Thank you guys for being patient. I just went to college and well it's taking time out of my writing. This chapter took a while to write, anyway, because I wanted to get it as right as possible. Unfortunately that meant a tonne of re-writes and I'm still not sure if it's any good. Anyway, enough complaining.

Read on and let me know what you think.

And of course thanks to everybody who has read, reviewed, favorited and followed. You all rock.

Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go, but rather learning to start over ~ Nicole Sobon

Alex:

"Kristen Stand, huh? I'm Dillion." Sean offered his hand to the blond Kristen and she shook it. They'd agreed that Sean would use a fake name if approached by the suspect and that he would follow her lead.

"And what are you doing drinking all by your lonesome?" Kristen leaned toward Sean, a bright smile on her face. There was something off about it though. There was something too eager about it.

Alex wasn't basing that on the residual jealousy she was feeling, but before she could think on that further, Owen distracted her. He'd placed his hand on the inside of her thigh, squeezing lightly to get her attention and boy, did he. Her sole focus became the heat that Owen's hand had sent coursing through her body. It made something squirm low in her belly, made places in her body reawaken with a vengeance.

It's only because you haven't had sex in a while. Alex tried to convince herself of that, even as her heart beat accelerated and she started to ache. She stared down at his hand, unsure of whether she wanted him to take it away or move it higher. Stop it, Alex. Owen is your friend. You can't let thoughts like that ruin what you have with him. You'll lose him if you let thoughts of romance and sex get in the way. Now, get your head back in the mission!

"...is strange. She's supposed to be a brunette, right?" Owen was muttering in her ear, their bodies having partially molded together while she wasn't paying attention. Alex made herself ignore how good being close to her friend, made her feel. It wasn't like they hadn't been this close before, but each of those times one of them or ,had needed comfort.

That wasn't the case now.

"That's what her file said," Alex agreed, her voice husky from disuse and if she was being perfectly honest, arousal.

"Base, we have eyes on a Kristen Stand. But this woman is blond, not brunette. She approached Sean at the bar and he is engaging her in conversation. How should we play this?" Owen reported back, while Alex turned her attention back to Sean and Kristen. They seemed to be hitting it off, if Kristen's laugh was any indication.

"You don't sound British?" Sean was saying, taking a drink from his Jack Daniels and Coke, minus the Jack Daniels.

"That's because I'm originally from Kansas and please don't say it."

"Say what?" Sean asked, playing along. "What would I have to say about Kansas?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about and don't play dumb." Kristen playfully punched Sean in the arm. He made a face as if he'd seriously injured and the two of them laughed.

Someone's getting their flirt on. Alex was torn. On the one hand her feelings for Sean were still there and like she'd admitted to herself she was feeling some jealousy. But maybe I'm just jealous of how easy it is for Sean to have such an easy relationship with someone he'd just meet? Granted this was a mission and it wasn't like Sean was going to end up going home with this woman in the classical sense, but he seemed more at ease with Kristen than he'd ever been with Alex.

It felt he was always walking on eggshells around her; afraid of asking about her past or doing anything to make her feel uncomfortable. Not that she didn't appreciate Sean's obvious respect and concern for her past, but he treated her like she was a glass doll. That was exactly what had started the deterioration of their relationship. He wanted to protect her; that was fine, because she wanted to protect him. His version of protection was not the same as hers. Sean meant well, but making her quit Division just so he wouldn't have to worry, it made her feel like he didn't trust that she could take care of herself. But they could have worked on that, because he loved her and she had wanted to love him back...

Had? Past tense?

"Nikita said to let it play out, but to follow them if they got up to leave." Alex acknowledged Owen with a nod, her mind riling in turmoil. Her entire body was tense, her internal revelation manifesting itself psychically. She had wanted to love him, but something had changed. She had changed.

Alex had one knee-jerk reaction when it came too overwhelming emotions; deal with them on her own. That meant anything from locking them down to self-medicating; then Owen came along. It hadn't been the type of situation where she started talking about her problems and they all suddenly disappeared, because there was no such thing as a quick-fix scheme. Not if you wanted to truly get better and Alex wanted that.

Owen made that possible, because he didn't shy away from the nastier parts of her personality, and her past. He let her talk, or not talk, if that's what she needed. Nikita was the mother she never had and like every child, Alex was afraid of disappointing her. Her inner demons feed on this, whittling away at her self-confidence. The whispered the same thing over and over. If you're not good enough, strong enough, she'll leave you too. Just like your biological mother did. On an instinctual level Alex knew Nikita was nothing like that, knew she'd never leave.

But there was something about having chosen to let Owen in of her own accord. Nikita had saved and mentored her, Michael had trained her and Birkhoff was like an annoying older brother. They were the family that had been thrust upon her, but she loved every damn one of them. Owen was the first person that she'd allowed to be her friend. She hadn't even let Sean do that.

A friend to Alex was someone she could talk to about her personal problems without feeling ashamed or guilty. In her head, from what she'd observed, a proper friendship equated a level of sharing that she hadn't been entirely comfortable with. It was all well and good for Alex to share with Nikita or the others, because that what families did. Letting Owen into her life had been a huge emotional gamble. It was paying off so far.

"What's wrong, Alex?" Owen had obviously become aware of her body language. He didn't look at her, they were supposed too be watching Sean, but she could feel his concern.

"I was just thinking about the difference about family and friends," she answered as honestly as possible. She didn't want to confess how much she'd started to depend on Owen's friendship. She didn't want to scare him away. "Owen I wanted to tell you how much..." Sean and Kristen stood, causing Owen and Alex to refocus on their conversation.

"I only live about ten minutes away, so we can walk," Kristen was saying, while Sean helped her back into her coat.

"Sounds good," Sean agreed, as they made their way through the pub towards the door. Owen stood to follow, offering his hand out to Alex. She took it and allowed him to pull her to her feet. He didn't drop her hand, but intertwined their fingers. His just staying in character. Just ignore the tingles.

"Base, target is on the move with Sean. Heading to the woman's apartment. Will follow at a safe distance." Alex relayed the information, as Owen deftly manoeuvred them around the chairs, tables and people. They were about thirty seconds behind the other couple, their eyes glued to their back. As they watched Kristen grabbed the lapels of Sean's collar and pulled him into an alleyway, a short distance from the pub. Alex and Owen followed discreetly, stopping at the corner. Owen leaned against the rough wall.

"Oof." Alex barely contained her surprise as Owen suddenly dragged her up against his body so they were pressed together, chest-to-chest, thigh-to-thigh, his hands on her waist. He was taller than her, so she had to crane her neck to look up at him. "What are you doing?" Alex's voice came out sounding way to breathless. Owen's head lowered towards hers. Alex had split-second vision of Owen pressing his lips against her, before his cheek grazed hers, his stubble rough against her skin.

"Look around the corner and see what there doing?" Alex told herself to stop fixating on her relationships with Sean and Owen and worry about it later. She did as she was told and saw Kristen and Sean making out like teenagers. Alex expected to feel some big emotion at the sight of her ex-boyfriend kissing another woman, but again Owen's nearness was making it hard for her to work up any emotional response to the scene unfolding in front of her. "What's happening?"

"There... Wait." Alex watched Kristen's hands move under Sean's coat and suddenly she was pushing him away, a gun in her hand. "She just pulled a gun on Sean."

Owen tensed and pulled out his own gun. Alex followed suit, her eyes trained on Sean. If that bitch hurts him! Alex might have figured out that what she and Sean had was more or less over, but that didn't mean she didn't care about him.

"Walking around armed Sean? This isn't America remember. You're not supposed to have a gun on your person. Naughty boy." Kristen wagged the gun at Sean, further demonstrating her point.

"Kristen what are you doing? Give me back my gun." Sean spoke calmly, his hands held out by his sides.

"So who do you work for? FBI? CIA? Special Ops? Navy? Division?"

"We have a situation, base," Owen reported, while Alex kept watch. "Kristen has Sean at gunpoint. We're going to intercede and capture."

"What's the plan?" Alex knew he had one from the look on his face. He put his gun away and nodded for her to do the same.

"We're just going to continue to act like a couple."

Owen laughter loudly and threw his arm around Alex's shoulder moving her around the corner with his body. "Honey, my mother is not going to hate you. She'll love you."

Alex grinned up at Owen, watching Kristen out of the corner of her eye. The woman had pulled Sean towards her and sandwiched the gun between them, trying to hide it. Bad move on her part. "That's easy for you to say. You're not meeting her are you?"

Almost there.

Five more steps.

Alex moved from under Owen's arm and moved to walk backwards. "Besides you've already charmed my mother and the pressure is all on me now."

Alex pouted and just when she stepped past Sean, she made her move. Grabbing Sean by the back of the jacket, she yanked him backwards and down to avoid any bullets if the gun with off. Owen had his .45 out and pointed at Kristen's head before she could even blink.

"Drop the gun, Kristen." Owen's tone left no room for argument, but she just sneered at him.

"Why should I? If your Division your just going to kill me anyway." By this time, both Alex and Sean had straightened and Sean was holding Alex's gun. He'd pulled from her jeans without her permission and she was now defenceless. Sean was standing in front of her like a barrier, but she would have much preferred her gun, but now was not the time to argue.

"How do you know about Division?" Sean asked, pointing Alex's gun at her head.

"How do you know about Division?" Kristen shot back, her finger reflexively grasping and un-grasping the trigger. Sean's gun was hanging by her side, but even with two guns, aimed at her, there was no fear on her face.

Owen had moved so that he was part of the 'protect Alex' barrier, but Alex was pretty sure that it was so he had a better vantage point. It was what she would have done. Alex tried to move so that she would be out of Kristen's sight if the woman to get trigger happy, but Sean kept following her movements. Owen shot him a look, but Sean ignored him. He couldn't tell Sean to stop or that would draw attention to her presence and that she was the obvious weak-link, having no weapon.

"Listen Kristen, we're here to ask some questions that's all?" Sean spoke softly, trying to calm her with his voice. "We just want to know if you were ever part of Division?"

Alex saw Owen discreetly call for back-up while Kristen was distracted by Sean.

"Why should I answer any of your questions? You won't answer any of fine!"

"We're not here to hurt you, ok? We, really, just want to talk." Sean took a step closer.

"I only know about Division, because I was sent there to oversee it, but it has been shut down since and a new Division has sprung up. They don't kill rouge agents anymore, so if that's what you are, your safe. We won't hurt you."

Kristen raised her gun, a fierce look in her eyes. "Then why are you pointing guns in my face?"

A scream at the end of the alleyway had them all turning their heads. Oh, great. The last thing we need to add to this bag of crazy is civilians. Alex turned back in time to see Sean lunge forward to grab Kristen's gun hand, turning sideways so that he could avoid the it, leaving Alex wide open.

Kristen and Sean struggled and the gun went off.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Alex fell backwards, her head crashing against the concrete. The wind was knocked out of her when heavy body followed her down, covering her like a blanket. It took a few seconds for Alex to reorient herself, but when she did, she cried out in fear.

"Owen?! Owen?! Owen!" The stupid man had jumped in front of the bullet meant for her. Alex would kill him, if he was dead. She was tugging at the scarf he'd wrapped around his neck trying to feel for a pulse. "Owen, answer me!"

Alex distantly heard tires screech, but Owen's groan was the only noise that truly registered with her. "Ugh, that hurt." She half-laughed, half-cried with relief, wrapping her arms around Owen's waist.

"We'd it get you? And how many bullets?" Alex rested her head back against the concrete not caring about dirt at this stage.

"One. The back of the shoulder," he said, groaning again. He shifted his head, so that it was pressed against Alex's neck. "First an explosion and now a bullet? I'm glad you think scars are sexy, because this ones going to be pretty." Alex choked back a laugh, tears slipping out the corner of her eyes. She patted around his shoulders until she felt the place where he'd been shot and applied pressure with the palm of her hand. The judicatory of their position was making it difficult to apply a great amount of pressure, but at least she felt like she was helping. The pain must have made him start acting crazy or maybe Alex's head injury must have been worse than she thought and she was imaging the whole thing, because Owen stared placing soft, butterfly kisses up and down the side of her neck. The hand she had around his waist fisted in his jacket, pleasure gently pulsating through her body, but then she remembered where they were. She also remembered the promise she'd made to herself in the pub.

Friends. He was her friend and she never wanted to lose him.

Luckily she was saved from having to tell him to stop by Nikita. "Owen, are you trying to smother Alex? Because it looks like you're doing a pretty good job."

"I've been shot and I shouldn't be moved until the proper medical authority arrive." He was right, because the wound seemed to be very close to his spine and Alex didn't want him too be moved unnecessarily. Owen snuggled closer to Alex, if that wasn't even possible considering he was on top of her. Strange thing was, Alex wasn't finding it as suffocating as she'd originally thought it would be to have a man's weight pressed down on her. Because of her past, she always had to be on top during sex. Being underneath just brought up old memories, made her feel claustrophobic and anxious. But maybe it had more to do with the man that was currently using her as a bed?

"Nikita, help me get his scarf off, so you can press it on the wound," Alex asked, gently tugging at the material herself. She'd already loosened it while trying to find his pulse, so Nikita had no trouble freeing it. She placed the scarf on Owen's wound and Alex replace Nikita's hand with her own.

"Where's Sean and Kristen?" Alex asked, moving on to her next question. She'd found it odd that Sean hadn't checked on either of them after the gun had gone off three times.

"We arrived just in time to see you two go down and Sean subdue Kristen. He wanted to come check on you, but I told him to get Kristen squared away in the back of the van. She's putting up quite a fight."

Owen harrumphed from his position on Alex. "Late to the party, Nikki, shame on you. You missed my impressive tackle."

"While I am grateful for the life saving, my head does not talk you for that tackle, by the way," Alex complained. She would more than likely had a concussion, but it was only a small price to pay in the long run.

"Aw poor baby, did I hurt your head?" Alex wasn't sure if Owen was mocking her or not, but his un-injured arm moved up and he was cupping the back of her head, feeling for any lumps.

"You know you could take this more seriously. You've just been shot." Alex tried to chastise him, but of course Owen ignored her.

"Serious is for Michael. We all know I'm the playful one, not afraid to speak his mind."

"I resent that," Michael chipped in, having joined Nikita. "I'm not always serious."

"Oh honey, I know that," Nikita purred, her voice heavy with suggestion. Alex laughed and turned her head away from the mushiness of Michael and Nikita giving them some semblance of privacy.

"Medical will be here in five and I've handled the crowd. This a robbery gone wrong, but we've captured the culprits. I told them to all go home." Michael was the best when it came to strategies on handling anything and everything. He thought outside the box, always a step ahead of everyone else.

By the time medical got here, Owen had become drowsy. He was slurring his words when he did speak and Alex was never so grateful to see a black van. They decked it out like an ambulance, using it for emergencies like this. She was also grateful that Nikita had insisted on bringing a small medical team with them and she was almost positive it had to do with her shoulder injury in the first place. Nikita was the best person she knew, always trying to help in any way she could.


They were back in the hotel, medical having taken care of Owen's shoulder in the van. It had missed his spine by two and half inches, thank God, but they had to remove the bullet from between his shoulder-blade and his spine. He was one lucky man. Owen grumbled something in his sleep. Alex leapt out of the chair she'd been sitting on, keeping a silent vigil over his bed. She sat on the edge of his bed,running her fingers through his hair. "Owen? Owen, can you hear me?" No answer, but his continued breathing was enough.

Alex head injury wasn't as bad as she had thought. Medical told her she probably had a mild concussion, but just to watch out for dizzy spells and nausea. Owen grumbled something in his sleep again, but his eyes remained shut. He was lying on his stomach, his back and some of his torso wrapped up in bandages. Alex ghosted her fingers over his wound, tears welling in her eyes. Oh God, what if he had died? Or she'd gotten his spine? All just to save her, again. There was a knock at the door. Alex wanted to ignore it, but she was afraid that the knocking would wake him.

"What do you want, Sean?" Alex grabbed a set of keys off the side table beside the door and stepped out into the hall, gently closing the door behind her. She had a feeling that she and Sean were about to get into it and she didn't want to disturb Owen.

"I wanted to say how sorry I was," Sean began, his face scrunched up in remorse. "I didn't mean for you to get shot at."

He didn't mean for me to get shot at? What about Owen? Why wasn't he asking about Owen?

Alex folded her arms and took a step back from Sean, showing him physically that the distance between them was growing. "What about Owen?"

"His fine, isn't he. No harm, no foul. I'm glad he jumped in front of that bullet to save you. I would have done the same thing."

Alex took a deep breath. She was on the verge of losing it with him. He didn't care that Owen was hurt because of him. Because of her.

"He could have died."

Alex couldn't let it go.

"And you could have too. I'm so sorry I left you open to an attack like that. I thought I could get the gun away from her before she could pull the trigger." Sean took a step forward, Alex stepped back. "I mean Alex, this should show how dangerous it is to continue on in Division."

Alex closed her eyes against the pain that washed through her. He was really going to use this as another way of proving his point. She knew he didn't realise exactly what it was he was saying or how much hurt it was causing her, because he thought he was right. He thought he knew what was best for her, because he loved her. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"That every time you say something like that it eats away at my confidence, at my ability to be a good agent. I'm not doing this for kicks, Sean. This is my life. It's the only real life that I've ever known. It's important to me. And, however unintentional, you keep belittling that. You make it out that I shouldn't be out there risking my life, but it's ok that Owen got shot. Because that's the job. What you really want is someone nice and normal girlfriend with no problems. Someone who has no connection to this crazy life we lead. And I am not her. I can't stay at home while you go out and fight the bad guys. I would worry myself sick and then I'd probably resort to taking pills to keep myself calm." Alex was shocked at her own honesty. But there it was, the ugly truth rearing its head. "I... I need purpose. I need someone who will let be me, even if that means supporting me going out there doing dangerous work. Because right now, that's what I want. It helps me keep my demons at bay, until I can find another way to do it."

Sean was staring at her, his expression a fixture of pain, sadness and confusion. "Where does that leave us?"

Tears welled in her eyes. She didn't want to hurt him. She didn't, but this was the only way. "You deserve someone who can be your normal. You deserve a girl who is can wait at home without worrying that she's going to break. I can't be her, Sean. As much as I care about you, I can't be that girl."

"Alex, I..."

"I'm sorry Sean, I, we, can't do this anymore." Alex shook her head, when Sean reached a hand out towards her. "Please Sean. I want you too be happy."

"Sean we need you," Michael called from down the hall. Alex quickly wiped at her eyes and turned to walk back into Owen's room.

"This isn't over, Alex," Sean caught her with those words, before she could escape into the room.

It was over. He just didn't know it yet.

Leaning back against the door, Alex scrubbed at her face. She felt raw and exposed, her emotions twisting into one big ball of sickness in her stomach. How much more was she going to have to take before her life settled down? Straightening Alex wandered back into the room to check on Owen. He was still sleeping, the drugs medical had given him keeping him sedated so he didn't move around too much and strain the stitches. She stood at the side of his bed, watching his back rise and fall.

"We're not in Kansas anymore," Owen muttered in his sleep.

Alex smiled, feeling the first stirring of something other than friendship. She quickly squashed it down. This was not the time for that. She had to get her life together, before she could even begin to consider letting somebody in romantically.

No, we're not in Kansas anymore, she silently agreed.