AN : I apologize for the long delay. I was perusing spoilers sites and the negativity and whining from some of the fans there are beating the muse with a stick. Like vampires they suck all the writing cheer out of me. Sorry, I'm in a weird mood...
Anyway, this isn't what I had in mind. But in the end I wasn't ready to write the escape scene from the car and stuff, which need excitement and not annoyance. I will try to write what I had in mind once I get out of the funk. And there's a hiatus coming, so I'll have the time : silver lining.
In the meantime you get to see the working process, a little rewritten. This starts with Beckett's thoughts which is how I get in their head before constructing the scenes I add.
She didn't know how to deal with this new Castle. The one that told her she could ask anything in front of a chess board. She mocked him earlier in the case when he said he was more mature. But he really was. It shouldn't bother her. It did. It meant she was the one being difficult. Like that outburst in the morgue about Sophia and sleeping with whoever he wanted. She was the immature one.
She could admit she was jealous... To herself, at least. Why shouldn't she be when he was flirting with his eyes at her ? The demanding case has pulled their dating thing on pause and she hated it. It had been forever since he had said he loved her and she despised it. She knew she was partially a fault for that. She was the one who broke things off and had put him at arm's length. The comfortable arm's length. Close, yet, not so much as she had to make an effort. She asked a lot of him but wanted more at the same time. She has made such a mess of her life, she thought.
Sometimes, she wondered why Castle had accepted the situation. That's when the doubt resurfaced. That's why those feelings about Sophia just wouldn't get squashed. There were a reminder of the womanizer he used to be. A reminder that it might end as soon as it started. They made her say stupid things like wanting to know "how big the club was". Like that wasn't catty enough, the whole thing was putting her off balance, too. The wrong desk. She had stopped at the goddam wrong desk. In front of the guys, too. Maybe she was too sensitive on the subject. It was a question of trust. She was not afraid to trust him with her life. But with her heart? The jury was still out on this one.
Beckett hated Sophia Turner. Yes. He knew that. He had hoped she wouldn't ask where the lead came from. For his defense, she was not at the top of her game at the moment. The desk incident made him believe she would maybe just forget to ask.
"Not like that!" He wanted to insist but knew it would make matter worse. Playing it off like she was overreacting was the best option here. Because it was true.
"You are a genius!" Sophia exclaimed, placing a kiss on his cheek. He smiled contentedly. She really knew how to stroke his ego, Beckett thought as she watched.
"You know how he can be."
Sophia had Beckett's mind reeling. The tension was all they had, with Sophia. Was that true with her too? She felt the doubt creep into her soul, eating at her brain. Like a disease, a viscous cinder which couldn't get caught, infiltrating itself everywhere.
"What about Spy game? I haven't seen it yet," Alexis offered. There were at the loft for a movie night. After such a case, they all needed to relax.
At the suggestion, both Castle and Beckett scrunched their faces. Suddenly, Castle lighted up.
"I know! I had a urge to watch Flashdance for a week now. Let's watch that."
"A urge, huh?" Beckett's eyebrows shot up.
"Ew, Dad. Don't you think I've been grossed out enough recently?"
"Hey, young lady! I am not the one who decided to intern at the morgue."
"I wasn't talking about the bodies."
Ouch. Beckett's lips tightened. She had hoped Alexis would let that little comment go. Apparently not.
"See?" Castle turned to his partner. "Two words colliding." Beckett chose to ignore him.
"I'm really sorry, Alexis. I forgot you were here. I was pissed and had just nearly drown. I wasn't thinking clearly and I apologize."
"It's okay, detective. You're not the one responsible," she glared at her father.
"What!" Castle cried out, looking to one woman to another in disbelief. "You're ganging up on me, now?" He humphed and left for the kitchen.
Beckett made a sign to Alexis to let him off the hook.
"Let's watch Flashdance," the detective agreed.
"Just no slow mo this time, Dad. And we're not watching the bra scene twice."
Alexis had gone to bed when the credits had rolled. Beckett and Castle stayed on the couch, talking and laughing. She had scooted up toward him little by little, pressing herself against his side, her lips shadowing the skin of his neck. He continued talking like nothing was going on. Like she wasn't throwing herself at him. But the vein in his face was pulsing. She knew he was controlling himself.
"Stop being a gentleman," she whispered. "Third date. Everyone puts up on a third date."
He chuckled at that, and, finally, turned his head to capture her mouth.
Castle woke up feeling too hot and encased. He struggled against the remnants of sleep until he recognized what was causing the discomfort. Beckett was draped all over him. A first. Well, not exactly. They had snuggled before. But she always slept on her side of the bed. She liked her independence. He had never, ever, woke up with her still asleep so close to him. He tried not to read too much into it. But he couldn't help thinking that something might have changed. He stayed still for a while, not wanting this new thing to go away. But eventually, Mother Nature was too pressing.
She woke up when he tried to disengage himself.
"No!"
"I have to pee."
"No."
"Would you rather..."
"Okay," she let go, rolling over, still half-asleep. When he came back, she pressed herself back onto him with a sleepy sigh.
"Aren't you clingy this morning," he kissed her forehead.
"Sorry," she started to move away but he grabbed her and maintained her where she was.
"I wasn't complaining, quite the contrary."
Her eyes were still closed. The exhaustion of the whole ordeal, he guessed. But, through the fog, Beckett tried to explain herself.
"Don't like being clingy. But need you. Sorry."
"Oh, don't ever be sorry for needing me," he whispered fondly.
She hummed. "Don't like it."
"Well, I prefer clingy to jealous anytime."
"Mean." She had to wake up for this but her brain just wouldn't. Her body ached too much.
"You were the one being mean," he teased. She thought it was unfair he was so awake for this. She was supposed to be the morning person. "See how big the club is? Come on." He paused, waiting for her reply, it never came. He checked if she had fallen asleep again but no, her eyes had opened, if not by much. He decided to continue.
"You know how I was. If Sophia lied a lot, she had one thing right. I was a reckless, immature, self-centered jackass. Lots of women. Little held any meaning to me. But I thought that you knew I had changed. That you changed me, for the better. It hurt a little when you didn't recognize that," he admitted.
"Sorry, jealousy, irrational." She was too tired to form sentences.
They stayed silent for a moment. But Castle couldn't let it go.
"Kate. When you said Sophia lied a lot. Did she... What did she told you?"
That, woke her up. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, pondering the wisdom of revealing that conversation to him.
"Kate," he pleaded.
She sighed. "She said she wished you two never slept together, because once the longing was gone, all you had was... the things that drove one another crazy." She spoke softly, afraid.
He sat too. He made her look into his eyes.
"It's not true. And even if it was, it ain't us! And it ain't true" He rushed the words out, not caring much about proper grammar. He just needed to tell her. "Do you really want to know what happened?"
"I'm not sure."
"It isn't pretty. But it's better than her lies... I think."
She nodded.
"I was newly divorced, heartbroken because the mother of my child had left for some role in LA. I was hitting on every skirt I met. I mean every single – or not - woman I met. A habit. A bad one. And I was famous and rich and young. It was so easy, it was scary. Sophia was sexy and powerful. She was harder to seduce. So yeah, it became more exciting. But in the end. As you said when we first met : 'another notch on my bedpost'."
She couldn't hep but glance at the head of the bed. He took a deep breath.
"Full disclosure? That's probably what you would have been if we had slept together when we met. I was that shallow and stupid. It would have been the biggest mistake of my life and I am so glad you rejected me." She chuckled and he smiled. "And in a damn sexy way too. I had dreams about that 'You have no idea' line."
She leaned in to kiss him, smirking. "Guess you were my conquest, in the end."
"So I was right," he mumbled against her lips, not wanting to interrupt the kiss for one second.
"Shut up." She shoved him back onto the bed. He caught her around the waist to bring her on top of him.
"Make me."
It's underdevelopped but it's better than nothing, right? I promise, I'll write all next chapter before I go read comments about the episode. So you're not cheated of half the thing. ;-)
