swim, trained in boxing and kickboxing."
"That's it?" They asked in unison.
"I thought the list never end."
Tyler joked, which I responded with a slap to his arm. I'm sure it was pretty sore from the heavy weight lifting he completed earlier. Laughing with Sprayberry, the three of us then exit the gym and to our respective trailers; with my mind buzzing of the conversation we had.
Upon checking today's date on my phone, I realized it has been 2 years. 2 freaking years and I'm still waiting to make my in-ring début at Raw or SmackDown. Shaking my head at the time I've wasted, I don't regret one bit of joining Teen Wolf. At least, I'm assured that I'm investing my time working my ass off on something.
I'm an actress and I get to see myself on television. Despite having to appear fully nude in the first episode I appeared in, I was happy. I'm satisfied to see my hard work paid off. All those times I've gone back and forth travelling, it's worth it. That's why I decided to sign on as a series regular for this season.
Although, even acting couldn't pacify my will to get back in the ring. It's all I ever wanted… I trained and continue to train till every muscle of my body ache like crazy. I even endured parting with the people I love for the sake of competing in the main roster.
For now, I guess only time will tell; if the management will realize the talent I possesses in time before I decide to leave. The longer I continue to stay with them, I feel my passion for wrestling wilting away. And recalling all those times I've wrestled and earned championships in FCW and NXT, it's a shame that all that amount to nothing this instant.
10th March 2014, Monday – Memphis, Tennessee
Now changed in a white and pink ringer t-shirt and a pair of dark denim shorts, I join the twins to watch Bryan's promo backstage. Shockingly, I only have one a match to be involved in tonight. What's not surprising is that it had to be Colby's match; Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins against Cody Rhodes and Goldust. I thought the match would never end… Until Seth eventually hit the Curb Stomp and pinned Cody for the win.
Nothing much has changed since last September. Besides feeling less awkward to give him a wave or call him out, we're still not as close as we used to be. I guess, it's the way things should be between us from now onwards.
"That's right. Go Bryan!"
Brie cheered on her partner, as both Nicole and I smile happily. Regardless of how I'm treated right now as a talent, I couldn't be more proud of my cousin. His road to WrestleMania this time is better than ever. As Bryan's fan from the very beginning, I'm invested in his efforts to achieve the WWE World Heavyweight Championship for the third time.
He has been through so much with this company ever since his first arrival here in 2002. The way they treated him was unfair; yet he persisted on coming back. He came back in 2009 because of me too. I know he wouldn't admit it, but I also know, deep down that I was part of the reason why he signed with WWE again.
Bryan wanted to look out for me.
"The crowd is insane; I can't imagine how that feels like."
I commented, at how loud the crowd chanted 'Yes!'. Bryan really did a good one to keep them hyped, I lean forward; completely engrossed in the promo.
By the end of it, Bryan was surrounded with a whole lot of people supporting the 'Yes!' Movement. I clapped my hands, along with the twins as we watch how amazing of a promo that was. I, for one, is excited to see Bryan's matches in WrestleMania. After 5 years, he'll be earning what he truly deserved – which is long overdue. To see his success in the company right now, bring me to tears.
Just thinking about my time here from the start, I'm scared I'll experience the same as Bryan. I've already wasted my 2 years here in the main roster. All my hard work in FCW is clearly not enough for them, and it's futile.
I have failed to make Shaé and Bryan proud of me.
Before I waste more of my time here, it's better I go. Isn't it?
"Ria, are you coming with us?"
Brie brought me back to reality, and I avoid from facing them. I simply show them a thumbs up before my other hand wipe the tears swelling in my eyes away. Sighing, I proceed back to the locker room to pack up before driving with the twins later.
* * *12th March 2014, Wednesday – Northridge, California
Here I am, sitting on the couch with empty walls staring right back at me. I've been up all night thinking about what the hell am I doing with my life. For so long, I yearn to be professional wrestler in the big league but all I'm ever going to be is… Not even close. I've tried all these time, but nothing.
I'm starting to believe that I'm never going to be enough.
All the fights I've put up; all those tears I've shed ends up with the numbness I feel now. The hollow feeling that I'm experiencing right now, how do I make it go away?
"Hello?"
The voice on the other end of the phone line, gets me to lean back against the couch. I also tell myself to maintain a steady breathing. He cannot know about any of this.
"Hey." I spoke. "You're busy right now?"
"No, no. We can talk, what's up?"
I try to smile at how willing Colby is to talk to me; but I can't find the strength to. The reason why I dialed his number in the first place is to distract myself. I'd rather check in on my friend rather than cry my eyes out and continue thinking of all the negative things I could possibly think of.
I'm trying to avoid giving myself all the pain.
"Nothing much, uh, I just want to know how you're doing." I trembled till the end of my sentence.
Before saying a word, I can hear clearly how my question amused Colby. That laugh, it used to annoy me or made me join him laughing all the time. Just not this time, unfortunately.
"That's cute. We saw each other yesterday Z, but I've been better." Colby admitted. "I kinda miss you, actually."
I miss you too, I bit my bottom lip preventing myself from letting a word out. My eyes are swelling with tears right now; I couldn't let Colby know that. He'd surely hear it in a heartbeat, and I don't want to talk about it. All I want to know is that, my friend is doing just fine – at least better than I am.
"It's weird, not to have you around much. I really want to make you scream again, it's fun." He continued, as I hold my breath. "Even the women's division right now is terrible. God, I just wish you'd swoop in and save it at WrestleMania, or something."
There's nothing else for me to say. Not at this moment when I'm struggling to find air to breath. My heart is pounding in my chest and I don't know what to do or say anymore. The next second I know; I'm on the floor with my phone out of my grasp.
"Z? ZARIAH?" I heard Colby's yelling from the call. "WHAT'S WRONG?! ZARIAH?!"
Not wanting him to worry any longer, I quickly end the call. I couldn't let him hear any more of whatever this is I'm having. My chest, it's tightening and I just, I don't know what to do.
"Yo, Zariah? You're ready yet?"
Dylan walked into the trailer, stunned to see me on the floor. I'm shivering as though I'm freezing; which doesn't make any sense in this small vehicle. Dylan run to me, grabbing a bottle of water from the table nearby. With hands on my shoulder, he tells me to focus on what he's saying.
"Breath in, Ria. Just take a deep breath in, okay. You can do this."
Without saying a word, I do as told. It's not as if I could even croak a word out of my mouth right now.
"Okay, hold your breath." His hands remain, as his gaze stays on me. "Exhale, slow and steady."
He made me repeat the exercise twice before seeing how I've calm down. My body no longer trembles as hard as it was a minute ago. My heartbeat is still beating faster than usual; but it's better. At least, it doesn't feel like I'm going to die today.
Dylan hands me over the bottle for me to drink. I obliged, but also scooting away from him and lean against the couch. He maintains his watch on me, worried expression plastered on his face. Feeling profoundly embarrassed of what he just saw, I avoid meeting his eyes.
"You want to talk about it?" He began, with a comforting tone. "I'm all ears and promise, I won't tell a soul."
Knowing Dylan for 7 months now, I'm sure I could trust him. The way he lives his life already proves of how good of a secret keeper he is. Plus, there's no one that I'm close to most on set besides him. Most likely because I'm playing as his love interest and, he has seen me butt naked – for filming purposes.
"I'm scared." I blurted out. "I, I don't know if I'm ever going to make it big time."
"In acting?"
"And wrestling." I added, before my sight turn to look at him. "I've been stuck with something that I'm not a fan of. I feel like, I'm nothing compared to others. There's always somebody else that get picked first before me, and it sucks. Knowing that even when I'm giving my all, it's not what they want or I'm not right for it."
I sigh, pouring my heart out to my co-star. For a second, I feel like I'm Malia – if she wasn't so tough. This is how a scene with Stiles would play out on-screen; I thought as I continue looking at Dylan.
"I may not understand how the wrestling world works, but I do have a couple of advice for acting. Just get yourself to a bunch of auditions." Dylan simply revealed. "Show people what you're made of, because you're pretty cool of a person and a decent actress. You're committed, we can all see that and you're passionate. In this business, as long as you work hard and continue to work hard, you'll never be let down."
My lips curl up, as soon as Dylan takes my hand. His reassurance gives me a little bit of hope. With the success and reviews I've gotten from critics and fans of Teen Wolf, it did back up everything that Dylan said. Nothing gives me much joy than reading all the positive and negative comments people have to say of my acting.
That's part of the journey that I look forward to because it's definitely going to help me grow. I know there will always be something for me to improve on, as an actress. In terms of answering questions regarding the role and show itself, characterization of the role I'm playing… I want to work on all of my shortcomings.
"Thanks." My voice came out softly. "I feel like there's more to say, but I really can't thank you enough."
"It's fine." He squeezed my hand gently. "Just chill here for a bit, I'll go check on the rest. I'll be right back."
Nodding my head vaguely, I release his hand and watch him walk out. I know that I have a lot on my plate right now that I feel like I'm losing my mind, but I also have some good people around me. If only I'd share a little bit of what I'm feeling to Bryan or Vic or Shaé, I wouldn't have had to go through that.
I smile to myself, grateful to have Dylan helped me out. This change in pressure is unlike one I've been through. Just when I thought my heart would stop beating, he came in to save me. In fact, he might even have inspired me a little – and I can't wait to go for the audition Shaé suggested.
