The Little Black Dress

Kasumi shows Shepard what she has to wear to Donovan Hock's party. Shepard is not amused. Slight Shepard/Garrus, late ME2.

Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belongs to Bioware.

"You're kidding." Her voice was deadpan.

"You can't wear armor to a party, Shepard," Kasumi admonished.

"I wear armor everywhere," said Shepard, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Not to this party," Kasumi insisted. "Besides, you'll look gorgeous in the dress!"

Shepard's stance didn't change. "I don't do dresses. I haven't worn one since I graduated from basic training."

Kasumi picked up the dress in question and walked over to Shepard. "You don't think it's beautiful? I picked it out myself, you know." She held it up against the commander, checking it out against the woman's imposing silhouette.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Fine," she snapped, taking the dress out of Kasumi's hands. She eyed the thief. "You better be worth all the trouble I'm going to for you."

"Cerberus wouldn't have picked me if I wasn't," Kasumi flounced.

Shepard motioned for her to turn around, and the thief stared out the window, listening to the pieces of Shepard's armor hit the floor with loud thumps. After the last thump, Kasumi could hear Shepard fumbling around, interspersed with swearing under her breath.

"Oh, for the love of—"

"Need help?" Kasumi asked, her lips pulling into a smile. She couldn't keep from finding it funny to see the commander so out of her depth.

"Why do they make these damn things so hard to put on?" Shepard vented. "Come zip me in already."

Kasumi deftly zipped her into the dress, pointedly ignoring the commander's glare as she'd walked over.

The thief stepped back to observe her masterpiece. "Wow, Shepard, you look good!" The only response was a continuation of the commander's accusing stare.

"Now, you just need a couple more things…" Kasumi turned to pick something up, bringing her findings back to Shepard.

Shepard stared at the stiletto heels with an expression of horror. "Oh, hell no."

Shepard stomped through the mess hall to see Chakwas, picking up her usual stims and medi-gel before a mission out.

Of course, she didn't usually do it in skintight leather.

Heads were turning, and every male crewmember was ogling. Of course they'd guessed that their commander had a pretty hot body under all that armor, but damn. Many looks were exchanged, and several people ran to tell the others that they just had to see this.

When Shepard stepped out of the med bay, the mess hall was twice as busy as it had been just minutes before. Her glare could have cut through steel as she stormed off, heading to the shuttle.

Of course, there were more crew members waiting for her in the hangar, not all of them male. Everyone wanted to catch sight of their imposing commander wearing a dress. Who wouldn't? It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Her eyes swept the crowd as she climbed into the shuttle, nearly growling at the assembled group. "Don't you all have work to do?" she barked before slamming the door shut.

She glanced over at Kasumi, who was trying not to laugh.

"You're dead, Goto."

"Oh, you'll thank me later," Kasumi said confidently.

Shepard followed her eyes to one particular crew member standing a bit behind the rest. The turian's eyes were trained on her, and she felt heat rising up in her cheeks.

Well, the last time she'd worn a dress, she had gotten laid.

Maybe she wouldn't have to beat up Kasumi for this after all. Maybe.