Chapter 12

Raidou stirred as the morning light scorched his vision. He tried to lift an arm to cover his eyes but found they were unresponsive and restricted by something warm and heavy. Raidou froze as the rest of his body slowly lost the cold numbness and he felt the warmth of another body against his back. He looked down to find one of his arms locked to his side by a slightly tanned arm and his other hand entwined with a familiar hand.

His last memory was of him throwing up, covered in his own blood and mud. And he had been lying on a hard floor cold and dirty when his knees had collapsed and his body given up with the rush of scornful memories. He gasped for breath at the thought of those memories and looked down to find himself clean and showered wearing a fresh kimono. Who would do such a thing Raidou thought as his mind went blank and his chest felt constricted with a feeling he couldn't quite understand. Why would anyone do this for him? He tentatively turned over to face his taunting foe and felt the body stir. "Raidou?" came a sleep rasped voice questioningly. Raidou bolted into a sitting position reaching for the kunai he kept under his pillow and aimed it at the foe's throat in the blink of an eye.

"Raidou, Rai it's me" said the oh-too-familiar voice and Raidou dropped the kunai as Izumo moved out of the suns glare into his vision.

"Iz-zu-mo?" he asked stammering brokenly not believing his vision in a whisper. "Izumo?" he tried again and watched the man in front of him smile beautifully as he was pulled into warm tanned arms. Raidou didn't move, he couldn't move. He froze in place as he watched Izumo's lips move but couldn't hear him. Watched Izumo caress his face but couldn't feel him. Izumo, was this really Izumo? "Izumo?" he asked again brokenly his lips quivering, he knew he looked weak and pathetic. But he didn't care. If it was a ghost, it wouldn't matter what it thought of him. If it was a genjutsu, it wouldn't matter that he was so weak, he wanted to be gone. And if, if it really was Izumo, then it really didn't matter, he didn't care, because it was Izumo and he was alive.

"Oh Raidou" Izumo said pulling Raidou into his lap and holding him to his chest. Raidou sniffled into Izumo's neck and asked again is it really you? As Izumo assured him it was really him and explained what had happened Raidou gave up all the walls he had built over the years, all the façades, and wept into Izumo's chest as he wrapped his own arms around Izumo's shoulders and clung to him. "Oh babe" he heard Izumo whisper as he lulled him and Raidou's dream from yesterday came back to him. Could it be? Had Izumo been with him all night? Was it really Izumo he had heard, had felt?

Raidou pulled away to ask "where you with me all night?" Izumo nodded "why'd you nurse me back Izumo?" Raidou didn't hear the answer he was pulled back into the hard chest and rocked soothingly. Raidou's body eventually stopped trembling of its own accord as his tears dried and his soul calmed itself. Izumo was alive and that's all that mattered. He let Izumo's gentle touches and comforting murmurs seep into his being. Suddenly Raidou sat up startling Izumo with the sudden movement. He knew it wasn't his for the taking but he needed the comfort to know that his friend was OK and cared about him "Rai, what's wrong babe?" Izumo asked frightened that Raidou was relapsing back into himself.

"Ko?" he breathed "he…" Raidou looked around searching "where is he" Raidou felt sick with the sudden motion. Izumo saw Raidou pale and reached out soothingly to help him lie down.

"His OK, Rai. Kotetsu's OK" he run his hands through the short brown spikes of Raidou's "his at the hospital slightly wounded but his Ok". He felt Raidou breathe a sigh of relief and closed his eyes turning away from him. "Rai" he asked questioningly trying to get his attention again.

"Why are you here Izumo?" Raidou asked Izumo in such a small whisper that he would have missed it if he hadn't been so close. "Kotetsu has it right. It's my fault that you nearly didn't come back. He hates me and his right too, I hurt him and nearly got you both killed".

Izumo couldn't believe this "Rai, how is any of this your fault?" he asked trying to get Raidou to look at him. "It's a mission Rai, we know the risks. And if it wasn't for all the training you give us we may not have made it back". And then it hit him, Kotetsu had nearly died. Raidou had nearly died and because Raidou thought…Oh My God Izumo thought and jumped out of bed, knocking over the radio to throw up in the trash can. "Izumo" he heard Raidou call out. What have I done? Izumo thought I should have made them see sense. He had nearly lost them both. He looked over at Raidou, who was so broken, so pale and for once so emotionally exposed that it hurt to look at him for more than a second. But he had to, he had to look, he had to remember, because Kotetsu was just as broken when he had returned to him, if not more. Both of them were hard headed and both of them were breaking inside because they thought the other hated them. He should have set them straight, it was all his fault, he was to blame.

"Rai, please" Izumo begged as he reached Raidou's side again knocking away the fallen radio with his knee "Kotetsu doesn't hate you. And none of this, none of this is your fault, it's mine I should have set you both straight. Tell me why…yesterday…why you…" Izumo gulped, he couldn't it say why you gave up? Instead he took a deep breath "why didn't you come to us Rai" he said through tears "do Kotetsu and I mean nothing to you?" he asked "if not us, what about Aoba or Genma?" he reached out to clasp Raidou's cold hand. "We can't help you if we don't know what's wrong. What's bothering you".

Raidou just shook his head "it's nothing". Izumo looked at Raidou sternly "Rai" he pleaded again. Raidou looked away "I don't want to burden anyone, I'm not worth it" he mumbled.

Izumo shook his head in exasperation "are you serious Rai?" He cupped Raidou's chin and forced him to look at him "Rai, you are worth more than many men in this village" he shook in anger "and who said you were a burden? If anything I'm the one who's been a burden to you" he glared at Raidou for an answer but Raidou only lowered his eyes that were filled with so much sadness. "Rai, please. I want to help you" Izumo said searching his face for answers.

The pleading note in Izumo's voice, the anger, the fear and the hurt he saw in Izumo's face broke Raidou's resolve. His friend really did seem to care and it was only fair he tried to explain himself. He had to tell someone. His thoughts, his feelings, his entire being rushed out all at once incoherently at having an audience, someone that actually might give a damn about him. He had to tell someone and Izumo wanted to know. The words spilled, like the dam had broken and he couldn't stop the great flow of water anymore. Raidou spoke until his voice was hoarse and his mind slowly he felt his mind and body going numb again.

Izumo listened; listened to it all shocked and frozen to the spot he sat in, still clasping Raidou's hand to anchor himself. To hear Raidou say he had ruined lives; was nothing but a killer that took people away from their loved one. To hear he had failed the Hokages, the village, had failed them. To hear him say he wasn't worth anything, a liability, a burden and his scar was a reminder to himself and society of his failure. To hear each and every fragmented word from a soul who was always so strong, so resilient and honourable, it left Izumo speechless.

"Do you still think I'm worth more than many men in this village? After all I've done, after all the lives I've taken and ruined?" Raidou said now in control of his emotions, his body. He felt lighter, the real him was now out there and there was no taking it all back. Everyone would now see him for what he really was, a useless dispensable tool. He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed when there was no answer from Izumo. Izumo still held onto one of his hand and just stared at him with a look he couldn't quiet decipher. Hurt? Anger? Pain? Could possibly be pity? That would be more correct, he was pitiful. "Go, Izumo" Raidou said "you never should have come here" he sighed extracting his hand from the still silent Izumo and lay down. He may have control of his body but he was still feeling dizzy "I nearly ruined you and Kotetsu" he whispered.

Izumo felt the large hand slip out of his and that seemed to rouse him out of his daze. He watched Raidou lie back and heard him say again go already Izumo. Izumo stood; he hadn't realised he was sitting on the radio and ignored the pain in his shin. He brushed the hair out of his eye uncovering both so Raidou could see all of him. It was only fair; Raidou had bared his soul for him when he had asked. He climbed onto the bed and cupped Raidou's chin running a thumb over his scarred cheek causing Raidou to flinch. But Izumo wasn't having any of it "This" he said kissing Raidou's scar "does not make you a failure. It reminds us of how much you have sacrificed for the sake of the village, for the sake of the Hokages and our safety". He kissed it again "You didn't ruin Kotetsu and me, you made us stronger and we love you for it. I'll tell you again, if it wasn't for you and your training, we may not have made it back".

Raidou pulled away from Izumo shocked at having his scar touched let alone kissed. And to hear him say such things, it wasn't true, he had nearly killed them, they couldn't love him. Izumo's words couldn't be true. He didn't need pity; he wasn't worth it and said so to Izumo.

Izumo grabbed his head in both of his hands and forced him to look into both of Izumo's eyes. He was angry, really really angry "Look at me Rai" he said furiously "don't you ever, and I mean ever tell me you're not worth it again. That you're a burden…that…" Izumo took a deep breath; he was letting his anger control his emotions. Raidou didn't need that, Raidou already thought so little of himself. "Rai" he breathed closing his eyes shaking away the tears that promised to spill again "Rai if only you knew" he said resting his forehead against Raidou's "if only you knew your own worth, you wouldn't question me". Izumo looked into Raidou's eyes and saw his gaze lower. Izumo had had enough; there was no way of getting through to his thick headed stubborn friend.

He forced Raidou to look at him once more, they were so close, he felt the wisp of air from Raidou's swollen cracked lips brush against his. Before Izumo knew it his lips had found Raidou's open mouth. He kissed him, first tentatively and when Raidou didn't pull away he kissed him harder pouring all his emotions into to show Raidou what he couldn't in words. He kissed him passionately asking Raidou to give himself to him, to trust him. He pulled back breathless to look at Raidou, to make sure he hadn't broken him, hurt him and when he saw life back in those eyes he kissed him again. This time gentler, he pried his way into Raidou's mouth and mapped it with his tongue releasing a beautiful moan from him. He repeated the action drawing out more sounds and smiled against the swollen lips. After repeated thrusts of Izumo's tongue Raidou finally shuddered and kissed back just as urgently pouring all of his emotion into it as he trembled under Izumo's kiss. They breathed each other in, clung to one another and gave all their worth to the other. They were lost in their pain, their pleasure, their own world were their emotions could finally be understood.

They heard a floorboard creak and both turned to stare at the back of a small frail figure limp out of the room closing the door behind him

"Oh god" Raidou whispered drawing back into himself. Izumo released his hold on Raidou rolling out of bed "Tetsu" he felt the whisper of his lovers name leave his lips.


Just as you thought it was getting happier then BAM! More angst...apologies lol