If Time Permits
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its characters.
Chapter Four
"Lucy, you can't just hole yourself up for the rest of your stay here," Levy's voice cried into Lucy's ear and she winced, shifting to sit down on the bed her hotel had provided her. "You've been here four days and I haven't seen you but once!"
Lucy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She felt guilty for the annoyance that surfaced at Levy's complaint, but she couldn't help it. Ever since she had seen her father's lawyer the second day of her stay, she had been unable to make herself leave her hotel room and had been avoiding Levy's calls. She tried to tell herself it was because she needed time to come to terms with her father's death, but she knew that wasn't the truth, not entirely. Even now, the letter and her mother's jewelry box sat on the dresser, untouched since the day she had gotten them. Every time she thought about either looking over her mother's box or reading her father's last words to her, her heart would clench and her legs would go weak. It seemed she still wasn't ready. But the majority of the reason for her isolation from her best friend was her completely irrational fear that, the second she left the safety of her hotel room, she would be assaulted by sights and smells that would remind her of her previous life there and, subsequently, him.
But she knew that she wouldn't be able to get away with avoiding Levy forever. Her best friend was nothing if not persistent and it seemed she had reached the end of her patience with Lucy's stubbornness.
"I know, Levy. And I'm sorry, but-" Lucy tried, her voice weak, but Levy cut her off. There was a hard edge to her voice that made Lucy stiffen and come to attention, anxiety turning her stomach. It wasn't often that Levy used that tone, especially with Lucy, but when she did, she meant business.
"No buts Lucy. We are going out tonight and you will not fight me on this. I'll be there in half an hour and you better be dressed and ready to go or I'll drag you out by your blond hair. No arguments."
With that, she hung up and left Lucy to stare at the phone in her hand, her lips twisted into a grimace. She felt her stomach churn unpleasantly and pressed a hand to it, chewing on her bottom lip as she stared sightlessly at the wall in front of her. God, how pathetic could she possibly get? Avoiding her best friend who she hadn't seen in years just because she was worried that something could possibly, maybe remind her of him? She was a grown woman for heaven's sake!
How long am I going to bury my head in the sand and pretend that I'm okay? Until I drive Levy away or Dave? Until I'm alone and old, still stuck in a past that I can't bring back?
With a surge of determination, Lucy got to her feet to get dressed, her movements quick and sure. The chances of running into him were nearly impossible and it was past time for her to grow up and move on. She had a wonderful man that loved her, a successful career and was surrounded by friends that loved her. Her attachment to her past was unhealthy at best and maybe it was her return to her hometown that would finally drive home that fact that her history was just that, history and she wasn't doing those that loved her or herself any favors by continued to live in the past.
"I've got this," she whispered to herself as she looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She saw her double settle her shoulders and angle her chin proudly and smiled. She was a grown woman who was not afraid of the memory of a boy who she had loved in times past. It was long time that she took control of her life again and she would move on if it killed her.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
The mantra repeated endlessly in her mind as Lucy stared out the driver's side window of Levy's car. Her limbs felt frozen in place as she took in the looming building in front of her. Her stomach tightened painfully and her lungs couldn't seem to take in enough air.
Oh God. Oh God.
"Lucy? Are you okay?"
She snapped to attention at the sound of Levy's voice. Turning to her friend, she managed a wan smile, hiding her shaking hands by unbuckling her seat belt and climbing from behind the wheel, as Levy was far too pregnant to be driving. Coming to a stop next to her friend, she wiped her damp palms on the cotton of her slacks.
"Yeah," she said, her eyes still on the building in front of her. "Just a little nervous." She looked over at Levy, her eyes wide with trepidation. "Do you think they'll be happy to see me?"
Levy studied her best friend's face carefully. She knew that Lucy regretted the way she had left all those years ago, without telling any of their friends, but there seemed to be more to her anxiety than that. After all, no matter how angry their friends might have been at Lucy's sudden departure, they wouldn't have held it over her head all those years, let alone shown up just to rub it in and Lucy knew that. Therefore, Lucy must have been worried about something else entirely. The way her eyes darted from one spot to another and her inability to stand still for more than a few seconds, she seemed to be looking for something, something she feared…oh.
Understanding made Levy grimace. Lucy was worried about running into him. Forcing a bright smile, Levy linked her arms with Lucy's and tugged her forward.
"Don't worry. They'll be thrilled to see you again."
Lucy took a deep breath, but didn't bother trying to put off the inevitable. She needed this.
Levy led her to one of the private rooms in the restaurant that she had reserved. It worried Levy how scared Lucy was to be faced with Natsu again, but at the same time, she had seen Lucy after he had left. She had been devastated. Levy hadn't understood, if Lucy loved him as much as she seemed to, why she didn't stop him from leaving. When she had asked Lucy that question years later, when his name had come up, Lucy had seemed resigned.
"It's because I love him that I let him go. He needed to go find his father and it would have been selfish of me to ask him not to. We would have both regretted it later. It's better this way, even if it does still hurt."
Was Lucy still in love with him, even after all this time?
She snapped to attention when she felt Lucy stiffen next to her and saw they had arrived in front of the door. Lucy stared at it like it would reach out and bite her, her shoulders tense and Levy smiled. She pat Lucy hand and grinned up at her.
"Come on. They're your friends, you'll be fine. I promise."
And with that, she turned the knob and pushed the door open.
(AN: Wow, I'm SO sorry about how long it took me to get this out. All I can say to explain the delay is that college sucks. And I'm also sorry about the length and cliff hanger, but I figured you deserved something rather than waiting for me to finish the chapter the way i had initially intended, which would have made it much longer. I'll try to make the next one totally worth it to make up for it. On another note, I wanted to tell those of you that have read my other story Year of the Son, that I am starting to plan and slowly pull together Haru's own story! I'm really excited about it, but I'm not going to post any of it until I progress or finish this and Strength more. I hope you enjoyed this installment and thank you to those of you that took the time to review! I adore you all!)
Jane
