A/U
So sorry for the long time it took to update! I promise to do better, so meanwhile enjoy!
"So how are you and Vanessa?" Lily asked tentatively. James had leaded them into their common area, where a couch sat along with two chairs. Taking a seat in one of the chairs, he sunk into it and folded his arms over his chest. Lily hesitated before sitting on the couch, clasping her hands in front of her and playing with her fingers.
"I don't know," he shrugged, his voice showing little emotion. "She won't talk to me, and I don't really blame her."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice cracking a little. She didn't know why, but all of a sudden all she wanted to do was cry. "I shouldn't have kissed you, I-."
"No, I shouldn't have kissed you," he interrupted, his voice now harsh.
Tears welled up in Lily's eyes as she comprehended what he was saying.
"Then why don't you go back to your precious Vanessa-."
"It's not that Lily!" he cried, standing up and running his hands madly through his hair. "It has nothing to do with Vanessa, frankly I don't give a damn about her! My point is that I told myself I wouldn't get close to you so you would stay safe. You could go on with your life after Hogwarts, get married and have a long and happy life and only remember me as the annoying tosser who annoyed you to no end."
"You are not-," she tried to argue, but he kept going.
"It's not like I don't want to kiss you," he ranted, beginning to pace around the furniture. Lily followed him with her large, scared green eyes. "But Voldemort made it very clear that he couldn't care less who he hurt, if it got me to join him or to hurt me. He was so close to going after you, but I convinced him that you were just a prize a greedy teenager like me would want; that I don't have actual feelings for you."
"James-."
"But I do, Lily, I do and I want you so much it hurts! But I can't have you because you'll get hurt and I can't be selfish with you-."
His sentence was cut off when the red head crashed her lips to his.
Lily felt herself pouring every single emotion she's ever felt toward James Potter into this kiss. There was anger, annoyance, bitterness, jealousy that came first. But then there was appreciativeness, joy, humor, passion...
The kiss ended way too quickly for both of them, but James knew that before any of this continued they had to figure things out.
"Lily, I don't want to see you get hurt," he murmured, his arms snaked around her waist.
"James, I'm not made of glass," she muttered back, her hands that were currently around his neck beginning to trace circles on his upper back. "I can take care of myself."
"But Lily-."
"I'm going to be a target anyways," she reasoned. "I'm a muggleborn, and I intend to fight him. Being with you just takes the focus off of someone else and puts it on me."
"Lily-."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I want this James. I want to be with you, and I know you want to be with me."
"I don't like this," he mumbled, but she impatiently pressed two fingers to his lips.
"James," she said gazing into his hazel eyes. "In fourth year, you proposed to me. Do you remember? You said no matter what you had to do, you would make me your wife, and I would be the happiest girl in the world. Please James," she begged. "I know you want to keep me safe, and you have done more for me than I could ever repay you for. So please let me do the same to you. Let me make you happy."
"I won't be happy if you're dead," he shuddered through her fingers. Kissing them lightly, he brought his hands up to her cheeks, wiping away a few emotional tears that had escaped her eyes.
Before she could reply, she heard the common room door open. Practically flying apart, Lily turned away to hide her face as Sirius entered the room.
"Hey Prongs it's time to go….and I totally just interrupted something, didn't I?"
"Just a little," James replied sarcastically, throwing his friend an annoyed look before turning to Lily. "Lily?"
"Go ahead, James," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "I know you have to go run around with Moony tonight."
"I can stay-."
"No you can't," she replied stubbornly, still not facing him. "I'll just see you tomorrow."
"Alright," he said hesitantly. Stepping forward he gently squeezed her hand before exiting the room with Sirius.
That night Lily Evans feel asleep on their common room couch, dreaming of wolves, a rat, punching trees, and for some reason there was a deer...
