Severus lay there listening to Avielle's steady breathing as he tried to regain his own. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He was sure if he paid close attention he could see it. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he shoved the latest nightmare from his mind. Why did this keep happening to him? Why did he keep have to relive that night in bits in pieces? Why did he always have to feel that horrid man on top of him? Taking him? Hurting him worse than Potter and Black ever would? He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling as he fought back the memories and the tears that wanted release. His eyes burned as he began to feel Tobias' hands slowly crawl down his sides, a rather loud so escaped his lips as he wished the sharp pain inside him would stop. Soon the tears were cascading down his face as he gripped the sheets has hard as he could as his resolve vanished.
Hot, wet breath in his ear before the calloused hands violently grasped his hips,
"Please, please" He begged as he grasped for something, anything. "Please don't pl-lease" but it was no use and he knew it as he heard Tobias laugh above him...
He bolted straight up as he fought to breathe, his flew open as his hands still gripped the sheets. Why did that moment always pop into his head when he tried to avoid it? Why did he have to remember? Why?
The sound of mattress springs groaning seemed to go right through his ears as he sat there, fighting back his monster.
"Rus?" Severus turned to see Avielle sitting up in bed, the moon light illuminating and casting shadows on her face as she looked at him, "Rus? Are you alright?" He stared at her for a moment, as her soft voice filtered through the silence of the room.
He thought about lying to her, telling her he was fine, but he knew she wouldn't believe him, not while he sat there, shaking, holding back sobs that only hurt his chest more. However, he didn't want her to think he couldn't handle it, he didn't want to stay there with those memories, with his mother, without her.
"No" he replied a few moments later, looking away at his confession. He heard the squealing of the springs as she rose from her bed. She made almost no noise as she walked to his bed, slowly sinking down at his side. He didn't flinch so violently this time as she laid her hand on his, prying it lose from the sheet and placing it around her shoulder, before she wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Talk to me Rus, tell me about it please" she whispered as she felt him tense under her arm.
"What?" He asked, unsure if he heard her right. Why would he want to tell her about it? What would that accomplish?
"Tell me about it Rus" she murmured, "Sometimes talking about it can make things better it can lessen the burden." he looked down at her as she rested her head against his shoulder.
"I-I can't" he admitted as the tears flowed and he rested his head on hers. His shoulders shaking. He couldn't bring himself to tell her what he was reliving. What would she think of him if he did? He gripped her shoulder as he sat there, shoulders heaving. He didn't want to lose her too. She was the last thing he had. Of course he had his mother, but that bond was so far stretched, he could probably jump rope with it, and there was Lily, but that relationship was already an enormous mess he didn't know what to make of it.
"Severus?" Avielle asked quietly as she held onto him, "you know that anything and everything you tell me won't alter my perception of you, no matter what you may think because I love you, and I will love you always" Severus made no attempt to acknowledge her words, instead he tightened his hold on her shoulder and relaxed just enough he could lean on her. He had to admit it that holding on to her was so different from holding onto his mother, she was just different all together. She had become the person he could always depend on when there was no one else to be there for him.
She stayed there with him as the tears subsided, occasionally she would whisper that everything would be alright as she would tighten her grasp around his waist. The room was silent as they sat there while he wiped away his tears.
"Can I tell you something Sev?" she asked as she sat there, her head on his shoulder, his head as well as his chest had started to ache.
"Of course" he stated as he watched the dust flutter through the air.
"You are one of the bravest people I know" she murmured playing with his blanket. "I don't think I could have endured what he did to you, and be as held together as you are, even with being here a week"
Severus pulled away, looking her dead in the eyes, looking for any sign she was lying to him, and much to his astonishment all he found in the deep pools of violet was nothing but pure honesty. How could she believe that when he was always falling apart right in front of her? How could see think he was brave when all he did was try not to remember and burst into tears when he did? Maybe his mother was right, maybe he should just stay home while Avielle went. He would be free of Potter, black and their little gang. There would be no Avery, Nott, or Dolohov to taunt him about his worn robes and the fact that no one else in the house like him, except for his sister. And if he waited then they would never find out he had been beaten and raped by a muggle.
But on the other hand, if he stayed, they would taunt him for that and probably find out about what Tobias did anyway. And that would make it worse. He would still have to share a dorm with the idiots he already did and they would sure as hell remind him of it every chance they got. He shuttered at the thought of what they would do. And if that wasn't bad enough he was sure Lily would have told her new friends everything she would have discovered about him and they would be certain to shove it in his face. He sighed as he looked away from Avielle. There was no real easy way to do this, there was no right or wrong choice in this moment, only two wrongs that had the same horrid outcome no one could prevent.
~/\/\~
Avielle sat on the last stair as she waited for Severus, they were supposed to head to Diagon Alley to purchase some new school supplies, for the both of them even though Eileen still wasn't sure if Severus could handle being surrounded by people. This outing was his test, everything was now riding on this one moment and she felt sorry for him. After everything else he had been through, he still had to prove himself. She was just about to call up to him when there was a knock on the door which she was determined to ignore, and would have if they pounding had not gotten louder. With an exasperated sighed, she pushed herself up from the stairs, yanking the door open,
"Yes?" She asked, before noticing who was at the door. "Oh, it's you Evans"
"Avielle" Lily greeted with a smile on her face, behind her was her father who was leaning against the car. "Is your mother home?"
"Mother" she turned and called through the house and waited by the door as Eileen came down the stairs at a rather fast paced. "They would like to speak to you" she stated as her mother came close enough
"Thank you Ella" Eileen smiled, "Would you please check on Severus? He should have been dressed already."
"Yes mother" Avielle replied, happy to head away from the Gryffindor.
Eileen watched as Avielle ascended the stairs before turning to the red-head in front of her. "How may I help you?" She asked.
"Um-" Lily began before turning to her father, biting her lip. "We-we"
"We were wondering if you would like to accompany us to Diagon Alley" Mr. Evans stated from where he was by the car.
Eileen stood there, looking at them in disbelief, before now, no one had offered to take them to by school supplies, she usually did it with what little money they had, and the majority of things that she purchased were second hand or things she already had on hand. She looked back, towards the stairs.
"It all depends on how Severus is feeling" she told them. "At the moment I am not even sure if we are going today"
"Severus?" Avielle asked as she knocked on the shut door. The door opened ever so slightly. "Yeah?"
"You alright?" she asked. No, stupid, he is not alright, she thought as she got a less than decent look at him.
"I suppose" he replied as he opened the door allowing her to come in. He was still dressed in his night shirt, however there were a pair of black jeans and a gray long sleeve cotton shirt laid out on his bed which was more than there had been before she had gone down stairs.
"We don't have to go today you know" She replied as she sat on her bed, bringing her legs up and crossing them under her.
He sighed as he shut the door, sighing before turning to look at her.
"I know that" he replied quietly, "But if I don't go...We don't go, then mother will have me stay here, and we both know how that would end."
Avielle looked at Severus sadly as he played with the edge of his night shirt sleeve. There was no way he was going to win the fight. Not this time.
"It can only get easier" She sighed as she looked up at his down cast face. Severus was biting his lip, something he had gotten from her when she was nervous. He nodded before slowly moving to his bed and picking up his black jeans.
"Tell Mother I will be down in a few moments" he stated quietly as he fiddled with the button.
"Alright Severus" she stated as she got up and gave his arm a squeeze. "I will"
"How has he been?" Mr. Evans' asked Eileen as she looked over her shoulder towards the stairs.
"As best as can be expected" She replied, she really wished that Avielle would hurry, but she knew that Avielle was not the one that had to make the decision to go. He had been slowly getting better. He no longer flinched as violently as he did before. He was able to keep himself together just a little better. However she still did not think he was ready to go back to school. There were so many people and he had an issue with two, what would he do when he was in a room full of twenty? How would he cope in the dorm full of nothing but boys?
"Is he going back to school?" this time it was Lily who had spoken to her, the young girl's voice was low as if she did not really want an answer. But it wasn't as if she had figured out what her 'friend' had been through.
"He hopes he can" Eileen sighed as she turned back to face the individuals in front of her barely catching the sound of the bedroom door shutting and someone's quiet footsteps coming down the stairs.
"He said he would be down in a few moments" Avielle called as she came closer to the door. "He was getting dressed as I left"
SS
Severus came down the stairs five minutes later. He was dressed in the clothes that his sister had seen laid out on his bed. He tried not to pay very much attention to the fact that Lily and her father were standing outside of his house as he looked down at his tattered and stained sneakers. He didn't like their sudden generosity, they didn't seem to care before when Tobias had roughed him up, but he supposed that being hurt bad enough that you had to spend three weeks in a hospital was cause for alarm. He was about to rush back upstairs when Lily called out his name, causing his mother to turn towards him. Maybe he should have told Avielle he was staying here and she could pick up his supplies.
"Severus" His mother called, "Mr. Evans and Lily have come to give us a ride to Diagon Alley"
He looked up, not looking at anyone really before he nodded, maybe staying home was not such a bad idea.
