Dear Peter,
I hope you are doing well. Things here have been fine. Mum wrote me and said you were beginning to study for a rather big exam. I hope that goes well for you. School is the same as usual: dreadful. I suppose I'll never be quite the scholar you are.
My real reason for writing is to see how you and Edmund are. I know you both must feel simply awful now that we're back in England. I know I should have written sooner, but I was worried how you two would react if I brought up Laira and Georgiana. I miss them both so much. I suspect it's even worse for you.
Lucy is having a really difficult time with being home in England. I worry for her, but I'm not sure how much more I can stand having to pretend that I'm fine and be strong for her. She has these dreams and wakes up nearly uncontrollable with tears. You know that isn't like Lucy at all! She claims to have lost her bravery and I feel like her faith in Narnia is wavering. I'm not sure I can continue on encouraging her to keep that faith; I feel like mine might be slipping as well, no matter how much I try to hold on to it. Peter, you have to write to her. Tell her things will be fine because I no longer know if they are.
How are you doing with losing Laira? And how is Edmund doing? I really worry for you both and wish we hadn't had to leave each other to go back to school so soon after we returned. Please hug yourself for me and give Edmund my love. I hope you are both holding up and I look forward to seeing you at Christmas!
Love,
Susan
P.S. Please write to Lucy!
Dear Susan,
I'm glad I got your letter! Mum wrote to me also and said that you were doing alright in your classes. I suppose that's her way of saying you weren't failing! (Only joking, Su. Don't get yourself in a snit.) I have started to study for the exam. Not much to say about it other than I'm quite tired of staying up until all hours of the night stuck in the dusty old library! You know you could be a scholar like me if you would just apply yourself instead of worrying about so many other frivolous things.
Edmund has gotten better over the weeks with losing Georgiana and being back home in Narnia. He was always a pouting kind of kid, but this is different. For weeks he seemed to only go through the motions of the day, never focusing on anything or talking to anyone other than me. I finally managed to pull him out of his mope, but sometimes I still see that hurt and saddened look in his eyes and I worry he's going to fall back into the depression he was in when we first got to school.
I will write to Lucy like you asked. Hopefully I can help somehow. That really just does not sound like her. I know it's hard, Susan, but you have to keep up a strong front for her. She looks up to you so much and whatever you're dealing with you need to work through. I know how hard it is, staying happy despite knowing that I'll never return to my home, but I know Edmund needs me to be strong for him since he's having such a hard time. You have to do the same for Lucy.
I miss Laira, of course; more than I've missed anyone in my entire life. I feel like something is eating me inside, anger and fury for losing her. It's been hard to not let that show, but I know that she would not have wanted me to act that way. It's too hard to think about it, much less to write about it, so I'll stop now.
Study hard and enjoy the rest of your term. Tell Lucy I said hello and that I will write her soon.
Peter
Dear Lucy,
How are you liking your first year at school? Have you made any new friends yet? I hope you are enjoying yourself so far and are studying hard so that you will do well.
Susan wrote and told me you were having nightmares and were upset about being home in England. I know it's hard; all of us find it's hard. But you have to remain strong. What are your nightmares about?
We all have lost much leaving Narnia when we did. I understand what you must be feeling and believe me when I say I feel it, too. The loss of Laira, Edmund's loss of Georgiana and the loss of your fiancé worries me and upsets me every day, as I know it upsets Susan and Edmund as well. You are a queen of Narnia, one of the greatest queens our country has ever had. Remember that and be strong. Keep your faith that things will work out as they should and I truly feel your nightmares will disappear.
Write to me soon Lucy! Have a wonderful remainder of the term and I will see you at Christmastime!
Love,
Peter
Dear Peter,
I am so happy to hear from you! I love school and have made so many new friends! The class work is difficult, but I'm studying hard, just like you said. I've taken up swimming lessons and am learning to swim. I imagine they'll come in useful one day!
I wish Susan hadn't written you about my nightmares. They really have all but stopped; I only have them occasionally and they aren't nearly as bad as they were at first. They always tend to be the same about the storm. I'm not scared of them, just sad. I miss Georgiana and Laira so much, especially after I wake up from my dreams.
There is something that worries me more than my nightmares, though, and I wish you and Edmund were here to help me. Susan seems to be upset about something but won't tell me. She tries to act like nothing is wrong, but I can tell things are not alright with her. Her smiles are becoming more and more forced; she's become distant from her friends and always seems to be lost in her own thoughts. I don't know what to do, Peter. Do you?
Tell Edmund I said hello and I miss you both!
Love,
Lucy
Dear Susan,
Peter tells me something's wrong and says your behavior is not like you. He wanted to write to you, hoping to find out what has you feeling poorly, but you know how he is; he would only muck it up with some cheerful nonsense about keeping your chin up and acting like a queen again. He's been using those same lines on me over the past few months, telling me that I need to stop worrying so much and start picking my life up again. I sometimes feel like thrashing him when he starts in on that, but know he would probably simply turn around and tell me my behavior isn't very kingly.
Susan, tell me what's wrong. You know you've never been good at hiding things from me, no matter how much you try. We're all dealing with our losses; are you? I don't want you to be upset.
Christmas holidays are almost here. I hope by then you've worked out whatever is wrong but, if not, I hope you'll tell me about it when we see each other.
I love you big sister. Please feel better.
Edmund
Peter stepped onto the back stoop of his family's house. It was very early on Christmas morning and the sky was still dark . He had been home from school for nearly two weeks now. Seeing his sisters and catching up with them had been wonderful, especially after their sudden return from Narnia and having no time to discuss how they all felt about it. Edmund and Lucy had, thankfully, started to do better; Lucy, resilient girl that she was, had quickly bounced back into her normal cheerful self. Edmund, while never overly cheerful to begin with, had also recovered from his loss and was starting to act like his old self again, even going so far as to entertain their family earlier in the evening with his usual jokes and quips. It was Susan who was starting to worry him, something he never imagined he would have to do now that they were back. Just as Lucy had warned him, she seemed down about something, her actions and expressions forced. It almost seemed to Peter that she was in another world most times.
Peter had talked to her earlier during their holiday break about how she felt about not returning to Narnia. They had both explained to Lucy and Edmund when they had all first arrived home that Aslan had visited them separately, Susan before they left for Terebinthia and Peter during the actual voyage, and told them they wouldn't return to Narnia because they were now too old. She had barely spoken of how she felt about it during their conversation, seeming to prefer to hear his thoughts rather than to share her own. He explained to her how he felt, that he would have given anything to return to Narnia and be High King again. He told her that it was difficult knowing he would never go back again, but that he had accepted his fate as Aslan had bade him to all those nights ago when he had visited Peter on their trip to Terebinthia.
What a lie, Peter thought as he pulled his great coat tighter around him against the cold winter air. It had been all he could do to keep up the appearance that he was fine and had adjusted back to his old life. It had been easy to slip into the day-to-day activities of going to classes, playing cricket with his friends, and making others believe that he was the same old Peter they had always known. He had, of course, spent years as High King behind a similar façade, showing others that he was a strong leader when deep down he had only felt fear for his people and family. It nearly killed him, though, every time he saw his brother upset or when he had read that Lucy was having nightmares or seeing Susan so distant. He wished he could show how he felt about being back in England or how he felt over losing the woman he loved rather than hide it from them. He was tired of being the one doing the comforting; he was ready for someone to comfort him. Sharing their burdens with his own was beginning to wear on him like it never had before.
A tear slipped out the corner of his eye before he could catch it. He scowled, hating that the tear was even there in the first place. Staring up at the early morning sky, he saw that the sun had begun to rise, turning the sky a deeper blue rather than the black it had been. The stars still twinkled slightly, fading as the sky lightened.
Peter watched the sky as it transformed from night to dawn, mesmerized by the sunrise. He had always wondered why Edmund and Georgiana had risen so often to watch the sunrise; seeing it himself cleared any questions he once had. The stars began to disappear one by one. One star, however, caught his eye. It seemed to burn brighter than the others, fighting against the growing light to continue on. He stared at it, his brow furrowing as the sun rose.
A cold wind blew, sending a shiver down his back when he heard a murmur of a noise. It sounded like the softest whisper possible, a breath of a sound, calling his name. His head whipped around the empty yard before glancing back up at the sky. The star he had been staring at slowly faded into the rising sun, its light gently blinking out. He continued to sit still, frozen as his heart began to race.
"Laira," he whispered.
"Back again, Princess Laira?" the Hermit asked. Laira looked up from the smooth surface of the pool she had knelt by, smiling at the old man who stood near her.
"It's Christmastime where he is. I thought I might like to see that," Laira replied, glancing back at the pool. She saw four children huddled together in what appeared to be a bedroom, laughing and talking together as though they had not a care in the world.
"Come have tea with me when you're finished," he chuckled, repeating the same invitation that he did every time Laira visited the pool, as he walked back to his little house.
Time passed, hours or minutes, Laira did not know. She was lost in Peter's world, watching as he and Edmund left their sisters and went to their own room. She smiled as she watched him sleep, his features still kingly despite his youth. Laira came to this spot daily to watch Peter, living her life with him as he continued on when she did not.
She saw Peter wake in the middle of the night and walk carefully out of his room and down the stairs. She watched as he glanced into the living room, seeing a brightly lit tree glowing in the far corner. Her brow furrowed as she saw him grab a large coat and walk outside to sit. A shiver shot down her spine moments later as she saw him pull his coat tighter around him. The weather where she sat was comfortable, beautifully temperate, but her body seemed to react to the weather in Peter's world instead of her own.
Suddenly familiar warmth began to seep into her, causing her shivers to disappear. She heard a gentle thud next to her and turned to see a great Lion sitting next to her and the pool.
"Aslan!" she exclaimed happily.
"How is our High King doing today?" Aslan asked cheerfully.
"It's Christmastime there, but he seems to be sad about something," Laira replied.
"You yourself seem sad as well," Aslan observed, turning his head slightly to the side.
"How can I be happy when he is not?" Laira whispered.
"My dear, I must ask this: are you wasting your life away sitting in front of this pool every day?" he asked gently. Laira shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Not wasting, Aslan, waiting. Maybe I'm being silly sitting here, but I get to see him this way now that he is gone from me. I just know someday we'll be reunited," she said hopefully. Aslan turned to the pool.
"Peter knows his own mind. That is one of the reasons he is such a good king and brother. Do you not wonder that he might find someone else he loves?" Aslan asked. Laira inhaled deeply. The thought had crossed her mind, several times in fact. "You wish to ask something?" Aslan asked.
"I wonder why you ask that. I want him to be happy; I love him that much. But do you see him falling in love with someone else? Will he forget me? Has he forgotten me already?" she asked nervously. Aslan chuckled gently.
"One can never know these things; even I cannot foresee them. You should have faith, though, in not only yourself but in Peter as well. Things will happen as they are meant to," he replied.
"Yes," Laira said wistfully as she looked back to the pool. She saw a single tear slip out of Peter's eye, her heart nearly breaking as she watched him flick it away and scowl. "I'm beginning to understand that more each day." Silence passed as the two watched Peter stare up at the stars.
"I believe you have another question for me?" Aslan asked, smiling. Laira giggled.
"Do you ever tire of knowing when someone wants to ask you a question?" she asked, returning Aslan's smile. The Lion chuckled warmly.
"Indeed it can be bothersome when someone wants to ask a question or wishes to say something and does not. However, I find that knowing one's questions helps me to help her ask, especially when they are difficult questions, as is the one you have in your mind," Aslan explained.
"Was I killed in the storm as punishment for marrying and murdering Brin and deserting my family and country?" Laira asked, her voice choking as she spoke.
"Is that what you believe?" Aslan asked quietly. Laira shook her head.
"I'm not sure what I believe," she said.
"Every person's life has a beginning and an ending. Death is only one type of ending. It was Peter's time to leave Narnia on that night. He has a greater purpose than to have his life end in Narnia, as does Susan, Edmund and Lucy. Your end came that night in the form of death. It was not a punishment, as you wonder, but a chance to live a life you can be happy in. In turn, your ending quickly became your beginning. Had you lived and stayed in Narnia or continued on your journey to your home in Archenland, that would have been your ending, but it would not have been a happy one. Do you really think of this as a punishment? So many people focus on death as an ending to their life when really it is only the beginning of a much greater adventure than they could ever imagine," Aslan explained. Laira nodded as she fought back happy tears and stared down at Peter. She caught his eyes, the bright cheerful blue she loved, and smiled. She saw Peter's brow furrow and gasped, wondering if he could see her as clear as she could see him.
"I'm here Peter," she whispered, touching her fingers to the cool water, breathing his name again, "Peter."
AN: Okay... if anyone can guess where the last paragraph of the section where Peter is sitting outside came from, I will dedicate this story to you. Hint - it's not from any of my other stories...
BTW... I know I've said I don't like Lucy, but I'm really very very excited about her story coming up. I think I'm really starting to like her!
