Disclaimer: This story is not mine and neither is Glee.


Rachel lifted her hand tentatively in greeting and Santana offered a small smile in return as she watched the smaller girl navigate her way across the quad towards where she stood. Santana felt Tina come and stand beside her as Rachel neared where their group normally sat for lunch and place a cautionary hand on her shoulder. Santana looked at Tina and nodded her head in understanding. Finally, Rachel stood before Tina and Santana, her sleeves pulled down over her hands clearly apprehensive. They both noted the dark circles under Rachel's eyes hinting that she'd likely had as little sleep as Santana last night after what had happened between the two of them. Santana studied Rachel's face closely, noting its pallid complexion and the way that her normally quick and brilliant chocolate coloured eyes were today dull and hazy. Santana observed that all eyes in the quad were firmly fixed on Rachel with interest, the drama that had happened during homeroom on Monday still fresh in the students' minds. Rachel tried her best to ignore the scrutiny but Santana could tell that she felt uncomfortable under the weight of their heavy gazes.

As Rachel came to a stop in front of Santana, she dropped her eyes to Rachel's hands and was concerned to find her clutching her left wrist in her right hand over her sweater, the usually observable splint that she wore now conspicuously absent. Santana examined the back of Rachel's left hand more closely, noting a dark purple bruise just visible into both her index and middle fingers, disappearing beneath her jumper and probably spreading up towards her wrist. Santana wasn't certain, but she thought Rachel's hand looked more swollen than it had yesterday and Santana remembered the frenzied attack to the hood of her car and felt her stomach drop regretfully that she'd not been able to stop Rachel from hurting herself during her outburst.

"Hi," Rachel said drawing Santana's attention back to her face. Rachel gave Quinn and Brittany a timid wave where they sat and they returned the gesture.

"Hi," Santana said uncertainly, her bravado and confidence of mere moments ago suddenly escaping her now that Rachel was standing in front of her. "What are you doing here? I thought you were staying home today." Santana said her voice calm and soothing.

Rachel shared a looked with Tina before glancing towards Santana and hastily back down to her hands which she was twiddling nervously before her.

"I am," was all Rachel said her voice small and unsure. "Ssstaaaying…home."

"How did you get here?" Quinn asked turning around in her seat to face Rachel and prevent her from getting a sore neck. "Did your dad drive you?"

Rachel shook her head and rather than speak mimicked walking with the index and middle finger of her right hand.

"Rach," Tina said in alarm. "That's a forty minute walk."

Rachel shrugged at Tina's comment, turning her attention back to Santana who was watching her carefully.

"I…I…needed…to," Rachel started, moistening her lips and moving her jaw purposefully to try to help her speak. "T…tt…o…see…yyy.." Struggling to get the last word out Rachel visibly abandoned her effort, instead opting to just point at Santana with the index finger of her right hand.

"I was just coming to you," Santana told her and Rachel looked surprised at this revelation. "Look, about yesterday…"

Santana wasn't given the chance to finish, Rachel stepping forward to place her index finger over her lips to silence her. Santana looked puzzled but she followed Rachel's silent command and stopped talking.

"I'm…..I'm….sss…ss…sorry," Rachel managed and Santana's jaw dropped in shock.

"Wait, you're sorry?" Santana asked confused. "I was coming to apologise to you."

She paused for a moment, studying Rachel's face.

"I know what I'm sorry for," Santana continued, "but I have no idea what exactly you're apologising for Rachel."

Rachel frowned evidently confused.

"Yesterday," she said simply.

"Yeah," Santana replied. "I know you're apologising for yesterday but you didn't do anything wrong. I did."

Rachel went to say something further but this time it was Santana's turn to stop her in her tracks.

"Listen," Santana said seriously placing a hand on Rachel's shoulder, her bright green eyes never losing contact with the sluggish dark brown ones before her. "I am so sorry for what happened between us. I don't have an excuse for my behaviour, I just, I want you to know that I have never regretted anything more in my entire life then the way that I treated you."

Rachel shook her head at Santana's words in protest but she continued regardless.

"I was an idiot," Santana told her simply. "I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have left like I did and I definitely shouldn't have insinuated what I did about your speech because I know that you don't do it on purpose," Santana went on. "You have to believe that Rachel. I would never think that about you. I know how hard you try."

Santana reached down and placed her hand carefully on Rachel's left wrist, causing her to wince in response. Santana proceeded to lift Rachel's arm between them and despite Rachel's efforts to keep her sleeve pulled down, rolled it up to expose her bruised arm.

"This is not ok," Santana told her sadly as she heard Tina audibly gasp at seeing the state of Rachel's wrist, "and this happened as a result of me, because you were trying to tell me something and you couldn't because I'd stressed you out."

Rachel pulled her left arm into her stomach and cradled it with her right, Santana releasing it gladly when she moved it afraid of injuring it further. Rachel tugged at her sleeve, pulling it down over her hand to cover it up once again.

"It's fine," Rachel told her trying to lessen Santana's guilt.

Santana had a distinct feeling that nothing would help to ease the sense of responsibility she felt anytime soon.

"That is not fine," Santana responded earnestly pointing at Rachel's arm, her gut churning wretchedly. "Nothing about yesterday is fine Rachel. I dropped this massive bombshell on you and expected you to process it in an instant. Then when you didn't, I just ran away…"

"Yeah, but…" Rachel tried to interject but Santana carried on.

"Then I got angry with you when you jumped in front of my car," Santana told her, "but it was only because I was so worried that I'd hurt you. It all just came out wrong because you scared me so much. Especially afterwards…" she trailed off.

"I would actually prefer if you didn't throw yourself in front of anymore cars," Tina told Rachel, only half joking. "I mean, you know, intentionally at least."

Rachel gave Tina a look, reaching her right hand to place it on her arm reassuringly.

"Everything after that is kind of a blur," Santana admitted, "but, I remember you, you know," she said dropping her voice lower, "kissing me."

Rachel opened her mouth to say something but Santana put her hand up to stop her.

"No please," Santana said, "let me just finish alright. I've wanted to kiss you since the first day I saw you but it didn't feel right yesterday. It felt like you were just doing it to make me feel better because that's the sort of person that you are, but, I couldn't bear the thought of you pitying me so I pushed you away."

Rachel stepped forward slightly and Santana took a step back causing a pained expression to spread across Rachel's features.

"I don't know how I'm ever going to make it up to you," Santana said anxiously, "and I understand if you never want to speak to me again but please believe me when I say I really am sorry. I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me…" she finished her voice weakening as she struggled to suppress a small sob.

Rachel frowned at Santana, noting her eyes were moist with tears before glancing at the faces of her friends, each one watching her expectantly for a response to Santana's words. Rachel exhaled noisily, heaving a huge sigh as she stepped forward and examined Santana's face thoroughly. She was mere inches from Santana and their eyes were locked together, neither of them saying anything. Rachel reached up to wipe away the moisture at Santana's eye with the pad of her right thumb and Santana felt herself laugh lightly at how misplaced the gesture felt after everything that she'd just said. In her mind, Rachel had every right to hate her, but yet, here she was showing Santana comfort when she was upset.

After she'd halted Santana's tears, Rachel reached her hand into her back pocket pulling out a wad of folded A4 paper. She handed it to Santana who took it hesitantly and Rachel nodded her head in a prompt for Santana to open it up.

Santana did as she was instructed, unfolding the wad of paper to reveal two sheets of printed out word processed writing. She looked at Rachel who gestured using her right hand for Santana to read the words written on the page. Santana obliged, perching herself back down on the seat behind her beside Quinn. Tina glanced over Santana's shoulder to read from her vantage point where she stood, Quinn and Brittany sharing questioning glances before turning their attention back to Rachel who was watching Santana attentively.

"Santana, I haven't slept much tonight because I kept thinking about all that has happened today and everything suddenly seems to make no sense and complete sense all at once. I know that my writing is horrible so I am sat at my computer, typing you this letter at a painfully slow speed because I can't co-ordinate my hands and eyes to work together quite like they used to and my brain is struggling to formulate a coherent sentence. My therapist told me that when I am feeling sad, or angry, or frustrated that I should try to write things down because I always internalise everything. She has said that isn't good for me in the long run and could cause problems later on, so, please bear with me whilst I try to do just that because I'm not used to opening up about anything, least of all myself, except maybe at therapy.

It's so hard for me to put into words what I want to say and for it to make sense to you because, aside from my brain not wanting to co-operate with me, I am also finally feeling something positive instead of negative and depressing, something that I don't quite understand myself. I admit that your confession came as a surprise but, strangely, not an unpleasant one. Ever since the first day of school, when you returned my notebook to me, you've been this consistent and solid support for which I will ever be grateful. You will never quite understand how much it meant to me to be blessed with yours, Quinn and Brittany's presence in my life at a time when I so desperately needed to feel like I belonged somewhere. I appreciate everything that you do for me, even when you don't realise that you're doing it and it is the little things that you do which I have come to appreciate the most. The most prominent of these is that you refuse to treat me any differently because of my problems and whilst I am struggling to find my own normality, this provides me with great comfort.

I hate how we left things earlier because it felt like the end of something which I wasn't ready to let go of and I refuse to lose something and someone I've come to value so much. I've tried calling you but you're not answering your phone and I don't know if I should be concerned that you can't even bear the idea of talking to me. It turns out that it's probably a blessing in disguise because I've apparently lost all ability to speak, and I don't know how much would be resolved between us with a one way conversation.

I know that I have probably hurt you and that you made yourself vulnerable and exposed by opening up to me about your feelings so I feel as though it is only fair to reciprocate that act. I really like you Santana, but I wasn't lying when I said that I don't have romantic feelings for anyone. I don't think that I can. Not yet. It's not personal, trust me, it is not you. It's me. I have thought about it a lot since you left this afternoon and have tried reading the list that you gave me today, only to find that my thoughts were not with me, but with you, distracted as always. I think that if I was to like anyone Santana then it would be you, because there are so many qualities to admire and love about you that they would probably rival the number that you listed for me. The problem is that I don't think I can truly fall in love with someone at the moment because I don't even know how to love myself. Does that make sense? The list that you gave me is amazing and anyone else would appreciate your words for what they probably are, the truth, but, I can't and you know why. I'd tell you all about my not to subtle self-confidence and body image issues but you are already aware of them, because you Santana, can read me better than almost anyone. You read my mood better than even I can sometimes.

I know that perhaps this is not what you want to hear but I after this realisation I now know that I can't love someone else until I learn to love myself again. I have to find a way to do that but I both want and need you to be there with me, because, when I do finally find myself again, I want it to be with you, I want you to be the person that teaches me how to love Santana. You love so freely and so openly, without prejudice, and I want to be able to do that too, only, with you.

I didn't kiss you today because I pitied you, because I felt I had to. I kissed you because I wanted to, because, in the midst of my despair you put aside your own feelings to be there for me even though you felt rejected and angry with me. I want to love you Santana and I think, subconsciously a part of me already does, otherwise, how else would you explain the kiss that I cannot remember prior to the one we shared yesterday? I assume that it happened after my seizure and it saddens me to know that I will never remember our first kiss if that is the case.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I want to love you Santana because you've made the past five weeks that I've known you happier than they should ever have been considering the circumstances. I want to give you everything that you want, but, that, like my physical and emotional recovery will take time. Someone wise once told me that love is a slow burn not instant and all-consuming like I'd thought, so, what I want to know is Santana, can you give me that time?"

Santana lowered the paper when she'd finished reading and bit her bottom lip, glancing up at Rachel who was watching her expectantly with a questioning look. Everything in Santana's body was telling her to stand up and embrace Rachel in her arms, but, she decided against it. Not quite believing her luck, Santana offered Rachel a warm smile instead which the other girl reciprocated willingly.

"So you don't hate me?" Santana asked her, still not quite grasping that Rachel did not think any less of her for her behaviour yesterday.

Rachel shook her head, "No," she said, the smile still firmly in place.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Santana asked her, waving the paper in front of Rachel slightly.

Rachel shrugged trying to get her point across and Santana laughed a little at her carelessness.

"I mean," she clarified so that Rachel could answer with a simple yes or no response. "You'd consider us, I mean, the two of us together at some point?"

Rachel shook her head, "No."

"Wait, but I thought…" Santana started but she didn't get a chance to finish because Rachel closed the gap between them and lightly planted a soft gentle kiss on her lips. Santana smiled into the kiss, her eyes closing reflexively whilst Rachel's lips remained in contact with her own. She opened them when Rachel stepped back and couldn't stop the face eating grin from spreading across her face. She looked around at the faces of her friends who all had similar expressions on their faces and Santana noticed that other people were also still watching the interaction with interest.

"Now," Rachel clarified when Santana met her gaze once more. "Just…slow…ok?"

Santana laughed, feeling as though her chest was going to explode with the happiness that she felt.

"Ok," Santana agreed and this time she didn't hesitate to throw her arms around Rachel's shoulders and pull her into a hug. She kissed the side of Rachel's temple lightly before releasing her again.

"Hey, can I see that?" Quinn said, pointing to Rachel's note in Santana's hand.

Rachel nodded and took a seat beside Santana, whilst Tina returned to her original seat opposite. Brittany leaned over the table to read along with Quinn and they both smiled as they finished.

"You're really articulate," Quinn commented handing the pages back to Santana. "I don't want to offend you but I'm kind of surprised."

Rachel shrugged in response pointing to her head. "It…still works."

"Yeah but you struggle to write and co-ordinate your hands," Quinn said interestedly. "So how did you type that up?"

Rachel smiled as she motioned pressing one key at a time with the index finger of her right hand.

"Did it take you long?" Tina asked. Rachel squinted her eyes a little as she thought and then held up six fingers.

"Six minutes," Tina replied. "Impressive, you're obviously getting better."

Rachel shook her head and made an upward gesture with her index finger.

"Hours?" Tina asked incredulous.

Rachel nodded, "Couldn't…concentrate."

"Your speech is so bad today," Tina told her and Rachel gave her a look that said, "Well, duh?"

"What are you going to do now?" Brittany asked her. "Are you going to stick around for classes?"

Rachel shook her head.

"How will you get home?" Santana asked her worriedly.

"Walk," Rachel answered.

"Yeah, like hell you will," Santana told her standing up from her chair as Rachel watched. "I'll drive you."

Rachel shook her head again. "School?" she questioned.

"It'll still be here when I get back," Santana told her seriously. "Besides, you're the one that told me to live a little if I recall."

Rachel looked at her for a moment before glancing with the others pleadingly for help.

"I don't think you're going to change her mind," Quinn told her honestly. "If I were you I'd just agree."

"Yeah Rach," Tina said, "besides you already look like crap so I don't know that another forty minute walk will help that situation."

Rachel laughed before reaching over the table and hitting Tina playfully with her right arm.

"Rude," she managed to say and Tina chuckled.

"Come on Berry," Santana said holding out her hand for Rachel to take. "I'm taking you home whether you like it or not."

Rachel smiled at Santana's gesture and placed her right hand in Santana's left, allowing her to pull her up out of the seat she was occupying. Rachel entwined their fingers together and Santana glanced at their interlocked hands happily.

"I'll be back soon," Santana told the others.

"You better be," Tina told her jokingly. "No funny business ok?"

Brittany who was having a sip of water at the moment, almost choked on her drink, spluttering in her seat as Santana gave Tina an incredulous look.

"Tina," she groaned through gritted teeth feeling embarrassed, but Santana relaxed when Rachel squeezed her hand reassuringly, her smile still in place.

Tina gave her a wink in response as Rachel started leading Santana to the parking lot, through the quad of people, who still remained watching.

"See you guys later," Brittany called knowingly, perceptive to the fact that once Santana left school, she wouldn't be coming back.

Santana threw her a glance and waved goodbye, the other girls' watching until they were out of sight.

The car ride back to Rachel's house was quiet, but not the awkward silence that often falls between strangers, comfortable silence. Rachel rested her head against the passenger window, looking out of it as Santana drove. In the background, the faint sound of the car engine and the radio could be heard but otherwise they didn't speak. Rachel closed her eyes for a few minutes and Santana wondered whether she had a headache or if she was just tired. Finally, Santana pulled up outside of Rachel's house and stopped the car.

"Rachel," Santana said nudging her slightly when she didn't respond. "Hey," Santana said wiping a strand out of Rachel's face to see her eyes still closed. "We're here…" she trailed off.

Santana nudged Rachel gently once more and she stirred slowly, rubbing at the sleep in her eyes. Rachel lifted her head to look in Santana's direction, a dopey smile on her face.

"We're here," Santana repeated pointing at the house.

"Already?" Rachel asked.

"Afraid so," Santana told her climbing out of the car and walking around to open Rachel's door. She offered Rachel her hand to help her out and she took it gratefully, struggling to find her balance. "Wow, you really are tired," Santana commented.

Rachel yawned as if to make the point even more, "Didn't…sleep." She said covering her mouth with her free hand.

"Here let me help you up to your room," Santana offered, leading Rachel along the path, her arm wrapped supportively round her waist. At the door Santana pressed down on the handle and found it unlocked. "Is your dad at home?"

"No," Rachel said. "Work."

"You left your door unlocked," Santana told her seriously.

Rachel seemed to wake up a little bit at that news. "I forgot." She said truthfully. "Ssshhit."

Santana guided Rachel through the door and glanced around the house, checking for anything out of place.

"Everything looks the same," Santana noted as she followed Rachel, closing the front door behind her.

Rachel trudged up the stairs, one step at a time, holding onto the bannister firmly for support with her right arm. Santana continued to follow her up and into her room, standing in the doorway as Rachel collapsed on top of the bed.

She laughed lightly at the sight and Rachel turned her head to look at Santana pointedly.

"I'm sorry," Santana said, "but I can't believe you thought you'd be able to walk home."

"My mistake," Rachel commented, stretching her limbs which still ached from the seizure she'd had on Monday. Her left arm was throbbing painfully but she'd never admit it to Santana. She knew she'd only worry and they'd managed to sort things out.

"So I'll see you tonight?" Santana asked, her left shoulder leaning against the doorframe.

"You're going?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Santana replied. "I have school remember."

"Don't," Rachel said almost pleading. "Please…stay…"

"Rachel you're going to pass out from exhaustion in a minute," Santana laughed. "You don't need me to stay here with you for that."

"Please," Rachel said again, shifting her position and patting the bed beside her.

"Are you sure?" Santana asked stepping into the room. "I thought you wanted to take things slow."

Rachel managed to raise her eyebrow at Santana's implied suggestion which ruffled the other girl somewhat.

"No," Santana said quickly, "I didn't mean…you know, it's just…I don't know what slow means exactly…like…you know?"

Rachel smiled patting the bed again and Santana climbed onto it beside her. She sat up, resting her back against the head board. Rachel moved closer to Santana, snuggling closer to the other girl and resting her head on her chest.

"Ok?" Rachel asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," Santana said smiling widely as she wrapped an arm around Rachel's shoulders and pulled her into her body further. "This is perfect."

"So…" Santana said broaching the subject delicately. "In regards to my previous comment…what exactly does slow mean?"

Rachel tilted her head to look at Santana who was watching her face eagerly.

"Kissing?" Santana asked probingly.

Rachel grinned widely, her huge, face eating grin which made her dull eyes sparkle back to life. She craned her neck, reaching up to take Santana's lips in her own, twisting her body slightly as she did so. For the first time since Rachel had originally kissed her at the hospital, Santana reciprocated back, exploring the feel of Rachel's lips against her own. When she finally pulled back, her head felt dizzy and light, possibly from a lack of oxygen, but definitely from the overwhelming happiness that she felt in this moment. Rachel rested her head back onto Santana's chest and she sunk down into a more supine position, keeping Rachel close to her body all the time. Santana found Rachel's left hand and took in gently in her own, lifting it up to her lips and kissing the back of it gently. She lowered it back onto her own abdomen, playing mindlessly with Rachel's fingers, twirling them around in her own. She heard Rachel's soft snores as she very quickly fell asleep, her body finally succumbing to its exhaustion. Santana watched Rachel's features visibly relax, the scar on her forehead lengthening slightly as her brow relaxed.

Santana took one last look at Rachel before closing her own eyes, herself not having slept well last night after the events of the day. She smiled to herself; the warmth of Rachel's body pressed close to hers and thought about how much had changed in the last 24 hours. Everything has changed, she thought, the song once again playing in her head, the song that would now and forever remind her of Rachel. She thought about taking it slow, about what that might mean, but, if it meant they could kiss and they could cuddle like they were now, then Santana was more than happy with slow, in fact, slow would more than likely quickly become one of her most favourite things.