I hope you all like this chapter. ENJOY!
CPOV
I went to bed late last night, but I could sleep longer because no one was waking me up. I forgot to set my alarm, and I was really tired so I slept till it was 9am. I woke up by a call from Ros asking if I'm quieting my job. I guess I've been gone a few days, but I've done my job. I haven't missed a single meeting or phone call, except the one meeting the Monday Ana and Teddy left, and while I was in Montesano I Skyped all my meetings. I know that I have left my job earlier than what I normally would do, but I want to spend time with my family, and that's also the reason I work long after midnight, just so I can leave earlier. My nightmares are almost completely gone, because I only have a few hours to sleep. I actually prefer it that way.
I get dressed and go check to see how Ana is doing. She isn't sleeping when I walk in her room; she's sitting there watching TV. She looks better, the paleness has faded. She still doesn't look her happy healthy self, but compared to yesterday she looks much better.
''You always work in suits?'' I frown at her question, that's one way to greet each other in the mornings. There was no ''good morning, you look good.'' But whatever.
''Yeah?… how are you feeling?'' I ask, my answer sounded more like a question, but no one has ever commented on me wearing suits, it's just something we do even Ros has a suit, for women but it's still a suit. Everybody at GEH has suits, the girls often have something more girly but, it's how we dress.
''Exhausted, but I'm much better, thanks.'' She mutes the TV, to give me her full attention. It looks like some kind of soap opera shit.
''I don't have so much to do today, because… well of reasons. So I was thinking that maybe I can take Teddy with me, so you can relax.'' I say, I want to get this day over with, without anyone commenting about which day it is. I just don't like it.
''Yeah, of course you can.'' She smiles, she actually smiles big and it's contagious I can't help but smile also. I like it, it's been a long time since I've smiled so much. ''Which day is it today?'' I tense up a little bit, and hope she won't react to my short answer.
''Wednesday'' I answer flatly, and pray for her to just drop it. It's not a favorite day of mine, actually I hate it.
''Okay'' she says, and I leave her room to get Teddy.
We're driving to GEH and Teddy is really excited. I think I'll show him around Grey House, or we'll take a long lunch and get something to eat. I forget that Teddy is new in Seattle, so I didn't understand why he looked out the window saying 'wow' so many times, and then I remembered he's never seen it before. I guess I've never seen it either, it has always been there but I have taken it for granted, but seeing it all with Teddy, is better than alone. I love how the most boring things for us, is so amazing for him. He looks at the world differently, in his little world there are no bad or evil, as long as he's happy then his world is good.
When we park in the garage, Teddy is running towards the elevator without looking around. I run after him terrified that suddenly a car will pop up. When I reach him, he's out of breath, and I sigh.
''Teddy don't run away from daddy okay?'' I ask and he nods, this is a huge building, he can easily get lost. And if he goes around looking for daddy, I don't think anyone will bring him to me. Teddy wanted to push the elevator button, so when I told him the 20th floor, he couldn't reach it. So I had to lift him up. I hold him up until the elevator starts to slow down.
When the elevator opens, Teddy runs out. Not again. There's so many left and rights, and places he can go. He runs in the direction of my office and that's good, it's an open area with the reception. When I get near my office I see Ros get down on the floor, behind the reception, so I hope its Teddy she squat down to.
''Hey little man, what are you doing here?'' she says, in a childish voice but still sternly. I've always been mad if there have been children here, because they're not supposed to be here. And where the fuck is their parents when they're here all alone? ''Where are mommy or daddy?'' she asks, and I hear someone say a sharp 'Tshhhh.'
I go around the reception, and when Ros sees me her eyes gets big, probably worried that I will yell at the child. But I don't look at her; my gaze is directed at Teddy. I try to have a serious face, but I really want to smile at him for being so fucking adorable. ''Teddy'' I say sternly ''don't ever do that again.''
''Sorry daddy'' he stands and walk over to me with his head bowed down and if he had one I'm sure his tail would be between his legs.
''It's okay, I just don't want you to get lost.'' I lift him up, and Ros stands up and looks at us in shock. ''Ros this is my son Teddy, Teddy this is Ros she works with me. She can be a bit scary, just ignore her,'' I say and grin at Ros.
''Ha Ha… wow you have a kid. I didn't know.'' She looks between Teddy and me; her eyebrows are shot high up. Her eyes don't stop shifting between the two of us.
''Neither did I'' she frowns and tilts her head to the side, and waits for me to explain ''it's a long story.'' A story I don't want to get into because I fucked up bad. But I'm on a good way to making it better; I'm done fucking things up.
''Well it's nice to me meet you Teddy.'' She shakes Teddy's little hand, and then looks at me again. ''Wow boss, he looks just like you, well I'm guessing he has his mothers eyes, but wow.'' She shakes her head lightly. ''The hair… it's scary.'' Her eyes shifts a few times more ''you will be one handsome man when you grow up.'' She says directly to Teddy, but I take that as a compliment.
''Yeah he's a cute little thing, just like me.'' I smile jokingly at her.
''You did good boss…'' I can't stop grinning, and looking at my little boy who looks at Ros. ''You know what day it is, I'm not going to say anything, but have a good day.'' Thank god, how the fuck does she even remember days like that?
''Thanks'' I carry Teddy into my office, and it receives another wow from Teddy. ''Maybe you'll work here one day,'' that would make me so proud, if one day my son took over after me.
I work a while, while Teddy is drawing. He has made 3 pictures that I've hung up. And I guess that the next business meeting I'll have in here, people will look weirdly at me. I sat on the floor wrestling with him for a bit, I was gentle because of his arm, but he was not gentle with me. I didn't actually have time for it, but when he looked at me with his huge 'Ana eyes' and said ''Daddy play? Please'' I just couldn't say no.
I don't have meetings or phone calls today, so it doesn't matter when I take lunch. So at noon I log out of my computer and get ready to take Teddy to lunch. Just as we're about to go, there's a knock on the door. I sigh but yell ''come in'' as I continue to pull Teddy's jacket on him.
''Mommy!'' Teddy yells, right in my ear. I turn around and there's she's standing with a… ''Cake! You've made cake'' He exclaims happily. Ana smiles at me and mouths 'happy birthday.' Oh god, she remembered.
''I thought I'd join you two for lunch.'' She smiles and sets the cake down on my desk. I'm relived now that I told Andrea if a lady named Anastasia Steele, tried to contact or visit me she was to be sent through no matter what.
''Let's order something'' I say, and start to take of Teddy's jacket. As long as he gets cake I don't think he will care. I don't like my birthday at all, but this was a nice surprise. I lean down and kiss her on her chin, and my lips linger there longer than I planned. I feel her start to move away, but to my surprise she doesn't lean away, she turns her head so that my lips are on hers. I give her a few sweet kisses, and then turn around to see if Teddy is looking, but he has already put his finger in the cake. ''Thank you'' I say, I'm not sure what I'm saying thank you for. I have so many things to be grateful for when it comes to Ana.
We sit eating cake and just talking and laughing. When we're done, I leave for the day and we just walk around for a bit. Mom has invited me home for a birthday dinner, and I think I may show up. I don't see the deal with turning 22, but Gretchen my parents cook makes incredible cakes, and I know Teddy will love them. It's been over a week since my parents have seen Teddy, but I talked about them to Teddy, and he knows that they are his grandparents. He also knows that Mia is his aunt and Elliot is his uncle.
I'm not that mad at Elliot anymore, what he did was a shitty thing, but I'm grateful that he told me why Ana left Seattle. Katherine is another story, as far as I've understood she's still around, and it's making my mother mad. My father doesn't like her very much either, but he's more subtle about it. Mia has been used to Elliot bringing a new girl with him home since she was a young age, so she never shows interest in any of his girlfriends.
It all started when he was 14, he had a new girlfriend every month. When he was 16 it was every week, and now it can be days or minutes for that matter. He even calls his one night stands, girlfriends. My parents are sure he'll never settle down, and it's no secret that he is a big man whore. And he obviously has commitment issues, he can't commit to anyone.
I know that my family thought I was gay. Yes I didn't bring anyone with me home, neither girl nor boy. I would understand if they thought I was a-sexual, but not gay. I'm defiantly not gay. And I think they understood that, when they learned about Teddy.
I'm taken back to reality when Teddy squeals happily as he's running around. We're in a park. ''So…'' I turn to Ana ''my mom was wondering if we would come over later today.''
''As a birthday party?'' she asks, smirking up at me. She knows that I don't like my birthday, never have. Well I have this memory from when I was a kid, I must have turned 3 or something, and my mother baked me a cake. It was boxed made, but it is a memory I'll never forget, and a memory I love. I don't like having memories from that time, but that birthday memory is special. I never got any gifts, and that was the first and also the last we baked a cake together. It was a chocolate cake, maybe that's the reason it's my favorite.
''Apparently 22 has to be celebrated, it's a must.'' I frown, still thinking about my memory, it's the first time I've admit it to myself that I have a memory worth taking care of. I look at Teddy, I was his age when that memory was a reality, well Teddy is a healthy boy and he has had a rich life full of memories. But I can't help picturing me as a kid looking like him.
''Well then, I accept the offer, it will be good to get to know your family better.'' I would love for Ana to get close to my family, to be comfortable around my family. And it's important to me that they are comfortable around Ana and Teddy, since they are a big part of my life now.
''I would like to get to know yours too…'' I start to say, before I can stop myself, or think about what I was saying.
''I don't really have a family anymore…'' she points to Teddy ''this is it.'' I see a tear falling down her cheek. Teddy is running around, trying to catch a butterfly. I pull Ana into my lap.
''I'm so sorry baby, I wasn't thinking… I just… I'm sorry,'' I kiss her cheek, and she leans her head against my chest. I love it when she does that. Ana and Teddy are the only people I don't react to, when it comes to touching my chest. The first time we were together, she also touched my chest, I tensed up a bit but it didn't bother me.
''It's okay, it's still hard thinking about it, but I'm glad you're here.'' She smiles up at me.
We arrive at my parents' at 5PM, and Mia opens the door and squeal when she sees Teddy. ''He's so cute'' she takes Teddy by the hand and show him in, she turns around and says ''he looks just like you Christian.'' God I love it when people say that. We walk into the living room, and I receive a few happy birthdays. It's only my parents, Mia, Elliot and Kate here so it's a small 'party'.
The tension between Kate and my family is awkward. I excuse myself and make my way into the kitchen, where I know my mom is trying to make everything perfect. She turns around when I enter the kitchen. ''Christian, my sweet little boy, happy birthday'' she hugs me. Her arms just hang there, while I hug her back. That way she knows she's not touching me anywhere I don't like to be touched, and I have control over the hug. We've always hugged like this, since I was little. Mia is the only person who gives me a hug back.
''Thank you mom,'' she goes back to what she was doing when I came in. I sit on the barstool looking at her stressing. I always did that as a child, every time our previous cook had time off, mom wanted to make it all perfect so she was running left and right all the time, I loved watching it. ''So… I see you've invited Kate, is that a good thing?''
She sighs and put down whatever she was doing and turns to me. ''She invited herself.'' She says in a frustrated tone. I didn't know her feelings towards Kate were that bad; I guess they are pretty harsh.
''I'm still upset at them mom, after all it was my son they were ''looking after.'' But maybe we should give her chance, if she fucks up one more time I will fucking lose it… sorry… But at least I am willing to give her one more chance.''
''You're right Christian, I'm acting childish…'' she brushes her hands on her apron, and then takes it off. ''Now where is that handsome grandson of mine?'' I chuckle and we walk into the living room. When Teddy sees us he runs towards us and right into my arms. I lift him up, and when Teddy says 'hi grandma' to mom, she starts crying. ''Hi sweet boy, I've missed you.'' She takes him from me and gives him a hug. I walk over to sit with Ana, and pretty soon Teddy is back in my lap, looking shyly around at everybody.
Dinner went fine small talk, nothing much. Mom was talking with Katherine; she asked her questions about her reporter job. I wouldn't call stalking celebrities a job, but what do I know? Kate asked me a few questions about GEH, apparently she tried getting an interview with me before she graduated, but I was busy. She looked angrily at Ana when she said that. Ana told me while we were in Montesano, that once Kate found out she knew me she was angry that Ana wouldn't help her get an interview with me. I have never accepted an interview before, and I probably never will, so I don't think Ana would've been much help.
Elliot and Kate were very intimate all through dinner, always touching each other one way or another, and it was making us all uncomfortable. Mother has always scolded Elliot and I whenever we curse in front of her, so when Kate said 'fuck' way too many times, I could see my mom counting to 10. I wasn't happy about the cursing either, considering there was a 4 year old, my 4 year old, at the table.
My parents feel really comfortable around Ana, and they don't react to her, like they do Kate. Every time my mom asked Ana something and Ana answered cleverly, Kate would look not too pleased. And if Elliot asked Ana something she gave him the death glare. I had to try my best not to laugh at her, because she was pathetic. God! Where did Elliot find her?
After dinner Teddy was tired, and couldn't stay awake for the cakes. I carried him up to my room, but it felt odd having him sleeping in the room he was conceived in, so I carried him to one of the guest rooms. I sat there looking at him for a while, dreading the thought of going back downstairs.
We've been sitting in the living room quietly, while mom was getting everything ready for dessert. As we sat down the silent continued, no one was talking. And my mom was giving Kate the cold shoulder. Kate was looking up at Elliot, clearly telling him things with her harsh stare.
''Mom how long are you going to act this way?'' Elliot turns from Kate, to our mother.
''I beg your pardon?'' She answers.
''The way you're treating Kate it has to stop.'' He exclaims angry, and frustrated. And I'm sure Kate is making Elliot feel like shit for her behavior.
''They way I'm treating her?'' Mom asks, and I nearly chuckle at that. She is trying to keep a straight face, but I think we all can see that mom is ready to protect herself.
''We made a mistake, get over it.'' We all look at him with 'you can't be serious' faces. Get over it, he's lucky Teddy wasn't hurt badly, but it could've been way worse.
''A mistake?'' I ask. It wasn't a fucking mistake. And he hasn't said sorry to neither Ana nor me, or Teddy for that matter.
''Teddy is a 4 year old boy Elliot, he depended on you to look after him, so did his mother and father.'' Mom says, gesturing towards Ana and me.
''Well I have something I would like to tell you all,'' Elliot looks at all of us. ''I've proposed to Kate and she said yes, and I won't have you all treating my fiancée this way.'' Kate is sitting there with a huge grin, showing us her finger with one fucking big stone. My brother is wealthy, but he isn't so wealthy that he could've bought her a ring like that without suffering with payments.
''You can't be serious'' my dad speaks up. Looking at them probably praying they to start laugh and say it is all a joke.
''We love each other,'' he says, and he smiles down at Kate. I think Elliot might love her; he might be in love with her. But Kate sure as hell doesn't love him. I've done some research on her, and she's from a wealthy family, not as wealthy as our, but still they have money. I think Kate is in love with being rich, with knowing she can shop without any consequences. But Elliot can't provide for that sort of thing too long, and when he's broke and working his ass off, she will probably leave him.
''Well I hope you're not planning on having any children,'' mom mutters. And I chuckle out loud for the first time since we've arrived. I've been holding it in a long time now. Kate glares angrily at me.
''Why are you so angry at us for that?'' Elliot yells at mom ''if the two of them knew how to use a fucking condom, we wouldn't be in that position.'' I turn to look at Ana, and she looks down, and clearly is really uncomfortable. When she looks up I can see that she's on the verge of crying.
''Excuse me'' she says, and walk towards the stairs.
''I want you out of here when we come back downstairs,'' I glare at Elliot and Kate, what has gotten into Elliot lately; well he has gotten into Kate that explains it all.
''This isn't your house, you don't have a say.'' He says, and Kate is smirking at me. I'm so close to walking over to them and beating the shit out of them both.
''Just fucking leave!'' I yell and walk after Ana. I first look in my bedroom, but she's not there. I walk to the guest room where Teddy is sleeping, and she's lying beside him sobbing. I lay down beside her, and I'm almost falling on the floor, since Teddy is occupying half of the bed. I stand up from the bed, lift Ana into my arms and sit down against the wall. ''I don't know what's gotten into him,'' I gently rock her and nuzzle her hair, her smell is calming me down.
''Don't you see Christian?'' she whispers, and tries to snuggle closer to me, but she's as close as she can be. ''It's Kate,'' she says ''it has to be Kate's doing.'' I hold her tighter, and we sit like this for what feels like half an eternity. Ana turns around so she's straddling me, and I hold onto her waist. ''I'm so embarrassed'' she says.
''You have nothing be embarrassed about, baby. Kate on the other hand…'' I trail off as her lips crash onto mine. And at that moment I forget everything. I forget about the war starting downstairs, I forget about the way Elliot and Kate hurt Ana, I forget about the way I hurt her. I forget that our precious little boy is lying in a bed sleeping only a few feet away from us, I forget about everything except Ana and me. There's one thing I don't forget, and that is that I love Ana, and I try showing it in the kiss. ''Ana I…'' I'm interrupted by my mom when she opens the door. Ana climbs off me embarrassed, and blushing.
''I'm sorry,'' mom starts, looking between the two of us, '' I just wanted to let you know that they've left. And I'm so sorry for everything that was said today.'' She says directly to Ana.
''It's okay, and just know that I'm not mad.'' She says, maybe she's not mad but I'm furious. And Elliot will get a piece of my mind and maybe my fist too.
Teddy woke up as we were about to leave the room, so we all went down and ate cake. When Teddy saw all the cakes I could see he was in seventh heaven. The rest of the night went okay, we talked calmly and laughed. Ana asking Mia out for shopping, that is big since Ana hates shopping, at least she did before. I love that Ana is making an effort with my family. Since Ana hasn't gotten a job yet, not that she needs one, she asked mom if she needed help with any of her charity work. Mom responded that she would see and call Ana. I know mom appreciated that, since she's always doing some kind of charity work there is always a new cause.
When we got back to Escala, it was a bit awkward between Ana and me. But we gave Teddy a bath, put him to bed then we went to bed. Our own beds, not together, I can't believe I came close to telling Ana that I love her, I now I hurt her when I didn't say it back all those years ago. Elena's words are still clear in my head. ''There are no such thing as love, there is passion. But love doesn't exist.'' I fall asleep thinking those words, over and over again.
