Don't say a word...
Yeah yeah yeah. Dragonofraven will be in my ear about Speedy/Roy/Arsenal BUT I DON'T CARE! Leave me alone with my obsession with the hot ginger dude. I had to include him because I think him and Ollie are just :sigh: perfect for each other... Also, as the story continues I shall switch between Raven and Dick in Bludhaven and Ollie and everyone else in Gotham. Just for a bit of variety. But I promise, Mockingbird (our fav assassain) will be making many more appearances, but not as who you think. O.o Uh oh. I'm giving away the plot :D Anyway, this will be a very depressing chapter. Cutting and stuff. I want to put replies in, but I don't want to get banned (a third time) so I wont. Just being cautious.
Disclaimer: I'm not Bob Kane. I didn't create Batman. Or anything else (except my own charcters. Nyx, Mockingbird, Ollie). Got it?
"Take this ocean of
pain that is mine. Throw me a lifeline."
Brooke Fraser –
Lifeline (kick ass NZ artist)
"Hey, Ollie!" Dick yelled. "Come in here will you!"
Ollie groaned and staggered down the hallway into the living room, after Dick's noisy yelling waking the poor girl up. It was so early! How could he expect her to get up at midday?
"Sadist." She growled at her brother as she gracefully (not) entered the room.
Dick grinned and gestured to the television/video phone. "Meet my friend, Roy Harper. Roy, this is my sister Ollie I was telling you about."
The red haired boy on the screen waved and smiled. "Hi Ollie."
Ollie could say this for her brother. He had good taste in friends. Phwoar. Of course being the super cool chica she is, Ollie managed to hide her shock. Just barely. She ran a hand through her tangeled hair. Ugh. She must look like crap. Way to go Dick.
"Uh. Hi." She said awkwardly. "What am I doing here?" She asked her brother.
Dick laughed. "Roy is going to Gotham Uni in the fall (A/N:Autumn damn you Americans!). I thought it would be good for you two to get to know each other. You know, so you wouldn't be on your own."
Ollie nodded, trying to look nonchalant. "Oh ok. Well, I'm not in yet."
"You will be." Dick rolled his eyes.
"We'll see." Ollie muttered, then speaking louder. "So, uh, what course are you taking?" She asked Roy.
"Um, English Lit. I don't wanna end up a total dumbass like Dick."
Dick scoffed. "Me and Raven are enrolling in courses at the community college in Bludhaven, I'll have you know."
Roy's eyebrows raised. "You and Raven, eh?" He asked suggestivly.
Dick blushed. "I'm switching you over to the normal phone now."
"See you in two days Ollie. I'll come round to the Manor." Roy said, grinning at his friend's embarrasment.
Dick picked up the phone and waved Ollie away, signalling the start of a private conversation. Not that it mattered, Ollie could here every word echoing in Dick's mind.
She had to admit, sometimes empathy had its perks.
She grabbed a hot chocolate and sat down in the kitchen to listen to this gripping conversation. Yawn. Guys are so predictable.
"I would thank you not to blab the intimate details of my love life to my sister." Dick said pointedly.
Roy simply laughed. "Oh come on man. Didn't you tell me she was an empath? As if she doesn't know all the sordid details already."
Dick scratched his head and sighed. Roy, of course, was right. But still... "There are somethings you just don't want your sister to know."
Roy chuckled again. "So... how is Raven anyway?"
- - - - -
"So I'll call you when we get to Bludhaven, and be nice to Tim. And Roy. And finish your portfolio. And-"
Ollie sighed and interrupted her brothers list of instructions. "Yes Dad. I'll be a good girl. Now get your ass in the car before Raven gets totally pissed and drives off without you."
Dick chuckled and hugged his sister. "Just looking out for you."
"I know." Ollie sighed. "Have a good trip."
She stood on the steps of the manor, waving them off, until they were just a distant dot on the horizon.
She had to admit, she'd got used to spending the last week with Dick. As soon as he'd hung up with Roy, he and Raven had packed the car and by three, they were gone.
A grey cloud passed over the sun. It would surely soon be joined by more, heralding the usual Gotham downpour. But Ollie didn't wish to go into the oddly quiet house just yet.
Bruce was at work and Diana was beginning training with Tim.
And even though Ollie had spent many years of her life alone, this short wek had got her readjusted to living with people. She didn't like the prospect of being alone again.
The wind whipped her dark brown hair behind her, out of her eyes. She hugged herself against the cold. Okay, maybe it was time to go inside.
Keep busy. That's what her mom used to say stopped you from being sad.
Ollie picked up her sketch pad, but inspiration seemed to have driven off with Dick. And besides, Tim's exhuberant thoughts of joy as he learned various moves from Diana echoed through her mind, destroying her own thoughts. Maybe being alone hadn't been so bad after all.
She jumped when Alfred rattled into the living room with a tray of empty glasses that had obviously serviced Diana and Tim.
"Sorry for startling you Miss Ollie. Is there anything you would like?" He asked in his prim and polished English accent (don't you dare think we all speak like him. The rest of us sound as common as muck compared).
Ollie shook her head. "Er, no thanks Alfred." Ollie cocked her head and trained her artists eye on Alfred. "Actually, there is something you could help me with..."
- - - - -
"Okay Al. I'm finished." Ollie smiled at the butler. "You can look if you want."
She held out her sketch pad, who's pages now graced the penciled image of Alfred. "You think it's okay?" She asked tentatively.
Alfred studied the sheet of paper for some minutes without speaking. "I think," he concluded after some meditation, "that you will get the scholarship."
Ollie smiled and half hugged the stately (and surprised) gentleman. "Thanks."
She tacked the image up on the board she'd found hiding around in a study. The first part of her portfolio. She examined the picture critically. Maybe they were right. Maybe she did have talent. She tipped her head sideways. On second thoughts, maybe not.
I can't do anything right.
Ollie sunk down on her plush bed. Her eyes flicked towards the bathroom door. No, Ollie. She scolded herself. You promised Dick you wouldn't. You promised. She pulled her eyes away. One little scratch... NO!
She sat up and shook herslef. What are you thinking girl? She asked herself.
The counsellor had once asked her, "Why do you do it? Why do you feel the need to cut?"
Her answer at the time had been a sullen "Cause I can."
And now? Because she had no hope. She cut herself because she had no hope for herself.
Ollie was still trained on the door. Just one little cut... She quietly slid to her feet and walked into the bathroom.
The bathroom cupboard was pulled open and she grabbed a razor. The blade was easy to pull off from the head. Oops. Slip. Blood. Lick it away.
Just one cut and it'll be all bettter, she told herself.
One cut and blood poured. She hadn't expected there to be so much.
Some toilet tissue will fix that. She sucked in a ragged breath. Now she remebered why she'd stopped. Even if it had only been for a week.
Oh shit. It was gonna get infected. She dug around under the sink. Ah, some peroxide. Pour it on. Ow. Sting. The liquid coloured pink and foamed. Ollie bit her lip against the pain. Tears formed behind her eyes. I shouldn't have done this.
There were some bandages in a small first aid kit. Thank God. She bandaged her wrists and pulled her sleeves over them. That was not a good idea. Curling on the fetal position, Ollie bit her lip to stop herself from sobbing.
This is what feeling hopeless was like. Pure Hell.
- - - - -
Ollie sat on the sofa, staring into space. She'd woken up this morning, wrist throbbing, headache like hell. Basically, she felt like shit.
Inspiration had fled her. So had everyone else.
Bruce was at work, and Alfred was driving Diana and Tim into town.
Ollie was truly alone.
That was, of course, until the most cliché thing ever happened. There was a knock on the door. And of course, because Alfred was out, Ollie had to get off her ass and answer the door herself.
And of course (seeing as this is fanfic and everything is cliché), who was at the door but dun dun dun, Roy Harper himself.
All five foot, eleven inches of him (yes I'm a fangirl) in all his hot glory (ok I'll stop now).
"Hi." He smiled.
Ollie blushed and leaned against the door. "Uh, hey. I forgot you were coming today."
Roy shrugged. "Can I come in?"
"Oh yeah. Sure." Ollie stood aside. "I still don't quite know my way round. I got lost yesterday, until Diana came and found me."
Roy laughed appreciativly. "Yeah." They both stood, looking round, feeling awkward.
Ollie's head shot up as an unexpected thought jolted through her head. No, she couldn't say that. Hmmm, lead up to it.
Ollie looked around for an excuse. "Uh, I'm doing a portfolio to get a scholarship to Gotham Uni. Do you think I could draw you?"
"Sure." Roy said obligingly, blushing slightly.
They settled on the sofa, Ollie at one end, Roy at the other, both silent, the only sound was the scratching of Ollie's pencil.
She cleared her throat. "You know, if you really wanted to self destruct, there are other ways of doing it. Better than drugs."
Roy's eyes widened at her statement. "How did you know?"
"Empath." She said simply.
"What do you mean? 'Better than drugs'?" He asked, trying to stay in the same position, not to disturb Ollie's drawing.
She shrugged. "Oh. I don't know. But. Drugs are one of the worst ways to hurt yourself."
"And what would you know about self destruction?" He asked, slightly hostile. He hardly knew her and she was giving him a lecture.
Ollie gave a humorless smirk and pulled up her shirt sleeves, showing a criss cross of wounds and the bandage on her right arm, slightly stained with blood. "Three years of damage."
Roy gulped. Okay, so she had every right to lecture him.
Ollie pulled her sleeves back down and waved her hands. "Back into position, I'm not finished yet." She picked up her pad and pencil. "You're lucky nobody's found out yet. You're not exactly careful about it, hmmm?"
"How do you know this stuff?Are you reading my mind?" He asked, bemused.
Ollie shook her head. "Unnecessary. Your thoughts are open to me. They come without any of my intervention, and I couldn't stop them, even if I wanted to." She looked up and smiled. "Life sucks sometimes, eh?"
Roy leaned against the sofa arm and put his arm up, resting his head in his hand. Ollie saw this pose and flicked over to a new page of her sketch pad. "That's a perfect pose. Stay there."
For half an hour, Ollie's pencil scratched away at the paper, in a hurried way. She wanted to get down his pose, as if it was the exact moment he'd done it. She bit her lip, looking at his profile again.
"I think that's the perfect name for my portfolio. Life sucks sometimes. It has a ring to it."
Roy smiled, then went back to posing.
Ollie, still smiling, turned back to her drawing, that was until one of Roy's thought's caught her attention.
"I guess you're right." She said, wonderingly.
Roy looked up. "Huh?"
"Oh sorry." She mumbled. "I'm so used to listening to people's thought's I answer them. Hah." She shrugged. "What you said- thought before. We are pretty similar, I guess."
Roy blushed. "Oh, yeah. I meant, what with the 'addictions and stuff'. I mean, that's what they are, aren't they?"
Ollie nodded solemnly, setting down her pad. She rubbed her eyes, which Roy noticed were deep set, and circled with purple rings. She looked as if she hadn't slept for weeks. Which, in all likeliness, she hadn't. She stood slowly from the sofa. "Would you like a drink? You've been in the same position for over an hour."
Roy unfolded his legs and stood up. He put his hand on Ollie's arm. "Are you okay? You look exhausted."
"I don't sleep well." She smiled without joy. "That's what self destruction is, I'm afraid." She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "We don't have much. Diana and Tim were going to do the groceries in town." She took some orange juice from the fridge. She set it slightly heavily on the counter, swaying slightly.
She looked up at Roy, and seeing concern in his eyes said, "I'm okay. Just one of those days." Trying to reassure him.
He took her hand and flipped it over, pulling up the sleeve, showing the bandage. "I could wrap this better for you, if you'd like."
Ollie nodded and opened the cupboard, grabbing the first aid kit. "Alfred's a saftey freak, stocking so many medical supplies. Then again, living with Bruce, you'd have to." She grinned.
Roy smiled and pulled out the bandages. He wound the crusty, blood stained wrapping off Ollie's wrist. She winced as the last part came unstuck.
Seeing the wound, Roy grimaced. "Woah."
"Yeah, I know." Ollie looked away. Seeing what she'd done made her feel sick. "I wasn't feeling too good yesterday."
"Obviously." He agreed. He began to clean the scabbing mark with iodine. "Sorry if this stings."
Ollie bit her lip. "It's my own fault." She muttered.
Roy shook his head. "It's never completely your fault. Just a series of events leading you to this."
He finished the bandage, folding it into place. He looked up at her. "You know, you should cover that with something. If your sleeve slipped, it would show."
"Yeah. I might have a sweatband or something upstairs." Ollie nodded. "Uh," She fumbled for words. "Thanks."
Oh great Ollie. Great conversation. She scolded herself mentally. "I mean. For letting me sketch you and for the..." She trailed off and merely gestured at her wrist.
Roy smiled softly. "That's okay." He glanced at his watch. "I better be going. It's after five. If you speak to Dick, tell him to ring me." He stood and walked to the door, letting himself out.
Ollie scuttled over and held the door open. "Remember what I said. And bye."
Roy nodded and walked, hands deep in his pockets, to his car. He opened the door and sat in the drivers seat, thinking for a minute. That girl, correction, woman had to be the most intense he had ever met. She was... unique. He most definitely wanted to see more of her.
Ollie's dark, watchful eyes saw Roy leave. She heard his thoughts, and she had to agree. She wanted to see more of him too.
She chuckled dispite herself. She'd never been described as intense before.
But then again, there's a first time for everything.
Man, this took forever.
Just the last page or so, but it's done. Finally. So. Now I will be
sending this to dragonofraven and he will beta it (woo) and then I
will get it back in an email probably tomorrow. So I will say adieu.
Review dang it!
Umbra
