Chapter 12: Doubt
•£• Loki •£•
"Ummm, no Kai. That is not a toy. That is your Uncle Thor's hammer," Katirya admonished her son as her eyes flew to Thor to judge his reaction.
Thor's eyes were wide, staring as the young child lifted the hammer up easily. "How did he do that? Be careful, Kai. You might get hurt."
Kai lost his balance and everyone in the room gasped. Katirya moved to try to catch up, but he landed on the floor on his rump. Mjölnir hit the ground next to him with a resounding thud. Kai blinked up at everyone staring at him and realizing he was once again the center of attention, beamed broadly and giggled. "Hamma! Unca Thor's hamma!"
Katirya breathed a sigh of relief, knowing her son was unharmed. "Kai, do not play with that again," she spoke sharply at him as she moved across the room and swept him up in her arms. "You gave your mother a scare."
"Hamma!" Kai burbled at her as he pointed back at Mjölnir.
"Yes, that is your Uncle Thor's hammer," Katirya repeated for him. She looked over at Thor. "I am so sorry."
'For what, Kiri? I just do not believe that he could lift it. He is so young," Thor replied. He walked over and bent down to retrieve Mjölnir. Only he could not lift it. He tried again, jerking at the shaft, but it remained solidly on the ground.
Silence descended on the room.
Sif and the Warriors Three shifted uncomfortably.
"I need more time!" Thor looked up at the heavens and shouted.
Gaea and Frigga exchanged a look, and then both nodded at Loki.
Loki moved to stand next to his brother. "Thor, I fear Mjölnir is giving you no further time to decide. I wish I could change this." He turned to look at Gaea. "Is there a way?"
Gaea silently shook her head.
Thor closed his eyes, his face showing the pain he was feeling. "This is not fair. I should not have to choose." His eyes flew open as he stared at Loki. "YOU did not have to choose!"
"But I did choose. I chose Asgard, and I murdered the man I thought was my father to protect my place here," Loki replied quietly. He then laughed, a harsh sounding laugh.
"Well, it seems you were right," Thor sneered at Katirya. "It looks like I am replaceable. I just did not expect it to be a baby. Or were you using magic so he could lift it?"
"Thor, no! Do not do this to yourself," Frigga pleaded with him. "You know Kiri would not trick you."
"Would she not? Is this not what she has been after all along? To control all of Asgard? With Mjölnir, she will have everything except the final Stone in her grasp," Thor lashed back.
"Thor!" Gaea shouted. "Stop this insanity. This," her arm swept to encompass the hammer, Thor, Loki and Katirya, "has nothing to do with anything other than what your father and I decided. I knew if you ever went to Earth, there was a chance you might discover something to keep you there. Earth will kill you eventually. We all die, some earlier than others. THAT is the choice you must make."
Thor put his hands to his head in frustration. "I cannot choose. You ask me to forsake something I love. I must either give up my family and friends or Jane Foster."
No one spoke.
Loki reached out and placed a hand upon Thor's shoulder. "It is a difficult decision. I wish I could make it easier. I wish I could tell you that Jane will suddenly remember her feelings for you, or that she would be happy living here. But I cannot do any of that, even though I am the King. Even if you were the King…"
"But I am NOT the King," Thor said savagely. "YOU are. I gave you that right. I chose not to accept the throne and its responsibilities. Is that not enough to relinquish?"
"Apparently not," Loki replied.
"I need time to think. Give me one hour." Thor whirled around and stalked out of the room, ignoring everyone as he left.
Loki looked at the others gathered. "There is no sense wasting time. We shall use this hour to plan."
They gathered back around the table to discuss the situation.
"First, we need to assemble our allies," Loki began. "Tomorrow, we will head to the Chitauri moon to see if Thanos is indeed still there."
"Is that wise?" Volstagg asked. "Will he not be waiting for us?"
"I do not believe so. He does not know I am alive, yet. The creature I killed was surprised by my appearance," Katirya replied. "That alone should be sufficient to take him off his guard. And we do have five of the Stones; he has none."
Volstagg nodded. "Well, we had best be ready just in case."
"You are correct. I shall put you in charge of assembling the guards who will travel with us. Select only the finest," Loki said. "Before we leave, we must start to assemble our allies. I need each of you to send out messages to our known friends seeking their aid."
"Shouldn't we do that before we go visit Thanos?" Sif asked.
"I think we might be able to catch him off guard if we go there now. From what I learned, Thanos is assembling any army, but not on that moon. It is too small for that purpose. It is simply his hiding place. If we can manage to sneak in, we might be able to strike him down before he even knows we are there," Katirya explained.
She set Kai back down on the ground. The boy made a beeline for Mjölnir. "Kai! No!" She jumped up to stop him, but stopped, dumbfounded, as the boy grabbed the shaft of the hammer, but couldn't budge it this time. "Kai?"
"Mommy! Hamma broked," Kai pronounced his opinion of what was wrong with the hammer.
"No, honey. It is not broken," Katirya replied.
"Yes, broked. Won't play wif me no more," he lost interest in the hammer and looked around the room. "Doggie!" He pointed to the door where Frigga's three dogs were quietly entering. They trotted up to the young boy and the first one there gently bumped Kai with his nose, causing the boy to plop on the floor. He giggled and pulled himself back up using the dog for leverage.
Seeing that the dogs had captured Kai's interest away from Mjölnir, Katirya refocused on the discussion. She was surprised to see everyone staring at her. "What?"
"The hammer. He cannot lift it now. DID you do something earlier?" Loki asked her.
"No, dear. I promise you I did nothing. I can no more control that hammer than I can you," Katirya replied with a laugh.
Loki lifted one eyebrow as he looked at his wife. "Interesting, we shall have to discuss the latter tonight, alone."
"I look forward to it," she replied with a grin.
~∫ Thor ∫~
Thor wandered out to the practice yards. No one was there, but that was precisely what he wanted. He picked up a sword and started slashing at one of the practice dummies set up in the yard. The physical exertion permitted him to clear his mind, forget about everything.
He continued to work out until he was drenched in sweat. Finally, he set down his sword. His mind was clear, more ready to focus. "This was a good idea," he said aloud.
"It was," Frigga's voice said quietly. "I thought I would find you here. Do you wish to discuss this now?"
Thor nodded and walked over to her. "Let us go to the gardens." He offered her his arm as they left the practice fields and walked through the streets towards their destination. "I know what is right, what I should do, but it is not what I want to do."
"Sometimes, my son, we do not always get to do what we want, or what is right. We do what is best for us. That is the decision you need to make. What is best for you?" Frigga said.
"I know you and Father both disliked my relationship with Jane," Thor said.
"Yes, for multiple reasons. I will not lie to you. Your father had always hoped you would consider the Lady Sif for your wife," Frigga admitted.
"Yes, I knew that. But she is my friend, I cannot see her for my wife," Thor said.
"Sometimes your best friend is the best choice, but that is not for me to decide for you," Frigga said quietly.
Thor noted the wisdom of her comment. He guided her towards a nearby bench, and once they were both seated, he looked at her. "Was it like that for you and Father? Were you friends first?"
Frigga smiled. "No, I met your father during a feast and fell in love with him at first sight. I had to compete with many other women to capture his attention just for the chance to spend one night with him. That one night was enough; he asked to marry me the next day."
"One night? Well, now we know where Loki gets it from," Thor chuckled.
Frigga joined into the merriment. "Indeed. I hear his visit to Earth involved just one night with Kiri."
"I wonder if it will be like that for me?" Thor pondered. "But then again, Loki and Kiri did not seem to be compatible when they first met. It seemed like they were always arguing."
"Kiri is a very passionate woman, and she brings out that facet in your brother. Remember, he has always been very private, not given to emotional outbursts," Frigga pointed out. "The fact that they argued, I find that very interesting. Loki never was one for arguing, even with you."
"That is true. I forgot about that. I wonder…" Thor paused.
"You might wish to speak to your brother before you make your decision. Talk to him about his relationship. It might help you to define yours with Jane better," Frigga suggested.
"Mother, you have always been so wise. I think I will," Thor rose, offering his hand to his mother so she could rise. Arm in arm, they returned back to the others.
"Kiri, may I steal your husband for a while?" Thor asked the instant they entered the room.
"As long as you promise to return him unharmed," Katirya teased him. She looked at Loki. "I shall take the children and put them to bed." Gaea and Frigga rose to assist her with the children.
Volstagg rose, "We shall begin sending out messages and selecting our group for the morrow."
"Excellent, we shall meet at the Bifrost in the morning. I bid you gentlemen, and my lady, good night. Wife, I shall be along eventually, something tells me this might take some time," Loki walked over to his brother. "Shall we?" He gestured towards the door and the two exited.
The two brothers walked for several minutes in comfortable silence. Thor had a feeling his brother knew what he wanted to talk about. Ever since his marriage to Katirya, his brother had seemed to be more able to read minds, with the exception of the period when Katirya was absent from Asgard. Of course, that was a time everyone wished to forget.
He headed towards his chambers, knowing they could talk in private there. Entering first, he dismissed his servants and gestured to two chairs near the fireplace. The servants had left his usual evening selection of food and beverages set out on the table by the two chairs. Noticing there was only one glass, he walked over to a cabinet to find another.
"Wine or ale?" Thor asked before selecting a glass.
"Wine, please," Loki replied as he sat down.
Thor selected a wine glass and brought it over. Filling it with wine, he handed it to his brother and then filled his glass with ale. He returned to the chairs and sat down.
"So, how can I help you?" Loki asked after taking a sip of his wine.
Thor shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He was finding it difficult to ask his younger brother for advice on affairs of the heart. "How did you know you loved Kiri?" he finally blurted it out.
Loki threw his head back and laughed. Shaking his head, he controlled his mirth and looked at his brother. "So, this is about Jane, or rather, your feelings towards her. I think love is different for everyone, but with Kiri…" his voice trailed off.
"Yes? With Kiri?" Thor prompted.
"Sorry, I was recalling when I first saw her here in Asgard, when you were interrogating her down near the gates, when she dropped that cloaked to reveal herself. The instant I saw her, I desired her," Loki reminisced.
"Wait! You were not even there! I sent guards to look for you," Thor looked strangely at his brother.
Loki dropped his gaze to the floor for a second, a mischievous smile appearing on his face. "Oh, I was there." He looked up at his brother. "I was in the room. I had seen her arrival from one of the balconies overlooking the city, and thought I had recognized her. I had to be certain it was Katirya. I had met her before, many years ago when Mother would take me to her friend to learn magic. Kiri was considered inept in the arts of magic, thus why she lived in the country. Her appearance at the gates of Asgard claiming to be Queen of Cartherion put me on guard. How could one who was incapable of learning magic rise to a position of power?"
"But… but…" Thor spluttered. "You tricked us? You were there the entire time? Where? How?"
"I simply came as one of the guards. In fact, you asked me specifically to escort her to her chambers. But I already knew she was the real Katirya, and she had kept a secret hidden even from me. Although, to be honest, she did tell me when she was younger that she was 'the most powerful child ever'. Her words, actually. I did not believe her then, but you might find this funny; I promised that very day that I would marry her and she would be my Queen. Odd how life worked out, for I did marry her."
"Why did you promise that?" Thor asked.
"Kyrath, her sister, along with several of her friends, were tormenting her. Kiri was being pushed around, and I came upon them. I felt sorry for her. She then declared that she knew magic, but couldn't tell anyone. So I offered to protect her, little did I know what that might entail," Loki grinned, then continued. "I think you can see why I was not certain it was the real Katirya that day. I honestly did not believe she knew any magic, so how could she have managed to become Queen?"
"So, your feelings were protective, then. I feel protective of Jane Foster," Thor said.
Loki leaned forward. "No, there is more. You have to feel it here." He tapped his fist over his chest where his heart lay. "And here," he tapped his belly. "You feel it through your entire being. It is not just being protective; it is a consuming desire. When I thought she had betrayed me, recall how I was. No one wanted to come near me. THAT is how much she had become a part of me, and to think she had betrayed me was just… just too much for me to handle."
Thor easily remembered that year. It had been a terrible time in Asgard. Loki had been teetering on insanity. Now he wasn't so sure he wanted to be in love. "So, if I understand what you are saying, simply feeling protective isn't love?"
"Perhaps for some, it is enough. For me," Loki shook his head. "I would not trade a minute of my life with Kiri for something so mundane as feeling protective." He finished off his wine.
Thor picked up the bottle and refilled Loki's glass, then his. Both drank in silence for several minutes. "That does help. Mother said to speak to you about it. I just do not know what I want. I want to be with Jane, I feel responsible for what has happened to her, but I think she is safer if I stay away. I wonder at times, what our lives would have been like if Thanos had never interfered, would we have had this passionate love that you speak of?" He downed his glass and refilled it again.
Loki chose not to respond, allowing his brother to think out his problems. He sipped from his glass.
"I just does not seem fair," Thor slammed his glass at the fireplace where it shattered.
Loki lifted his eyebrows at his brother, but still said nothing.
Thor lifted the bottle of ale and drank. "Can I visit her?"
"I think so, but we shall have to consult with Gaea about that. I do believe you are not banished from Earth, just that you cannot live there," Loki replied quietly.
"Can she live here? If she were to come to tolerate me," Thor asked.
"So you admit that this past year has not been what you have expected?" Loki asked.
Thor glared at his brother. "How dare you?"
"How dare I? You are the one who asked to speak to me, and you are my brother. So yes, I question your past year on Earth, your self-imposed exile from Asgard. It was not what you expected, was it?" Loki responded.
Thor took another drink from the bottle. Drawing his hand across his mouth to wipe the excess liquid off, he stared at his brother for a moment, the dropped his head. "No, it was not. She avoided me, was afraid of me. I had hoped if I stayed near, was a constant, she might come to accept me, but she did not."
"Then I think you have your answer," Loki said.
Thor nodded. "I have decided. I shall remain on Asgard."
