Yukinoshita was taking a surprisingly long time to return the key to Sensei, giving me and Yuigahama some time to plan our escape from the country, preferably the planet if at all possible.
Nevertheless, nothing of the sort happened. Instead, we simply spent some time fixing up my hair near the currently deserted soccer field while trying out the earpiece.
'Hikki? Can you hear me?' Yuigahama murmured into her phone as she slowly backed away from the me.
"Loud and clear. Try going around the block, see if we still have a signal." I whispered to nobody in particular as I tucked my hands into my pockets and walked aimlessly towards the field the soccer team has just recently vacated.
'OK!' Yuigahama replied energetically as she bounced out of sight. I continued my pacing around the edge of the field, focusing on the earpiece.
'Testing? Yahallo?' came her voice again. Weaker this time, but still audible. No distortions as of yet, and she was already completely out of sight.
"Try going over to where the bikes are. I think we should still be able to communicate from there." I mumbled this time, again to nothing in particular.
'Eh? Bikes? Yea, sure!' came the energetic voice. 'Quite a bit far away though… you think it'll work?'
"Worth a shot." I breathed, hoping she would able able to hear it.
'Hot? What? Hikki, can you hear me?' came the confused reply.
"No-! W-wait, I was adjusting it. Better now?" I quickly mumbled.
'Oh, that's better. Yeah, it's starting to become a little hard to hear you though, can you try speaking up?' Yuigahama said, as my mouth stretched into a smirk.
"That's great, now-"
"What on earth are you doing here all by yourself? And where is Yuigahama-san?" Yukinoshita asked. I spun around to see the Ice Queen approaching me, having finally managed to return the key.
'Is that Yukinon? I think I heard her voice…' came Yuigahama's voice in my ear.
"Hikigaya-kun? Ahh, are you perhaps contemplating suicide here? It would be the best you can do for this planet, but the mess would be rather unsightly" said the Ice Queen as she drew closer.
'That's definitely Yukinon! Oh, Hikki! Listen, why don't you…!'
"Are you kidding me... " I mumbled, just loud enough for Yuigahama to hear as she snorted in response.
"Hikigaya-kun?" Yukinoshita said in a cautious tone, alerted by my lack of response.
I should mention that it is extraordinarily difficult to maintain two conversations at once, especially for a loner such as myself. Quite impossible, in fact. Thankfully the long hours I've spent in the service club trading barbs with Yukinoshita has allowed me to cultivate an ability to process whatever she is saying and discard it from my mind in an instant. I usually do this for most of my day to day conversations to begin with, but I actually have to make a conscious effort pay attention to Yukinoshita's words in order to have a chance of understanding her. That made it really easy to focus on Yuigahama's instructions while ignoring the Ice Queen's nonsense.
"Hey, you might actually make me do it, you know." I replied, as Yukinoshita relaxed, her smug smile returning.
The other trick that comes in handy for Yukinoshita and Yukinoshita alone was the fact that I have an entire database of generic replies I could use in any situation with her as a response. Not something I'm particularly proud of, but I have a feeling it's going to come in handy in the coming days.
"Oh really? I might have succeeding in making the world a better place then." Yukinoshita said as she walked past me, before beckoning me to follow.
'Come on, go for it!' Yuigahama whispered as I let out a sigh in response to both of them.
"You know, I've been thinking alot about the alphabet recently." I said in a melancholic voice, channeling Yuigahama's spirit. Yukinoshita paused and turned around, confused.
"What about it? Is it perhaps too complicated for you?" Yukinoshita asked. She really had no idea...
"I was thinking of rearranging it…" I continued, trying my hardest to ignore the sound of Yuigahama's muffled laughter ringing in my ears.
"How so? I had thought even you would have had a firm understanding of the basics of language." Yukinoshita replied, completely oblivious to the trap Yuigahama, and I have to emphasize this, Yuigahama had set.
"So that I would always be beside U."
I exited the bath and entered the living room to find Komachi watching a trashy romance show on the TV. Something about siblings being in love, although 'love' was really stretching it. She was just laughing herself silly at the very concept of the show which was obviously written by someone who didn't ever have siblings growing up.
Noticing me, Komachi gave me a sly grin before returning her focus on the frankly terrible show. Ever since she discovered my darkest secret, I've pretty much given up trying to be discreet about Tinder at home. I still had my password though - I'm not about to abandon my dignity, I've simply reined in my ego. That said, I'm not about to discuss my matches, plans or even my profile picture with her.
Speaking of Tinder, Yuigahama and I have an unspoken agreement to not discuss the Tinder arrangement at school. This means there is no way on seven earths she would find out about her match. That was the plan, and all I had to do was ensure they never have the chance to meet.
Unfortunately, I did not account for Yukinoshita Haruno.
'I'm so BOORREEDDD! Wanna meet up tomorrow?! My treat!" - Yukinoshita Haruno.
I just sent the text verbatim to Yuigahama. The fact that she was completely unfazed by Haruno's reply just goes to show how far off the deep end we have gone. Thankfully, I can count on Yuigahama to skillfully avoid this.
'Tell her OK! But on Friday instead.' - Yuigahama.
'WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL HERE?!' I angrily texted to Yuigahama, who nonchalantly wished me luck and promised to be tactful during the date.
I forwarded the message to Haruno before running over to my computer. I had two days to come up with a way to prevent Yuigahama from finding out Haruno was her match, and Wednesday's almost over.
Yukinoshita fell to pieces right before my eyes as her knees threatened to buckle before her. Her face turned redder than the setting sun as her words got stuck in her throat. I couldn't help but marvel at the sheer difference between the Yukinoshitas in terms of response to a pick up line. The lines I - no, Yuigahama had sent Haruno were far worse by comparison, yet she had taken it in stride.
A high pitched laugh came from behind her. I looked over Yukinoshita to see Yuigahama stumbling towards us, her arms clutching her sides. She was quite beside herself with laughter, even tearing up a little as she arrived beside Yukinoshita and let out another hearty laugh.
I smiled as I revealed the earpiece from behind my hair. However, Yukinoshita was still reeling from the sudden, unexpected attack and was starting to lean on Yuigahama for support.
Finally, she regained enough of her composure to managed a weak "So it works…"
I have no idea if she was talking about the earpiece, or the pick up line.
"Sorry Yukinon, that was my idea…" Yuigahama said apologetically.
"I see… So this is your approach, Yuigahama-san…" Yukinoshita muttered.
"What? No! ...I just thought it would be fun to have Hikki try it out..." Yuigahama said, only was cut off by Yukinoshita.
"I had thought the last time was bad enough… but to think you would have another of those vile, unladylike, insulti-"
Yukinoshita paused and took a deep breath to calm herself, before turning to face me.
"Hikigaya-kun, regarding the second match. Set a meeting for tomorrow, immediately after school. Chiba station should do. Remember to charge the earpiece tonight. I will have further instructions for you later."
And with that, she marched off, although her stride was still rather shaky despite her best attempts to hide it.
"You think we made her mad?" Yuigahama asked, a little worried about her friend.
"Hmm? Nah. I bet she loved every second of it." I replied, far more concerned about the date with Orimoto tomorrow.
I retired to bed that night with diagrams, maps and analyses of Bluetooth penetration, signal strength propagation and maximum theoretical distances playing in my head. If everything goes right, I should be able to use tomorrow's date with Orimoto to ascertain my theories, and with just a bit of luck and some planning, pull off a miracle on Friday.
