Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing even though Keira originated from my mind.
Okay, so I know I said I would get this out earlier, and all I've got to say is sorry! Life get's in the way of small pleasures occasionally. I've been updating twice a week, but I'm well aware that the time between those updates is getting further and further apart. So this is my solemn promise to all of you: I will always update at least once a week. NO MATTER WHAT, and I will try my hardest to continued to do it at least twice a week! Again, my apologies for the delay, and I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 12
KPOV
It didn't take Jasper and I long to arrive back at the house. Even though we were strolling along, hand-in-hand, at a normal human pace, Forks wasn't that big of a town and the school wasn't that far from the Cullen home. So even pacing ourselves in an attempt to bask in the afterglow of our private time together for as long as possible didn't make much of a difference, because not half an hour later, we were walking up to the back door.
I could hear their rich, smooth soprano and bass voices the moment we stepped onto the large expanse of the snow-covered backyard, so I knew everyone, excluding Edward of course, were now home. I could tell they were all congregated in the living room once again, and even though I'm new to this family and their ways, it seems to me that anytime they needed to discuss things of importance, they'd all gather in that specific room. Which led me to briefly ponder the possibility that Rose and Emmett had let the proverbial cat out of the bag. That they had already informed Mama and Papa Cullen about Alice's little confession earlier. But I couldn't make out more than a few words here and there, and it could have been because they were talking too low for me to really understand anything, or maybe my supposed subpar sensory range that Jasper mentioned had something to do with it as well. It's possible it was a combination of both. But either way, I had no idea what they were conversing about inside, and I couldn't shake the unexpected tension that enveloped my suddenly tight chest. I wanted, or maybe I honestly needed, to know if all the dirty secrets had been aired before we went in. I didn't want to be blind-sighted with family drama again, so I had to ask.
Jasper was a step in front of me and reaching out for the doorknob to the backdoor, so I quickly but tentatively whispered as low as I could, "Jasper?"
His hand stilled in the air and he swiveled his head to look at me over his shoulder. I was hoping that if I talked quietly enough, the family wouldn't be able to hear my next words. For some reason unbeknownst to me at that moment, I didn't want the vampire parentals to know what the pixie had done just yet. I wanted it to wait for a later time. So I continued in the same hushed tone, "Were Carlisle and Esme told the truth about Bella's birthday yet?"
He silently shook his head as he answered just as quiescent as I had, "To the best of my knowledge, no. I don't think Rose or Emmett would say anything. They'd feel it was our place to tell them. And I'm almost positive Alice wouldn't bring it up considering she didn't really want anyone to know in the first place. But I'm sure she's aware that it's inevitable now since everyone except Carlisle and Esme know. At this moment though, they're in there discussing the Quileute wolves. Do you want to say anything about it when we go in?"
I had to think about it for a second. Really think about it. I knew they would find out sooner or later, but now I wanted to stall it from happening so I could confront Alice before the whole family got involved. That way we could say what we needed to without the rest of them intervening, and hopefully Alice would answer my questions more honestly and thoroughly if no one else was present. I needed to have that dreadfully cliché talk a girlfriend occasionally needs to have with the consistently present and constantly troublesome ex who just won't go away. Just like those evil fuckin' cockroaches.
But mainly, I knew we needed to have a sort of woman-to-woman talk, because all of this bullshit was basically over Jasper. Pathetic, I know, but true nonetheless. The only problem was…when would I get a chance to be alone with her before the truth came out? And would I realistically be able to keep my temperament in check long enough to have a concrete discussion with the bitch? Did I actually care if I lost control with her? Maybe, but any part of me that did wasn't out of any concern for her whatsoever.
"No, I don't want to bring it up just yet." I finally replied after a few seconds. "I wanna try and talk to her first. Figure a few things out before everyone else gets involved. Make sure we got a clear picture of everything Alice did and…where she was coming from, I guess. But don't think me a saint or anything! Believe me when I say it's for purely selfish reasons."
But despite my words, Jasper still looked down at me with his dark, penetrating eyes that were glowing with a seldom seen respect and admiration. He had a small, almost imperceptible quirk to his lips, and I knew that it was his silent way of showing his approval. Seeing him this way made me vividly recall the first time Jasper and I had locked eyes on the day the Cullens started school. He had a small amount of respect for me even then, and the memory brought a reminiscent smile to my face. I loved this man beyond words, and it made me feel kinda proud to have this brave and sagacious soul think of me with high regard, even though I certainly didn't do anything to deserve it. Especially right now.
Jasper's molten-gold orbs were still shining brightly with their dark, laudable glow as he brought his hand up and cupped the back of my neck. He leaned down and gave me a brief kiss on the forehead, and before he lifted his soft, shapely lips from my hairline, he murmured, "I'm so proud of you, Keira. Don't get me wrong, I can see where you're going with this and I know your intentions for Alice aren't pure. But the way you're wanting to do this and not just reacting despite your every right to…I just love you so much! I'm proud because you're attempting to control yourself and your behavior. For a change I might add."
He pulled back a few inches and smirked down at me in a teasing manner. I sheepishly averted my gaze off to the side as I dismissively waved my hand through the air, but chuckled under my breath anyway. When I looked back at Jasper though, his expression had dissolved of all humor as he became quite serious and stated in a firm tone. "We're not going to tell them where you went tonight, okay? Carlisle would just get frustrated and concerned, and hell, probably pissed too. I don't feel like dealing with that right now, and I'm sure you don't want everyone hovering over you and watching your every move from here on out. But I'm trusting you, Keira. I'm trusting you to not pull that shit again, because we could be in a world of trouble from many different angles if you do. I doubt any of them will ask where we were given the state we're coming back in, but just in case they do, we went out to be alone for awhile. Understood?"
I nodded my head slowly and frowned, once again feeling horribly guilty for what I did to Jasper. I know there was a part of me that knew better, but I just couldn't stop myself from going to see my parents. Then I took my angers and disappointments and frustrations out on him when he didn't deserve it. I really need to start getting myself under control more, even just a little bit. Yeah, I've only been a vampire for a week and a half, but still…
Jasper chuffed me lightly under my chin with his finger as he said, "Chin up, little one. The past is the past. Come on, let's go in. I can feel some of them getting anxious."
So we walked in, me in nothing but Jasper's sweater and Jasper in nothing but his jeans. I probably would have been slightly embarrassed if I wasn't so sexually content and satisfied. Okay, so I was a little smug too, and more than a tiny bit too happy to rub mine and Jasper's activities in Alice's face. Bad Keira, bad! No need to be vindictive…well, that's actually not true. The bitch tried to steal my mate, and in the process, destroyed my life. Fuck her.
Which I'm sure is exactly what the cold smile I shot her expressed when we entered the living room. I may not be looking for a fight right now, but that didn't make me any less pissed at her. And Alice just gave me a shaky grimace in return as she stood by Esme, who was sitting on the floor near the coffee table while flipping through a home design magazine. Carlisle had been speaking with Emmett and Rosalie on the far side of the room, but he turned his attention to Jasper when we came in. His eyes were intent and his handsome face reflected only sobriety, but he spoke in a placid tone.
"Jasper, I spoke with Billy Black earlier; he's one of the elders of the tribe. We're going to be meeting with him, Mr. Uley, and the wolves at the treaty line at sunrise, which is in roughly an hour. I want you, Emmett, and Rose with me when I go. It would have been substantially easier if we had Edward with us as well, but he won't be arriving 'till later."
Wow, sunrise is in an hour? I guess Jasper and I spent more time out there than I thought. Jasper nodded his head thoughtfully, but he was blankly staring at the opposite wall. After a moment, he stated more to himself than anything, "I assume Mr. Uley is an elder as well, and that he and Black aren't shifters like the new generation."
He turned his eyes to Carlisle then, who was nodding in affirmation, and he asked, "Do we know how many wolves there are? And do they know about Keira yet?"
Carlisle gave a longwinded sigh and rubbed his hands over his face, but he returned to his previously relaxed pose as he gravely answered, "Ultimately, no to both. I was given the vague impression that Mr. Uley's son is the current pack leader, but the newest Black bloodline has yet to show any signs of becoming a shifter. Though given their history, I think it's inevitable. The Black's have always been the Alpha's from what I understand. So we need to prepare for the possibility of at least one more transforming in the future, but for now we believe there are only three. Unless you have Jasper, no one has crossed any other shifter scents except the three trails. With that and Keira's account of hearing three separate heartbeats, it's probably safe to assume that's all there are. But we don't know for sure, so we still need to be cautious just in case. They aren't aware that Keira is with us at the moment, but Mr. Black did mention a vampire attack on one of the children of the town. We have every reason to believe he was talking about Keira since no other animal attacks or missing persons have been reported here, which would make the situation slightly easier. They know it wasn't us that attacked, so they know we haven't broke the treaty. I just don't know how they're going to react to a newborn being around town. I briefly asked more on the vampire trail they picked up, assuming it was Victoria…"
Carlisle's voice lulled in the background, and I felt a large, knot-like sensation form in my gut as they continued talking. It was a clenching, heady fear. Fear for Jasper and what he was walking into, and fear that it would be more than they could handle if things went south. I didn't know if Jasper was going to be okay if there were more than three wolves. Hell, I didn't know if he'd be okay with just three. I understood nothing about the wolves and had no inside knowledge to their kind, but I was intensely aware that ignorance was a dangerous, deadly state of mind when it came to your enemy. Any idiot could figure out how vulnerable and blind it makes you, and even though the Cullens weren't ignorant when it came to the wolves, they were still walking into a situation basically unawares. When I thought about Jasper being in an even slightly unknown and precariously susceptible situation with the wolves, it made me entirely too anxious for my liking. Despite my own innate trepidation for the creatures, I wanted to go with him. I needed to stand at his side, to just be there in case anything went wrong. But Carlisle had said that humans were accompanying the pack for this meeting, which meant I couldn't tag along.
So I shifted my weight around nervously, and I really didn't mean to, but I couldn't help the small whimper of unease that escaped me. My mate was going to the front lines, and I had to stay behind where there was nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs and be left to wonder. I didn't like it; I didn't like it at all. So I clutched Jasper's hand and tugged lightly to get his attention. When he turned his gaze from Carlisle unto me, I spoke so casually that it concealed my hidden terror from the others, but I knew Jasper could sense it.
"Jasper, can we go up and change before you finish this conversation? Maybe take a shower first?" And my eyes bored imploringly into his, trying to make him understand that I wasn't really asking if we could go change together, but if we could talk privately for a moment. It was a desperate plea, and for a fraction of a second, his eyebrows scrunched slightly together as a perplexed curiosity flashed within his deciphering pools. But his expression swiftly cleared to nothing at all, and Jasper nodded his head minutely as he squeezed my hand to let me know he understood. He looked back over at the others and said in his low, calm voice, "I'll be back down shortly."
When we walked into our room and Jasper quietly closed the door behind us, I whirled around to face him as I feverishly started whispering, "Is it safe for you guys to meet the Quileute's when you have no idea how many wolves there'll be? Even if it's only three of them, will you be able to defend yourselves against that amount? I scared for you right now Jasper, and I need you to tell me that no matter how many wolves there are, you can take care of them. Or more appropriately, take care of yourself if they attack."
I stared at him with what felt like a stern but frightened glare, and my chest was heaving with deep, unnecessary breaths brought on from the panic that was surfacing. I did not want him to go, and I felt completely useless in this situation. There was nothing I could do, and I hated that.
But Jasper just stood there with his lips pressed tightly together as if to hold back his laughter, and mirth was visibly dancing across his features as if this was funny to him. He took a few steps forward with his long legs as he closed the space between us to nothing more than a few inches, and I had to tilt my head back to keep my harmless glower on him. He placed his hands on my shoulders, which felt suddenly dwarfed underneath his large palms and long fingers, and he started talking in a deep, soothing speech.
"Keira, " He began, and that one simple word spoke of the laughter he was trying to keep at bay. Yes, he was definitely amused. "The odds could be two wolves to one vampire and they still wouldn't have a chance against us. They could rip us apart and all we would have to do is be put back together. But one simple bite from us and they're dead. And although they're fast and bigger than us in wolf form…and they smell horribly disgusting, we are much faster, much more experienced, and much more deadly than they could ever comprehend. These are children we're dealing with, and even in the worst scenario, we would still be fine. Now don't doubt their skill, because they are creatures designed to kill our kind and normally would without a second thought. But Carlisle has kept peace with them for decades, and intends on continuing that to the best of his capabilities. We're not going there for a fight, and neither are the wolves. It's a simple exchange of information between us, and making sure they're aware of the new situation we're in. You, Victoria, and so on. If they don't take it well, I'll just have to manipulate their persuasion a little. They won't even know that I'm doing it, if they're even aware of my empathic abilities, which they shouldn't be. So stop worrying. Everything's going to be fine."
"Okay." I breathed out wispily as I glanced down to the floor.
Jasper's words did make me feel better, and I wasn't really scared for him anymore since he apparently had no worries. He would never lie or hide things from me just to placate my fears, and I trusted his judgment implicitly. But I still didn't like the idea of him going there without me. I never assumed for a second that I could be of any help in the situation, and I hardly believed I'd be useful if a fight ensued. However, I'd still feel more assuaged, comfortable even, just being by his side and knowing what was going on. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do in an attempt to protect Jasper, even if that meant taking on a werewolf that would, more than likely, be able to destroy me since I was inexperienced in every way that counted in that matter. The only thing I had going for me was my telekinesis, but I've only been able to use it in heightened states of alarm and panic so far. I wanted to learn how to control my ability and use it at will, I just didn't know if I'd ever be able to. And it was something that could only be discovered and worked on through training. Like we use to do.
So I looked back up at Jasper, who hadn't moved at all but was now staring at me in keen contemplation, and I curiously asked, "When are we going to start working on my telekinesis again? I'd like to practice and see if I can activating it at will. From the little amount I've actually used it since becoming a vampire, I've noticed a perceptible difference. For starters, it isn't as uncontrollable as before, and it vibrates and flows from my mind easier. I was able to focus on doing something specific, like pushing Riley off of me, and it kinda just did it for me without me consciously trying. So I was thinking I might be able to do more with it now."
The weight of his hands on my shoulders lifted as he began to rub up and down my arms, and his expression shifted with a tender understanding as he immediately responded, "Of course we can start training your telekinesis again, Keira. The only reason I haven't suggested it before was simply because I wanted you to be able to relax before you were pushed into anything. But if you want to, we can begin practicing and honing your skills as soon as possible. Later today, if you like?"
I smiled brightly and nodded my head. That sounded like a great idea to me, and it might just get my mind off of everything else going horrendously wrong right now. A distraction from Alice, an escape from Edward, and a possible defense from Victoria. Not that my telekinesis hadn't already worked on her before, and not that I doubted Jasper's protection of me. And I truly didn't believe she would come after me anyway, but it was always best to be prepared for anything in every way one was capable of.
Jasper chuckled lightly and leaned down to give me a slow, leisurely kiss. He wrapped his long, sinewy fingers through my tresses as he briefly deepened our contact, but entirely too soon, he pulled away and gave me a soft, concluding peck on my lips before he straightened to his full height. His hands were still woven within and hidden amongst my curls as he gazed down at me with a gentle smile.
His words were like a darkly velvet caress, a baritone symphony, as he said, "I love you, Keira."
But for me, the comfort of the choir was halted with a bitter sweetness as he continued in a regretful tone. "I need to get back downstairs, though. It's almost time to leave, and there are still a few things I need to discuss with the others before we go…which will be in about fifteen minutes."
I was practically pouting at him, but Jasper just shook his head and gave me another brief peck before he pulled away and walked over to the closet. I watched him as his broad shoulder's ripple with easy motion when he grabbed a sweater and tugged it over his head, and I stared at his lean waist right before the thick fabric covered his taut muscles. I was unabashedly ogling him and appreciating the fine specimen in front of me, and when Jasper turned to face me with a deviously raised eyebrow, I knew that he had felt my lascivious stare tracing his smooth movements and sensed my lustful emotions. But I firmly locked my eyes with his and raised my chin as if to say, "What? So I'm eyeing you like a prime piece of meat. Get over it 'cause it can't be helped, and you're mine anyway."
He smirked and rolled his eyes in reply to my silent defiance as he made his way back over to me. When he was mere inches from me once again, he deftly wrapped his arm around my waist with a fluid stealth as he picked me up and brought me to his height. I automatically secured my legs tightly around his hips, and I giggled as he nuzzled his face against my neck, tickling my skin with his soft breath and the light brush of his lips. His nose skimmed along the length of my collarbone before he trailed it upwards and gently nibbled my ear as he huskily murmured, "You had me buck naked no more than an hour and a half ago…for many, many hours, and already you're looking at me like your own, personal sex toy. You're insatiable. Didn't you get enough to last you for at least a few hours?"
It was my turn to smirk as I shot back in a playfully devilish tone, "I do believe it was you that had me buck naked, not the other way around. I didn't even get a chance to explore you with my new eyes! Shame on you for teasing me so."
I faked a sniffle, and Jasper pulled his face away to look at me with a lazy grin as his chest rumbled with his quiet laughter. He stated in a tone that wasn't sorry at all, "My apologies, ma'am. I'll do my utmost to rectify that problem later."
"You better." I quipped as I reached up and tugged one of his honey locks that had fallen over his eyes.
Jasper shot me a promising wink and kissed me once more before he reluctantly set me back down on my feet. He gazed down at me in an almost tangible adoration for a moment, then spoke in a tired voice, "I need to go now, but I'll be back soon. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay." I replied in a downtrodden grumble. "I need to take a shower and get dressed anyway. It's going to be just me, Alice, and Esme here?"
"Yes, but do me a favor." Jasper softly said, but with a certain wariness. "I know you want to talk to Alice, just don't do it around Esme. She doesn't need to be there if things get out of hand. Despite everything she's done, I know Alice won't attack you in the heat of the moment, even if you do. So I'm not concerned about letting the two of you go at it alone, but I don't want Esme around to see it. She's been stressed enough as it is, not to mention just plain depressed, and she wouldn't handle you and Alice fighting very well. Please wait 'till she's not around…and that may not happen today."
"Of course, Jasper. I wouldn't want to do that in front of Esme either. That was kinda the plan anyway." I stated firmly as I built up my resolve to be partially civil to Alice today if I had to. It was going to be hard, but I could do it for Jasper, and I could do it for Esme.
The wariness left him as relief visibly washed over his features, so I guess he was really concerned about that for a minute. But he once again leaned down and kissed my forehead as he said, "Thank you, Keira. And I'll be back before you know it."
He turned around and started walking out, but before he could shut the door behind him, I tensely whispered out, "Be careful, please."
Jasper paused and bent backwards to briefly duck his tawny head of hair through the small space left between the door, and his lips curled as he answered back, "Just for you, worrywart. I love you."
He didn't wait for me to respond as he quickly closed the door and rushed downstairs in a hurry. I could hear the echoes of him rapidly conversing with Emmett and Rosalie, and I just stood there looking at the spot he was at seconds before with a light smile of appreciation.
"Forever." I breathed out reverently, not knowing whether Jasper was paying attention enough to overhear, but not caring either way. It wasn't meant to be heard. It was more of a voiced proclamation of a brightly burning revelation. An epiphany that eternity was really ours; that forever really did exist for Jasper and I now. It had just sunk in for me that there was no limit to the amount of days I could spend loving my beautifully fierce soldier, and he in return. I had known it and thought it many times since becoming a vampire, but it was just now really taking purchase on my mind, heart, and soul. A weight was being lifted off of me and an inconspicuous pressure released from within my chest. I was beginning to heal…beginning to move forward. More importantly, I was beginning to break away from my self-imposed purgatory filled with past lives, mistakes, and burdens. I was finally letting go and becoming free. Truly liberated for the first time since coming into this way of life, and it was a glorious sensation and a blessed revelation.
I shook my head with no small amount of exasperation at myself and chuckled under my breath as I turned and headed to the shower. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face the entire time I was beneath the warm spray of water, or when I changed into my favorite pair of jeans that smelled like home, and not even as I walked downstairs towards Esme and Alice. And I didn't care who saw me acting like an idiot as I bounced around with a renewed enthusiasm for life that I didn't realize I was missing. Well, I didn't care until Alice glided right in front of me and blocked my path to the backyard. Great, just great. I've been studiously ignoring her presence and she gets in my face. What does she want now?
I glared balefully at the little shit, and she smiled beatifically back at me. It was actually kinda scary for a moment, and I had to reign in the hiss that wanted to escape. So instead, I clenched my jaw and spoke through gritted teeth. "What do you want, Alice?"
Her expression faltered for a moment before she said in an unnaturally chipper voice, "I just wanted to let you know that Esme will be heading to Port Angelus in half an hour, then you and I can talk. I know we have a lot to discuss, and both of us prefer it to be done with no one else around. Also…I wanted to say thank you. Thanks for allowing me to explain before trying to rip me apart."
And with that, she vanished from sight. I remained standing there, slack-jawed and staring out at the backyard in a slightly shocked daze. Not only had she given me a heads-up about our little talk, but she thanked me for it while simultaneously saying I could only try to tear her to pieces, not actually do it. Huh. She's definitely a weird one.
I turned my back on the door and gently leaned against it as I tucked my thumbs around the belt loops on my jeans, and I gradually lost myself in thoughts. I knew I needed to hunt. I could feel the burn of my thirst intensifying over the last two days, and right now it was almost unbearable. I had planned on asking Esme to take me out, but if she was leaving, then I might as well hold off. Today will probably be my only chance to talk to Alice alone, especially with Edward arriving soon. This family had almost no concept of personal space and privacy, but I guess it was kinda hard to achieve when you had a mind reader, an empath, a future seer, a rambunctiously playful vampire, and an overly attentive mother-figure all dwindled in to seven individuals with enhanced senses living under the same roof. They probably just got accustomed to the lack-of and forgot about the notion entirely. So yes, these next couple of hours or so were probably my only shot at Alice alone.
And although I had no immediate intentions of starting a fight with Alice today, that didn't mean it wasn't going to happen. The likelihood that it will come to that was more so than not. I had so many questions for her, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy her reasons and celebrate over her answers. Because no matter what, she caused everything to happen. She may not have meant for the consequences to occur, but she purposely set out to do harm to others for her own selfish motives. That wasn't something I could accept easily…or gracefully. Shit Keira, chill! You're not even talking with her yet and you're already getting riled up. Think calm thoughts like Jasper…eternity…time alone with him after all this bullshit is over. Yeah. Calm.
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, not even realizing I had closed them. I glanced around for something else to occupy my time with until Esme left, but said woman walked right in not three seconds later. She turned the corner from the living room to the kitchen with her purse in hand, and gave a pleasantly surprised look when she saw me. But her warm, ocher eyes quickly turned morose as she realized I was doing nothing other than standing against a door, seemingly lost in thought. Which I had been, but not when she found me, and she didn't need to be so sad over it. I briefly wondered what she thought was running through my mind at the time, but dismissed it entirely as I smiled brightly at her to ease her conscience.
"Hello Esme." I said in low, calm tone that made me wonder if I was starting to imitate Jasper's vocal cadence.
The caramel beauty's good nature easily returned, and Esme quickly replied in her soft, motherly voice, "Hello dear. I was about to go looking for you to let you know that I'm heading out to an interior design store in Port Angelus. There were a few things I saw in the magazine I was looking through earlier that I thought would be lovely in our home back in Vermont. And, well, it could brighten up this place here until we leave again. No use in not feeling at home just because we aren't staying forever."
I could tell it pained her to talk about leaving Forks again, and I couldn't resist walking over to her and enveloping her in a tight hug. She returned the embrace just as fiercely, and with my arms still wrapped around her, I whispered, "Wherever you and Carlisle are is home, Esme. Location and memories don't matter if there's no one there to love."
And even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I knew this place would forever be more of a home than any other I'd come across in the years ahead. Forks was filled with memories of a lifetime…my lifetime, and endless moments of happiness. There were people here to love, we just weren't allowed to show them. And when I released Esme and pulled back, I could tell by the conflicted expression on her face that she was thinking somewhere along the same line of thought as me. But she just patted my cheek with tender affection as she said in an endearing tone, "Thank you, Keira. It means so much to know you feel that way, and that you think of us as your home now."
I had to bite my cheek from grimacing because I felt like such a shit. I really didn't think they were my home now. I had only said that to make her feel better, even when I didn't directly mean it. Jasper was now, and would forever be, my only home. The places we would go and houses we would live in were just that…places. Nothing more. And even though I cared for the Cullens, I only saw them as a form of in-laws. Maybe in time I would view them differently, but I doubted it. I already had a true and wonderful home with priceless parents, and nothing would compare or erase that. Jasper's arms were the only other place I felt like I effortlessly belonged and felt just as safe. Everything else was merely surroundings; things that came with the life I now had. A package deal kind of thing. But Esme didn't need to know that, and I would never tell her that. So I just gave her another smile and placed my hand over the one she still had on my cheek, and I softly squeezed in what she would take as agreement and understanding.
She just stood there looking at me for a moment longer, and I could swear she was reading my mind and seeing through my charade. Like she knew I didn't receive her words the way she wanted me to. Something flickered sharply in her eyes, but if I weren't a vampire, I wouldn't have ever caught it. It vanished as quickly as it came, and it was far too obscured for me to define what I saw. And in the next second, she brought her hand back to her side and turned away as she started shuffling through her purse. When she spoke again, her demeanor had returned to normal, as if nothing had occurred at all. "I should be gone for the better part of the morning and afternoon, but Alice will be here with you."
She paused there as her brought her gaze back to me, and her expression turned hesitant as she lowered her voice and timidly asked, "Is that going to be okay? I know things were a little tense between you two a few days ago, but everything's fine now, right? You don't mind being alone with her for awhile?"
I shook my head as I reassured her. "Everything's cool. Don't worry. Besides, Alice and I could use some…bonding time together."
Esme still seemed hesitant, but she said, "Okay. The others should be back in an hour or two, and I left a note for Carlisle telling him where I'm going. If you need anything, my numbers' programmed into the cell phone on the counter over there."
"Gotcha'. Thanks." I replied in absent manner as my thoughts drifted to Jasper and what he was doing. I hoped everything was alright, but I honestly didn't even know if they had met up with the wolves yet. I really, truly hated just waiting around to find out what happened, but there was nothing I could do, and I knew my presence would only add conflict. Plus I had Alice to deal with, so I needed to just focus on the things I could do instead of the things I couldn't.
Five minutes later, I was waving goodbye to Esme from the front porch as she climbed into the SUV. Alice was over by the car door, and the two of them were whispering so quietly that I wasn't able to pick up their conversation. But I had a feeling that was what they intended, and frankly, I didn't care. I was too preoccupied with the confrontation to be had with Alice, and the things I wanted to know. And when the car door shut and Esme pulled out onto the gravel driveway, disappearing from sight a minute later, Alice gracefully flitted over to me with a serious expression on her face.
"Let's do this." She said with a firm nod of her head, and she began walking to the front door.
"How about we do this out here. Just in case, ya know." I dryly retorted before she could go inside.
Alice paused, and she swiveled around as she met my stern gaze with an apprehensive one. Our eyes were locked for seventeen seconds in a complete standstill, neither of us making a single sound, but eventually she ducked her head as her shoulders sagged. She released a heavy sigh right before she looked back up and skipped passed me to the porch swing. She was sitting down as I turned to face her, and I folded my arms loosely over my chest and leaned my hip against the railing that lined the deck. I once again had the vague inclination that I was picking up on Jasper's behavioral habits and poses, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from crossing my ankles together in a deceptively relaxed stance, much like my mate would do. I almost chuckled at my unintentional imitation and wayward thoughts, but stopped when Alice shot me an extremely broken smile and shook her head in what appeared to be a rueful manner.
Her legs started swinging back and forth beneath the swing since her feet were unable to reach the floor, much like a small child would do from a high perch or chair. And I was struck with a sense of frailty and youthful adolescence about her even though she was anything but those things. I wondered how old she was when she was turned, because I couldn't imagine it being any more than eighteen years. She just seemed…so young and childlike, even though I knew there couldn't be much difference between her human age and mine, and it was possible she might even be older.
"You look just like him right now." She said in an ambivalent tone as she continued to look at me with that same broken smile, like she couldn't decide if she wanted to laugh or cry at that fact. She went on in a low, tortured voice. "You two are perfect for each other. You're so much alike in many ways, but where you two differ only balances you guys out with a divinity that makes your pairing flawless. It's like you were designed for him specifically, Keira. And while I'm happy that he's found his perfect mate, I can't help but hate it at the same time. Because it's not me, and I still love him so much."
I didn't rightly know what to say to that. I completely understood where she was coming from, but I didn't want to feel sorry for her. I didn't want to feel for her at all. So I stuck to my plan and diverted our conversation to things I was more comfortable with. I went back to the beginning, when it all started becoming weird and when it was obviously to me that something else was going on.
"I don't remember everything clearly…" I began in a slow, almost nonchalant tone even though my eyes were narrowed on her in an unforgiving way. "But I do remember your pleading expression that day in the cafeteria when Jasper and I went out in the woods to talk for the first time. The beginning of our friendship, I guess you could say. What was it…a year ago now? No, a couple of months over that if I recall correctly. So tell me…what were you trying to say to me? What exactly were you trying to plead?"
My voice became stronger and more forceful than I intended at the end, and I needed to remind myself to cool it since we haven't even gotten to the bad parts yet. My newborn temperament was obviously going to make this harder than I anticipated. Deep breaths. Think of Jasper. Think of eternity with Jasper. Think of…
"I was begging you for more time." Alice tiredly explained as her suddenly dull, golden orbs focused on a spot somewhere around my feet. "I wasn't ready to completely let him go yet, which I knew would be inevitable if the conversation you two had went the way I saw it. Which it did. It seemed the fates were tired of waiting no matter how much I wasn't. I knew all along it was going to happen. I knew before I had even met Jasper, but that didn't stop me from falling for him any less. And from the very first moment I saw you, I knew it was going to be you."
She raised her eyes back to mine, and there was such a tragic, angry strength in them, a whirlwind of defeated heartbreak and battling fury as she continued in a sharper, harder tone. "My visions with you and him became much more clear. You became much more clearer. I never saw you properly before, but I did from then on. Do you have any idea how hard it is to repeatedly see the man you love happily together with another woman? Over and over and over again my visions replayed in my mind, and every single one of them was of Jasper deliriously content and affectionate with you…in love with you, and it was like I had never existed for him. Every time a new vision came, my heart broke a little more. I tried so hard to be strong and brave, to be happy for him. But I'm not unbreakable, Keira. And I kept thinking 'Just a little more time. That's all I need. Just a little more time to let go and move forward.' But it never came, and I swear it's like something snapped inside me."
Alice paused and laughed sardonically, if not a little maniacally, for a brief moment before utter despair invaded her every feature and dripped heavily from her small voice. "I think it was my cold, dead heart breaking in two. I was begging you for more time, but you didn't understand that. And from then on, I was desperately trying to put myself back together. To feel at least semi-okay with the way things were now. But he was always with you and never with me anymore, and I think that made me bitter. I mean, when he was around, you were everywhere! If not physically beside him, your scent covered him and your name was all that came out of his mouth. I couldn't escape the torment, so I escaped completely away from everyone as often as possible. That's why you never saw much of me, and I think Edward read quite a few of my thoughts at precisely the wrong moments, which is why he acted so…resentful around you. Sorry about that. You never deserved that kind of treatment."
Her bared confession ate at my conscience and made me feel guilty. If I had known all the details, if I had known the circumstances and what she was going through, I would have gladly given her that time. If I had known, I would have helped her any way I could. I never wanted to cause anyone so much pain and suffering. I thought she pushed Jasper away and demanded they separate, and I had to ask her about that just to be clear.
"Alice," I cautiously began in a soft voice as she continued looking at me in despair. "I thought you wanted Jasper to walk away. From what I understand, he argued with you and fought with you in Alaska over this, and even when he and I began a relationship, it was you that pushed him to do it."
She sadly nodded her head and frowned as she stilled the movement of her swaying legs. She brought them up and tucked them underneath her body as she leaned back against the swing in a more relaxed pose, causing it to gently float back and forth through the thick, winter air. But her tiny fists were clenched in her lap, her eyes were hard as she stared unflinchingly into my curious and slightly pitied ones, and her frown remained as she started speaking once again, this time in a detached monologue.
"You're correct on all counts. I did it because it was the right thing to do. You belonged with him, and he with you. It was meant to be before you were born. I'm not a terribly religious person, and I have no idea how I could see your future…your destiny, decades before you walked this earth. But somehow, and by someone or something, you were suppose to be a part of Jasper in a large capacity long before you ever existed. I saw it, I knew it, and it was going to happen whether I played along or not. Maybe it was the angels way of warning me before I got my heart broken, but then again, that would mean I actually believed in them."
And for the first time ever, I saw Alice briefly show the most jaded, twisted smile that definitely wasn't becoming on her before she quickly continued in the same monotone voice. "Before we moved here, I didn't realize it would hurt so much because I had always thought of our separation as a part of us. An inevitable happening that was, from the very beginning, a major part of who we would become not only as a couple, but as individuals as well. It was always going to be, and I thought I had accepted that as a defining quality to our relationship. But it did hurt…too much so. But if I had forced Jasper to stay in a relationship with me, one he never could realize on his own that he didn't want anymore…well, let's just say he would have hated me later for it. And he would have become a shell of the man I knew and loved, but not even a fraction of who he would be with you. I would've destroyed him if I tried to keep him, which is why I set him free. And even though I couldn't release him in my heart, I vocally did it to make him walk away. He never would have done it on his own freewill because he's too good of a man, too loyal of a mate, to walk away despite his deepest desires."
Alice brought her stare down to her lap and fidgeted with a piece of thread from her shirt as she said in an aloof, off-handed manner, "You know…we never made love again after that first day he saw you. We tried, I tried, but he always got too frustrated and would walk away. He subconsciously knew it was suppose to be you beneath him and not me, even though he had no idea that you were the girl from my visions. I didn't tell him until later, but his body still couldn't react the same way to me, even ignorantly, because it was a form of betrayal to his true mate. Funny, huh?"
No, it really wasn't funny, but she knew that. And this was the part I started to get really pissed at, because if she recognized the pure, undivided connection Jasper and I had even then, why did she do what she did at Bella's birthday? I didn't understand her logic at this point, and I was becoming very frustrated over it. So my eyes narrowed on their own accord, and I managed to entirely growl out my next question.
"Then why'd you do it, Alice!? If you knew what was meant to be and all the other crap you just spilled out, then why in the hell would you set out to destroy it? I get that you were hurt, and I even understand and sympathize with you, but that doesn't explain the utter lunacy of your actions thereafter!"
"No, it doesn't, and I don't really have a good, solid excuse for what I did." She replied in small voice as she kept her gaze downcast. "Rose told me you heard the conversation I had with Jasper yesterday, so I don't need to repeat what I told him. But it's the truth, and it's all I can offer in way of an explanation. I was desperate, and I had to try. My heart was shattered and it caused me to make a stupid choice. I never saw what would happen to you because of Victoria, and I honestly thought, as well as anticipated, that the only thing that would come out of it all was you flying out to Vermont in a month or two. But I still had to try one last time."
She paused there, and her mournful eyes raised back to my widely incredulous ones as she said, "I'm so sorry, Keira. I never saw a negative outcome, and I know for an absolute fact that I wouldn't have done it if I had seen anything like that. I can't change what I did, but I'd take it all back if I could. I could say a million apologies to you and it won't make a difference, but just know that I won't stop feeling very guilty for a long time to come, and I'll probably never truly let it go. I'll live with this for the rest of my existence, and I know I've lost the chance at even a friendship with Jasper now."
Again, I heard her and understood where she was coming from, but my thoughts were stuck on one simple thing she had said through that little speech. So I took a deep breath and tried to calm down my evident anger and frustration, and I asked in a disbelieving tone, "What do you mean you never saw a negative outcome? You purposely let certain things happen, and hell, even made it worse by adding glass plates and cups to the equation and positioning them just right, all the while knowing the end-result would be everyone leaving Forks. Which meant you knew Edward would end things with Bella and demand you all do the same. You don't call that a negative outcome?"
I was vaguely aware that I had pushed my body away from the railing and taken two slightly crouched steps towards Alice. I'm sure my face was stern and my eyes were vividly burning with indignation, and I'm almost positive I had an air of menace around me, because not only did I feel that way, but Alice had tensed up and was looking at me warily. Four seconds of silence surrounded us before the pixie took a deep breath of her own before she relaxed with a resigned sadness, and that effectively brought me back from the dark recesses of my mind that was filled with wrath and fury. I successfully tampered down part of my emotions as I straightened from my partial crouch, and I stubbornly folded my arms in front of me once again as I waited for Alice to respond. Two more beats of silence, then…
"Okay, Keira. I never intended to tell anyone this, but you deserve to know the truth since you asked. Edward and Bella…well, they weren't going to last the way they were headed anyway. Edward had already made up his mind in Phoenix that he was going to eventually leave Bella. As time went on, his resolve only strengthened even though there was no reason for it. I kept getting visions of him being too cautious over the smallest things with Bella, and his overly abundant carefulness led to Bella's inevitable unhappiness. He would never give Bella what she wanted, and she in-turn would become depressed. All of it would lead Edward to believe, much like he already has, that Bella was better off without him instead of just giving into both of their desires and changing her. By the time Bella's birthday came around, Edward was looking for any and all reasons to leave her. He was waiting for a good enough excuse. Not because he didn't love her, but because he's a seventeen-year-old boy who's scared of his own feelings and has no idea how to love someone properly. His arrogance and propriety will be his downfall for many years to come until he can learn to think beyond what he solely believes is right and wrong. Until he can learn how to grow-up and move beyond his time and own personal demons. Until he can learn that he doesn't always know what's best for everyone else."
She shook her head in deprecation before she moved her gaze off into the distance and through the trees. I simply stood there dumbstruck, because of all the things I thought Alice might have said, Edward eventually leaving Bella had never crossed my mind. But before I could pull my thoughts together and reply, she continued in a weary tone as she kept her eyes focused elsewhere.
"Edward wasn't ready to meet his Bella yet. He needed to go through a lot of soul searching first. It happened too soon for him, but it is what it is. I can only hope that when he gets here, that maybe he's ready to accept certain things and do it differently. Like stop trying to control everything around him and let go of his inhibitions. I hope he goes back to Bella and treats her right this time. Not like a piece of cracked glass, and if he can't do that, then change her. But I don't know what he's going to do because I haven't seen it. So when you asked me if I thought about the negative outcome with Edward and Bella, the answer is yes. I did think about it, but it wasn't a negative outcome…it was an inevitable one that I saw happening in many different ways and manners. None of them good, but at least this one didn't fall directly on Bella's shoulders. I discreetly gave her the choice to think their break-up was his reaction over an accident involving our kind instead of thinking it was over something she directly did or didn't do. She never would have come back from it otherwise, and Edward would've never been given a second chance with her."
Wow. Just wow. I was speechless in a way I had never been speechless before. There were no words I could say to that even if I wanted to. Which I didn't, because she said what she needed to and explained why her conscience was okay with that part of the backlash from Bella's birthday. And I, once again, fucking understood where she was coming from. But I didn't want to anymore. I wanted to be mad at her. I wanted to hate her and blame everything on her just like I thought she deserved. But it's what I thought she deserved, not what I think now. Now I was just confused and even more frustrated because I had no one to point the finger at and say, 'You're why this happened! You're why everything got so fucked up!'
But Alice is the reason why everything played out the way it did for me. If not for her, then I never would have been separated from Jasper, and Victoria never would've been able to attack me. I would've still had the holidays with me parents, and I could have said my goodbyes to them when I was ready to. Now I was a scarred fuckin' freak with a huge case of the jitters anytime someone surprised me, and it was all because she wanted another chance with my mate. Yeah, get mad Keira. Get mad at Alice and build up all the reasons why you should hate her. Piss her off and take out your pent-up aggression on her in a fight. It will stop you from self-reflecting too much.
So I did release my anger out on her, while I simultaneously ignored what my annoying inner-dialogue was trying to tell me by throwing self-reflection at me. I growled sharply under my breath, and faster than a blink of an eye, I had rushed at Alice, grabbed her by the throat, and pinned her against the house with my fingers tightly gripped around her neck. I heard the pristine, white shingles of the outer wall crack and splinter under the force of Alice's body being thrown against it, and I absently noted that Alice was doing nothing other than looking calmly at me with sad, but unsurprised eyes. I was mere centimeters from her face as I spoke to her in a low growl.
"It doesn't matter how sorry you are, Alice. You still manipulated a dire situation to your advantage, and your selfish actions still cost me my life. You tried to take away someone who was meant for me. I sympathize with your heartbreak; really I do. But I don't think you understand how much it hurt me to lose him, even for a short period of time. I don't think you comprehend just how much pain and heartbreak I've been going through since your selfish misdeeds. You brought your own personal pain onto me. Made me feel what it was like to lose the people I loved most. Not only Jasper, but my parents as well. And I may have Jasper back now, but that pain IS STILL THERE!"
I shook her for good measure, but Alice's eyes had already widened with newfound realization. I could see it in her slightly shocked and haggard expression, and I could read the self-deprecating there. She had never really thought about it like that. She never really saw it as transferring her heartache unto me. But now she was, and I could see the self-disgust flicker across her face before she schooled her features to a blank calm once again.
So I lowered my voice and silenced my growl as I continued, "I can't decide if I hate you more than Victoria because if it wasn't for you, none of this would have happened. But then again…"
And I had to stop there because all of the sudden, something clicked inside my head and my line of thought shifted rapidly with a view-shattering realization. My subconscious had been screaming at me what I already knew but had yet to really accept. My inner-dialogue that seemed to have a personality of it's own more often than not had practically spelled it out for me, but I let my voluntary ignorance and residual anger get in the way. But no more of that, because I just had this epiphany that brought so much clarity to my distorted perception. None of this, and I truly mean none of it, would have occurred if it wasn't for me. Not Alice. She was not to blame for the path I blindly chose.
I had known what Jasper was, and still I didn't care. It didn't deter or sway me from the perilous causeway I was more than happy to travel on. I was the frail, ultimately vulnerable human that decided to get involved with the unbreakable, blood-drinking vampires. And the caustic repercussions of two very different species not meant to peacefully co-exist was inevitable the day we blended our lives together. I was now dealing with the consequences of my own choices. I made the choice to step over the boundaries of safe and normal and into the dangerous realm where the supernatural is common, and death of the weak is a given. It was only a matter of time before my time was up, and it's no one's fault but my own because I was the one who chose to dance with devil. It was my choice to skirt around with Death knowing, and even accepting, that the most likely outcome would be my own.
Alice was not at fault for what became of the path I chose; only her decisions that directly influenced and manipulated those she claims to love. My circumstance with Victoria and the resulting aftermath was merely chance and timing breeding havoc once again. And it could have happened even if I'd never gotten involved with the Cullens. But I did, and I eventually had to pay the toll to the highway of stupidly brazen ventures. There was always a price to be paid when taking a daring risk with too many unknown factors, and mine had to be taken sooner or later. Well I'll be damned! I'm just full of all kinds of awe-inspiring revelations today, now aren't I?
No more than a few seconds had passed since I cut of my heated sentence, but it was apparently enough time for Alice to start staring at me in a strangely confused, but still erringly calm manner. I don't know what my face was showing, but the little pixie wedged between my hand and the house, and raised a few feet off the floor, was looking at me with that same crazy expression like I was some sort of crazy myself. The twisted irony was almost comical. But I released her from my hold nonetheless, and I took a couple steps back to give her some space. She was smoothing out her shirt and rubbing her neck when I finally found my voice again.
"I'm sorry, Alice." I contritely stated as I kept my apologetic gaze on her. "I shouldn't have done that. I kinda just realized that everything that happened to me isn't really your fault. I want to blame someone for my grief…point a finger at anyone in hopes of making me feel better about all this. I guess I'm searching for closure in all the wrong places. But I know it won't make anything better, and I know the only one to blame for the way my life turned out is me. I got involved with vampires, and something like this was bound to happen. All things considered, I think I got pretty lucky! I mean, I essentially still have my life, and that's more than most humans can say, right!"
Alice let out a wheezy chuckled and shook her pretty head before she said, "You're definitely unpredictable, Keira. I thought you were eventually going to try to tear me apart there."
I looked at her in mock offense as I stated with false innocence, "Me? Never! I'm a perfectly controlled newborn vampire that makes absolutely no rash decisions. Ever. But again with this 'trying' to rip you apart. Never actually doing. Are you hinting at my inability to thoroughly dispatch a fellow vampire? 'Cause if you are, I have some newborn aggression that's just begging to test out that theory."
I was teasing her, and her full-blown, tinkling laughter let me know she understood that. I found myself smiling at the sound, and I realized I was truly happy to bring this recently tortured soul some sort of relief. I was happy to bring Alice a moment of unadulterated joy where all our past sins were momentarily forgotten. But after a minute, we had both calmed down and sobered up as we stared silently at each other with a seriousness that reflected off the both of us. I decided to be the one that broke the quiet.
"Alice…" I began in a low, solemn voice. "This doesn't mean that all is forgotten, or forgiven. And I don't know if we'll ever really be friends. Maybe one day when you find a new mate, things might be more comfortable between us. I don't blame you or hate you for the events that went down after you guys left town, and I've got no right to get involved in matters that don't…well, involve me. But you still lied to everyone, and you still set Jasper up. And that does involve me. You manipulated him, and he never did anything other than love you. I've never been the kind of person that can trust someone and let them in when they can do those sort of things to a person they claim to love, even if it's for a good reason. Which yours weren't. Understandable, yes…but not a good reason. So I don't trust you, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. No matter how much time has passed."
Alice nodded her head in either agreement or understanding, I don't know which, as she spoke in a voice full of conviction. "I know. And it means so much to me that you don't hate me for things that even I hate myself for. You may not blame me, but I do. So thank you, and…"
She paused there, and her whole demeanor suddenly reflected a devastating defeat as she dropped her gaze to the ground and whispered out, "And please take care of him. Never stop loving him."
"Always and never." I passionately replied, and I knew my tone left no room for any doubt. "But Alice?"
I waited for her to raise her gaze back up to me so she could see I meant every word I was about to say. When she did, I closed the few feet between us and placed my hands on her shoulders as I spoke with a softness that surprised even me. "Jasper never stopped loving you. Never. One of the first things he said to me when we started our relationship was that he'd always love you so much more than the others. He wanted me to be able to accept the fact that while I held his heart, a large piece would always belong to you. He loves you so much, and in ways I'll never be able to touch or wash away even if I wanted to. You were still his world and heart, he just expanded it to fit two. I'm sorry your hurting, and I wish there was something I could do to take that pain away. But you gave him to me, you set him free, and I could never just walk away and give him back. Even at the very beginning. Our love doesn't work like that. You know that though, so I'll just say one more thing."
I looked deep into her glossed-over eyes as I firmly stated, "You hurt him tremendously with your betrayal, and I don't know if you'll ever get back the closeness you had with him before. He'll never forget what you did to him, but I do know that he still loves you despite everything. He's more pained than he is angry over your actions. If you can talk to him, just the two of you before anybody else finds out and things escalate like I'm sure they will with dear 'ole Eddie, you might be able to salvage a small part of the rift that's accumulated between you two. Don't expect it to go as easily as it did with me, but somewhere is better than nowhere, right?"
Poor Alice looked like she would be crying if she could. I was about to turn around and leave to give her some privacy, but she quickly wrapped me up in her small arms and gave me one of the biggest hugs I had ever received. She started shaking with suppressed sobs, and I folded my arms around her tiny frame and tried my hardest to comfort her the best I could. I ran my fingers through her short, spiky hair in an attempt to soothe her, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't have anything left to say. My monthly quota for words of advice, comfort, and wisdom were all used up within a few short sentences. My sporadic moments of surreal realizations had definitely been exhausted for probably a year's time, so now I was left dumbstruck and feeling like an idiot since I had no idea how to handle a sobbing pixie. I mean, I'm a woman for Christ's sake! Shouldn't I have a never-ending supply of soapbox material to expel at times like these? Guess not. I wish Jasper were here. He'd know what to do since he's fairly acquainted with emotional females, and I do mean myself.
It was an awkward few minutes of me holding Alice and stroking her hair and patting her gently on the back before she was able to pull herself together. Her shaking subsided, and I gave her one more pat on the back before I dropped my arms to my side. But when she removed her arms from around me, she leaned into the side of my face and softly whispered, "You deserve him so much more than I."
She gave me an enigmatic smile as she pulled away before abruptly turning around and walking out into the yard. I watched her as she headed towards the woods, and right before she disappeared among the thick trees, I yelled out, "Hey! Where're ya going?"
I didn't really care if she left, but it was just plain weird how she did it. Without stopping or even glancing over her shoulder, she hollered back, "I need to be by myself for awhile. Edward should be arriving in a little over an hour, so you won't be lonely for too long!"
And I could practically see the sarcastic smirk on her face as she mentioned Edward. Yeah, like I really wanted to be around him. Joy.
"Oh, and Keira?" I faintly heard Alice say from a distance, and I could no longer see her anymore. "We will be friends one day. I've seen it." Freak. Little know-it-all, future telling freak of a pixie.
I shook my head and chuckled under my breath as I walked inside the house. As I went into the kitchen to check the clock on the cell phone, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd find out in due time that all the Cullens were just as strange. Although I couldn't see Rosalie ever being that obtuse. She was a pretty straightforward character. And of course, Jasper was a Whitlock to me, not a Cullen. So he didn't count.
I flitted over to the living room and sat down on the couch as I fiddled with my thumbs and thought about the day's events thus far, and it wasn't even ten o' clock in the morning yet. Jeez, it's been a hell of a rollercoaster ride for not even being noon yet. I've gone from worried to deliriously content and free with Jasper, to feeling nostalgic but guilty with Esme. With Alice there were too many different emotional tides to count, but it was one big, tumultuously fucked-up ride. I kinda felt like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with all the contrasting personalities I went through during my talk with her. But I was happy to have resolved things with her without violence. Well, mostly without violence. At the end of the dark, narrow tunnel we all travel through to find answers within ourselves, it was startling obvious to me that if anyone's to blame for the things that have happened to me after the Cullens left…it's just plain me. And even that's debatable, because like I said earlier, even if I had never dived into the world of vampires, it's still possible that Victoria could have attacked me anyway. Hell, it could've been fate!
I shrugged my shoulders at my contemplations and diverted my thoughts down a different path. I was thirsty, and I needed to hunt badly. I haven't, um, fed since our drive to Forks, and that particular day was five days ago. Jasper said a newborn needed to feed every few days, and I was definitely feeling the increasing burn. I had been for a while now, but I kept being distracted by other things before I could bring it up to Jasper. And although I'm sure he felt it himself, he's been pretty distracted as well. Okay, change of thoughts. This is just making me grumpy.
I continued to fiddle with my thumbs, but I vaguely noticed I had started tapping my foot as well. I was becoming anxious as my mind drifted to Edward and what he was going to be like when he got here. He was probably going to be a hypersensitive prick like always, but I knew I wouldn't put up with that shit if it was directed at Jasper in any way. He could complain about me all he wanted to and I probably wouldn't care too much. Or I'd just put him in his place as I gleefully knocked him off the pedestal he's so self-righteously placed himself on. But it would be war if he went after Jasper. I didn't want to hear any of his shit about Jasper's supposed lack of control, and I wasn't going to stand by and let him belittle my mate in any form. I know Jasper can take care of himself and decide when enough is enough, but still. Nothing ignited my fury like someone taking a stab at Jasper.
I sighed out loud and ran my hand through my curls. I was starting to worry about Jasper and the Quileute wolves again. How long did it take to bring everyone up to date on current supernatural events? I tossed around every possible scenario that my wild imagination could conjure up about things that could've happened that would delay them for this long. My concern and nervousness ran so rampant that I managed to start tapping my foot twenty-three times per second, and I had run my hands through my hair fourteen times in the last…god only knows how long.
I decided to get up and check the time again, and when I walked into the kitchen and looked at the cell phone, I saw that just over an hour had passed since I came inside. In a pathetic attempt to change the scenery, I stayed in the kitchen as I leaned against the countertop. After a few minutes of doing absolutely nothing productive, I began pacing the length of kitchen walkway. I almost came to the decision to go hunting on my own, not only because I needed to, but also to pass the time. Eventually though, I heard the low rumble of an engine pulling into the driveway, and I figured Edward was finally arriving since it didn't sound like Carlisle's SUV. I could bite back my extreme dislike for the immortal boy long enough for him to escort me out hunting. It was daylight, and there was a higher probability that humans would be out hiking despite the cold weather. Some people are just extremists like that, but not extreme enough to handle me coming upon them. Edward could probably wrestle me down before I attacked someone…maybe…possibly…right? He was the lankiest of the male Cullens, but he had to have some muscle in there…somewhere. And even though I possess newborn strength, I'm still just a tiny little thing compared to the men of the family. Yeah, Edward could probably handle me well enough to ensure the safety of others if it came to that.
I heard the car door slam shut, and I quickly walked to the foyer area. I could hear Edward's heavy footfalls crunching across the yard towards the porch, and while I absently noted how odd it was that his steps weren't as soft and meticulous as all the other vampires I've come into contact with, I didn't think on it too much since I was busy worrying about how I was going to ask this favor of him. I dropped my gaze to the floor, and when the steps became stomps upon the front porch, I became slightly bewildered as to why he was being so loud. Was he angry? If so, then I wouldn't ask him to take me out. No way in hell was I going to approach an angry Edward.
Until I realized that whoever was making their way to the front door wasn't Edward at all, because Edward didn't have a heartbeat. I could detect the faint, but rapid thrumming of beating blood vibrating through the air outside and traveling to my ears, and it was only getting closer…stronger…faster. I clenched my fists tightly together at my side, and I had a split second of comprehension as this person took their final, definitive step to the door before my thirst, my bloodlust, swarmed my senses. Oh shit.
The burn in my throat thickened as it scorched fiercely from my mouth and down into my chest, and it felt like my insides were cracking and peeling away beneath the dry burn that enveloped me. Any and all air left in my lungs evaporated in a simmering blaze that consumed my previously dead, frozen organs and made them alive with torture once again. A prickling tingle filled with lust and promises of satisfaction spread throughout my suddenly charred bones and down my spine. My mouth quickly became dry with want despite the excessive venom pooling, and I could feel every single rough particle that lined my usually silky tongue. And the majority of my mind was chanting one solitary word. Need.
This person's only saving grace was the fact that I had yet to smell their scent, and it was quite possibly the only thing stopping me from throwing myself through the door. I was thankful there were no windows around the door to see who it was because I was certain if they stayed much longer, they'd be dead. I prayed to whatever deity above that they would go away when no one answered their knocks, but I still couldn't bring myself to walk away. I was frozen to the spot with want, need, hunger. And it wouldn't go away until it was sated.
What I never anticipated though…what I could never have foreseen in a million years or perhaps I would have done something different, was this person never stopping when they reached the door. Instead of hearing the knocks I'd expected, I heard the creak of the doorknob as they turned it, and my eyes widened but I still couldn't move. Then it was swiftly opened in a demanding and angry gesture.
I would later reflect on that moment in a slow motion play-by-play, and I'd be lucky if I could ever forget it. As soon as my eyes locked on the doorknob, the door was whooshed open not even an inch before the air around me filled with a crimson-coated freesia. A red haze immediately obscured my vision to the point where I had no idea who the person was that was barging through the door uninvited. But I didn't need my sight to locate and capture my victim, and in a tiny fraction of time that was too small to even measure, I had pinpointed my victim by smell and sound and feel of the atmosphere around me. I barely crouched before I lunged, while a shrill voice simultaneously exclaimed, "Oh my God! Keira!"
Then there was nothing but the dismal screams I only noticed with a distant detachment as I gave in to my killer instinct.
Author's Note:
Okay, so I know this chapter was for shit. I don't know what was wrong with me while trying to write this, but I just couldn't get it to flow like I wanted it to, and I know parts of it were repetitive. I tried to correct it, which is why it wasn't posted yesterday, but I just couldn't really get it any better. My mind was too stuck on next chap, I guess. Sorry! Maybe when I'm done with the story, I'll go back and rewrite this chap. But I needed to post it for you guys so you didn't wait longer than you have already. Once again, sorry.
Alice lovers- I hope you are satisfied enough with this outcome. Alice haters- I hope I made their conversation/argument/whatever believable enough for you, and I hope I stressed the point enough that everything is NOT dandy between them just because Keira understands where Alice was coming from. But anyway, I hope you all enjoyed, and I simply can't resist the urge to dryly say, "I bet you'll never guess who was stupid enough to barge into a vampire abode." Please review and let me know what you think, and big thanks to all who have in the past. Love you guys!
