Chapter Twelve "How We Were"
"Come on, baby. You can do it," Ricky said, holding Mia's hands over the video game controller.
"I'm serious, Ricky," she said. "I have no skills at this stuff. Three brothers, and I can't play video games."
Ricky smiled. "Maybe you just need a more patient teacher. Come on."
Ricky sat down on the couch, pulling Mia onto his lap. His arms went around her so he could guide her fingers along the controls.
"Just relax," he said. "It's like learning to ride a bike."
"Yeah? You know when I was little my brothers had those Nintendo things that only had like two buttons. I couldn't find 'A'."
"That's why I'm helping you."
"Okay, but after this, I'm giving you a ten minute lecture on the significance of iambic pentameter."
"I can't wait."
"I hear your eyes rolling."
"Hey, focus. The game's about to start."
"Yeah, yeah, just show me how to blow stuff up."
Ricky laughed. "You can pretend they're students as you blast them into nothing."
"I wasn't going to say that."
"Of course not."
Even with Ricky's help, Mia quickly lost all her lives in the game. He made some comment about trying again, and she glared at him. So, he sat back on the couch, putting his hands behind his head.
"Okay," he said. "Are we starting with Shakespeare?"
Mia shook her head. "Beowulf."
"Beowulf?"
"Yes. The only English Epic. Of course, it was about Danes and Geats, but that's not important."
"Do I even want to know what you're talking about?"
"If you want me to keep speaking Modern English, you had better listen."
"Hey, if I make you dinner, can we skip the lecture?"
Mia seemed to be thinking about that. "If you buy me dinner and maybe take me to a movie... I'll consider it."
Ricky spread his arms. "Why do you hate my cooking?"
"Because it's... not good." Mia couldn't help the smile that crept across her lips. "Don't worry, babe; you're good at other things."
She leaned in and kissed him, softly at first, but that quickly changed. Ricky moved his hands to Mia's sides, pulling her closer. She felt him smile and pull back enough to look her in the eye.
"Yeah," he said. "You're pretty good at that too."
H-5-O
Mia couldn't think. She hoped no one noticed. The last time she had felt this way, it hadn't ended well. She just wished the day would end. She wished she could go home and curl up in her bed and pretend nothing happened.
Mia avoided looking at Steve as she taught the rest of her classes. She knew he was paying attention and she didn't want to look at his eyes. That would be too much. She knew she could easily lose herself in those eyes if she allowed it to happen.
The trouble was, Mia's resolve not to fall in love was weakening. Maybe it was already gone. She remembered what Rachel had said about Steve. She seemed to think it would be a good thing. Mia could not share that opinion. In her experience, falling in love so rarely worked.
Mia had never considered herself a cynic before, but she couldn't think of a better explanation. A real life knight in shinning armor was sitting at the back of her classroom, taking in every word she said, protecting her from anything and everything, and trying his hardest to make her better.
Mia wasn't sure she could be better. Until now, she hadn't realized she needed to. But everything had turned upside down in the last few days. Or it had turned right again, and Mia was so used to things being wrong that she couldn't handle it.
Mia was used to parallels. She was used to finding them in stories and likening stories to people. But nothing about Steve made sense with that line of thinking. The way she felt about him wasn't anything like she had felt before, and he didn't fit with any of her preconceptions. All the more reason to fear what could happen. Mia would never admit it, but she was an incurable xenophobe.
Mia began to wish she could be like she used to. That she could be as carefree as the days when she surfed for hours with her brothers or went to plays with her mom and dad. And somewhere deep inside, Mia held on to the fictional happiness she had with Ricky. The fantasy was easier, more livable than her current reality.
Rachel had said to let go, but Mia wasn't quite ready to do that. She knew she wanted to. At least, the rational part of her did.
There were really only two options at this point. Either one presented risks that Mia wasn't sure she could handle. The first was to keep everything on the surface, give Steve a little here and there, but not the real depth. But he would see through it, and it would break his heart all over again. The other option was to give in to him, to let go. In the end, she would take the second choice because, really, it was her only hope. Steve was her only hope.
H-5-O
Zach came up out of the water again, smiling as he felt the burn in his muscles. The waves had been great, and he'd taken advantage of that in his own way. He saw his brother and their new friend sitting on the beach watching him. Zach tilted his head to the side as if in curiosity.
"What?" Kirk asked.
Zach shrugged and came to stand in front of them. "Just haven't seen that look in a while."
"What look? You know what, don't answer that."
Zach smiled and gave Kono a cryptic look. Kirk shook his head and stood up.
"Hey, I'm hungry," Zach said.
Kono laughed and stood up. "Come on," she said. "I'll take you to the best restaurant on the island."
"Literally the best, or just your favorite?" Zach seemed skeptical.
Kono smirked. "Same thing."
"So you're an authority on the subject?" Zach looked Kono up and down, not believing she would know anything about food.
"Yes," Kono said matter-of-factly.
"Hmm..." Zach still didn't seem quite convinced, but he followed Kono and Kirk back to her car.
"So?" Kono said as Zach walked behind.
"What?" Kirk replied.
"What was the look?"
"Zach says things..."
"Seems like he might see things other people don't."
"Yeah, he's good like that."
"So you're not going to tell me?"
"I'm not sure yet... I mean, I'm not sure exactly what he meant. I'll let you know."
Kono smirked. "I'll hold you to that."
Kirk had little doubt she would. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but his own self-irritating tendency to say what was on his mind at all times might just make that decision for him.
H-5-O
Steve was fairly used to living on an emotional roller coaster, but the time he had spent with Mia was a whole new level of highs and lows. He was determined though. After seeing even the briefest glimpse of the depth of her pain, he knew he had to see this through.
After they returned from the school, the house was empty, and they went their separate ways. Later, Steve found Mia on the deck staring out at the ocean, but not seeming to admire it, or even see it.
"Must have been nice," she said suddenly.
For a second Steve wasn't sure what she was talking about. "Living here?" he asked. "Yes, it was. Is again."
Mia still did not look at him. "When I was young, I always dreamed of living on the beach. When we would take trips to the coast, I would pretend I was a shipwrecked pirate."
Steve smiled softly. "I always pretended to be a ship captain... I killed a lot of pirates."
Mia nodded. "Makes sense." There was a long pause. "Do you want to know what happened?"
Once Steve realized what she meant he considered his next words carefully. "I need to," he said.
Mia nodded and still would not look at him. "People say," she began, "that nothing I did caused what happened... I simply cannot believe that. Still, what part I played in my own downfall I may never know. I'm told there was no logical reason, but there had to be. People don't just change from one person into another at the drop of a hat, and I am not altogether that blind."
Steve was surprised at how quickly Mia was talking and the things she was saying. It seemed so unlike the way she had been before.
"Well," she went on. "After I found out about the drugs and everything, I went over to Ricky's house. I told him what I knew and that our relationship was over... it wasn't so simple as all that, but you get the idea. The last thing I expected was to feel like my jaw had been knocked from it's socket."
Steve winced at the thought. This was one time he wished Mia were a little less articulate. But she created a vivid mental picture of what happened.
"At first I was so shocked, I didn't do anything," she said. "And then when he did it again, I tried to get away. He caught me—his hands almost fit around my waist—and he threw me into the end table."
That hadn't been in the report. It explained the bloody shards of broken lamp.
"When I hit the floor, I tried to crawl away," Mia said. "I got a few feet before he stopped me. I—I don't know why, but it gets hazy. I know somehow I got to my feet again, but he pushed me into the other wall, and then when I was on the floor, he held me there. He sat on my stomach. I couldn't move. I fought. I really did, but I couldn't get away. Then... then I woke up and wished I hadn't."
Steve allowed the weight of her words to sink in. Mia still wouldn't look at him. She spoke clearly with no tears and only small pauses. Still, the tone of her voice carried such seriousness that he hadn't heard from her. It pained him in a way he couldn't explain to hear the last few words especially.
When Mia finally did turn to look at him, there were tears at the corners of her eyes. "We talked about getting married." They fell to her cheeks. "I knew we would be together forever, and then we weren't." There was some indignation in her voice.
Steve finally understood just why she had tried to bury all this. It was a reminder that something she had believed in as much as her own existence hadn't been real. It reminded Steve a little of losing his mother. She had been like an ultimate reality, and then... she wasn't. It turned everything upside down and inside out.
Steve began to wonder if it were possible to set things right again. For himself and for Mia.
