Chapter 12
It was the first night either had spent apart in six months. Neither slept a wink. Jane never tried. Maura gave up around 3 am. Both seemed lost without the other. Neither fully understanding what this would all lead to. Where things would go from last night. Neither really knew how, and if, they could move forward.
As morning approached, Jane did what she always did. She went into work. She could no longer stay in her apartment alone. She kept feeling the walls close in on her. She needed to get out the apartment and she figured she could throw herself into her work. She was at her desk by 5 am. Maybe she couldn't figure out her own life but she was determined to figure out what ended the lives of her two victims.
Maura waited. She had made plans for him to come over early. And at 6 am there was a knock on her door. She opened it and smiled at her visitor. "Thanks for coming over."
"I'm just sorry it wasn't last night. I was stuck working a sting operation," offered Frankie as he entered the house. "You look like hell by the way."
"Thanks."
"I can only assume Jane looks the same. Probably worse?"
Maura just shrugged. "She didn't stay here last night. So I wouldn't know."
Frankie grew more concerned. "Ok Doc. Start talking. What is going on between you and my sister? You guys have some sort of fight?"
"I wish. But that would have involved an actual conversation," she said flatly.
"Oh, let me guess. You hit 'The Wall' with her?"
"The what?"
"'The Wall' is what I named it a long time ago. You tried to get her to talk about whatever it is she never talks about. That couldn't have been a pretty conversation," he said with sympathy in his voice.
"Try no conversation at all. It was like she couldn't even form any words. I've never seen her like that. Not even after Hoyt."
Frankie nodded. "It's not a sight many people get to see. What led up to all of this?"
"She had some sort of nightmare yesterday morning. She won't tell me about it."
"So that's why she looked awful yesterday. I should have recognized that look. I missed it. I only spoke to her briefly yesterday and I never even asked her if she was feeling ok."
"Would it have mattered if you had? She gives the same answer to everyone."
"Something she ate?" he asked knowing that would have been the line she most likely used.
Maura nodded. "Frankie, do you have any idea what is going on with her? I mean what it really is? I can't help thinking that if there is someone who knows that someone would be you."
Frankie looked at Maura. She looked so lost. Tired and worried. The sight of her broke his heart. He cared for Maura. He considered her a sister. Had even before she started dating Jane. After that, he was sure she would become his sister-in-law. He was so happy when they announced they were together. Frankie thought Jane had finally found someone that would make her complete. Happy. He had seen Maura's effect on his sister. Jane had been more open with Maura than he had ever seen her and he had thought that there was finally someone who could expel the demons from his sister's psyche. "Maura, I know you only want to help her. But I'm pretty sure I'm not the one that needs to tell you anything. I think it has to come from Jane."
"So you do know," she asked with sudden hope to her voice.
"I have an idea. One she has never confirmed. But I think I know." He knew Maura would keep asking. But what he didn't know was if he should tell her anything. Over the years he had tried to get Jane to confide in him. Each effort met with complete failure. He had pieced together enough and had one time summoned up the courage to ask Jane a specific question and got as close to a confirmation that he felt he might ever get. But sitting here, looking into the eyes of the woman he knew his sister was in love with, he didn't know what he should do.
"What could be so bad that she would shut you, or your mother or anyone else out of her life? Frankie please! You have to help me here," she didn't even trying to hide the desperation she felt. "I'm losing her."
"Maura, our whole lives Janie and I have had exactly one fight. One. And that's pretty rare considering the temperament of the Rizzoli clan. You've seen our family interactions. Our one fight was over this very topic. I tried to get her to tell me something she wasn't ready to talk about which wasn't new because I tried to get her to tell me for years. But one time I pushed it too far. It almost cost me my relationship with her. She didn't speak to me for three months."
"I don't want this to cost me my relationship with her either. Can't you understand that? I don't want to hurt her. I would never do anything that I thought would hurt her. You have to know that I love her. I can't imagine my life without her. But I can't reach her because of something I don't understand.
"Whatever it is that's what is hurting her Frankie. Not you or me or your mother asking about it. We just love her. I can't stand to see her in pain. She's had too much of that for one lifetime. I want to protect her too but I think I need to protect her from herself. Someone has to get through to her. If not you then it needs to be me. But I can't go into another conversation with her without knowing at least something. Frankie, did something happen to her?"
Deep down he knew she was right. If he didn't give Maura something Jane would most likely continue to push her away until she just couldn't take it anymore. Frankie had watched Jane do that her whole life. That wasn't the future he wanted for his sister. He wanted the future that had her together with Maura and at peace. Happy. This was his chance to help make that future a possibility. There was no one in the world he loved more than he loved Jane. She had always been there for him. Always. She was his hero. So he decided. It was his turn to be there for her whether it was what she wanted or not. His sister's happiness was worth having her hate him.
"No. Nothing happened specifically to her. It's not abuse or anything like that if that is what you are worried about. That is what Ma always thought it might be. But something did happen. She was a part of something." He paused. "I can't and I won't fill in any blanks. She's my sister Maura. This has to come from her. But I will tell you how to start her talking if she ever will talk. Ask her about Benjamin."
"Benjamin?"
Frankie nodded. Part of him felt like he had just betrayed his sister. But he was convinced it was the right thing to do. "That's really all I can say. Anything else you will have to get Jane to tell you."
