Disclaimer: Don't own any of Tolkien's masterpiece. Nor do I own A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore or The Iliad by Homer. Though I own copies of both. That has to count for something right?

A/N: Sorry that the other chapter was too long. Thanks to a helpful reviewer I have regained my better judgment and broken up what was recently Chapter 11. Sorry for the confusion. I was having some trouble with inspiration and working had me drained. But I've got my second wind so don't worry the next chapter won't be far behind. Hopefully you don't hate me for the lack of detail on the prank war in these chapters but it would have been way too long (as if it was not already) and there were other things I wanted to show. However I am going to go into detail with the final pranks because they are the big finish so to speak in the next chapter as well as the start of the quest. So get ready! And please review. I really appreciate your comments. Thanks again to all of you that have.

-El Capitan

Chapter 12- Don't Get Mad, Get Even

Legolas stood and extended his hand to help me up. We stashed our books and blanket under a bench and then he began leading me to the very edge of the garden away from the city proper. This area was a little wilder, meshing into the surrounding forest. He moved aside the branch of a particularly large bush and motioned for me to go first while he held the branch. I obliged and found myself on a narrow path surrounded by dense vegetation. "Come," he said, once again taking the lead. I waited a moment, slightly nervous. I mean I saw horror flicks and I knew how trips into a dark forest in the middle of the night usually ended. Elves, of course, did not have this problem and Legolas was already about ten paces ahead of me before sensing my hesitation. He stopped and came back and grabbed my hand and began gently pulling along me behind him. And with the touch of his hand, my anxiety disappeared. It was disgusting. "This Achilles seems like a complete jerkface to me," Legolas said suddenly and disapprovingly. I started to laugh.

"What? What is so funny? Did I misspeak?"

"I'm sorry, no. It is just I did not expect you to use a word like jerkface. It's a little odd to hear it coming out of the mouth of an elf."

"Why is that?"

"Well, first off your accent when you pronounce it is so different from what I am used to hearing. But mostly it is just the fact that this immortal and ethereal being who is practically glowing and who has more wisdom in his pinky finger than I have in my entire body just uttered modern slang."

"It's odd to be thought of as wise and ethereal. It makes me feel old."

I laughed. "You are old!"

"To you, but to most elves I am still rather young. As for being called ethereal…it makes me seem more spectacular than I really am. But then again I have been around elves all my life and am quite used to our 'glow'."

"We glow?" asked Elladan in mock incredulity.

Startled by his sudden appearance, I jumped and grabbed Legolas arm with my other hand, crying, "EEP!"

"What would you call that noise?" Elrohir asked a teasing smile on his face as he emerged from the trees onto the narrow path we had been following further into the forest. "I have no idea," Elladan replied. "It sounded something like MEEP!"

"You two are horrible," I muttered embarrassedly, shooting them a dark glance. "Besides it was more of an EEP anyway," I amended trying to maintain some dignity.

"That may be so," stated Elladan, not looking the least bit apologetic and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "But we are not dangerous so you can release your grip on Legolas…unless of course you enjoy-oof."

I had prevented him from finishing his sentence with a quick elbow to the ribs which had Legolas and Elrohir laughing, which got me laughing, followed shortly by Elladan. "Remind me never to truly anger her. I do not know if I would survive the encounter," Elladan teased.

"Duly noted," said Elrohir. "Now let us go before they think we have forgotten."

We started off again, Elrohir in the front, followed by Legolas, who was still pulling me along, with Elladan bringing up the rear. When the sounds of water became audible, Legolas threw me a grin over his shoulder. "We are almost there," he whispered. I could feel his excitement as well as the the others. We emerged from the trees upon a small pond and waterfall. Skirting the edge of the pond we made our way over to the waterfall. Passing behind the curtain of water we arrived to find Arwen, Maerwen, Bellon, Elwen, Tirithedain and Faelon already there.

"How many are we waiting for?" Elladan asked, taking a seat near Arwen. Legolas had dropped my hand upon entering and I moved towards Faelon who was motioning for me to take a seat beside him. Legolas sat across from me, in-between Arwen and Maerwen, who raised an eyebrow at me when Legolas turned to speak to Arwen. I rolled my eyes and she just smirked, a small smile on Bellon's face as well.

"Let's see…there are Aragorn and the hobbits-" Arwen began. "And Sunniva and Ansa," Maerwen interjected.

"And Ailil and Nordithen," added Faelon.

"Did someone say my name?" Nordithen asked stepping into the cave, Ansa following.

"Yes, we were just counting up who had yet to arrive," Faelon replied. At their entrance, Maerwen's gaze connected with mine. 'Doesn't know she exists?' I mouthed with a raise of my eyebrow. She just laughed and at Bellon's questioning gaze began to whisper in his ear. I saw him look speculatively in their direction then grin mischievously and whisper something else in Maerwen's ear.

"Oh dear, it appears they are up to something," Faelon whispered in my ear.

"So it would seem," I replied just as quietly. "Should we warn Ansa and Nordithen?"

"And ruin their fun? We could not possibly."

"It would be cruel."

"Speaking of cruel, your prince just gave me quite the glare."

"Get real. He's not my know this meeting place is pretty nifty."

"Yet. He's obviously jealous. Maybe he thinks I fancy you. That could be awkward."

"How did they find this place? Does anyone else know?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, however I am choosing not to answer because it is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Besides I doubt he even thinks of me like that. There's no way he would be jealous."

"Shall we begin?" Elrohir asked, standing after Aragorn and the Hobbits had entered the cave. "We have called this meeting tonight because of a certain portion of the female population in Imladris. I think we all know who I am talking about. With the addition of Almira to their ranks, these ellith have become unbearable. Long have we endured their petty and childish antics-but no more. Unfortunately we will not be able to take part in this so-called war seeing as we must leave to scour the lands for word of our enemy's movement...but we leave you in capable hands." Turning to his highness, with a mock bow, "Legolas?" he prompted.

"Right...basically the main objective is to turn their focus from stalking single ellyn or antagonizing ellith and place their focus on each other. We are going to stage a series of pranks on the Ladies Amani, Valda, Wynona, and Almira then frame them so it looks like they are doing it to each other."

There was a moment of appreciative silence, before Faelon asked, "Just what kind of pranks are we looking at doing?"

"That's part of why this meeting was called," Legolas explained excitedly "To decide who is doing what and when."

"I remember Kate mentioned something once that I thought sounded like a good idea," stated Maerwen. "Do you remember? It was at our party. Something dealing with eyebrows."

"Oh yeah," I said with a chuckle. "I mentioned shaving off one or both of their eyebrows."

Most of them gave a small laugh at that. "Absolutely brilliant," Pippin said, gazing at me with something akin to awe.

I just shrugged. "It seemed fitting for such vain and silly creatures. Another good one is putting dye in their shampoo or soap so that their hair or skin turns a funny shade, say green or purple."

"I like that one," said Arwen, a slightly disturbing gleam in her eye.

"And of course there are the usuals," Legolas added, counting them off on his fingers, "Bucket of water over the door, placing insects in unexpected places, stealing their possessions and hiding them in random places, cover them in honey and feathers-"

"Do not forget about putting poison ivy or powder in their clothes," Bellon said with a small smile at his fiancé.

"That was a good one," said Faelon with a small laugh.

"Oh, and we can also make up false meetings for them…like they are supposed to meet Legolas in the library, but of course he won't be there. Basically just stuff to waste their time," I said.

"Are you suggesting we use Legolas as bait?" Nordithen asked, looking slightly gleeful.

"Yes, or whatever gentleman they happen to be interested in, which could mean you as well," I said and it was Legolas' turn to smirk at Nordithen's crestfallen look.

"That should be enough pranks, but before you decide how and when, you have to figure out who is going to be doing what," Elladan said.

"Well...there are four Ladies therefore we should probably split into groups of four seeing as there are sixteen of us. That should be more than enough to pull off these pranks," Tirithedain suggested.

Everyone nodded and went about dividing into groups, which consisted of Arwen, Tirithedain, Sunniva and Ailil in the first group that would focus on Lady Amani, the hobbits as the second group responsible for Lady Valda, Legolas, Faelon, Elwen and I in the third assigned to Almira, and Ansa, Nordithen, Bellon and Maerwen in the fourth covering Lady Wynona.

Once in our groups we went about planning the specifics of our pranks. We would start small and our pranks would become more elaborate as time wore on. Each group would stage one prank a week and they would be staggered so as to look like they had been done in retaliation to what ever prank had come before.

"So is everyone clear on what they are doing?" Legolas asked about two hours after the meeting began. Several nods and cheerful affirmations later, he concluded the meeting and people began to leave at intervals so as not to attract too much attention. I ended up talking to the twins.

"Take care of yourselves, will you?" I said quietly, giving a small wave to the Hobbits, Aragorn and Arwen as they left.

"We will," Elladan said, giving her me affectionate squeeze on the shoulder.

"And Aragorn as well. I don't much fancy being murdered by my own sister should anything happen to him," Elrohir said lightly.

"Yes, she would probably make it slow and quite painful," Legolas said as he came to join us.

"I would not blame her," I said.

"It hurts to know you would not defend us," Elrohir stated in mock outrage.

"I know better than to mess with Arwen," I replied. "She can be very intimidating."

"Too true," said Elladan, then asked "Shall we?" gesturing towards the outside, seeing as we were now the only remaining group.

We nodded and began to make our way back through the forest. Upon reaching the garden, Legolas and I parted with the twins and made our way to the bench we had hidden our stuff under.

"You know," I said, looking at the book in my hands thoughtfully, "I am not very tired and would like to hear at least some of the Lay of Luthien. Would you care to continue where we left off?"

Seemingly surprised and pleased, he agreed and we spread the blanket and sat and he began to recount the sad tale of Luthien as the night wore on and finished as the sky began to lighten. "That was lovely," I said, as we made our way quietly along to the Dining Hall to catch an early breakfast, seeing as there was not much point in going to sleep.

"Thank you. Hopefully I did it justice," Legolas said.

"You did, it was quite moving" I assured him and he gave me an unfathomable look that made the butterflies in my stomach take flight.

Upon reaching our customary table, Erestor glanced up surprised. "You two are up rather early...or should I say late," he stated shooting a questioning glance at our clothes that we had not changed.

"We got caught up in the telling of stories," I explained blushing slightly. "Although admittedly our behavior does seem rather sketchy."

At their confused looks I clarified. "Suspicious."

"Ah, perhaps. However it is not so unusual for elves to pass the night in such a way. We do not require as much rest as mortals," Erestor explained. I just shrugged, still feeling faintly embarrassed.

"Have Aragorn and the twins left already?" Legolas asked.

"Yes," Erestor replied. "They left before dawn."

From here conversation turned to events in the wide world and what we thought the scouts might discover and what we hoped they did not. Glorfindel showed up halfway through it and joined in while eating his breakfast. Once finished he turned to me.

"I assume you need to change before our training session," he stated.

"Yes, I am not so fantastical that I could fight in a dress, nor would it be very practical."

"Come then, I will wait while you change and then we can proceed to the training fields."

I nodded and we rose to leave. I took a few steps and then turned back quickly and addressed Legolas. "I'll meet you at the archery range right after, yes?"

He nodded and I smiled and left. My training sessions went as usual, endless repetitions of drill after drill. And while tedious I had to admit they were necessary and effective. I was doing better and better each day and was rather proud of myself. Of course, this was also due to the great instructors I had. Both Glorfindel and Legolas would first explain whatever they were trying to teach me then demonstrate in a manner that was professional but still friendly; which helped because it made me more comfortable asking questions and trying the different moves. Though Legolas had been a bit distant today, I thought. However I shrugged it off. Everyone was entitled to those days. After my training sessions I returned to my room and cleaned up a bit, had lunch at Maerwen's house and then proceeded to my history lesson with Erestor.

"Hello," I said brightly as I entered the room.

"Hello to you as well. Is your training going well?"

"As well as can be expected. I am getting a little better with each passing day."

"Good, good. I figured we would go over some of the Elvish customs today for a change." He smiled sheepishly. "I tend to exhaust certain subjects like history because I love it so much. I would hate for it to become too monotonous."

"Oh no worries there, I find this all fascinating. Plus you are a really great teacher which helps. In school, History class could be somewhat boring because the teachers made it seem so stagnant. It definitely doesn't hurt that you happened to live through some of the events we are discussing. The personal testimony makes it more interesting and relevant. Although, I could have sworn one of my junior high history teachers had been around since the beginning of time. Besides being able to hear your thoughts and impressions makes it easier to take away all the important lessons from an event that you should."

"Why thank you." He seemed quite taken aback at my praise.

"However I don't mind going over some Customs today."

"Good, we will start with gender roles within Elven society and continue through to marriage customs and lifestyles." Our lesson progessed in much the same way it usually did, with him lecturing and me taking notes if I felt the need. Toward the end of each lesson he would stop and ask about similar events in Earth's history, or as is the case for this lesson, to compare and contrast gender roles on Earth with that of the Elves.

We had just reached this point when a loud scream interrupted our dialogue. Both of us started in surprise. We looked to the hallway as we heard footsteps approaching. Not a moment later Lady Amani ran by leaving a wet trail behind her. "So it begins," Erestor commented resignedly.

"Now, now," I said with a smile, "Don't get too down. It's really not so bad. Besides, it could be worse...you could be one of the intended victims."

"Cold comfort, especially since most of these victims are going to come whining to me or Glorfindel."

"I'm sorry, my friend."

"I doubt it."

I laughed. "Ok, not entirely. But I do regret that you have to suffer indirectly. Please believe me when I tell you I had no idea that you would."

"Ah, but Legolas and the twins did. However I can only complain so much seeing as I was once a prankster myself. I suppose it is... what did you call it? Kama?"

"Karma."

"Yes, karma. It is karma."

"Perhaps. Shall we continue?"

"Yes, let's. Now where were we...ah, yes..."

We finished the lesson after which I hurried back to my room dropped off my books and walked across the hall to Legolas' door and knocked. I was seriously hoping he was there because Imladris is a rather large place to search. I was in luck for he answered the door but a moment later.

"Kate, to what do I owe this pleasant surprise?"

"Boredom. Am I disturbing you?" I noticed he had a quill in his hands.

"Not at all, I was just in the middle of writing a letter to my sister."

"Oh well I can leave you to it-"

"No, no. Let's go to the library. I'll finish my letter there while you begin reviewing what I taught you on the maps and then we can continue our geography lessons."

"Excellent." He left the door open and I could get a pretty good view of his room. It was very similar to mine except bigger and the color scheme was greens and blues. He had a sitting area like mine and this is where his desk was. I waited while he grabbed his writing materials. Noticing the cumbersome ink well and quill I had an idea. He must have noticed my speculative stare because he returned it with one of his own and asked, "What?"

"You know, I'll lend you a pen and then you won't have to carry all that."

"A pen?"

"Yeah, hold on." I dashed into my room, found my purse and grabbed a ballpoint pen. Returning, I held it up and explained, "It's a writing utensil from my world that's quite convenient."

"I should think so," he set his stuff back down and took the pen from me. "Thank you."

"You are welcome. Ready?" He nodded and shut the door and we made our way to the library discussing the prank war and what scheme was up next. Hopefully Lady Valda liked bugs...but I doubted it. Once there we took the table we had occupied last time and he sat to finish his letter and I went to retrieve the maps. He had figured out how the pen worked (not that it was exceedingly hard) and was writing quickly. When finished, he capped it and made to hand it back to me.

"Just keep it," I said. "I have a ton."

"So they are not valuable?"

"Not in a monetary sense, they are handy and very easily made. Just about everyone owns a pen."

He was looking at me intently. "I never really grasped just how far ahead your society was technologically or how difficult it might be to adjust. This pen, something so small and seemingly insignificant, is eye-opening."

Staring fixedly down at the map I struggled to keep my voice light. "Yes, it takes some getting used to."

"I would imagine," was all he said before rising and coming to stand behind me. He laid down a sketch he had made of the map I had been studying that was blank save for the geographical details. He flipped over the labeled one then asked "What is the name of this river?" pointing to the squiggly line on his map.

"The Anduin," I said trying not to think about how significant it was going to become.

"Good, and this?" Our lesson continued like this for awhile until he deemed me ready to begin learning new material. We once again spent the remaining time until dinner pouring over maps. At the ring of the dinner bell we put away the maps and made our way to the Dining Hall. We reached the table to find Lord Elrond, Glorfindel, Erestor and Arwen already there and the dwarves there as well. Not to mention Gandalf and some of Lord Elrond's other advisors. Legolas escorted me over to my seat and pulled out my chair for me. I thanked him and then turned to greet Glorfindel who was leaning back in his chair arms crossed and glaring at me.

"I am not pleased."

"Really? I couldn't tell."

"Guess who Lady Amani came whining to this afternoon when she entered her room only to be drenched in water. Just guess."

"Erestor?"

"You're not funny. ME, she came to ME."

"How unfortunate. You must be upset."

"You're infuriating."

"I don't know about infuriating...mildly frustrating sure...but infuriating? That's a bit harsh."

He threw his hands up and gazed heavenward. "I give up!" After a moment or two he looked at me rather bemusedly, and asked affectionately, "Why do I put up with you?"

"My irresistable good looks?"

"Married."

"Then it's my insatiable wit?"

"No, but close..."

"Then it is definitely my irrepressible charm."

"Yes, that would be it."

"I knew it."

By now the rest of the tables' occupants had arrived, including Almira, who was chatting away loudly to his highness and dinner began.

"Why your highness I don't believe I ever told you my full name."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Quite sure. It is Almira Katrina Aurora Kassandra Star. Now you may well be wondering at the strange and mystical quality of my name." Legolas made a very noncommittal noise as he stared at the food he was pushing around on his plate.

"There is absolutely nothing mystical about that name," I whispered to Glorfindel so only he hear. "It's just ridiculously long."

"What did you expect?" he retorted just as quietly.

"You see I am a descendant of-"

"The Wicked Witch of the West?" I supplied.

"No," she said shortly with an eyeroll. "Of Queen Guinevere. So I'm technically royalty and therefore perfect for you, Leggy," she added sensually, running a finger down his arm in what was probably supposed to be a seductive move but really looked like she was trying to rend flesh from bone.

I had just taken a sip of my wine and choked. Legolas looked horrified. "This just keeps getting better and better," Glorfindel whispered looking downright gleeful. I saw Erestor mouth 'Leggy' at Lord Elrond, who just shrugged.

"Someone likes King Arthur," I muttered in English. She glared. Dinner continued in much the same way with Almira blathering on and on about her past to Legolas who was continuously shoveling food in his mouth so he would not have to actually speak or answer questions like, "Don't you think we are meant for each other?" and "Doesn't my hair just shine sooooooo radiantly?" I turned as much as possible in my chair so I at least would not have to watch and spent the rest of the time talking to the Hobbits and Dwarves, who were a little hesitant to exchange anything more than polite pleasantries due to the fact that I was an elf. But thanks to Bilbo's reassurance that I was not as prejudiced as some elves the conversation flowed pretty smoothly and I learned a lot about the events going on in the mountains surrounding Imladris.

At the end of dinner, Legolas and I were walking back towards our rooms to retrieve our reading material before heading to our garden when Arwen caught up with us. "Lady Amani's face today was absolutely priceless. She also kept glaring at Lady Valda all through dinner because we left a slight water trail from Lady Valda's room to Lady Amani's. I could barely contain my laughter their faces were so funny."

"I am inclined to agree." I smiled appreciatively, and at Legolas' curious gaze I explained, "I got to see her face as she ran by the library on her way to Glorfindel's office where I was having my lesson with Erestor."

"Lucky," he muttered.

"Normally I do not like partaking in such mischief, I was never quite as bold as you or the twins," she said poking Legolas in the arm at which he smiled with an easy familiarity that spoke of long years of friendship. I felt a pang in my heart for all the friends I left behind and tried to focus on the conversation instead of my memories. "But I do have to say this is most satisfying. I must admit I do like feeling so rebellious," she continued slightly sheepishly, causing Legolas and I to laugh.

I could tell I laughed a tad too heartily because I had both of them looking at me strangely. "I, uh…I was just picturing the rest of their faces," I lied. They both smiled, though they still looked a tad suspicious.

"Well, I am going to take myself off to bed," Arwen said beginning to walk down the hallway that led to the family rooms. "I had a rather late night last night." With a wink and slight laugh she turned her back and made her way to her room.

Legolas and I continued to the garden and continued our reading until we decided it was time to retire. And so my life fell into a comfortable routine and I passed the rest of October, November and most of December in the blissful contentment that was so characteristic to Imladris. My life had fallen into a comfortable routine of practice sessions, lunch with Maerwen and her friends who I was becoming quite close to, lessons with Erestor, and walks and reading with Legolas. Legolas and I were growing closer as well, the more time I spent with him the more I came to care for him. And this had me slightly terrified because I was experiencing all the doubts that accompany such feelings. So I tried to distract myself in whatever way possible. As the weeks passed I was practicing weaponry several hours a day and was interacting with the Rivendell Guard more and more since I was on the training field quite a lot. Therefore I got to spend more time with Faelon and the guys of the group. And I felt like I finally had a nice circle of friends which helped ease the loneliness. Due to the amount of time I was spending on it I was also becoming quite proficient at both sword and bow and could hold my own for quite awhile against Glorfindel and was hitting the target consistently in archery. This helped me to become more convinced that I might actually have a chance of surviving this quest which reduced some of my anxiety. Our prank war continued in much the same way as my training, with our pranks getting better and better. There was not a day that went by when a shriek or curse was not heard. By the beginning of December all the ladies were sufficiently paranoid. You could tell they were barely sleeping and that tempers were frayed. Of course, all of us involved were thrilled because their focus had indeed turned away from us just as intended. They were constantly bickering with each other and starting rumors but what made it even better was that they had started playing small pranks of their own, replacing perfume with vinegar or cutting out parts of dresses. However my contentment started to be replaced by apprehension as the quest drew closer and closer. Lord Elrond formally announced the members of the Fellowship and the final preparations were being made for the quest to begin seeing as the scouts had finally returned the end of the second to last week of December.

So it was with a great amount of trepidation I awoke the Sunday of the last week of December, the week before the Fellowship was to depart. Seven days and then…I did not even want to think about it so I hopped out of bed, got ready and ate a quick breakfast before proceeding to my morning lesson with Glorfindel. He was holding a sword in his hands as I approached him. "Good morning," I said quietly as I reached him.

"Good morning. As you know there are only seven days until you must depart, which should be enough for you to adjust."

"Adjust to what?"

"Your new sword," he said with a small smile holding out the one he had been holding.

"Seriously?" I asked in awe taking the sword and extracting it from its sheath. It was beautiful, with a narrow double-edged blade with a Quenyan inscription. It had similar Celtic designs as that of his wife's, though not exactly the same and the stones in the crossguard were aquamarine. The scabbard had similar elaborate Celtic designs mingled with Elvish flowers and vines. "Glorfindel…this is beautiful," I breathed. "And the designs… I can't believe you remembered my birthstone and that I was also of Celtic descent. It is one of the most beautiful gifts I have ever received. And the inscription…what does it mean?"

"This sword belongs to a mildly frustrating girl…beware," he said in mock seriousness. I rolled my eyes. He just smiled, but it faded as he gave the real translation. "This sword belongs to one whom I care for, may it defend you where I cannot."

My eyes filled with tears and I blinked them back as much as possible, but a few escaped. I couldn't help it. "I'm going to miss you very much," I choked out quietly, sheathing my sword and giving him a big hug, which he returned.

"And I you," he returned just as quietly running a hand over my hair, before saying gruffly, " Now let's start your lesson. I'd hate for you to think I was going soft."

I laughed and wiped my eyes and unsheathed my sword again. "Bring it on." He laughed and advanced and our training session progressed, and though I never disarmed him I got rather close a couple times. We called it a draw as our time came to a close, but that was him just being nice. "You are very good. You nearly disarmed me a few times there."

"Thanks, I feel good."

He nodded. "Your confidence shows and helps you at swordplay; it keeps you from being too anxious and second-guessing yourself too much. Remember this when the time comes, do not hesitate and focus and you should come out of this in one piece. Now go and practice your archery."

I nodded, uttered another quick 'thank you,' picked up my borrowed archery equipment and jogged over to the archery range. By now my archery lessons had been stopped and I spent my time just practicing and perfecting my aim. Legolas would stay for a few moments and correct any mistakes I was making and then once he was confident I was doing it correctly and consistently he would leave me to practice or stay and practice himself; which was intimidating because he never missed the center, whereas I barely ever hit the direct center though I was getting closer and always hitting the target. But I suppose that in a couple thousand years or so I would be just as good…maybe.

He greeted me as I entered the archery range and walked with me over to the target to begin our session.

"You carry a new blade," he stated motioning to the sword at my hip.

"It was a gift from Glorfindel." I unsheathed it and handed it to him to examine.

"It is beautiful."

"Thank you. I am quite proud of it."

We had reached the target and our lesson began as usual, though he did not stay today, but instead left to find Faelon to discuss the final pranks in the war. These were to be the best and most elaborate and were one of the only things keeping me from focusing completely on the dreaded departure.

I had just finished my practice session and was leaving the field as Almira was entering. "Ah, Kate I wish I could say I was happy to see you but we all know that would be a lie," she mocked in English.

"And we all know how you hate to lie," I replied sarcastically.

"Unlike you, carrying on this farce of a relationship with his highness."

"You are delusional," I said and began to walk past her.

"Am I? I see the way you look at him." Her words stopped me dead in my tracks and I slowly turned to face her.

"You see nothing," I said in a low, menacing tone, "Because there is nothing to see."

"No?" she mocked, walking towards me and coming to stop a foot in front of me. "Or perhaps you think there is nothing to see, hiding your growing feelings because you know he will never return the love of someone who is painfully ordinary. Someone who could not dare to compete with my beauty, not to mention my numerous other wonderful attributes. But you wait and you hope, knowing it is in vain and that once we begin our mission and he is constantly exposed to my awesomeness he will forget all about normal, boring you. All this you think to hide from the world to save yourself the pain and embarrassment when he chooses to bind with me and I get to live happily ever after."

I was shaking, my fingers curled so tightly into my palms I could feel my fingernails biting into my flesh. "You don't get it do you? You just don't get it. We are going on a quest to destroy the One Ring, not a pleasure cruise on the Loveboat. The fate of the known world is at stake and you-"

"Blah, blah, blah. Obviously you don't get it. You are just jealous because you know I am right and that I am going to marry him and bear his children and be royalty. As if he would bind with someone with such a boring hair color and eyes that don't sparkle. Oh don't look so upset. I know it can be painful to hear the truth but-"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, finally just snapping and catching the attention of everyone in the training areas. "JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! HOW CAN YOU BE SO MORONIC AND STILL BE LIVING? NOT EVERYTHING IS RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE ALL THE TIME. LIFE DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK OUT THE WAY YOU THINK IT SHOULD! DO YOU KNOW HOW UNLIKELY IT IS THAT WE MAKE IT OUT OF THIS QUEST ALIVE? HMMMM? OUR FATE IS COMPLETELY UNKNOWN. WE DON'T NECESSARILY EVEN HAVE A PURPOSE HERE! THIS COULD ALL BE A FLUKE, A CRUEL TRICK OF NATURE-NOT DESTINY! DREAMS DON'T ALWAYS COME TRUE AND NOT EVERYONE GETS HAPPY ENDINGS, NOT EVERYONE GETS TO MARRY THE PRINCE AND RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET, ESPECIALLY NOT IF THEY DIE HALFWAY THROUGH THE STORY!"

"WELL EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T FEEL LIKE JOINGING IN ON YOUR PITY PARTY! You are so unrealistic! This quest cannot be that hard. I mean, REALLY, they have midgets in on it! The hardest part of this quest will be avoiding Boromir's advances and scoring with Leggy. It will be a piece of cake!"

Reigning in my temper somewhat I managed to lower my voice. Why waste energy on someone so deluded? "In case you haven't noticed we landed in Lord of the Rings NOT Days of Our lives."

"I know that."

"I don't think you do."

"And if I don't?"

"It's only because you are an overly idealistic moron with no concept of reality because you are too focused on your own self-importance to notice what is really going on around you-namely a WAR."

"And you are just a pathetic cynic who is so cowardly that you probably prefer death to the embarrassment of Legolas rejecting you for me." She smiled, disgustingly satisfied.

"Fuck you," I stated lowly, seeing red everything else fading away as all my focus shifted to Almira and trying to prevent myself from decking her.

Her eyes widened and she shoved me hard, causing me to stumble back a few steps. I righted myself and began to advance, when a strong grip on my arm prevented me. "Don't. She is not worth it," Boromir said quietly, Gimli nodding in agreement beside him.

"Listen to the puny human. Besides it's futile anyway...you'll both get yours in the end," she said slipping into Westron so that Boromir could hear. I felt the blood drain from my face. Boromir looked confused and slightly disturbed at the meaning in her words.

"Step away, Boromir," I said quietly, deadly calm.

"Kate-"

"I said- Step away." Gimli took him by the arm and began to pull him out of the way. "She has the right," I heard him say quietly to Boromir.

"Bitch, you are going to pay." Almira, correctly guessing what was coming next, tackled me before I could throw the first punch. I landed hard, crying out as my right arm hit something sharp. She stradled me and was drawing back to punch me when I kneed her hard in the side, close to the kidney and rammed the heel of my hand into her nose. She fell off me with a cry of pain and I quickly jumped to my feet. Rolling my shoulder, testing to make sure it was not dislocated.

"You slut," she hissed, getting to her feet.

I just smiled, infuriating her further.

With a growl she advanced, I avoided the first punch aimed straight at my face, but was not quick enough and got caught with a right hook. I moved my jaw and thankfully it was not broken. I blocked most of the following blows before I gained the upperhand. I delivered a couple quick jabs to her face, followed by an uppercut and a right hook before she backhanded me and then kicked my feet out from under me. It knocked the wind out of me and I rolled on to all fours to try and stand. However I did not get very far when a sharp kick in the side sent me flying. Almira was stalking towards me so I struggled to my my feet. However, I was not fast enough to avoid the fist she drove into my stomach. I barely kept myself from crumpling, although it did not really matter because she had me by the hair. She yanked my head back to whisper in my ear, "Who's the moron now?" Taking advantage of the fact that she thought she had won and let down her guard a little, I slammed my heel hard into her foot while ramming my elbow back into her causing her to stumble back and release my hair in surprise.

Whirling quickly, I said viciously, "Still you." Before drawing back my arm and punching her straight in the nose, knocking her flat on her ass.

"You broke my nose," she stated in shock.

"I hope so you-" I did not get to finish because she tackled me for the second time. We were rolling around, mindlessly struggling, punching, scratching, clawing, biting, doing anything to cause pain when we were suddenly pulled apart.

"ENOUGH!" Lord Elrond roared, surprising us both. "HOW DARE YOU BEHAVE THIS WAY!" Needless to say one look at his expression caused my heart to nearly stop. He was terrifying and pissed. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF SUCH VIOLENCE?"

I noticed Almira was being held by Boromir and Gimli had hold of me. They had spent a great deal of time together because dwarves were naturally more comfortable around humans and it seemed to be reciprocal. I had spent a little time with both of them as I thought I should try to get to know the people I was going to be put in life-threatening situations with and they generally seemed to like me though they were always rather reserved. "ANSWER ME!" The force of Elrond's command snapped me from my thoughts and made me jump. Almira was stubbornly staring at the ground, remaining silent so I answered. "My Lord," I began, head bowed in respect and what hopefully appeared like slight shame, though I was still too angry to really be sorry, "We got in an argument and then she shoved me. Lord Boromir tried to intervene and keep the peace but then Almira went too far with an insult, and I was going to throw the first punch but she tackled me before I could." I decided honesty was the best policy because he would know if I was lying and I did not even want to know what he would do then.

The vein at his temple was pulsing as I saw him debating whether or not to just kill us both on the spot. Alright not really, but I bet he was tempted. "Take them to the Healing Ward, they will be dealt with after they have been treated." And with that he stormed away, back to his office presumably to figure out some terrible punishment.

"This is all your fault," Almira said wrathfully.

"Says the instigator," I shot back and struggled to free myself.

"Oh no you don't lassie," Gimli said and began pushing me toward the Healing Ward, while Boromir had to practically drag a whining Almira behind him.

"I DEMAND THAT YOU UNHAND ME!" Almira's cried for the hundredth time as we approached the Healing Ward.

"AND I DEMAND THAT YOU SHUT UP!" I cried still extremely pissed off. I entered to see Legolas and Faelon grinning, though their expressions quickly turned to shock.

"What in the name of Eru happened to you?" Legolas asked shocked.

"I can't believe you brought me here," I muttered, ignoring him and the concern I could read in his eyes, choosing instead to glare at Gimli.

"You're bleeding!" Gimli cried exasperatedly.

"Barely!"

"Your arm is dripping!"

I just rolled my eyes. "Sit," Gimli commanded.

Sulking I took a seat and my aching body made itself known. I grimaced and looked at Almira. Thankfully she looked worse. Her nose was bleeding profusely, one eye was beginning to bruise as was most of her face, and she was limping.

"What happened?" Legolas repeated again.

"I would think it rather obvious," Gimli stated dryly.

"They got in a fight," Boromir announced hastily shooting Gimli a look and forestalling any snide comment Legolas could have made.

"She started it!" Almira cried, pointing a finger at me.

"THE HELL I DID!" I responded, jumping up quickly, at which Gimli shoved me roughly back into my seat and I saw Legolas tense. I winced and glared at Gimli for a second before continuing, "As I recall it was you who tackled me!"

"You hit back!"

"Damn straight! What was I supposed to do just let you beat the living daylight out of me?" I asked incredulously. Almira just looked down and shuffled her feet. "That's what I thought," I stated angrily.

"YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE DOING?" Glorfindel's voice boomed, surprising everyone and making us jump. He entered the room quickly and strode toward me.

At his approach I jumped up (only to be shoved back down again) and cried, "DO NOT EVEN ACT LIKE THIS IS MY FAULT!"

"YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!"

"Oh right so someone tackles you and you are just supposed to politely ask them to stop?" I said sarcastically, leaning back in my chair with my arms crossed and one eyebrow raised, barely managing not to wince.

At this, Glorfindel whirled on Almira, "You TACKLED her?"

"Well she insulted me," she said pathetically.

"Remind me...was that before or after you called me pathetic?" I sneered.

Glorfindel sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Get cleaned up and then I want to see you in my office." He gave me a stern glance at which Almira shot me a triumphant smirk. I jumped up again only to be shoved down for the third time. "You cannot be serious," I said disbelievingly.

"Oh but I am," he said before turning and seeing Almira's expression. "Do not get too excited," he stated, looking grimly satisfied. "You are going to meet with Lord Elrond." The smile fled from her face and it was my turn to smirk. Finally he turned to Faelon and Legolas. "Treat them in separate rooms and do not let them anywhere near each other afterwards." They nodded and Glorfindel left.

Faelon ordered us into different rooms, shooting me a sympathetic smile. I entered the room to my left and paced.

"Would you please sit down?" Gimli pleaded.

"Oh for the love of God, Gimli. I am fine!"

"I care to disagree," Legolas said lightly, laying his supplies on the table next to the bed and motioning for me to come sit on the edge in front of him.

"You're treating me?" I asked surprised, seemingly rooted to the floor.

"Yes, I have some training in how to treat minor injuries as do most warriors. It is a useful skill." Fixing me with a sterner glance Legolas commanded, "Now sit."

Subdued, I came and sat in front of him wincing slightly as I did so. He gave me a questioning glance. "Almira got in a few good punches to my stomach, not to mention those tackles" I explained ruefully.

Legolas nodded. "Unfortunately there is not much I can do about that, but I can fix up your lip."

"This is such bullshit," I said, looking at Gimli as Legolas began to mix the salve for my various cuts and scrapes. "You saw what happened."

"Aye, she provoked you. But you did not have to get so angry."

"Easy for you to say," I muttered. "Besides it was self-defense once she tackled me," I added rather defiantly.

"Personally I think she deserved it," Gimli said with a small smile, which I returned wincing because of my split lip. I noticed Legolas' lips tighten into a thin line. He seemed frustrated yet I did not know what to make of it. "However that still does not make it right. You still lost your temper and provoked her causing her to become even angrier."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I mumbled, fidgeting nervously.

"Hold still while I apply this salve to your lip," Legolas ordered gently. He gave me a small, reassuring smile which I returned, wincing again. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. It was a rather intimate thing, having him touching my face, smoothing the salve over my lips even though it was rather painful. Trying not to blush, I replayed the fight in my mind to keep my mind off Legolas' proximity.

"Take off your top," Legolas said without preamble.

My eyes flew open. "Come again?" I stated incredulously.

"You are going to have to remove your outer and inner tunics if I am to treat your arm and any minor cuts on your body you might have accrued during your fall," Legolas explained gently.

"Oh...right," I floundered looking at Gimli, flushing slightly.

"You'll be alright lass?" he asked eyeing Legolas rather accusingly, at which he rolled his eyes. "She's an elf too you know," he stated.

"But not a prejudiced one," he retorted.

"Prejudiced, am I? What about you, you-"

"Quiet. Both of you," I commanded sternly, standing quickly and coming between them. Then a little more wearily, my posture sagging a bit, I muttered, "I do not have the energy for this."

"Aye lassie," Gimli said quietly, both of them looking at me guiltily.

"I'll be fine," I assured him.

"Then I'll take my leave."

After he left Legolas shut the door so I could remove my tunics. Legolas turned his back and readied the bandages he would need, cutting them into smaller strips. I began to remove my tunics and hissed when it pulled away from my cuts, breaking the scabs that had begun to form. I left on my fitted under tunic.

"Is this..?"

"That's all you need remove," Legolas said gently, turning around. "Come, sit."

I did, and he began cleaning my wound. "This is a nasty cut, but it should not require stitches."

"Hallelujah."

"How did this start?"

I sighed. "You aren't going to like it."

"I already do not like it, but I would like to know the reason behind it."

"It started because of you," I practically whispered, eyes on the floor and a slight flush once again on my cheeks.

"Me? What about me?"

"She was basically taunting me with more of the same: how she's meant for you, blah, blah, blah she wants to have your children, blah, blah, blah," Legolas winced and I smiled slightly trying not to stretch my lip, however I began frowning again upon continuing. "Not to mention she was also insulting me the entire time. And I, uh...well, I got quite upset and yelled at her. But what made me really angry was that she alluded to the future right in front of Boromir. He had come to break us up and keep it from escalating ironically," I explained with a bitter laugh. Then a little sheepishly, "I called her a not-so-nice name and she tackled me and it went on from there."

"How much did she give away?"

"You see, that's just it!" I cried frustrated. "It was not anything specific, but she alluded to his-" I stopped abruptly, lips pressed tightly together.

"What did she say?" I knew I should not answer his question, yet I could not contain my anger and burgeoning grief.

"She said that we would both get ours."

His hands stilled in the middle of wrapping my arm. "Tell me that does not mean what I think it means."

"You know I cannot," I whispered morosely.

"Are you telling me you are going to die?"

"Not exactly. My fate is unknown, as you know. I think she was just threatening me...unless of course she's planning on killing me. Which, after today, might be a distinct possibility," I stated wryly.

"And Boromir?"

I could only shake my head. I squeezed my eyes shut as I drew in a ragged breath. Legolas finished wrapping my arm quickly then gently cupped my shoulders with his hands. "Kate, look at me."

I shook my head, trying in vain to hold back my tears. He gently cupped my face with his right hand. "Please." I complied and a few tears escaped. Legolas drew in a sharp breath. "I am not very good with crying elleth," he said gently then more firmly, "But I will try my best. It is not your fault. What must be, will be. There is nothing you can do."

"I know," I choked out. "But that is what makes it so terrible. I don't know if I can do this," I said brokenly, the tears coming faster. I tried to cover my face with my hands but gasped due to the cut in my arm and began to cry even harder. Legolas awkwardly embraced me, knowing that words were no longer of use. I stiffened for a second before relaxing and winding my good arm around him and deciding I was entitled to a good cry.

As I calmed back down, I pulled away and wiped away my tears flushing slightly. "Thanks," I said, unable to look him in the eye.

Legolas lifted my chin with his hands and looked me in the eye. "Anytime."

I nodded, flushing even deeper before standing with a wince and putting on my tunics. "I suppose I should go see Glorfindel. Hopefully his temper will have calmed some."

"Perhaps, but I assure you he will still be in the mood for a lecture," Legolas said teasingly.

"Thanks, that makes me feel so much better." Completely dressed I grabbed my weapons and put them on. "I'll see you at dinner," I said lightly, still a little uncomfortable, just as Legolas seemed to be at what had just happened between us.

"Of course," he replied just as lightly. I nodded and walked out the door. I paused a moment outside the door. It was going to be a long couple of days. "Who am I kidding?" I muttered quietly. "It's going to be a long couple of months on this quest." Sighing, I made my way to Glorfindel's office, maybe a bit slower than normal, but would anyone blame me for that? I doubted it.

Legolas was right; Glorfindel was still ready for a lecture. He reamed me out for about an hour until the dinner bell rang and I escaped gratefully into the Hall. I was attacked by the twins as I made my way to the Dining Hall. "Did you really break her nose?" Elrohir whispered in what sounded like awe.

"I told you she was not to be messed with," Elladan said throwing an arm over my shoulder and I winced. "Sorry," he said sheepishly.

I waved it aside and said, "You know it's not that great. Your dad probably wants to kick me out."

"Fear not," Elrohir said kindly. "You are not the first to get in a fight nor will you be the last. Even Elladan and I have gotten in a few scraps with other ellyn. He is never pleased but he will not banish you." Elladan nodded.

"Now Glorfindel is another story…" he teased.

"Tell me about it," I muttered. They smiled; having endured countless lectures from the Captain of the Guard they were well aware of my suffering. They escorted me to my seat and seeing as we were some of the last to arrive dinner began shortly after. To say the mood was tense was an understatement. It was a lovely mix of disappointment, shock and embarrassment. I could not have been happier than the moment it ended. I begged off my walk with Legolas saying I was tired and escaped to my room where I collapsed on my bed. One day down, seven to go. And what an eventful seven days they were going to be. Curling up with one of my favorite books from home, A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore, I managed to keep my mind from thinking about the quest, Legolas, and my not so unlikely imminent demise and eventually drifted into a deep sleep.