August 15
The Colonel's Quarters – 1240 Hours

"Nikki, the next time you do that, I'm personally going to court martial you!"

Those were the first words I heard out of Rob's mouth when I awoke on this dark and drizzly morning. Well, it was the second thing I was conscious of. The first thing was waking up, feeling someone's hand holding mine. I was lying down in my bunk and I hurt all over. I mean, I was bandaged at my chest, forehead and right wrist, side and shoulder (surprise of surprises). I opened my eyes and there was a crowd in Rob's quarters: Rob himself was holding my hand, Carter (bandaged at the head, bruised and looking very guilty), Kinch, Newkirk, LeBeau and Wilson. After Rob said that, he let go of my hand and banged out of his quarters, quite angry. I figured that he won't be talking to me for a long time.

"That went over well," LeBeau murmured as the door slammed shut.

"Well, 'lad to see you awake anyway, gov'ness!" Newkirk said cheeringly.

Aren't people happy, indeed! All I remember was running to get Carter out of some mess the kid guards were creating and being trampled upon. I saw that he was fine before me, but before, trying to get him out, he was trying his hardest not to fight back – he knew that it meant the cooler – and at the same time, wanting to get out of the way. Either way, I could have endangered him more, gotten myself into trouble or even got us more hurt than we already are.

Then I felt the need to explain Rob. I sat up and felt so dizzy I had to struggle to stay upright. "Don't worry about him. He's usually not angry very –"

"Don't move anymore, Colonel!" Wilson, always faster than I am, came to my side and was trying to get me to lie back down and still.

I cooperated, to a point, because I knew that I had more important things to accomplish and vital information to share. I had to get Nitlz out of the cooler, if he hasn't been keeping his appointment with the firing squad, that is. I also had to tell Rob about what I found out, because I knew he would be the only one to understand, and solve some of the mysteries from the past. However, something was bothering me and it had to do with Nitlz and his execution.

"What day is it?" I asked over all this hovering by Wilson and this awkward silence by the others. I swear, nobody was saying anything after Wilson's sudden move on me.

Kinch looked over. "It's August 15, Colonel," he said.

So, that means that Nitlz is…? "Nitlz is in the tunnel tied up and ready to leave, on yours and Colonel Hogan's orders. He has escaped execution," LeBeau added hurriedly.

So, Nitlz missed his death sentence! Good for him! (I passed an order to have him tied up in the tunnels? When was this?) However, that means I can have more answers to my questions and make sure he's sent to the right place, via the Underground. Then, I can take care of that German sergeant/agent Jozef, who according to Kinch, is also still tied up and ready to be handed over to the other Underground agents as well. He's been the most trouble so far. I can figure that out, no matter if I am around or not. It's been running in the family, after all. All of us have made trouble somewhere.

After worrying for no reason, Wilson was irritated. So, he decided to kick each person out. As an excuse, he said, "The Colonel's already had too much excitement for a few days. Tell Colonel Hogan he can see her later."

While everybody grumbled and yelled their good wishes to me, Wilson closed the door. "Now, it's my turn to give the orders," he said happily. I gave in. What more could I do? I've been ordered to stay in bed. It is worse that Rob's ordered me to do the same, according to Wilson. I think he's still angry at me of this brainless move to keep Carter out of trouble.

August 16
The Colonel's Quarters – 1530 Hours

I'm still in here on Wilson's orders, but at least Rob and I finally spoke about what has been going on the past few days. He popped his head in after I wrote last and asked for forgiveness instead of me asking for it. I laughed. Usually, he takes it as I've forgiven him as usually I follow what Father has taught me: to forgive and forget, although in many cases, I will never do that.

"Let's get down to business then," Rob said, disrupting my thoughts of home (it seemed so long ago that I saw Father in good health!), as he grabbed a chair from his desk. He dragged it beside the bunk and asked me, in detail, what the conversation was with Nitlz the day I went to visit him in the cooler and before those guards beat me instead of Carter.

I started: "Well Rob, I was more on the intent on looking for you and talking about this Kraut, but at the same time, I was figuring out how to get Nitlz out of the cooler. He's still as innocent as Klink. However, he is just as ruthless when let loose. In other words, he has valuable military information and he can give it out without realizing it. I wanted some information about Mother and who he really is, too. More was the reason to see him, since I think he wanted to clear something up. I saw you talking to Klink in his office, so I left you alone and went to the cooler. Schultz was guarding of course, so some Red Cross packages with chocolate did the trick after I was denied previously without any.

"I got into the hallway and Schultz directed me to where Nitlz was held. He unlocked it for me and said, 'Five minutes!' More chocolate, obviously, changed his mind. 'You can have ten…no, twenty minutes and no more.' He upped my time after I kissed him on the lips and gave him more chocolate. I'm sorry I got rid of my supply for the month, but I think it was worth it.

"But anyhow, when I arrived inside the cell, I saw that Nitlz was sleeping, so Schultz had to wake him up. His eyes were glassy and he was very groggy, as if he was drunk. This was really the eyes and face of someone sick. I've been it before, so trust me and don't argue.

"His first words were, 'Victoria, you came back for me!' I had to say something back to that affect, for he wasn't going to be convinced at that moment that I was her little girl that grew to look like her mother unless he figured it out. So, I decided to play with his head much as I hated doing that. I played the part of my mother, no matter how much it hurt me too.

"I replied, 'Yes, I have come back –' I couldn't finish my sentence because he was decided to come up from his bunk and was giving me a sloppy kiss. I accepted it, just to get him going on what I needed to know: something about him and my mother. Well, after that kiss, he pulled me down next to him in his hard bunk.

"Nitlz had me sit down closer than what I was comfortable with. He held onto me, clung onto me like a lifejacket, and said, 'Victoria, do you remember those days in Dessau, when we were children? It was before your marriage. We used to link our arms and roll down to the stream. You did the laundry there and we always met there in Wednesdays.'

"'Ja, I remember,' I whispered, having no clue in hell what I was going into.

"'Victoria, why did you agree to marry that old man von Rumey? All he ever wanted was boys and more money from your family. He lost his wife and needed more heirs because his only son was an invalid and he could not be seen. So, why throw away my love for you so that you can become wealthy?'

"I had to think of something fast. Knowing Mother, I answered, 'I was only doing my duty for my family. They tell me where to go. I love you and will never let you leave me now.'

"I was hoping that I sounded like Mother, and in the very least, what she sounded like to people she loved. I never knew how that was since I never saw her love anyone or anything. I never knew she was in love with Nitlz at an early age, I just thought they were friends by the way he talked to me beforehand. After thinking about the day in barracks, maybe it became much more than, and after so many years and troubled times later there is always that one true someone in his mind there: my mother, who he mistakes as me and thinks went behind his back. I mean, I know he was that same person who came to her home when I was small. I know I remember something like that. I am sure, despite the fact that she had so many people over there. I remember that he kept mistaking me for Mother when they were younger and then threatening to kill me when he noticed that I was who I really am. I don't know nor do I wish to remember.

"He went on babbling anyhow. 'Duty, it is all you talk about! We all have to do it sometime, but you ran off with that Russian, you had that child in America and now she's on the run. Did you get rid of Hozellenan?'

"'Hozellenan has been murdered.' I couldn't say anything more, contemplating about this eerie fog Nitlz was in. He even put forward his confidence in the war. 'Hitler has taken us far and wide and we are winning this war, I can feel it! Victoria, please come back to me, we can live the rest of our lives together in Switzerland. Let us leave this rotten cell and leave Germany for good! That was such a trial that they gave me. I am sure that it is a test of my loyalty.'

"'Oh, I don't know…' I trialed and was confused and almost speechless as to what to say next.

"'Just please, let's go Victoria! Let's leave this place. We can spy on the Allies.'" I stopped and Rob allowed me time to think, leaning back in his chair. I was becoming embarrassed that I was telling Rob this, and now, thinking back on this, the time in the cooler with Nitlz has got to be one of the most mortifying (not quite embarrassing yet) moments I've had ever.

I don't know what was wrong with Nitlz, but I knew that, for one thing, he knew where he was to a point and his love blinded him to what was really in front of him. He knew that he was commanding Stalag 13, but that trial confused him. He didn't know what went on, what his accusations were or even if he really was going to be shot as a traitor. He thought that I was Mother and that, as a loyal German, he could escape the cell and his duties would take him elsewhere because he was loyal enough. He certainly had periods of this perplexity and insanity. I can tell you the uproar he had when he was brought to the cooler and then to trial. I can't even begin to explain it.

I went on describing everything to Rob as he raised an eyebrow when I stopped. "He convinced me, Rob, and I knew that a nutcase in Nazi Germany is worse than one in England. At least he can be treated and put into a camp or institution. I know he has military secrets from the Krauts and we can use him whenever. That was why I wanted to get him out of there."

"And we did, Nikki," Rob replied, shaking his head at my strange performance and how the pieces of the puzzled past came together. "I had Carter trigger an explosive, against Wilson's orders. We made the Krauts believe that he killed himself with some explosives that nobody bothered to check for. The Krauts think that they were careless with their security and that, with the explosion they had no chance to make the news with another execution of a faithless Nazi. We even left his uniform for future use."

I was so surprised by this that I jumped back, hitting my head against the top of the bunk. I sunk lower into the bunk and saw stars. This was cunning and unbelievable.

"Nikki, are you alright?" I opened my eyes and nodded my head. "Nikki, he's in the tunnel and has been fighting as any Nazi should."

"Being insinuated as a Nazi is enough to make him insane," I groaned, my hand on my head, thinking of what I could have done with it this time. What happened there beforehand when I saw Carter, a concussion? Did my brain rattle finally or something?

"It also explains why you're going nuts. You're no spring chicken yourself," Rob popped out.

"Excuse me?" I stopped rubbing my throbbing head and almost socked him one in the face. "I'm just as good in condition as you and the others here!"

Rob laughed at my stubbornness. "Not exactly, Desertstar." His face went darker. "Do you know what happened after you got Carter out?" I shook my head and craned my ears further. Rob sounded serious and I recognized that his tone was sarcastic, as he does when he wanted something or is equally uneasy. I think it was the latter for he was biting his lip.

"Well, Nikki, the Kraut kids kept hitting you over and over again. Carter was only knocked in the head many times. He was delirious and rambling on about how the Krauts got you in a head-lock. He ran for Wilson and Wilson had grounded him to our barracks. Nobody told me what happened until an hour they started. Afterward I came out of Kink's office, I saw the men gather around the guards and trying to get somebody out. Kinch was pushing me back into the barracks and everyone was trying to hide you."

"Concerned men," I said, trying to defend the other prisoners.

"No, these are men who don't want the truth to be told to their commanding officer" Rob snapped. "They're protecting me for no reason, no reason at all, and this time it wasn't necessary. I only saw you after Newkirk and Wilson carried you in. Carter was sitting on his bunk. When I saw you and then Carter, I knew what happened."

Just hearing this made me suddenly feel feverish and I sunk lower into my bunk. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on something other than the pain. Everything was erupting, especially where I was shot, and I couldn't think. Exchanging stories and arguing has made me tired again. "So, here I am I guess. Requesting permission to speak bluntly, Sir?"

Rob was startled and laughed. "Permission denied, Colonel. You appear to be too sick for words. I'm leaving this conversation at Nitlz. We'll talk to your double agent when you get better." I smiled as I felt his hands rubbing my head, the way he did after our little baby Michael was born.

"Oh, why can't that be now?" I asked, yawning as I tried to talk.

"Well, he's your nephew. I think his aunt might be better off sleeping than trying to tackle him by herself," Rob answered. And with that, I felt asleep.

Nothing new has developed since nor has anything of interest come out of Nitlz's mouth. He was picked up by a specialized agent this morning. Nitlz left, yelling behind him, "I may serve myself and Victoria first, but I would rather spare my life for Hitler!" And his sanity seemed to be with him that time except the workings of his mind have had its aim on his esteemed leader, faraway in Berlin.

I'm feeling kind of lonely right now. I'm wondering how Rob is and where he might be right now. Is he bribing Klink again, right now? Or is he trying to figure out what happened to me prior to seeing him in this exile? I know that he's been trying to get that information for months, but I can't say a word. He's been trying to jack his way to my footlocker where I kept my keepsakes of the previous camp: the uniform I've worn for those months with its triangles, fragments of shells from the factory, a piece of the bunks I've slept in, all because I had hidden them in my uniform…the memories I've kept tightly within my mind. I can tell Rob's been doing it. I catch him every time. Every time I do, we get into an argument. "Nikki, what the hell are you hiding? The Krauts take ethnicities and stuff them into a camp like this. What's worse than this rat hole? We've heard it all in London and it was dismissed as propaganda from the Krauts. We said that they killed children living on the Allied side during the last war and it wasn't true. What would this be any worse?"

"Rob, you'll never understand. The Krauts have something worse than this place, it's worse than hell. It's a chance to tamper with Fate and Death, it's an unspeakable piece of life best left alone," I argued. "And this time, it's true. Why would I lie to you?" Usually, with that, I leave. Rob will never understand. He kept referring to it as propaganda, much like those brutalities we hear about from the last war. And yet, every argument pieces my heart. I don't want Rob to think such things.