Hey, I'm back with the next chapter. Thanks so much for understanding the tardiness of my last chapter and reviewing. I'm sorry that I can't be as... 'enthusiastic?' as I usually am but I'm sure you've all lost something special so hopefully you'll be understanding. Anyway, before you get worried, it was just my cat... It was something very unexpected to say the least...

Well, before I get all gloomy again I wish to thank my fantastic beta reader; phoenixfirekitsune and my absolutly awesome reviewers; Kyohana, Hieilover2004, gabbygoose05, What2callmyself, Alexisminamino, Arada, and hieiyamimoya.


Chapter 12: Collasped Confessions

The sun wasn't even up and spreading its rays when a small cry woke Shuichi. He was mindful of his condition, thus getting up slowly before he lifted the child from his bassinet, "Up so early, little one?"

Kitshu smiled toothlessly at him, causing a small chuckle to leave him, "So what is it? A changing? A feeding? Or are you just bored?"

Seeing the pout and smelling no foul odor, he reasoned it to be the latter, "Well...I guess I do have some studying to do so how about some reading on what herbs can kill viruses?"

He glanced quickly at his clock, noticing it was only three, before he placed the baby on the bed and picked up a rather large text book, "Just for a bit alright, I need more than three hours of sleep..."

When he turned around he was met with a pair of bright red eyes that seemed to follow him wherever he went, "That's not nice Kitshu...You're suppose to show Daddy your new tricks first. I mean, how else are you going to prepare him for when you start crawling if you don't first show him that you can roll about?"

Again, the child looked like he understood and pouted before letting his supporting arms drop his head to the bed and gurgled.

He smiled and dropped his book at the head of his bed before moving to hold Kitshu, "Shh...Your dad needs sleep as well and I'm well aware of the fact that he picks up on your little sounds."

The boy squirmed a bit, trying to lift his head, "Calm down..."

Shuichi sighed and sat himself down on his bed, slowly rocking the child back and forth while humming a song his mother use to sing to him.

Kitshu rubbed his cheek against the chest, feigning sleep as his tiny ears listened to the deep vibrations.

However, unknown to the two, a certain someone could also hear the slight hum of a melody. He turned away from the hallway, trying to bury himself in his pillow as another set of memories threatened to rattle his nerves, "Just stop it...I...I can't handle this anymore..."

Hiei pulled himself from his couch and moved towards his bedroom to get changed. He needed to talk with someone...and there was only one person he'd ever let see his true desperation or his true emotions for that matter.

The humming soon brought the hummer and the babe back into sleep and the book on herbs fell to the floor unnoticed.


"Shhh...I'll get the door, go back to sleep..." she watched her husband drift off before silently rushing to the main door.

"Hiei?–"

"Y-Yukina, I'm sorry to wake you up so early but...I feel like I'm going to crack," he hurriedly whispered, a hand repeatedly running through his tousled hair.

Yukina stepped aside to let him in before locking the door in haste to follow him into the kitchen, "What's wrong? What happened?"

He plopped himself into a chair, not looking up at her once yet, "I-it's that kid...H-he knows Ami...and...and..." he stopped himself as he tried to collect his thoughts, "He...he's almost like her–it's unbearable!"

"Hiei, calm down. What kid? Who?"

"Shuichi!" he nearly cried out as his hand tugged at his own hair, "I-I noticed it first after the restaurant...When I got home...I had these...these flashback kind of things and...and..."

Her gentle, even smaller hands untangled his fingers from where they held, "Hiei, relax...It's alright–"

For the first time that morning he looked up at her though it was like he was gazing right through her, "Relax? It's alright?! No, I can't and...and it's not! I-I was getting over this! I was accepting the fact that I was never going to see her again and that I would be fine with having that fucking bleeding hole in my heart!"

Yukina withdrew from him, looking truly frightened, "H-Hiei..."

He didn't seem to realize she was trying to speak to him, "And then, then this smug redhead comes along! And I thought I had him all figured out...I thought he was a damn thief and someone I could never trust...But, strangely enough, even after he deceived me, saying in fact he was a thief I left him alone with Kitshu!"

Another breath was heaved in before he continued his rant despite his sister's attempts at calming him down, he laughed somewhat insanely before it though, "I only now realize why...It's because he's fucking just like her...He's like a fucking brother to her and-and...I want to kill him because of all the fucking memories he's bringing up that I want to fucking bury!"

Large hands grasped onto him, finally bringing him out of his insaneness, "What the hell is wrong with you? Chill it, you're scaring my little ice princess..."

His body grew taut as he realized who was here and what that someone had seen and heard.

"Are you...alright now brother?"

Hiei sought out his sister and found her clinging to the doorway, somewhat shaken up.

"I should...I should leave, I'm sorry for–" he said as softly as he could while also trying to shrug off hands that would not remove themselves.

"You're not leaving, shrimp. You've got some explaining to do. To start things off, how does Kurama know Ami?"

He started to become more like his normal self when he replied, "Baka, what makes you think I'd tell you?"

"Hiei...will you tell me then?" Yukina whispered almost inaudibly.

"W-why?"

"We're just trying to understand how this thing all started," Kazuma replied for his wife.

"I c-can't tell you much...but they use to work together and they became close...l-like brother and sister," he murmured, his head now bowed.

"That's weird...So they met in America?...But more importantly, why is this bothering you so much?" Kuwabara yawned out, not yet loosening his hold.

"Something like that..." he mumbled, though he too was still trying to piece out why it bothered him as well, "I guess...it's because he's...basically picking at fresh wounds, if you know what I mean..."

"So, your just going crazy because Kurama is reawakening your memories of Ami?...That's dumb–"

"Shut it! The day she died I lost my better half!" he growled, rearing himself to pound in his brother-in-law's face when he mustered the strength to free himself.

"Really? Wow, I never knew you liked Ami that much...I mean, I always thought you were neglecting her–"

"Kazuma!" his wife gasped in shock, "That's horrible to say, of course he loved her!"

"No...he's right, I probably was...I mean why else would she give her life for our son?...I mean...I'm heartless, I'm cold, and I'm an asshole... Maybe she thought Kitshu would change that? Tff...If anything I'm probably ignoring him more than I did her..." he spoke, though his past anger was lost and regret and sadness took its place.

Yukina gave her husband a look before she knelt before her brother, "Hiei, don't think that way...You never ignored either of them. You showered her with attention and you're doing the same, if not more so, for Kitshu...You're also not any of those things, you just...just don't know how to express yourself–"

Hiei turned his head from her, "Stop lying to me...I'm a horrible father and I was an even worse husband...I'll show myself out."

She reached out her hand to catch her brother as he backed up his chair, "Wait, Hiei!"

He frowned and shook his head as he left, "I'm sorry I came...I'm a horrible brother as well for asking so much of you...I-I'm sorry."

It was when their apartment door closed that Yukina let loose her tears, "K-Kazuma...What can we do to...to help him?"

He sighed and picked up his wife effortlessly from the kitchen floor, "Nothing. There's nothing we can help him with if he has his mind set. You know how he is...He can only help himself."

She sighed against his chest, "I know you're right...Nonetheless it took so long for his true self to come out...I don't want to see him withdrawing so soon...He deserves to be happy, why can't god just let my poor brother have that happiness?"


It was hours later that the man returned to his apartment. His eyes, though straining to remain open, drooped as his feet shuffled to the leather couch.

"Hiei...where were you? Kitshu has been–"

He plopped down on the couch, seemingly not hearing anyone, as he brought up his blanket and turned to face the leather.

"Okay..." he mumbled, shifting the squirming child to his other arm, "I'll just...go to my room."

The baby boy propped his head upon the man's shoulder while he started down the small hallway, a rather large frown on his face as he struggled to lift his arms and whine for his father.

Shuichi sighed before closing his bedroom door and turning his head to peck a kiss to the child's temple, "He'll be fine...In the mean time, what do you want to do?"

The infant quirked his head and started babbling anew once laid down on the bed.


Drowsily his eyes fluttered open, his morning events feeling to be but a dream. Slowly he rose his fisted hand to rub the sleep from his eyes before pushing himself up. A frown marred his already solemn being as he took in that, for the second time, he was laying in his roommate's bed. He stayed there, the blankets pooled in his lap as he leaned back against the headboard. What could he do now?... A shiver crept down his spine involuntarily as he vaguely recalled his breakdown. Soon a throb pierced through his whole body causing him to hunch over as his stomach did flips and twists.

Kurama's ears picked up the faint sound of gagging and he bolted up leaving Kitshu to be entertained by the picture box, also known as the television.

Kurama knocked lightly on his bedroom door before entering and seeing his disheveled boss leaning forward and breathing raggedly, "Hiei...is everything alright?"

His red eyes hid behind clenched lids, "Leave me alone..."

Concern swept over his better judgement and he sat himself on the corner of the mattress, "What's wrong Hiei? Where did you go this morning?"

"I said..." he looked up, his burning eyes shooting open, piercing him with their intensity, "Leave me alone..."

He was speechless, the boiling torment within the crimson depths grasping his heart in a clamp so strong it held his breath for a moment, "Hiei..."

The man pulled himself up against the constant pain that told him to remain slumped over. His attempts at pulling on his mask of safety failed and he turned away.

The redhead bit his lip, his own heart went out for this man...his sadness was so strong that he couldn't help but to lean forward and pull him into a hug.

Hiei tensed the instance the arms wrapped around him, "What–"

"Shh...It's alright, everything's going to be okay. When you want to talk about it, know that I'll be here...Just try to find some comfort in the warmth I'm providing right now, alright?"

Hesitantly he laid his head on the other's shoulder and breathed in softly, inhaling the fragrance of tea roses.

Silently, Shuichi rubbed his back, trying to offer as much comfort as he could provide, "This is what I was trying to prevent...So many try to hide their insecurities and their hurt, it doesn't work, Hiei. Eventually all will fall apart with the gentlest of touches..."

Uncharacteristically, the man didn't argue or get angry but instead remained just there, his forehead dropping to Kurama's shoulder to hide his face.

"You miss her a lot, don't you?" he whispered, his own sorrow mixing with his voice.

A slight nod was his only answer so he continued, "She's not really gone though, Hiei...There's much of her in your son..."

Still he said nothing though he felt not in the least reassured, for it wasn't the same.

"It's not the same...I know but you can't do anything to get her back," his own voice cracked slightly but he quickly composed himself, "She would want you to forget her...but don't. Remember her Hiei for... it's rare that you're graced with a true earth angel..."

The older man pulled back slightly to see the wet paths of tears upon the porcelain cheeks spawned from the glimmering emerald eyes. Shakily he placed his hand upon the soft skin and brought his face closer.

Their lips met tentatively as both sets of eyes closed; one from guilt, the other from trying to envision this as someone else...

When Hiei pulled away from his gentle kiss Shuichi turned his head to the side, ashamed, "Hiei...I'm not Ami either..."

He sighed out and opened his eyes, "I...I know. I couldn't even feign that you were her."

"Are you alright now?"

His hand hadn't moved from its previous spot and so he again pulled himself up to try and instigate another kiss.

The green eyes widened at this, "Hiei–"

"Shh..." he mumbled before they met again, a slight bit more pressure then last time.

Kurama pushed Hiei back and distanced himself, "Hiei, don't do this. You're not helping anyone...You're not in your right state of mind–"

"I thought...that I would never find someone who could accept us both...but you would, wouldn't you?" he softly asked, a desperation creeping into his tone.

He didn't know what to say to the heartbroken man, "Hiei, don't do this...You know you don't like me in that sense, in fact you utterly despise me..."

"Do I?" he laughed more to himself as he fell to again lean against the headboard, "I don't even know anymore...I keep giving you shit and trusting you– trusting you not to deceive me...but I've been deceiving myself..."

"Hiei...you don't even know me–"

"I didn't know Ami either...but she insisted that as long as my–"

"Heart felt something that it was true?...Hiei, can you honestly say you feel anything for me or is it just because I'm like Ami that you think you do?" he sighed out patiently, trying to defuse this before it got anymore out of hand.

"I...I think I feel something–"

Kurama smiled softly, "Exactly, you think you're feeling–"

"But with Ami...it took me awhile to feel it too..." he somewhat hissed out, not truly knowing why he felt the need to tell him everything.

"Hiei, I know what you're saying is not how you really feel...I'm but a person you've found in your time of comfort and need. I know that it is to be a rebound Hiei, so just trust me on this matter; you don't want me you merely want what I can provide," he lightly lectured, his eyes closed while his hands lay in his lap.

This only caused the older man to get more angry. He shot up in an instant, nearly sending the other off balance, "I don't need your fucking comfort and need...If you're not gay or bi or whatever the fuck you want to call it then just say so, don't try letting me down softly! Asshole."

Green eyes blinked widely, mostly from being stunned, "Hiei...you don't know what you want...do you?"

Grudgingly, Hiei stopped before the door, his hand already on the knob, "Hn. I want someone who's accepting of both my son and me and someone I trust and care for. For some fucking reason, reasons out of my control, mind you, you fit into that category. Alright, so don't go saying, I don't know what I want...I just don't know where to get it."

He winced when the door slammed shut before picking himself up to straighten up his room.

It was just when he folded down his blanket that his cell rang.

"Moshi moshi, this is Minamino Shuichi."

"Yo, want to train again today?" came the chuckled response.

The man huffed a sigh of relief, "Just who I needed to talk to. Want to go out for lunch?"

"Sorry kid, I'm just on my half hour break and thought to check up...What's up?"

He frowned and plopped onto his just made bed, "It's Hiei."

Another chuckle, "What you can't handle him?"

"Kuro, I'm being serious!" Shuichi hissed, his nerves still on edge.

"Alright, I gotcha. Jeez," he mumbled before continuing in a monotone, "He scolded you for being so reckless then had you take care of his son while he slept, ne?"

His green eyes blinked a tad startled, "That's part of it, however you seem to be missing the main events...If you don't mind me asking, how did you know that?"

"It's been my field to study people enough to read what they might do for years now. So, what happened?"

"Oh, well I guess you'd never think Hiei would do what he did then..." he said, now finding some amusement in it.

"Which would be...?"

He lightly curled his hair around his finger as his eyes drifted to the ceiling, "He said he thinks he loves me..."

Apparently whatever Kuronue had eaten was choked on as he started roughly coughing.

"Are you alright?" the redhead asked quite alarmed.

"God! You could have at least warned me!" he gasped out before finally regaining his breath, "He actually said that?"

"Mhm...but then became quite upset when I told him he just thought he did because I was providing him comfort when prior he was left to deal with this all alone–"

"You're a fool!" he laughed, "An utter fool..."

A red brow quirked up at this, "How so?"

"Alright, don't tell anyone I told you this but this man never expressed much emotions for anyone. If he's telling you this so early in the game, then it's going to be true. For, as they put it, love is known upon first sight though it could grow to spite–"

"You're a poet now too," he scoffed, "Love at first sight is a lie too. I've study psychology and most cases involving, 'love at first sight' have ended with utter hatred for that loved one once both gave into it."

"Knock, knock, anyone home? Are you even listening to me? You're looking too far into things, love cannot be controlled and that is why, when studied, it goes off the walls and becomes messy. Just let things flow and get some sex in if you can. You're getting too tense and you're too old to remain a virgin. Well, I've got to go. Work's calling. Later!"

"What?! Why you–" Kurama slammed the phone down when he was disconnected, his cheeks a burning red.


Hiei heard some commotion coming from the room he had recently left, but let it be as he picked up his son, "Hey, how's it going Kitshu?"

The little boy yawned and laid his head down on his father's chest, "Tired still?..."

When he went to put him back in his pin for a nap the small hands held fast and the small head of brown lifted to pout, "Tff...you want to hold onto me...I really have been neglecting you, haven't I?"

He shuttered lightly as more images flashed before his eyes. Soon, he couldn't resist anymore and was taken in by this...white light...

"It's not often that a child opens his eyes right after birth Mr. Jaganishi..." some nurse shared, trying to persuade the father to hold his son.

A deep frown marred his face as he folded his arms across his chest, an act that was meant to show anger when really he was just trying to hold himself together, "Yes, just in time to see his mother die...His first gaze upon the world and it has to be of his mother's passing..."

"Sir...I'm sure he doesn't even know what he saw," another nurse tried, one who had just happened to see the sullen man in a place that was usually meant for joy.

Hiei sent a glare towards her, "It's a curse of mine to remember almost everything whether the memory be but a picture with no meaning or one so elaborate that it even details the type of drink one was sipping...I suppose I can hope my son's not the same way but from the look in his eyes I seriously doubt it."

His red eyes clenched closed as he gently rubbed Kitshu's back, "I'll just have to wait and see, ne?"

The babe looked up, his head quirked slightly to the side as if questioning his father's sanity.


What's to come please review after the teasers, thanks:

"I'll talk to him, see if there's anything I can do to help him, alright?"

"Where is he?!" the voice growled, getting firmer as the glaze lifted from his eyes, "Where is he?"

"Tall, thin, long hair... kind of wiry-looking with a dark look about him. Sound familiar?"