Logan woke up to Marie scrambling out of bed. He hated being awake before noon if he didn't absolutely have to. Even when he had to, he defined the word "cranky." But for Marie, he drug himself out of bed and into the bathroom to check on her. He heard her retch even before he pushed the door open. He hurried to her side and knelt down to hold back her hair. Marie glanced up at him and tried to say something, but another heave hit her. He rubbed her back and stayed with her until she was done.
"You all right?" he asked softly.
Marie nodded and scooted over to lean back against the wall. Logan got her a glass of water and helped her stand up so she could gargle and ship it into the sink.
"Do you need to go to a doctor?"
She shook her head and gulped down the rest of the water.
"You just threw up, Marie," he said in concern.
She blushed, looked down, and mumbled something. Logan didn't catch what she said, but he was starting to worry it was something self-induced rather than just a stomach bug.
"You're skinny and beautiful and I love you," he blurted out.
Marie's head snapped up. "What?"
Logan realized what he'd just said. Due to his upbringing in foster care, the terrible things he'd done in the army, and his own commitment issues, he'd never said that to a woman before. To be fair, he didn't want to lead anyone on like that, but now all those reasons seemed like bullshit.
Of course he loved Marie. She was kind to everyone, but she didn't take any shit. She cared enough about him to cook him food, and she understood his need for silence and privacy. She never pushed him because she didn't need to. He wanted to be a better person for her without any prompting.
So he powered through the awkward moment.
"Even if you gained weight, you would still be beautiful," he said. "you don't have to force yourself—"
"I ate vending machine sushi," Marie quickly said.
Logan blinked. "What?"
"I um," She chewed on her lower lip. "The vending machines in the LA building sell pre-packaged meals. I bought the sushi. So that's probably why … "
She stopped and made a helpless gesture at the toilet.
"You ate sushi from a vending machine," Logan said slowly.
Marie blushed even more heavily. "Jubilee always eats that sushi, and she's fine!"
"Jesus, Marie."
She looked away with a stubborn pout to her lower lip. Logan hugged her suddenly, pulling her into his arms. She relaxed into the embrace and let him hold her.
"You all right?"
"Yeah," Marie whispered. "I feel better now, and I have a morning class starting soon anyway."
Logan knew he needed to get down to the field to put his team through their morning practice drills, so maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that they'd both woken up early this morning. After Logan double checked on her a few more times, Marie finally convinced him she was okay. They managed to take a shower with a minimal amount of groping—no thanks to Marie—and soon split up to go about their day.
Marie had American Literature Since 1865 with Professor Summers. He was a nice person, he really was, but Marie rarely paid attention in his class. She was perfectly capable of reading the pieces in the literature anthology on her own, and she didn't need a professor to then regurgitate that information into her baby bird mouth a second time.
So she quietly spoke with Professor Summers before class and told him she wasn't feeling well but she would try to tough it out. He was very sympathetic and didn't say anything about it when she took a seat in the far back corner of the room.
Marie spent the next hour and a half researching BDSM. Logan had said he loved her. Was it a mistake? Neither of them had mentioned it, but he hadn't denied or taken it back either. Coming from a man like him, that had to denote some sort of commitment—he wouldn't say that to just any girl that he slept with.
And what they had done in the garage after assembling his shelves was—well, was it BDSM? Marie only had a vague idea of what they was, and her hazy vision pictured dominating men and mewling women. Which was a pretty accurate description of what had happened, but still … Marie was her own person with very firm life goals involving being featured in and one day owning an art gallery. What if he expected to boss her around all the time?
But Marie also didn't want to make judgments about BDSM without at least googling it.
The first thing she learned was that BDSM could be a lifestyle or just a sexual kink, which came as a huge relief. Marie was willing to learn and experiment sexually, but she wasn't ready to jump so deeply into something she had little knowledge about, and "lifestyle" sounded like a full time commitment. She looked up definitions as she went along, and doing research on her own made her feel better.
Next she learned BDSM was about the exchange of power and control. It wasn't that subs (the submissive partner) gave up control to their Doms (the dominant partner), it was that they exchanged control in different ways. She learned about safewords and that a sub could use them to slow down, pause, or even completely stop a scene (a BDSM activity) at any time.
Because of this, the sub had a large amount of control over the situation. What they couldn't do was give orders or direct the scene. That was the control given to the Dom. The result was each partner having an equal amount of control, just expressed in different ways.
That made Marie feel a lot better. The "balance of control" explanation cleared up her initial misconception about the roles of men and women, either of which could be a Dom (Domme for women) or a sub, or even both as a switch.
But then her stomach flipped over again. She put her head down and took deep breaths until the class was over, then quickly slipped out the door and made her way to the bathroom. She barely got into the stall before she dropped her bag and threw up for a second time. So much for the poptarts she'd eaten on the way to class.
"Marie?" a female voice called out. "I saw you run in here. Are you all right?"
Marie couldn't respond as she heaved again. She recognized the voice as Dr. Grey's, and she really didn't want to talk to her boyfriend's ex-fuckbuddy anyway. But Dr. Grey stepped right up to the stall and softly rapped the back of her hand against it.
"Marie, sweetie, is there anything I can do for you?" she asked.
"No, I'm good."
Marie spit and flushed the toilet, then gathered up her stuff. Dr. Grey was waiting for her when she came out of the stall and walked over to the sinks. She tried not to let it bother her as the older woman watched her lean over and drink sink water to get the taste out of her mouth.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you," Dr. Grey said.
Marie straightened back up. "What? I'm fine, really. I just have a stomach bug or something."
"Oh, sweetie," the other woman sighed with a pitying look. "I can't tell you how many times I've heard a young female student say that. It's always 'just a stomach bug'. Or something."
"I'm fine, Dr. Grey," Marie repeated stiffly.
"Call me Jean."
Marie began washing her hands with replying.
"Have you been practicing safe sex?" Jean asked.
Marie refused to look at her. "I don't see how that's any of your business."
"I'm just concerned for you," Jean said. "There's a Planned Parenthood not far from campus that—"
"We always use a condom," Marie finally said just to make her stop.
Jean raised an eyebrow in response. "Always?"
Marie turned away to grab some paper towels and dry her hands. Of course Logan had used a condom every time. But now that the idea had been planted in her mind, she raced through her memories of every single time they'd had sex, just to be sure. Recently, she knew for sure because she could remember those times best and she'd just gotten good at putting on the condom by herself. But further back, the memories became a bit more blurry. The first time, definitely, because she'd had that thought about the sex ed banana she'd squished on accident. Then, the next time when he took her to his home and they'd made that bet …
Marie paused. He'd fulfilled his "pean promise" as they'd joked. She'd been on top, then he had, and finally doggy style. But had they used a condom? She couldn't remember them stopping and putting one on him.
Holy shit, they hadn't used a condom and now she was throwing up.
No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. Hadn't she just decided she couldn't give up control of her life to another person? That she had life goals she planned to achieve? That she was too young to commit to a full time lifestyle?
Despite the panic raging inside her, Marie turned around with a calm face. Like hell she would let Dr. Jean "I'm-the-wicked-witch-of-the-west"Grey see her sweat.
"Always," Marie said. "If you'll excuse me, Dr. Grey, I have class."
She picked up her bag and left the bathroom at an even pace. Jean remained behind, a little concerned for a young woman she felt partially responsible for as a professor, but mostly curious to know everyone else's business. So she glanced over at the stall to make sure the girl hadn't accidentally dropped anything and left it behind. To return it to her of course.
As luck would have it, good for Jean and bad for Marie, her cellphone had dropped out of her bag's pocket when she dropped it on the floor. Jean stepped into the stall and quickly snatched the phone up off the floor. She was going to return it. But first …
Jean checked Marie's call history. The very first contact that showed up was listed as "Logan Howlett" with his personal cellphone number that she recognized. Her eyes narrowed, and she kept scrolling down.
Logan
Logan
Logan
Jubilee
Logan
Jubilee
Logan
Logan
Jackie
Logan
Logan
Logan
Why was a hard, older man with an unsavory past calling a sheltered, nice young girl like Marie at least twice a day? There weren't any other male names listed in the call history, so the question of the father's identity was clearly answered.
It wasn't that Jean hated Logan. She wasn't a petty person like that, really, she wasn't. It was just that the Dean had the right to know if one of the coaches had knocked up a much younger female student. If someone else found out, it could cause a scandal. And what if she'd been drunk or hadn't wanted it? What if he'd seduced her with false promises?
Jean convinced herself that Logan had been the one to seduce her away from a perfectly happy marriage after all, so who knew what he was capable of?
"Marie!"
The poor little girl turned around at the sound of her voice. Jean gave her a kind smile.
"Is this yours? I think you dropped it."
Marie nodded and murmured out thanks as she took her phone back. Jean kept up her motherly, I-know-best smile. Marie felt a little creeped out and quickly hurried away. Her phone showed the home screen when she turned it on, so she hoped the other woman hadn't messed with anything.
Jean watched her go. Dean Xavier would definitely hear about this, and now Scott would finally know who her choice really was.
A/N: The big reveal! This has been in place for about three chapters now. I thought for sure one of you lovely readers would have realized they didn't use a condom in chapter 8, but it passed by without a complaint.
How are you all feeling about the way the plot is going? Do you think Logan and Marie can stay together and carry on? How do you think Logan will react to the news? And of course, Jean. Please let me know how you feel about her!
Also, if you're craving more BDSM style Rogan, my other fic that I'm currently updating, Love Me Do, features a Rogan chapter with A/B/O dynamics and knotting. So check it out if that's your thing!
As for the constant POV shifts, I'm still figuring out which POV I like best. First person for Marie, first person for Logan, or third person for everyone. I'm still learning and growing as an author, and I use these fics to experiment and practice. So please give me feedback!
