Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romantica.
A / N: Only one comment to chapter 11? (Btw thanks SuzukiChiyeko!) Was there something wrong with it? Please tell me; I can take even harsh criticism. Or was it because of the issues the site had around Christmas so you couldn't comment even if you wanted to? Anyway, that was a quick one last time and no, it's not continued here (let's give them some privacy for a change!). So I'm sorry, but no lemon this time. Just talk, talk, talk...
LEVEL UP!
Chapter 12: Sushi Rolls in the Dollhouse
Usagi seemed to be having more fun choosing clothes for his lover than Misaki trying them on. Misaki felt almost like a dress-up doll being played with. He had lost count of how many outfits he had already tried on and how many shops they had already visited.
Well, it was still fun in a way, or at least in the beginning it had been. Usagi had woken him up at about ten and dragged him out of the flat; he had barely found the time to dress up before being hauled off in the red sports car. Then they had eaten breakfast out. It was all Usagi's treat, as he said that he wanted to congratulate Misaki for the job. Misaki had tried to refuse, but Usagi had been adamant. In the end, Misaki had just decided to go with the flow.
After breakfast they had gone shopping for clothes. For the past week Misaki had been borrowing from Usagi's wardrobe, which was unnecessarily huge, so it was pretty much okay. It wasn't as if Usagi wouldn't have anything left to wear even if someone stole 99% of his clothing. There were even shirts with the price tags still attached. Still, it felt a little weird using someone else's clothes, even though they fit him pretty well, at least when it came to size. In style, well, they weren't exactly his cup of tea, but he just hadn't found the time to go shopping during the week.
So, now it was Saturday, and the two of them found themselves in yet another shop, trying on yet another shirt. Misaki sighed. He was already a little tired; the stress from the busy week or last night's drinking didn't exactly help either. Not to mention what came after the drinking.
They had already carried several bags to Usagi's car. At least Misaki was with Usagi this time, so he could stop the most extravagant spending sprees from happening. Oh, Usagi had tried, all right, but Misaki had fortunately managed to prevent them. The stuff that they had bought was actually all things he'd really need. After all, he had a whole wardrobe to fill, nothing old would fit any more. On the way they had dropped a few bags of Misaki's old (but clean and undamaged) clothes to the nearby second-hand-shop.
Misaki stepped out of the fitting room wearing pale blue jeans and a green hoodie. He knew the drill already. Step out, strike a pose, twirl around and finally stand still for Usagi to walk around him, evaluating. He stood with his shoulders hunched and couldn't stifle a yawn from his lips.
"Usagi?" he managed to say while yawning.
"Hm?"
"I think I have enough clothes to last me several years now."
Usagi walked around him one more time. The first few times it had been unnerving as hell; he had felt shivers all around his skin as if Usagi's eyes were caressing his naked body, but now he had gotten used to the author's appreciative gaze. It wasn't sexual in any way. Or at least the sexual innuendo was at its absolute minimum.
"Well, if you really think so," Akihiko said. "But let's just get this ensemble still. It makes your eyes shine and your ass look so very delectable."
Misaki blushed and escaped back to the fitting room.
After paying for these last finds they went to the nearest sushi place they could find, one where you had to grab the plates as they whizzed past the tables. To celebrate, Akihiko explained once again. "Get anything you want and as much as you want." The restaurant was almost empty, and they sat down in the table farthest from the only other party there, a young couple that only had eyes for each other.
During the hustle and bustle of trying on a whole clothing store or two Misaki hadn't noticed, but he was really, really hungry. For a long while he just sat there in bliss, stuffing one piece after another into his mouth, only stopping to get a new plate from the conveyor belt every now and then.
Akihiko chuckled as he watched his precious Misaki eat with such gusto. It seemed like every bite was a piece of heaven for the younger man. Akihiko himself ate more calmly; he hadn't expended his energy as much as Misaki, who had moved around a lot, getting in and out of clothes.
"Mmmmm! This is so good," Misaki sighed happily. His pace was finally slowing down a bit, and he had more time to appreciate the taste. "You have to taste this one!" He picked the last maki roll up with his chopsticks and reached to the other side of the table to feed Usagi.
Akihiko opened his mouth obediently. His inner astonishment didn't show outside at all, he looked as if this was a completely ordinary thing to do. But really, it wasn't: for Misaki to be that openly affectionate in public wasn't anywhere near normal. This was new and surprising, but Akihiko wasn't complaining, nothing of the kind. No, he was enjoying this new side of Misaki a lot.
"Very delicious," Akihiko said.
"Isn't it? I just knew you'd like it."
Misaki ate a few more bites. He even closed his eyes blissfully, savouring all the flavours. Akihiko watched his expressions. He didn't think food could ever taste that good in his own mouth. Well, if you didn't count the taste of Misaki.
"Hey, Misaki?" Akihiko said when the younger man opened his eyes again.
"Yeah?" Misaki said with his mouth still full.
For a few heartbeats Akihiko didn't know what it was he wanted to ask. Reassurance, he realized then. "Are you sure about me? About us? Are you sure you're fine with spending your whole life with me? Are you absolutely certain that you'll keep on wanting to be with me?"
Misaki swallowed and thought for a bit. "I'm sure about you right now. I can't exactly promise you what will happen in the future, I'm not psychic, but I don't think I'll change that much. I... I love you too much for that."
Akihiko smiled. It wasn't his usual smirk, this was a warmer, more genuine expression. "I love you too." His whole being felt brighter than before, but there was still something he needed to verify. "I want you to think about this very carefully, because I really will never ever let you go if you say yes. Are you truly satisfied with me as your family? I think you'd make an ideal dad, but with me you can never have that. You can never watch your children grow, never have grandchildren, never marry, never be normal. You'll always be seen as something alien in society, you can't be open about yourself all the time, you might even experience bullying. Are you really ready for all th – ? "
Misaki had stuffed a nigiri piece into Usagi's open mouth. "Try that one, too."
Akihiko chewed fast and swallowed even faster. He wasn't really tasting it at all. "Were you even listening to me?" he asked a little hotly once his mouth was free.
"Of course I was," Misaki answered. "But you were spouting a whole lot of nonsense."
"That was not nonsense."
"Sure it was. Didn't I say it already yesterday? I neither need nor want a normal life or a normal family. What is normal anyway? For me it's normal to be with you. I can't even imagine a life without you."
Akihiko remembered his own nightmare version of a future. "I can imagine you being happy without me, raising your kids with a wife," he said quietly. "You'd be a great dad."
"Don't go making up my future for me. And where are you in this vision?"
"Forgotten."
"As if I could ever forget you! I worry about you whenever we're apart, I'd die of worrying if I never saw you again. And besides, I think I might actually be gay, so wife and family would still be..."
Akihiko chuckled, but not in amused contempt. It was more like a loving, affectionate noise. "So what you're saying is yes?"
"To what?"
"To my earlier question. Are you honestly ready to spend your whole life with me?"
Misaki blushed and averted his eyes, but nevertheless an almost inaudible "...yes" could be heard coming from his lips.
A deep silence covered them like a warm, soft blanket. Finally Akihiko broke it, "thank you, Misaki."
Misaki couldn't believe what his own mouth had just said, even admitting he was gay, but at the same time he was also glad about it. He hadn't evaded the question or denied the truth or anything like that. He had actually managed to talk properly about important matters with Usagi. He was still blushing, but he felt that he had grown a little more mature.
"Umm, well, so, um, now that we're talking things through, there's actually something I want to ask you about."
"Yes?"
"This... growth spurt of mine. What do you really think about it? I know you said you don't mind, but..."
"Well..."
"Please tell me honestly."
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the boyish Misaki at all. You're not as easy to toy with any more. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like the manly you. In the end, you're still the same Misaki inside, and that's what really matters."
"Really?" Misaki didn't even react to the bit about toying with him; he was just too happy for that.
"Really."
"So my growth didn't actually have anything to do with you avoiding me?"
"No, but it was the catalyst for all this."
"What do you mean?"
"Misaki, if you haven't noticed, you've become very handsome."
"Yes?"
"I started thinking that lots of women will be attracted to you. I mean look at how Aikawa behaved with you even though she's not remotely interested in you in that way. Before you were just too cute for women to appreciate you, but not any more. And then I thought about how life would be easier for you if you chose a woman. And then Takahiro mentioned fatherhood – "
"Ah, I knew it! My idiot brother just can't let me live my own life! You should ignore everything he says about me."
"He really cares about you, Misaki."
"... I know." They sat in silence for a moment. "I know he cares about me, and I hate lying to him. I'm going to tell him about us, otherwise he'll keep on interfering, and I won't be able to face him sincerely because of all the lies."
Akihiko was lost for words for a long while. "Are you sure?" he finally asked.
"Yes, I'm sure. Oh, but I'll have to think about how to do it, and when, and... I hope he'll accept us."
"It'll probably be a huge shock to him. His precious brother and close male friend."
Misaki looked miserable. "I know."
"You don't have to be alone with this, you know. I'm here for you. We can tell him together."
Misaki smiled a shy, hesitant smile; one that at the same time expressed his fear of rejection from his brother and his love and trust for his lover. "Thank you."
For a few seconds both of them thought about everything they had discussed. Love, anxieties, worries, jealousy, so many colours of the emotional spectrum. They felt closer than ever before even though there was a table between them. No amount of physical intimacy could amount to anything like the feelings that were swelling inside them. But it could always make it even better.
"Let's go home," Akihiko said. "I can't wait much longer to make love to you."
