Katniss' POV
The days pass more quickly and soon I am out of the hospital more than I am in, this suits me. I take all of my meals in the cafeteria, exercise with the class my own age, and am even given some free time to visit with people outside my room. I grow impatient, I want to be free finally and bring this up each time I see Dr. Chand. He always manages to find a way to push me.
Until today. Me and Peeta are sitting on my bed playing a card game my mother had shown me, passing the time away until dinner when 2 officials entered the room.
"Ms. Everdeen…Mr. Mellark… we're here to show you to your new quarters" I saw Dr. Chand in the hallway behind them grinning, I could almost hug him as happy as I am.
"Oh yes!" I jump up, grabbing Peeta's hand and pulling him with me. I follow the men down a few hallways until we're in front of a door to a compartment. I look at the name tags outside the doors and am caught by surprise, it has both my and Peeta's names on it. I raise a brow at Peeta but say nothing, its not necessary to talk though as he knows my question, "We'll be roommates, each with our own bedrooms and a shared common area" he says with the biggest grin I've been.
Finally, after having our fingerprints registered to the room we're let into our new place, we're told our things will be sent up while we're at dinner. Once we're alone I explore then room. In the main area is a couch, a loveseat, a coffee table, and a TV. Off to the side is a small dining or work table and some empty book cases, and to my surprise a small fridge. Inside the bedrooms are the standards – the bed, dressers, mirror, night table and so one. In the closet my new wardrobe of dray clothing is hanging, Peeta's room is the same.
Me and Peeta meet back in the living room and sit next to each other on the couch. In the hospital someone was always watching, or so I assumed, here we were alone, this was both exciting and terrifying to me. I took him hand and looked at him intently, "Are you sure you want to do this? Live with me like this? What if I keep you up with my nightmares each night? What if you get sick of me? What if…." I am interrupted as Peeta puts one finger up to my mouth and shakes his head rigorously.
"No Katniss, I could never be sick of you…as for the nights, I am happy I can be there with you, you don't have to suffer in your dreams with me around. The thought of you along, stuff in a nightmare with no one to shake you awake bothers me so much. This is what I want Katniss, this is what makes me happy, you are what makes me happy." He takes both of my hands in his and pulls me to his chest, encircling me with his arms firmly. And with that my doubts are gone.
"OK Peeta, I believe you. So what should we do now?" I ask him. He pulls me up from the couch, smiling his reassuring smile as always, "Dinner" he says, and with that we're out the door walking the unfamiliar hallways to the cafeteria. We get our trays and sit with our usual dining partners, Finnick, Annie, my mother, and a few others from District 12. It seems like every other night in recent memory; all is calm as it can be with so many people eating in one area.
I am eating my dinner and Annie is telling me a story about a doctor's appointment she'd had earlier that day when she went silent, staring over my head to something behind me. I turn around, not sure what to expect and see what she is looking at immediately. Its Gale, he's walking towards my table with a look of determination in his eyes. I stand to meet him, trying to state him down.
"Katniss, I had to say goodbye you before I leave" he's staring at me with those slate eyes; they used to hold a mystery to them for me, so intense and unwavering. Now when I look into his eyes I see a cold soul, a murderous and vengeful stare, not my old friend any longer.
"Bye Gale" I say sharply and shoot daggers with my eyes. Peeta stands up beside me, putting an arm around my waist, joining my staring contest with Gale.
Gale swallows hard and continues, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to convince you I never meant for Prim to get hurt. All I know is that I love you, when you're ready to hear me, I will always be waiting for you. I am leaving for District 2in the morning, a job in the army is taking me there. There's so much I need to say to you, but I don't think you're really listening to me yet. Maybe when the pain has faded and your memory of me doesn't immediately bring up Prims death….maybe then you'll remember our years together in the woods, hunting side by side, feeding our families. I am leaving my family here, I hope you'll still look after them, I know that you love Posy as your own, my brother and mother too, they still love you very much." I feel a twinge of guilt at this, I hadn't really seen Gale's family since being back, I make a note to visit with them soon, it wasn't them I hated….it was him, and really I didn't know about that either. Gale grabs my hand and says, "I love you Katniss, I am not giving up on you. What we had together, it was magical, we can have that again… When you're ready."
With that he walks away from me, leaving me standing there, my mouth hanging open, the hand he'd grabbed numb. I am not sure how long I stood, staring after him, I heard the folks at my table saying my name and eventually I felt Peeta give me a little shake. "Katniss, let's go to our room Okay?" he asks and I nod, snapping out of my stupor. I do the polite thing and wish the others a good night, and I allow Peeta to lead me down the halls and to my room. We don't talk until the door closes behind us and Peeta has led me over to the couch.
"So, pretty odd wasn't that? Are you OK Katniss?" Peeta asks me, his face full of concern.
I think for a moment before answering him, "I'm not really sure honestly. I remember all of the times with him before the games. He was my best friend, my second set of eyes in the woods, someone I could count on to help my family if I couldn't. But now…well he's the type of person who could think of such an awful device, the bomb that killed Prim. I will always know that deep inside he is capable to thoughts and ideas that are disgusting and unthinkable."
Peeta is holding my hand and making gentle circles on my back with the other hand, "I don't think he is going away for good Katniss," I look at him, "Well, I wish he would, it could never be the same between us." Peeta looks down at our hands, intertwined together, and says softly, "But he loves you Katniss….". At this point I am callous, "Oh well." I say loudly. "Did you ever love him?" I am confused and it registers on my face as he goes on, "I want you to be happy, if you love him than you'll never be truly happy without him. You might feel hate for him now, with the events in the not very distant past, but in a few years, after the pain has faded….." He trails off, his eyes becoming puffy.
I am baffled at his reaction and take a deep breath before answering, he was upset and I didn't want to make it worse, "Looking back on it, I think the most I've felt was a brother/sister type love for him. We're so similar, not just in looks but also in personality. I don't think he is good for me, I am hot headed enough without him. So no… I don't think I ever did love him the way you're asking about." I saw Peeta's face visibly soften with my words and he now wore a slight grin. "Glad to hear I don't have him as competition" he states jokingly.
Peeta looks at me and asks, "Bed time?" I nod and stand pulling him up with me. "Will you stay with me while I fall asleep?" I ask and am rewarded with a nod. After I am changed into my nightgown Peeta sits on the bed beside me stroking my hair and gently rubbing my bed.
"Do you really have to go back to your bedroom?" I ask him, remembering how much comfort I have in his strong arms.
"Hmm…I'm not sure, do you really think it's a good idea for me to stay with you hear?"
My eyelids are growing heavy as Peeta continues rubbing my back and I reach my hand towards his chest and rest it against his heart, "mmmhmmm" I say, but can tell Peeta is skeptical. "I'd better now just yet." I hear him say as he slips an arm around my waist and leans down to kiss my cheek. He whispers something else, but I am not aware of much anymore.
Without my IV drip of sleep medication I dream vividly. Tonight I am young again and my father has recently died. It's the first day I decide to go into the woods and try my hand at gathering meat for my hungry family. I am holding the bow and arrow in the hand but I am scared of the woods slightly, I am all alone in the world. Before long I see a tall figure standing on a ledge, dark hard floating in the breeze behind him and eyes trained on a doe. I am watching at he inches towards the prey, and in a flash he's released an arrow that finds its home between the eyes of the doe. I gasp at the quickness of it all and the sound catches his attention as he turns towards me, bow and arrow in trained at my head.
The image fades and another replaces it. This time its Gale and I, we're gathering blackberries to snack on, We pick a small bagful and move unto a shady bit of grass and moss under a large tree. We're sprawled on the ground, eating the berries and talking about our lives. Gale is angry at the Capital as always, he's telling me the latest news of punishment in the district and the hate in his eyes and voice is palpable. "How can they do this to us? They keep us down, kill our children, crush our spirits. If only I had the chance, I want to destroy them, to make them suffer like we suffer." He is shaking with rage and I try to quiet him. "I hate them too Gale, but what can we do? We just try to take care of ourselves, stay out of their way, mind our own business, and do what we can not to starve." But he won't have any of it. "We have to fight, one day we fight and we will win". I hated these conversations with Gale, it scared me a little to see him so angry.
I close my eyes against the strong sunshine and when I next open them we're in 13 and Gale is showing me the sketches for the new weapons he's designed, "This one will explode, releasing a gas or something that will hurt and stun the people around it, but won't kill them. Then, when the medics are rushing in to help the injured a second explosion will occur, this explosion will be deadly, killing both the original victims and the medics." I am shocked he would think of such a thing and protest the idea but he shakes my objections off, "War isn't fair Katniss, 75 years of killing our children isn't fair, letting the people stare while the people of the Capitol live in excess and luxury isn't fair. I want to hurt as many of them as possible. I hate them" he hisses out the last line. I please with him to scrap the plans and in the end simply sit by him in silence, knowing I will never convince him that his plans are wrong, he has too much hate in his arms.
I feel alone though I am next to him, wondering where the boy I had known before was and then we're back in the woods again. We're happy, hunting together, watching each other's backs, acting as one until again. I shoot down a rabbit and he grabs my hand, running towards it. I am free and the crisp spring air feels amazing against my skin, when we reach the rabbit Gale spins me around towards him, "Remember this when you think of me Katniss, please…the woods, the hunting, the fresh air. Remember me here, like this, I will always remember you here like this." I am jolted awake, trying to shake off an uneasy feeling. Peeta is gone and morning is close by. I hug my knees to my chest, trying to think of Gale without thinking of the bombs.
