Santana and I sat close together at one of the many tables placed throughout the library. Santana had her laptop open in front of her and we were searching the internet for a song that Quinn could sing to Rachel.
"What about this one?" Santana asked pointing at one of the songs on the extremely long list we were looking through.
"No…" I dismissed her choice with a flick of the hand. "That's not right."
"Uh! I doubt we'll ever find the right one! We've been looking at this list for over half an hour."
I grunted understanding her frustration; this was a lot harder than I'd previously thought.
"Let's take a break for now then," I said shutting her computer and leaning back in my chair. I rubbed my middle fingers in circles over my temples trying to push away the headache I'd gotten from staring at the computer screen for so long.
"Good idea." Santana agreed and packed her laptop away in her bag. "Do you maybe wanna come back to this tomorrow after school?"
"Uh I can't. I have to go see Miss Pillsbury after school, my step dad wants me to go to once a week counseling secessions to talk about my mom." I rolled my eyes getting annoyed even as I spoke the words.
"Oh," she said surprised.
"Yeah your dad found me in the hall before 3rd period and told me." At the mention of her dad Santana went quiet. "Did I say something wrong?" I asked unsure.
"No, I just hate that my dad, he's everywhere. Whether it's at school or at home I feel like he's always watching me, judging my every move. I just wish I had a place I could go to get away from him."
Her confession made me frown. "Maybe one weekend we can go to my place. I don't live that far away and my step dad's never home so we wouldn't be bothered by anyone." As I said the words I realized what that would mean. I would be spending every second of the day, alone, with Santana. I suddenly felt the butterflies again.
"I wish I could but there's no way my dad would let me. He doesn't like me leaving the school on weekends, thinks I should be using that time to study."
"That sucks." I commented. "Are you going home this Thanksgiving?" I asked thinking it was better just to change the subject.
"Yeah I have to; a bunch of my family always comes over and we make a big meal."
"Oh sounds fun."
"What about you?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "Nothing, I'm probably just going to stay here."
"You're not going back home to see your step dad?"
I shook my head. "No he's going to be away for business and I just don't feel like making the trip to spend a few days at the house alone."
"I'd rather be here where the meals are made for me." I added and she laughed.
"Makes sense…I'd invite you to come it's just my dad say's Thanksgiving is a time to spend with your family."
"It's alright I understand."
We both took that moment to look at the clock and saw that the class was almost over.
I began packing up my last few things; as I was pushing my notebook into the bag I heard Santana whisper from the chair next to me. "I really wish you could come."
I didn't respond. She'd been so quiet that I wasn't sure if she had meant for me to hear her. I knew that if she had been talking to me she would probably say something when I didn't respond; but she didn't.
I felt myself start to smile. As cheesy as it sounds I was happy that she wanted me to come along. I wished just like her that I could. Even if our reasons why were slightly different.
We left the library after the bell rang and both headed off to our next class. "See you after school" I said and walked away.
I stood outside Miss Pillsbury's closed office door. I had come here right after classes ended just as the Headmaster had instructed but I hadn't been able to go in.
I kept thinking about my mom and the things Miss Pillsbury would try to talk to me about and I felt scared; I felt scared at being so emotionally exposed.
I knew that no matter what I would have to suck it up and go in at some point so I just pushed aside my fears and entered the office.
Miss Pillsbury sat behind her desk as usual and as she saw me walk in she smiled.
"Hi Brittany" she smiled. "Nice to see you, please sit down." She motioned me toward the chair on her right. "So to start why don't you tell me why you think you're here?"
I sat down and looked out the window. "I guess the main reason is because of my mom." I said rather obviously.
"I would first like to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling."
"Yeah…"
"How are you doing Brittany?" She went on. "I know you've had a lot to deal with these past few months. With your mother's passing and then to move to a completely new school on top of it all must have been hard."
"It wasn't too hard adjusting to the new school; I've already made some great friends."
She grinned, "That's wonderful to hear. Have you told any of them about your mother?"
I nodded.
"I'm happy you've found some people that you can open up to."
"So, tell me about your friends."
I really didn't want to be here right now. I wish everyone would just leave me alone to work through this on my own. But I was stuck. I figured as long as we were talking about my friends I would answer her questions.
"How about you tell me their names first" She offered.
"Well there's Quinn, Rachel, Mercedes, Tina, and my roommate Santana."
She nodded recognizing the names. "Who would you say you're closest to?"
I barley needed to think about it. "Quinn and Santana"
"Am I correct to assume Santana and Quinn are the ones you've talked about your mom with?"
"Yes" I answered.
"Tell me why you think out of all your friends you chose them to open up to."
I shrugged trying to find the right words. "With Quinn, I don't know if it was anything specific it's just a feeling I got. She's such a sweet person and I just knew that I could trust her."
"And Santana?" she urged me on.
"Santana just let me in the second she met me. She accepted me as a roommate and a friend."
I stopped unsure if I wanted to tell her about the time Santana had comforted me after the dream I'd had about my mom. As I thought about it more I figured that maybe if I opened up just enough in this one secession I could convince them all that I didn't need therapy. I decided in the end just to tell her.
"Santana, one night, woke me up from a dream I'd been having; I had dreamt about my mom. I dreamt that she wasn't dead that she was alive and I was…crying. She woke me up and helped me calm down. No one other than my mom had ever held me like that as I cried." I realized as I told her the story my eyes started to well up at remembering the painful dream.
I stopped talking and turned to look out the window again, taking a deep breath, trying to stop my tears.
Miss Pillsbury stayed quiet, waiting to see if I would say anything more and when I didn't she spoke, "Would you mind doing something for me?"
I was a bit surprised at her sudden question, "What?"
"During the following week, before our next secession, I would like you to choose someone in your life that you think you think you can talk to and tell them something you wouldn't normally tell others. Try to pick something that makes you feel vulnerable; something that requires a bit of a risk to reveal."
I didn't like the sound of this at all.
"Do you think you can do that?" she added seeing how uncomfortable I was becoming.
My stomach twisted as my biggest secret came to the forefront of my mind; the thought of telling someone I was a lesbian terrified me. I tried to calm my nerves as I assured myself that I didn't have to confess to that. I would think of something else to say. "I…I guess." I knew this wasn't something I could get out of.
"Good. I think that's all for today." She said standing up and walking around her desk.
I was surprised and happy to have our talk end so soon. I reached for my bag and moved out of the chair eager to leave.
"See you next Wednesday."
I sighed, my hopes of escaping these weekly secessions dissipated. "Next Wednesday" I agreed and left the office.
I walked up to my room trying not to worry about what Miss Pillsbury had asked me to do. I quickly put it out of my mind to worry about later.
Santana was lying across her bed with her laptop out in front of her typing away at the keyboard when I came in.
She sat up as I lay back against my bed folding my arms underneath my head.
"How did it go?"
"It went ok…"
"Do you wanna talk about it?" It felt good to know that she cared enough to ask but at that moment I wasn't really in the mood.
"Not right now, I'll tell you about it later."
"Okay," she agreed without any further discussion and moved on. "Quinn wanted me to tell you she thinks she found the song she's gonna sing to Rachel next week."
"What song?"
"Didn't say which one but she said she wanted to come over and show us as soon as you got back."
I picked up my phone and sent Quinn a text telling her I was back at the room.
She replied quickly letting me know she was on her way over. "She's coming." I told Santana and knowing how short the trip was from her room to ours we just sat, looking toward the door, and waited.
Quinn came rushing in, laptop in hand, and went to sit on the end of Santana's bed.
She flipped the screen open and moved her fingers over the mouse pad, "I think this is the one you guys." She stated proudly.
"What song is it?" Santana asked Quinn.
"Just listen…"
She had it ready to go and with one click of the button the song started.
I listened as the soft sounds of a guitar started the song. The man began singing and as I listened to his words I thought about the meanings hidden within them.
The man delicately sang to his love; promising to give her every bit of himself.
I noticed how well the words fit; perfectly describing the way I knew Quinn and Rachel felt about each other.
When to song ended Quinn spoke, "So…what do you think?"
"I think it's perfect." I told her and she smiled.
"Me too," Santana agreed. "I can't wait for her to hear it!"
That's all for this chapter everyone let me know what you guys think!
Thank you to those who favorited the story! I'm so happy you are enjoying it!
Epomime I am so happy that you like my faberry! Lol and that you liked that Halloween party! I will have more out soon! Hope you liked this chapter!
Ai Shiteru Soul Haha ya I know I'm taking my time! haha They can't just rush into it but don't worry I will get them there as soon as its right.
Lileyfan1415 Quinn will sing the song to Rachel alone but they tried helping Quinn lol she just found the perfect song before they did. And I like your suggestion, may have been already thinking about that but thanks, you will probably at some point see that ;)
PazuzuGodking I'm glad you liked it enough to review twice!
