Well, we have the TENTH chapter!!
YAY I have never went so far as a TWO DIGIT chapter number!!
HOORAY FOR ME!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!
AND THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO'S REVIEWED ME AND ALERTED ME AND THANK YOU SO MUCH, MICHELLE, FOR BETAING ME SO FAR!!
I'LL NEED A SECONDARY BETA READER, SO PM ME IF YOU'RE INTERESTED!!
Ahem... Excuse me... Well, enjoy this chapter, folks...
I don't own KHR...
This chapter is more of like a mentally attacking chapter... so yea...
And... OUR FAVORITE SADIST HERE HAS FOUND OUT PART OF THE SECRET THE PRINCESS HIDES!!
Le GASP!!
Oh and i am very sorry that i updated a little late.... waahh...
sorries...
oh well, Enjoy!
xDD
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Espér POV
I was crying in that tree, ignoring nearly everything outside my private little bubble. Kyou-nii popped it in a most unsatisfying manner, or the most unsatisfying manner to me in the self-hating mood I was in right now.
"Princesses don't cry, Espér." I glared at him, making sure my knees covered part of my face, so he won't see the wet tears that stained my uniform.
"Come on, Espér. Please get down from the tree." I put my head back down on my knees and shook my head there, mumbling a soft "No, Kyou-nii."
"I've punished the three who made you cry. Come on. They're gone now, and you can come down." At that, my eyes watered, and I shut them. I sniffed and hugged my legs. No, I can't start crying again. Not in front of Kyou-nii.
How could he? They must be bleeding heavily by now. All because of me. I should've known better. It was a good thing I tied up my hair when no one was looking, or else more people would know, like Kyou-nii...
"Please come down, princess. Or I'll have to come up there." I shook my head again. I heard a few scratches, a grunt, and a few bursts of hard breathing. By then, I knew he had climbed the tree. I still had my head down.
"You know why your parents call mine brother and sisters? Why we have to call each others' parents aunt and uncle?"
"B-because they are r-really good f-friends..." I squeezed my eyes closed even tighter and shivered even harder. Friends. Real friends. Friends that don't lie to me. Something I did not have. Something I truly do not have, even now.
"No," Kyou-nii whispered, "It's because we're cousins." I shot my eyes open.
He-he's my cousin? After so long for wishing that Kyou-nii was a brother, and turns out he's a perfect fit for one... He must be lying.
Anyways, if he really is, then he must be born into the Estreano famiglia, too. Then, he must have been tested on, too. And how did he escape that? There's no way Mukuro would save him. Therefore, he must, must, be lying. No matter how hard it is to say this, I must, if I would ever find the truth.
Too many times I've been tricked. Too many times I've been deceived. Too many times I've been told lies. I cannot put my full trust on anyone but myself. Even at times, Onii-san had lied and had taken me away.
And now it was, of all people, Kyou-nii.
"K-K-Kyou-n-nii, a-are you s-sur-sure that i-it's tr-true? K-K-Kyou-n-ni-nii, a-are you l-ly-ly-lyi-lyin-"
"No," he whispered again. For a split second, I had almost believed it.
"No, no, no! You are lying to me, Kyou-nii! Too many have lied to me. Why should you be any different? Mama lied. Papa lied. Auntie lied. Uncle lied. All those bad people lied. Hayato lied. Ryohei lied. Tsuna lied. Even Yamamoto lied. The teachers all lied. The landlords lied. The-the cashiers lied. The shopkeepers lied. The newspapers lied. Reporters lied. Detectives lied. The police lied. For crying out loud, all the murderers lied, too. Why, why would you be any different than another fellow citizen?" I had stood up against the tree's thick trunk, hands balled up into fists. Kyou-nii, who sat beside me on the branch looked up at me.
Too late.
He had seen the never-drying tears on my uniform, my red cheeks. He knew I had been crying for longer than I have ever cried in my life now. Then he would pity me the way he always does, and take me home.
But I can't let him. They'd come, and take him away. Or have me erase him. Of course, I don't want to do that. Do I?
"Espér, you were crying?"
"Well, of course I was!" I'm so ashamed of my harsh tone on Kyou-nii, but there's no helping it.
"D-did you notice anything else around you?"
"The green sakura buds, the trees, the branches, the ground. Why do you want to know, anyways, deceiver?" I was surprised at what I had said to Kyou-nii. Fresh tears lit up my eyes, and I shut them in for the millionth time today. I knew that single word had shot through Kyou-nii like an arrow.
I knew, for all these years, he strived to make someone, just someone, happy. And when he didn't, or that person is not satisfied, he'd start biting them to death. I was the only one who did not care and smiled at everything he did to please me, failure or success.
That is why I am a princess to him, and he had taken up the role of guard. Those days, there were many bullies who picked on me. I hated them. Kyou-nii saw need for protection against them, and learned how to fight through his parents, who were also Mafioso. He treated me like royalty and remained loyal even through the tough times when the Estreano fell and scattered across the world.
When we were ripped apart, we had cried, but promised to never cry any harder than that until we reunite and are once again ripped apart.
I had broken that promise.
Both, I had broken my promise, and even insulted Kyou-nii. He was worn out for some reason. Maybe because of the fight last night. The mere thought of it now brought extra tears to my already wet face.
"I-I'm sorry, Kyou-nii. Excuse me." I climbed higher into the tree and sat there, hugging my legs and resting my throbbing forehead on them once again. I started to shiver and shake in the waves of self-hate.
I-I am ashamed. I hate myself and am ashamed of myself. I'm actually considering suicide now. I don't deserve to sin so much. I don't deserve to watch everyone I have known die, and I live on. I just want my onii-san back. I just want Onii-san back. And Kyou-nii to stop lying and for once tell me the truth. For everyone to stop lying to me. For everyone to stop hiding things from me. For everyone to stop my torturous nightmare, and I can finally live in reality.
My-my dream, my illusion of eternal happiness, it has turned into a dark thing, a nightmare, a haunting, a-a different type of hurt and torcher. It's called a backfire plan.
I deserve things better than lies. Something better than self-hate. Something better than shame. Something better than suicide. Something, something like honesty and trust.
Something like the feeling of being loved and supported. Something like admiration. Something like you're not alone in the world.
Subordinates are not enough. Followers aren't enough. Minions aren't enough.
I need...
I need something...
Something like a friend.
Fresh tears poured from my eyes, and I felt Kyou-nii climb up to where I sat. No. I cannot risk hurting him anymore. I have to stay away from him. I can't take the thought that I have to hurt him. Someday, sometime, he'll sacrifice himself to save me. Just like all the other mindless Vongola Guardians and Vongola Bosses.
I can't let that happen.
With my high status and rank, I cannot let him do that. I have the power to change things.
I-
I have the power to change things.
Kyou-nii sat with me and rubbed my head. I mumbled another "No, Kyou-nii."
I've met Byakuran before. He had those same narrowed eyes of a sadist, a killer. However, they all have soft sides. Like a turtle. The shell protects the underside. By being a killer, a carnivore, you can survive. But that doesn't sound right. By killing, you can survive.
Isn't it if you are tough enough, strong enough, then you may survive. I'm tough, am I? Am I strong enough? Yes, I am strong, but am I tough? Strong in the mind as well as in the body? No. I'm a girl. They are not made for war. They are not made for fighting.
Yet they still can. They can fight. I can do that. I can adapt. Just like I had when I changed from before to now. I had adapted.
Adapted. I've heard of a carnivorous deer in the Rum islands somewhere in Europe, who had ran out of a source of protein. They had turned to ripping a bird's head to get it. The true, original wolf in a deer's skin.
Can, can I adapt that way? To change my blood innocence status? To say that I have truly killed, spilled blood?
Onii-san had his. Tsuna will, too. And both sets of Guardians had and will. Had I? Will I?
No. I cannot spill blood. I can end one's life in other ways than that type of vulgar violence. I, one of high rank and status, cannot sink to the level of killing. To send one to their worst demise: nothingness. No second chance. Only death. Reasonless death.
My tears haven't stopped yet. My head hurt even more. The waves of hate and shame slammed against my delicate barrier of numbness, and collapsed.
I can't do it. I can't go any more. All the sacrifices, for me to live. And yet it has made me more miserable, and more regretful. Did I really deserve to live on under so many sacrifices?
Kyou-nii, for some reason, hugged me. It felt good. For so long, I, who had been standing up without something to lean on, had never felt what friendship is. Friendship is truly like a second chance. I have fallen into the depths of self-loathing, and Kyou-nii has pulled me back out. And he is comforting me. Saying everything's all right. Telling me that I have nothing to worry about. And I wept in his comforting arms until the sunset. The sky darkened, and the moon, which was no longer full, came out. Even though I was there for so long, I hardly even felt better. Is it possibly that I can't be fully healed with a mere hug?
Anyways, I felt a little better, and I feel I can continue on to school tomorrow without having to skip it.
"K-Kyou-nii, I want to g-go back to my apartment. And you n-need to rest, too. You were b-bleeding, and you sh-should wash up, too." More tears welled up, but I had to push them away.
"Shhh."
"I-I have school tomorrow, and-" I gasped. "My bag. Where is it? I-I need to get it back, or else someone might've taken it away! K-Kyou-nii, my homework's in there, and my books, and everything!" I shook myself from Kyou-nii's grip.
"No, no, shhh. We'll get it back tomorrow. I'm sure you'll know what the teacher's teaching anyways. And I'm sure if I find it, I'll get it back for you as best I can, okay?" Kyou-nii took me into his arms again. He knew I still needed to heal. Still needed to control myself. He smiled a cheerful smile, though I can immediately tell it was a fake one. Byakuran smiled like that, and so did Kyou-nii. They were similar, however shall despise each other. They, they shall fight over me. One out of loyalty, and one for the sake of power.
But Kyou-nii doesn't know what's in my bag.
I had my contract in there, and my MP3. The contract to those pink-haired, masked women of the Cervello Organization, and the MP3 soundtracks of both the songs of Heaven, Hell, and all that stand between. The very songs I have learned to sing, and the ones that send all those who hear it to either Death, Life, or Rebirth.
I have to get them back, before I hurt even more people. And I hope my favorite headphones aren't stolen...
And plus, if my contract is broken, I'll be left homeless, and poor. I can't do that. I-I can't freeload off others. It's their money they had worked very hard for, and I can't just take it. I have to work for mine, too. I can't allow myself to freeload. My pride won't allow it. And so will my conscience and myself.
"K-Kyou-nii? I need to find my bag. Really, I do. An-and I'm tired. Please?"
"No, it's really okay. Let's stay here. You'll feel better, and we can search for it tomorrow. Okay?" He really doesn't know what's at stake.
"I-I'm sorry, Kyou-nii. I have to go find it. Someone could die if I don't find it." Kyou-nii looked shocked.
"D-die? What do you mean die?"
"I-I have this paper, and if I lose it, I'll be in big trouble. If I don't take the punishment, they'll hurt someone I know, like you."
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Hibari POV
"I-I have this paper, and if I lose it, I'll be in big trouble. If I don't take the punishment, they'll hurt someone I know, like you."I had never known that Espér had been in such a situation before. Something so similar to the mafia. Something so similar to what our parents did.
"No, I'm sure nobody would go through someone else's stuff. It's wrong." I squeezed her reassuringly. However, she bowed her head.
"Killing's wrong. Lying's wrong. Tricking is wrong. Violence is wrong. And if you always do that, what's the reason to not do something as little as going through someone else's stuff?" She started to cry again.
"Shhh... Espér, princesses don't cry. They are always beautiful and brave, and don't cry, ever."
"Kyou-nii, what if that princess has secretly sinned so many times that they don't even care anymore?" Oh, kami-san, what did Espér ever do to you? She's a little girl, for crying out loud! And to let her be exposed to such things...
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Espér POV
"Kyou-nii, what if that princess has secretly sinned so many times that they don't even care anymore?" I immediately regretted what I said. It was a while until Kyou-nii finally whispered:
"Espér... It-it's alright."
"Kyou-nii, is it really?"
"I-I-"
"It isn't, right? I don't deserve anything you give me anymore. I don't deserve anything at all anymore, no matter what it is, no matter who it's from. I'll go." I shook Kyou-nii off and stood up, still leaning on the trunk. I made my way down the tree and ran for it, too ashamed to face Kyou-nii anymore.
Tears rolled down to my cheeks as I remembered his words: "It's because we're cousins."
I wish.
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Well, we're done with this chapter, and here goes the next chapter, 'TIL NEXT TIME, FOLKS!!
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ciao-desu!
PS: This chapter is a little weird-ish, so this chapter is liable to changes, mostly major ones, if i decide to change it. As you know, I am busy with the rewrite, so the changes will most likely appear there.
Thanks for your patience!
xD
