An: hey guys long time no write…. I know I know I'm a slacker who had a lot of life happen to me. I hope to be able to actually finish this story within the next month. I hope you guys enjoy the story and as always R&R.
I don't think I would ever get use to the feeling of this imprint. I don't know if my heart can physically handle it. I wanted to bury myself in our love and let it consume me. I wanted to run and hide from the intensity of it all. I run through a million scenarios on how it doesn't work in my head and then a million more on how it does. He watches me from the corner of his eyes, waiting for the right moment to say something. I can sense his unease then again maybe he can sense mine as well. I can hear what he's thinking, that we rushed it, and that I wasn't ready. I can feel his unease pouring off of him. Maybe I wasn't ready but there is sure as hell nothing we can do about it now. Hell I practically threw myself at him. I bit my lip hard enough to break the tender skin. I tasted my blood and winced as I ran my tongue of the wound.
"Fuck Bella," He exhaled when he saw the blood. Tears welled up in my eyes. I will not cry I willed myself. I will not let whatever these emotions building up inside me get the best of me. I need to prove to him and myself that I was alright. Even if it was a lie, hell even if I'm never alright I needed to be alright right now in this moment. Lost in my thoughts I didn't realize he had moved from the bed until he was in front of me with a damp wash cloth pressing it against my bloody lip.
"Should we talk about this?" He asks gently as he cleans the blood from my face.
I meekly shook my head no not trusting my voice. I didn't want him to know all the crazy thoughts in my head. I didn't want him to know that only real thought in my head was running out of that door and never coming back. I shook my head to rid myself of that thought. Jared stared at me with dark unreadable eyes. Part of me hoped he wouldn't push and the other part wished he would. I was at war with myself.
I cleared my throat, "Jared… I… I'm hungry." I wasn't but I wanted to get out of here. Out of his bedroom and into some clothes. I felt like I had to put layers between us. I needed some space to clear my thoughts. He leaned in to kiss me and I shifted so he would miss my lips. He noticed my movement and pressed his lips together in a hard line. He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead before moving away from me. I couldn't kiss him right now. Not with all these traitorous thoughts going on in my head. No I need to get out of here and gather my thoughts. I ignored the hurt look in his eyes as I slid out of the bed and grabbed my jeans off the floor. I couldn't bring myself to look at him as I redressed myself.
"Did you want to go to the diner or order in?" he asked from behind me, I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. I winced knowing I put it there. It's bad enough I'm uncertain myself now it's rubbing off on him as well. I wanted him to be the rock I knew he was. I don't think we can both afford to fall apart.
"The diner is fine," I said before heading into the bathroom to clean up. I need to put some distance between us before I went crazy.
"I'll wait for you downstairs," he said through the door. I listened to his footsteps as he walked away before letting out an unsteady breath. I feel like someone dropped me into the ocean without a life jacket and I was barely threading the water to keep afloat. When I had come here I was so sure of whom I was and what I wanted, and now only a shadow of that girl was left. Did I mess up by sleeping with Jared? No. I can't think like this. I did…. No, we did the right thing. We are made for each other. Soul mates. I pushed the doubt from my mind as I washed my face. I refuse to continue this path of self destruction. I needed to be strong so we could be stronger. I took one last glance in the mirror and stared at the woman in the reflection. Her face was ashen and her mouth in a grimace. She didn't look like the woman in love but one walking to her funeral. I forced a smile on my lips and left the room.
I was three steps from the bottom when he grabbed me. I let out a yelp of surprise that was swallowed by his lips crashing down on mine and instantly I felt better. He was like a drug and I needed my fix. Every thought of trepidation immediately vanished. He needed to kiss me like this every day I decided as our tongues battled for dominance. He needed to hold me the way he was holding me now, like he was the only thing securing me to the earth. He groaned and pulled away looking down at me.
"Better?" He asked softly.
"Much," I grinned up at him, "Now let's go get food."
Like a true addict I was high on Jared. I spent the entire time at the diner with a goofy smile of my face, laughing at all his jokes, twirling my hair with my fingers. I acted like a girl in love and the when I went to the bathroom my reflection matched that. So where was the grim woman from earlier? I paused mid way through washing my hand. It was like a bubble I was in popped. I quickly dried my hands and headed out to the table.
"Kiss me."
He looked at me in shock. "Kiss me," I begged clawing at the collar of my shirt. He stood up and pulled my body against his. I loved the feeling of his hard muscles pushed against me. I drank him in, letting him wash over me. He tilted my head up so our eyes met. His eyes filled with love and desire. Slowly he leaned down and pressed his lips onto mine. I closed my eyes and poured all my anguish into the kiss. He matched my anguish with his passion and like when ice meets fire we were evaporating into the steam of it all. Damn it all to hell we should have ordered in. Suddenly Jared pulled away from me leaving me gasping for air. I vaguely heard him asking for the check because I was still floating from that mind shattering kiss. I followed him as he pulled me to the car.
"Bella look at me," He demanded. I jerked as if waking from a dream. He was standing there with a forbidding expression. "I'm going to take you home and fuck you Bella," he said with a growl, "Tell me that is what you want."
I wanted him to fuck me. I wanted to feel him in me again. Maybe that's what I need to get my head right.
"Tell me Bella because I won't do it unless you tell me it's what you want also."
I opened my mouth but no sound came out I couldn't form the words. I pulled at his shirt bringing him closer to me so I could kiss me. I wanted to answer him, but I could only do it with my actions. He grounded his mouth against mine as I gripped his head using it to anchor him to me. I mentally told him to take me home and have his way with me. I wanted to go back into the same bedroom not too long ago I would have done anything to escape.
"No," he said breathlessly pulling away from me, "I won't take you back to my bedroom until you tell me you want it as well."
"Jared," I choked out, "Please."
"Please what Bella?" he cupped my breast with his hand his thumb flicking my nipple through my shirt. My lungs were in my throat. I needed him. He was my own personal brand of heroin. I gripped his forearms with a death grip.
"Take me to your bedroom Jared," I finally gasped out.
"And do what Bella?" He wasn't taking it easy on me. Hell I guess I didn't deserve it either. I needed to say the words just as much as he needed to hear me say it. I was barely holding on and I knew it.
"And fuck me." The words were barely out of my mouth before he was kissing me again. He branded me with his lips, and I knew I was forever changed. I felt like it was a blink of eye before Jared was laying me down on his bed. He ripped his shirt of and tossed it aside. I drank in the sight of him with hooded eyes. He was a gorgeous man. He was my man. He unbuttoned my jeans before yanking them off.
"Take your shirt off," he ordered.
Naked I laid before him like a piece of expensive steak. I wanted him to devour me. With a confidence I didn't even know I possessed I spread my legs baring my sex to him. I spread the lips of my dripping womanhood showing him all of me. He sank to his knees taking in the sight I was giving him. My body quivered as his moved his face inches from my exposed flesh. A whimper escaped my lips as he stayed there inspecting what I offered up to him. He licked me with on long flick of his tongue and an orgasm ripped through me. One touch from him was all it took. He lapped up the juices of my passion. I came again and again.
"I can't," I begged trying to escape him. But he held me down making love to me with his tongue.
"You can and you will," he growled biting the tender flesh of my thigh. He stretched his long hard body over mine. I braced myself for the feeling of him pushing into me. He kissed me slowly I could taste myself on his lips. He grabbed my legs behind my knees and pulled it them up before slamming into me. I cried out in pleasure savoring the feeling of being so full. Yes, this is what I need. I rocked my hips meeting each thrust of his hips match for match. We warred with our bodies. Letting all the anguish we didn't say come out in our movements. I pulled him against me, our skin slick with sweat. We fucked. This wasn't making love. This wasn't nice and it certainly wasn't sweet. No this was bone grinding against bone fucking. I screamed as I came again. He bellowed following after me filling me with his hot seed. Wordlessly he rolled off me and we laid there on our backs, chest heaving to catch our breaths.
I glanced over to the clock on his night stand. It was ten pm. I jerked up I haven't checked my phone all day. Charlie must me be looking for. Grabbing my phone I saw three miss calls from him and a very angry text. I quickly texted him letting know that I was spending the night at Jared's. He wouldn't be happy about but I am an adult now and I don't think I could tear myself away from Jared if I tried. I was staying put. I placed my phone on the nightstand and laid back down next him. He was sound asleep. I placed a soft kiss on his lips before resting my head on his shoulder. I ran my hands over the lines of his chest. I played gently with the hair at the base of his dick before wrapping my fingers around the width of him.
He grabbed my hand and huskily asked, "What are you doing Bella?"
"Playing with fire friend," I whispered before descending and taking his growing shaft into my mouth.
An: ok guys I know it's a short chapter but hope you guys like it. R&R
