(This chapter is kind of unnecessary to the events but I needed to fill in the gap between Aster's birth to the next chapter.)
A year later . .
Katniss's POV
"Bed time, Hope." I call.
"But Mum-"
"No buts. It's late, for you, already." I tell her firmly, glancing at the clock.
"No!" she says mischievously, darting off.
She thinks she can out run me? Cute. Very cute.
I stride after her and catch her by the waist. I lift her up into my arms easily, her long, wet, curly hair tickling my face.
"Caught you." I mumble into her ear, she giggles. I carry her upstairs and off load her on her bed. She laughs hysterically, her blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight.
"Shush now. You'll wake Aster." I say quietly. She calms down and snuggles under the blankets. I draw the curtains and perch on the end of her bed.
"Night, Mummy." she says.
"Goodnight, Hope." I murmur, stroking her damp blonde hair. She falls asleep almost instantly but I don't leave. I just sit by her side, running my hand over her hair. I find myself singing softly to her. A lullaby my mother had sung to me once upon a time.
I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, "I'll never let you go"
When all those shadows almost killed your light.
I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight
Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound.
Don't you dare look out your window, darling,
Everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold on to this lullaby
Even when music's gone, gone.
Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound.
Just close your eyes
You'll be alright.
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound.
"It's beautiful." I hear Peeta say in a hushed voice. "Is she asleep?"
"Yes." I reply, brushing away my tears quickly. I ease myself off her bed and close the door.
"Dinner's ready." he says. He hesitates for a second then leans in and kisses me. I wrap my arms around his neck and let his warmth spread through me.
"Dinner will be cold now." I whisper when we finally break apart. He snorts.
We go downstairs and into the dining room where Haymitch waits. Peeta puts a bowl of lamb stew in front of me, my favourite. Normally. Now, the sight of it makes me feel sick. Peeta and Haymitch are wolfing down theirs. I can't even force myself to swallow one spoonful. I push it away.
"What's the matter, Katniss? Lamb stew is your favourite." Peeta asks me, worry ringing in his tone.
"I . . . I'm not hungry." I say, shocked with myself. Two pairs of suspicious eyes fall on me.
Unable to face that questioning look in their eyes, I excuse myself from the table and go into our room. I pace up and down, coming out in a cold sweat.
What's wrong with me?
You know what's wrong with you. I tell myself in my head.
I hear Peeta's heavy tread pounding up the staircase. I dive under the sheets, pretending to be asleep. He comes in and I turn my back on him. It doesn't help. He comes around and sits on the edge of the bed.
"What's wrong with you, Katniss? You're tired, your emotions are all over the place and you're off your food." he says quietly.
"No. Don't you even suggest it." I say harshly.
"It's not like we haven't had-"
"I know!" I snap at him. He goes to leave but I call him back guiltily. "Wait. I'm sorry."
He kneels by my side and threads his fingers in mine.
"Even if that is . . ," he says softly. I look away but he catches my chin. "Even if that is the case, you can't hide from it. You need to find out for certain and then . . . then we'll deal with it."
A shiver runs up and down my spine. The way he said "deal with it." didn't sound like the right words to use.
"Are you hungry?" he asks after I stay silent.
"No." I say, closing my eyes. Even though I can't see him, I can tell he has a disapproving look on his face. "I just want to go to sleep."
"You need to eat."
"One day won't kill me."
"I'll leave you to sleep then." he says, smoothing a lock of my hair out.
"Wait." I pull myself out of the warm sheets and out onto the landing. I go into Aster's room and approach his cot. I touch the side of his small pale face, feeling his silky, dark hair against my fingers. Peeta wraps his arms around my waist. A question, preying on me ever since Aster's birth, finally slips out.
"I know you come in here and see him when you wake up in the night. I watch you with him almost every time." he stiffens up against me. I turn around and face him. His face is tight and a misty look has fallen over his eyes. The expression is all too familiar. "Why? What comfort do you find in him that you can't find in me or Hope?"
"Him with Hope makes me think of my siblings. Of Yestin and Ryen. He . . he just reminds me of them both and more importantly, that they aren't here. I wonder if it's a pass off sometimes. Lose my birth family and get another, my own, in place." he says sadly, his eyes glistening with tears. "The one thing I never doubt is it's worth. What you've given me is priceless, Katniss. Even if I had the option to pick, I would always go with what I have now. I wouldn't give you or Hope or Aster up for the world. You are my world."
"Just saying 'I love you' seems pretty lacking after all of that." I say. I bury into his chest, feeling the strong, steady pounding of his heart.
"Does . . . " he goes to ask something but he stops, seemingly thinking better of it.
"Whatever you were going to ask, just ask. There's nothing that I won't share with you." I say tiredly.
"Does Hope remind you of Prim at all?" he asks apprehensively.
"I suppose she should, with the fair hair and blue eyes, but no. Not at all." I tell him truthfully. He nods. Carefully, he lifts me off my feet and up into his arms. I don't take that feeling, having his strong arms encasing me, for granted anymore. He carries me back into our room and lays me down on the bed. He pulls the blanket up to our chins and I curl up beside him.
"You won't ever leave me, will you?" I say, my mind starting to slow down.
"Leave my family? All I love? Never." he says, pulling me closer to him. "You don't have to worry about that."
Encased in his arms, I succumb to sleep.
