As he looked down at Winstone Spock momentarily found it difficult to control the flood of emotions and recalled moments of what had happened in that rooming house room. Had it not been for how Winstone was looking at him Spock was sure he would have left and gone to his own quarters till he had regained control of his emotions and was once thinking logically about the situation. This, this was making him face those moments and emotions here and now before Winstone. He knew that what he did, how he had acted then, had been due to the drugs and yet Winstsone had accepted it. Even Doctor McCoy had said with the amount of drugs he had been given it was only through the continued flow of adrenalin through him that had cleared him of the effects of the drugs and stopped them from permanently damaging his mind. Only through Winstone fighting him as long as he had, keeping him is that fight mode for as long as he had, repeatedly getting him that agitated, had saved his sanity, his life. Spock knew in McCoy's records on Winstone it clearly stated that Winstone had to remain supine for several more days: it outlined what could result from him being upright before then. Momentarily he closed his eyes.

Closing his eyes did nothing but make him see how Winstosne had been. Saw again how Winstone had kept getting up and making him fight to clear the drugs from his systems. Only as he recalled what he had seen did he fully realize how it took Winstone longer and longer to get up. No matter how hard he hit the floor, a wall, or any of the furniture Winstone had struggled to stand up. Stand up, steady himself, then resume the fight. He kept seeing how Winstone would fight to stand, stretch his limbs, and then stand, stretch, for a moment before returning to fight him. And there was the blood. So much blood. Red blood that trickled from his nose, ears, and mouth and yet Winstone fought to stand then fight him again only stopping when he himself could no longer fight.

As the memories came back the conflict within him intensified as he wanted to help Winstone as he knew what the man was like, what he had done for him, and what he had said during that time. He wanted to help but he also knew that with what he had done to him it could cause him more pain and severe harm if he did not wait till McCoy told him he could.

"Let me help you. I gotta stand. Need to stand. Gotta get upright. Falling is easier than standing up. Gotta stand." Those were the phrases that Winstone had kept repeating when they fought. Even when he had kept falling he seemed to talk himself upright.

There had to be some meaning, some reason behind Winstone's near fear of not standing, not being able to stand. Spock tried to think of anything he had read or heard about Winstone's past as to what would cause such a fear. Was it a fear or something else? Something physical? Something physiological? What was it he had said. He needed to stand. Why did he need to stand? What meaning did it have?

Again in his mind he heard how Winsntone had said "Please." Was it a question or a plea? He could not, having worked with the man for so many years and having seen what he had done for him in that room, imagine him begging. No, it had not had the nuances used when one begged. Slowly Spock nodded. The nuances had been more of one asking as an equal, asking with hope but not the desperation as in begging. There had been that plea, that one word appeal for assistance, that one word question for help, and both had been edged with a hint of the deep pain Winstone was in. It had not been a strictly a plea, it had been a request for an answer to assist him. Winstone had asked him to assist him to stand, stating he needed to know. Winstone had not stated what it was he needed to know nor why. There was something Spock could not fully identify about the way he had said "please" that stressed how important to him that need to know was as well as standing.

When he opened his eyes and looked at Winstone he saw the pain and also an understanding and an acceptance in how Winstone was looking at him. There was also some fear about the eyes. What was the fear about? He had that insatiable need to stand. The way he fought to stand. Slowly Spock nodded. He understood what a fear akin to what Winstone was experiencing was like. It was clear that Winstone had a fear of not being able to stand, a fear as great as his own of not having access to his mind or even the mind rules.

Even as he reached out to Winstone Spock was still uncertain as to what he was going to do. Part of him wanted to help him up and another part of him wanted to comfort him yet keep him laying as he was.

"Just you hold it right there, Spock!" there was absolutely no mistaking the voice of an irate Leonard McCoy. "Just what the hell did you think you were going to do?"

"I am," for a moment Spock stopped. What was he about to do? What was he thinking?

He saw how McCoy nodded his head towards his office before staring at him till he walked there. He knew the man well enough to know from how he was looking and standing that there was no way around that protective wall, especially when it was reinforced with the emotions as it clearly was.

"Well?"

"He asked me to help him to stand, Doctor. For some reason, one that I am not aware of at the moment, he feels he needs to stand."

"You are aware of the extent of,"

"I caused that damage to him, Doctor. He was there to rest and recover as he would not have done so on the ship. He did not rest as he saved me by fighting me. I am only too aware of the damage I caused by fighting back when he made me fight him. By my fighting him for as long as I did over the time I was able to stop the damage the druges would have done to my mind, I stopped the drugs I was given from destroying my mental abilities and what he forced me to eat and drink helped restore what the drugs had started to destroy in my body. So yes, Doctor McCoy, I am fully aware of the extent of the damage I did to him."

"Then what the devil were you doing going to help him to stand? You must know how damaged his spinal,"

"Doctor, he asked me to help him to stand. He said he had to stand. He said he had to know. I do not know what he feels he has to know but," Spock stopped when he saw McCoy nod and let him place a hand on his shoulder.

"I know, Spock. He needs to know he can stand and stand alone." McCoy saw the raised eyebrow ask the question his Vulcan friend was formulating into words, he had also seen the guilt on his friend's face when he had talked about fighting with Winstone. Carefully he placed a hand on the Vulcan's shoulder and gave a light squeeze, "I've worked on and dealt with this man enough times to know of that obsessive need of his."

In an easy understood silence between then the two friends looked at each other and McCoy nodded, "Okay, I'll help you with,"

"NO! I must do this alone." Spock was momentarily surprised at his reaction and, seeing how stunned McCoy was, knew it was uncalled for, knew that McCoy would understand his need to do this for Winstone on his own. "Doctor, I beg pardon. I had no right to,"

"You had every right, Spock. He asked you to help him stand. I know he wants to stand. Just know that it is important he not move his back, that you hold him so he cannot bend his spine."

"I would welcome your assistance, Doctor. If you could stand in a position where you could tell me if there was any indication of the start of a bend to his spine it would be most helpful."

"I will be right there, Spock, but you will be the one to help him."

Together they went back into the room and Spock saw how Winstone looked from him to McCoy then back to him. There was still the pain there but there was also a hint of fear. No, Spock looked at Winstone and saw it was not fear but uncertainty, "Doctor McCoy is here to only assist me in making sure you do not bend your back while I help you to stand."

Very slowly Spock walked right up to the bed and looked at how Winstone was laying on the bed. No longer did McCoy have him ensnared nor restricted in any way. There was clear access to three sides of the bed. "I am going to pull you down the bed and you are to keep your legs straight. I will then assist you into an upright position."

There was the slightest of movements about Winstone's mouth as he bit his bottom lip then nodded.

When he had Winstone at the end of the bed with his legs straight Spock glanced at McCoy and saw him nod before he looked back at Winstone, "You have to brace yourself as I am going to pull you onto your feet."

Although he would never admit it to the good doctor but as he started to pull Winstone upright, and as he had to strengthen himself against the onslaught of waves of pain that radiated from Winstone, he almost stopped. All that stopped him was recalling all those times Winstone had forced himself up to continue the fight that prevented the drugs from destroying his mind. That determination that came from somewhere deep in the man demanded this opportunity no matter how great the pain.

"Stop there, Spock. He's upright."

"Doctor McCoy is right. I am standing. Thank you. Let go. Please."

For a moment he kept his hands on Winstone, almost afraid to release the hold he had till he heard McCoy say, "Let him stand alone, Spock. Just let go for him for a few seconds then get him back onto that bed."

There was no fear at all on Winstone's face as Spock released he hold, only a look of a silent triumph when he became aware of standing on his own. "Thank you, Sir." There was still great pain in the voice and as Spock looked he saw the struggle Winstone was having to maintain balance and hiding his pain. Very slowly and carefully he laid Winstone back on the bed and McCoy helped him get Winstone properly placed on the bed. Before he closed his eyes Winstone looked from McCoy to Spock and said, "Thank you both. I can do it now."

As soon as Winstone had, with the help of McCoy's hypo, drifted of into a deeply medicated sleep Spock followed McCoy into his office. McCoy had seen the slightly raised eyebrow when he had given Winstone the injection and expected to be questioned by the Vulcan. "Now, before you start, Spock, I could tell that he,"

"Needed assistance in dealing with the pain and getting the rest his body would need after that exertion he was not fully ready for. As usual, Doctor, you knew just what your patient needed at that time, for which I am grateful." For a moment McCoy was taken aback by Spock agreeing with his action. "If I may. Doctor, I would like to now if I were wrong in assuming from your comment that you understood his comment about being able to do it now."

McCoy smiled as he looked at his Vulcan friend, "As I said, Spock, I've worked on and with him enough to know that if he could stand on his own he would fight as he'd know that he will be able to walk, to help others, and to take care of himself."

"Am I to, therefore, understand that you believe he will make a full recovery?"

McCoy had stared for a moment at his friend and then pointed at the spare seat in his office and waited till Spock sat before he answered, "I know he will, Spock. Give him about eight weeks, incorporate some very intensive physical therapy, and he will be able to pass the standard fitness test for both security and for search and rescue."

"Am I incorrect in believing he is in Engineering?"

McCoy smiled, "No, but he has assisted in both security and search and rescue and has expressed an interest in keeping to those fitness levels so that he is ready should he be needed."

Spock nodded mainly to himself as that would explain how he had known how to react in the incident that had seen him injured in the first place in Engineering. As he thought of that incident he recalled that Winstone had thanked him for helping McCoy get him onto a stretcher, thanked him for visiting him that one time before he was sent to rest off ship. Spock slowly let out a breath as he closed his eyes realizing he had not thanked Winstone for what he had done that first time and decidedly had not thanked him properly for only recently saving him from where and how the drugs had him. He had not thanked Winstone for such major things yet Winstone had just thanked him twice for just helping him off the bed and helping to stand on his own for fifteen point eight one seconds. How could Winstone have thanked him for such minor events while he had not thanked him for saving his sanity and his life? Vulcans did not thank others for taking logical actions but none of what Winstone had done was logical. His Human side would have thanked him but somehow he was so very unsure of when it would be appropriate and what words would express what he wanted to say. He had failed Winstone. That one action of helping him stand was nothing compared with all that had been done for him by Winstone. Winstone had thanked him for such minor things and he had not thanked Winstone for such a major event. He had failed on both a Vulcan level and a Human level.

As he looked at how his Vulcan friend was sitting McCoy knew he was troubled by something, something possibly only Jim could help him with. Without hesitation he reached out with one hand and flicked the button to Jim's room and said simply, "Get here, Jim." And placed the other on the shoulder of his Vulcan friend and felt an odd tension in it. Clearly something was deeply troubling him, possibly more deeply than Jim could help Spock with.

Jim Kirk had been in a deep sleep and, after hearing something in McCoy's voice, was racing to Sickbay before he had finished fully processing what it could be that he was racing toward. His mind was concentrating on it being something to do with Winstone, was thinking of the three main options, but none of them would have made McCoy contact him like that. Whatever it was he knew was serious. At the door to McCoy's office in Sickbay he paused. It only took him a moment for his mind to tell him that something was very wrong with Spock, wrong in an emotional way. He stayed as he was while McCoy slowly stood, removed his hand from Spock's shoulder, and walked over to him.

"He helped Winstome stand alone for a few seconds, got him back into bed and we left him sleeping. Seemed fine when we came in here then he asked if Winstone would recover, I told him that I believe in eight weeks he should be okay and able to pass the medical for security and for search and rescue. It seemed to surprise and slightly confuse him as he then asked if Winstone was from Engineering, I explained that while he was in Engineering he liked to meet the medical levels for both security and search and rescue as well in case he was needed. He gave a slight nod then closed his eyes and seems deeply troubled by something. I knew I could not get to him in that state and thought you could. I'll be in with Winstone."

Slowly Kirk walked over to sit in the chair McCoy had vacated and looked at his friend. He tried to remember a time when he might have seen such painful confusion on his friend's face. Gently he placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I am here if you need to talk, Spock." Only having known and studied his friend for as long as he had did Kirk there was just a hint of acknowledgment that his friend had heard him, "McCoy told me you helped Winstone stand on his own."

"He, he asked me to." it had been almost a whisper, almost like a guilty secret.

"Did you check with McCoy if,"

Only then did Spock look at Kirk and the look about his friend's face almost stopped Kirk from breathing for a moment. It was as haunted a look as he had ever seen on his friend's face. "You do not understand, Jim. He, he asked me to help him stand."

"You know he would have known that McCoy would not allow him to stand. He would ask anybody to,"

"No, Jim. You don't understand. He asked me." seldom had Kirk seen the so much hurt and confusion about the dark eyes, "Jim, do you not understand? He. Asked. Me."


A/N Shortest day of the year and coldest night so far. Was busy in the yard as sunny and vegetable plants to get in the ground although the breeze was a reminder of it being winter and that Antarctica is not really that far away. Thanks for reading. Take care and HAVE FUN!