18:22
A/N: I'm baaaaaaack! Sorry it took so long- though not as long as it could have. A big thank you to the few people that did review the last chapter. For those of you who didn't (and you know who you are), well, here's your chance to make it up to me! I've slaved over this update for weeks, trying to make it the best it could possibly be. Hope you enjoy.
XxxReadySetRead!xxX
It was long minutes before the women finally pulled apart. Uncharacteristically, it was Sara who was first to extend a reassuring hand. She gingerly brushed her fingertips over the other woman's shoulder.
"I guess you're really not the caged bird type, are you?" The trite question was tempered by a soft smile.
Catherine shook her head, her voice was a little shaky. "I don't do well when I'm trapped- and I really was trapped. If I stayed there with John, my life was already written. After graduation we'd get married and I would spend the rest of my life taking care of his kids and preparing his meals. Its not a bad life, he's a great guy, but it wasn't for me."
"And Julie?"
"Julie," Catherine exhaled the name and shook her head. "I was trapped there too. She had all of these plans for us. We were going to run away together and start a band, we would be famous and live on the beach. Together forever. But, Sara, I wasn't ready for forever. Not with a man, not with a woman, not with anyone. Everyone wanted a piece of me that I wasn't ready to give. I loved John. He was a good kid- but he wasn't the one for me. And Julie…maybe she could have been, maybe we could have made it. But I was scared- I'm still scared, honestly."
Unconsciously, Sara moved her hand to the other woman's knee. "Why? Cath, what are you so afraid of?"
Catherine looked up at Sara with sad, confused eyes. Beautiful eyes. "I don't know. When I saw John last night, it was…nice, he was nice. We just picked up where we'd left off and we still had that great chemistry we'd always had, after all these years. And Julie. She's so different, but in some ways she's exactly the same. I look at her and I miss everything we had…I wonder if we could have that again."
Sara shut her eyes in disappointment. For a single second, she allowed a wave of self-pity to wash over her. Then she was squaring her shoulders and speaking the words she'd been thinking all night. "But you kissed me."
Catherine sat back a little.
"Twice."
"I know." The older woman's voice was tight with hesitation and uncertainty.
"Why?"
"You…you were so wonderful tonight. You cared about me, you made me feel…" She looked away. "When you look at me I know that I don't have to be anyone but myself. That you see me. People have always wanted something from me, even the ones that loved me. But not you."
"No."
Abruptly, Catherine was on her feet, pacing just beyond the coffee table. Arms crossed protectively over her chest, she met the brunette's eyes with a wet but defiant glare, "What do you want, damn you? Didn't you want me to kiss you?"
Sara's temper flared and all of a sudden she was standing too. She stepped around the coffee table in a single stride, bringing them face to face. "That's why you kissed me? Because you thought I wanted you to?"
Catherine's voice got louder, accusing, "Did you?"
"It doesn't matter, Catherine! You don't kiss people because of what they want, you kiss them because of what you want. Didn't anyone ever tell you that?"
The redhead shook her head and looked down, "No, they didn't."
"So you kissed John to what? To make him happy?" Sara's temper was definitely on the rise now. She'd had just about enough. "What about Eddie? Did you love him when he was shoving his tongue down your throat?"
A tear slipped down Catherine's cheek and she backed up a pace, "I thought he loved me."
"And Julie? What about Julie, Catherine? Did you really love her?"
The smaller woman's head snapped up. Tears were free falling now. "Yes, I did! Okay? Yes! I loved her. I loved her! I loved her and she loved me and I got scared and I fucked it up. Just like I fucked this up, just like I fuck everything up!"
"This?" The brunette stopped short. It was her turn to be confused, "You fucked this up?"
"Sara, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I crossed the line." Sara moved toward the other woman, but Catherine held her off with a gesture. "No, you are my friend and I took advantage of that. I was out of line." She took a deep breath and looked up with liquid eyes. "I just thought…I don't know. When I'm with you…I try to be someone you'd want. I want you to like me."
"Catherine, I like you." Sara took a step forward. "I like you," she repeated softly.
Catherine sighed dramatically, looking away as she wiped at a stray tear. "This just isn't my day, is it?" She met the other woman's gaze with a hard eye. "I know you like me, okay? I don't mean it like that, I mean-"
"I know what you mean." Sara stepped closer. "I like you."
"No, you're not getting it. I don't mean 'like' as in friend 'like.' I mean more than that. I mean-"
"I get it! I know what you mean!" Sara took Catherine's face in her hands, forcing her to look into her eyes. "I. Like. You."
The redhead exhaled slowly, her eyes a bit glazed. "Really?"
"Really, really."
"So…you did want me to kiss you?"
Sara released the other woman's face, tilting her head to one side. "Well, yeah, you know. I mean, I'm not sure I would have chosen that exact moment, but yeah, I-" The brunette's babbling was silenced by the sensation of warm lips on hers. Catherine was kissing her. And kissing her hard.
And the next thing she knew, the smaller woman's hands were on her shoulders, feverishly gripping and releasing her, holding her frame close. Sara's eyes closed of their own accord and she wrapped the redhead in her arms, lifting her ever so slightly up on her toes. For long moments, their lips were pushed together savagely. When the need to breathe overwhelmed them, they separated only to collide again a second later, with a little more grace this time. Soon Sara was setting the other woman on her feet once more, backing her against the nearest wall, a door frame actually, and dominating the kiss. Catherine's lips yielded to the pressures of hers and she couldn't prevent the escape of a ragged breath. She didn't try. Holding onto the other woman's forearms now, she took her lower lip between her teeth and tugged gently. Catherine gasped, draping her arms around Sara's neck and pulling her tight against her. Their hips met, their breasts brushed through their clothing, and both women arched into the feeling. Sara hummed softly; Catherine gave a contented sigh.
Sara's mind was on autopilot. Somewhere in the depths of her brain, thoughts of protest rang out. Talk! Talk first! But with every second she spent pressed against this woman, those voices seemed further and further away. It just felt too good. Her hands moved from Catherine's arms to her hips and then to her waist. Her thumbs rested comfortably over the smaller woman's ribcage, feeling it expand and contract deeply under her touch. Her fingernails scratched playfully when Catherine brought one foot up to link around her knee. Now Catherine was the one humming her appreciation whileher hands were dipping under the back of Sara's collar, caressing the skin of her back.
Is this actually happening? Sara couldn't quite believe it.
But it had to be true- Catherine was kissing with fervor, dipping her tongue in to taste her. "Sara…Sara?" Her whisper was questioning.
"Hmm?" Sara thrust her tongue out to tangle with the other woman's. For a minute, it seemed that Catherine had forgotten how to speak or what she was going to say. All she could do was mimic Sara's actions and before long, her hips were grinding up against the brunette's. But eventually, she regained a little control. A little.
"Will you…?" She eyed the kiss swollen lips before her and brought their mouths together yet again. "I want you to…" But she couldn't get it out.
Finally, Sara pulled back, still more than comfortable in their warm embrace. "What is it, Cath?"
Catherine searched brown eyes for any shadow of hesitation. Not seeing any, she bravely spoke, "Come upstairs." She brought their faces to within an inch of each other. Her breath played over the brunette's lips.
"Make love with me."
Sara sucked in her breath. How long had she waited for those words, knowing they would never come? And now they hung in the air, shimmering, ghosting over her own lips and replacing the quaking in her chest with a dull pounding. She studied the blue eyes before her. "Are you sure that's what you want?"
"Yes."
It was a resolute answer, but Sara still pressed. "Are you sure that's what you'll want…in the morning?"
"I…" Catherine wanted to say, 'YES!' She wanted to take away all the uncertainty she saw in Sara's gaze. But she faltered. She didn't want to lose Sara, but she also knew that the words she spoke needed to be the truth. "I don't know, Sar. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. I hope so- God, I hope so. I know I don't want you to go, I know this feels right. I know that I want you. Right here. Right now. But I can't promise anything more than that…and this; the only thing I'll ever regret about tonight is if you leave here and I haven't shown you how you make me feel. Please. Come upstairs with me."
Sara felt the small surge of disappointment, and a part of her wanted nothing more than to bolt. A part of her was shouting for attention, 'Bad idea! Terrible idea! Worst. Idea. Ever!' A part of her wanted to stop this before it got out of hand.
But not a very big part.
A deep breath cleared any second thoughts she may have had. Wordlessly dropping her hand into the smaller one beside hers, she nodded.
Catherine showed her the way and before long they were behind closed doors and staring into each other's eyes again, preparing themselves for what was to come.
Sara had the sudden urge to tell the woman in front of her that she loved her. Her heart thundered in her ears. Love. She'd never attached that word to it until now. Attracted to, yes. Cared for, certainly. Magnetically drawn to, absolutely. But love? Love? Yes. Love. A part of her was relieved that she had finally realized. Another part of her also realized that while this moment would traditionally be a very good one for such an amorous declaration, in this instance, it was a terribly inconvenient epiphany to be having. Catherine had just said it herself- 'I don't know what tomorrow will bring.' And I choose now to fall in love with her? Great, Sara. That's really great. But looking into those warm eyes and seeing the slow-burning fire that flashed and crackled there- the heat she knew was there just for her, she couldn't help but think, who wouldn't fall in love with her? To keep herself from opening her mouth and ruining the silence, she lifted a hand to cradle the redhead's face. Her thumb followed the defined line of the other woman's jaw down to her chin and back again.
Like a sculptor's hands, Catherine thought. She touches me so…reverently. Like I'm some magnificent creation. Not breakable, but almost…unearthly. And it was true. Sara watched her own fingertips trace over the veins in Catherine's neck. This feeling. This feeling she had right now was like nothing she'd ever felt before. Powerful. Terrified but determined- desperate yet steady and sure. It was as if she had always done things for this reason or that, because people told her to, or because they didn't. But touching Catherine, kissing Catherine, making love with Catherine. This was where she was supposed to be. There was nothing else she'd rather be doing. Right here. Right now.
XxxEndScenexxX
Okay, so the next chapter is already kicking ass- and you are going to want to read it as soon as possible, I can promise you. Now, I'm not saying 'review or pay the price!' I mean, would I really do that to you? Hold the super sexy sex chapter hostage for a few measly reviews? Would I do that? Would I?
You bet your ass I would.
Review! Bring my average up from the all time low count of last update!
