Chapter Eleven. Blood Runs When One Goes Insane
Kinda stupid, kinda hilarious, but here's the next chapter.
"All right, Greil Mercenaries, while Ranulf and Titania and I look for a ship you're all free to explore the town." Ike said to everyone at the entrance of Port Toha.
"All right! Come on, Boyd! Let's see if we can sell that type of ale we've been concocting!" Mist exclaimed as she and Boyd started setting up a stall with barrels of ale. Rhys, Rolf and Oscar took Elincia to stroll around the town while Lethe went to go chase rodents, Mordecai was hanging out in the forest, Volke went into a pub, Marcia and Ilyana ran off somewhere, Brom and Nephenee were walking around the town and Kieran was looking for Oscar and Elincia. Lenora and Mia were dragging Soren to walk around the town with them.
"Argh! I don't want to go with you two! And I'm surprised that Ike isn't bringing me with him, Titania, and Ranulf!"
"You don't want to come with us because I'm here. You'd come if it was just you and Lenora, wouldn't you?" Mia replied as she and Lenora pulled him along the street.
"Don't be an idiot!" Soren and Lenora yelled at the same time. They both shot each other an evil glare.
"Oh, come on! Why do you two always hang out with each other?"
"Because I'm fascinated with her abilities!"
"What he said!"
"But don't you two like each other even more than just fellow spirit charmers?"
"Shut-up, you girly imbecile! You're starting to act like the pink poppet!" Lenora snarled.
"Don't compare me to that skinny piggy motherfucker's toady!!!" Mia boomed.
"Then don't act like her!"
"I'm not going to tag along with you two if you're going to argue the entire way!" shouted Soren.
"All right, all right! Mia, just shut up and keep dragging Soren!"
"Okay!"
"Ah! No! And don't let Ike catch you stealing his word and stupid and dumb tone of voice!" yelled Soren. Just then; Marcia and Ilyana approached Lenora, Mia, and Soren.
"Oh shit, it's the pig and the pink poppet!" Lenora cried.
"Very funny. So it's the boat-monkey, the hot-headed groveler, and the bastardly whelp." taunted Marcia.
"Is that seriously the best that you could think of? Our insults are better." Mia countered.
"We have a little challenge for the three of you." said Ilyana.
"Yeah, and what is it?" Lenora put her hands on her hips.
"You must find a bag of soil that we have hidden throughout the town. If you don't find it by the time we have to leave this port, you all must hunt for ten elks, and then you must chicken-dance around the pile of ten elks in front of five people that you know."
"That is not a fair bargain." said Soren.
"How so, little brat?" asked Marcia.
"Finding a small bag that you hid in a town is like finding a needle in a haystack. You can't bet something so…major."
"Well then, you little smart-ass. How about this then: If the three of you lose, Boat-monkey and Bastardly Whelp, you two have to admit to everyone in the mercenary group that you love each other. And Hot-headed Groveler, you have to hunt three elks for Illyana." replied Marcia.
"Oh, that is sooooo still unfair!" replied Mia.
"How about you hunt two elks for me, then?" asked Ilyana.
"One elk."
"Fine, then."
"And how about you two?" Marcia folded her arms as she looked at Lenora and Soren.
"Uh, no way. And we're just friends for Ashera's sake." said Lenora.
"Then an alternative could be that you two can kiss each other if you lose." Marcia evilly replied.
"I'm going with the other option, then!" Lenora scowled.
"So remember, then," Ilyana was saying, "If you three lose then Boat-monkey and Bastardly Whelp will have to admit that they've fallen in love with each other and Hot-headed Groveler will have to hunt an elk for me. Well then, let the scavenger hunt begin!" Lenora, Mia, and Soren, immediately jolted into running positions and hurtled down the street and split up into random shops and buildings and alleyways, looking for the hidden bag. Ilyana watched them desperately search for the bag and chuckled demonically, "They'll never find the bag, because there is no bag of soil! Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haa!"
An hour later Lenora, Soren, and Mia still couldn't find the necklace. "Shit, man! I can't find that damned bag!" Lenora cursed.
"I don't want people to think I'm something that I'm not!!!" screamed Soren.
"I don't want hunt for another fucked up elk!" sobbed Mia, "What areas have we not searched yet, Soren?"
"The northeast corner of the town. Let's go look there."
"Quickly, now!" said Lenora as she and her friends ran as fast as they could to the northeast corner of Port Toha. Lenora was looking in a barrel when a rock fell on her back. "Ah! WHO THE FUCK DROPPED A ROCK ON MY BACK?!?!?!" Lenora shouted. At the top of one of the buildings a pink-haired girly pegasus knight cackled and giggled to herself. Soren went to a market stall and asked the shopkeeper, "Have you by any chance seen a small little pouch lying around anywhere?"
"A small pouch, you say?"
"Yes. Have you seen it?"
"I've seen it." said a mysterious voice. Soren turned to the source and saw a young woman who was in a hooded robe.
"Where is it?"
"I saw it in the bottom of a barrel of water. Follow me. It's right over there." she pointed to an open barrel that was filled with water.
"Uh…who does the barrel belong to?"
"It belongs to me. I saw a girl with long silvery-purple hair put it in there."
"Thank you. May I retrieve the bag?"
"Yes… go ahead." so Soren put his hands on either side of the barrel and peered into it.
"But there's noth- Aah-!" Sploosh! The young woman dunked Soren's head into the barrel, put her hood down to reveal long silvery-purple hair and skipped away laughing. Soren hauled his head out of the barrel, making water splash and spray behind him and onto a few villagers. "ILYANA, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!" Soren thundered and chased the mage girl whom he saw rounding the corner of the street, his soaked long bangs clung to his face and that annoyed him even more. Not mention that the rest of his wet long hair clung to his back and made him feel like a weird creature was clinging to his back, so he felt very uncomfortable as he charged down the street and ignored the curious, somewhat furious on-lookers. Meanwhile Mia was searching for the bag of soil in whatever nook and cranny she could find. She looked in windowsills, in markets, in barrels, and in one of her shoes.
"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T FIND THAT DAMNED BAG!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed.
"Try looking this way." said someone who tapped Mia's shoulder.
"WHAT!... AH!-OOMPH!!!" Marcia did a cool-looking round-house kick on Mia's flank, making her fly to the side and crash into a building. "OUCH!!! MARCIA, I MOST DEFINITELY WILL MURDER YOU!!!!!!!" Mia then chased after Marcia. Lenora was now the only one staying on task and knew it was a hopeless case, so she gave up and started looking for either Marcia or Ilyana to help chase. Meanwhile; Soren, Mia, Marcia, and Ilyana met at a crossroads and Soren and Mia went one way while Marcia and Ilyana went the other way.
"Hold, on a second!" exclaimed Soren.
"Ah! What the crap?!" yelled Mia, and she and Soren immediately turned around and ran into the street where they could see Marcia and Illyana running in the opposite direction. After a while, Lenora joined up them and so all five of the happy sworn enemies were dashing through the streets of Port Toha and disrupting the peaceful lifestyle of these ignorant idiots.
While this was going on, all of the other mercenaries were assembled in about an acre of free land because Ranulf had found a ship captain who was willing to take them to Begnion. Just then a girl crashed into Ranulf and made his hood fall down, revealing his Cat ears. And like a chain-reaction, people swarmed and started trying to kill Ranulf! Ike rushed in and tried to help him, but he was soon surrounded as well. Vigilantes and, you guessed it, Daein soldiers joined the chaos. "It looks like we have no choice but to kill all of these fools! Greil Mercenaries! Attack!" Ike shouted over the commotion. And immediately the battle broke out. The fighting was fierce and dramatic. Villagers were killed, and the Daein soldiers sung happy songs in their sorrow. Ike and Boyd were having a hard time fighting off a bunch of horse riders that were coming in from a bridge to the north. And out of a house to the left; Lenora, Soren, Mia, Marcia, and Ilyana burst through the wall and saw the fighting.
"Oh…crap. Soren and Mia, we'd better go help Ike and Boyd over there." said Lenora.
"Ilyana, let's go help Kieran, Volke, and Rolf over there." said Marcia.
"Uh, huh!" replied Ilyana.
"Where the hell were you five?" Ike asked Lenora, Soren, and Mia as he started throwing rocks at a horse-rider.
"We were in a…little battle of our own." Lenora replied as she shot ice blades at the enemy.
"Well at least you three have come to save the day!" exclaimed Boyd as he threw a hand-axe at the same enemy, killing him. Soren shot kick-ass deadly magic spell at another
horse-rider and immediately killed him. Ike and Mia worked together to kill another enemy and Lenora killed the last one on her own. Just then, The Black Knight came out of the small house that was on the land across the bridge.
"Oh, crap it's the king of golems!" cried Lenora.
"Lenora, I had no idea that you knew a lot about monsters too!" exclaimed Mist.
"Ah! When did you get here?" Lenora asked, startled.
"But I didn't know that the golem king lived in Port Toha…" Ike pondered.
"Who cares? We still have to kill that stupid son of a-"
"You cannot kill me." said The Black Knight.
"Oh but I will, golem king, for you killed my father!" Ike shouted and charged at him.
"Ike, no! Don't be an imbecile! You know that none of us can hurt him!"
"I don't care! I have to kill him!" Ike stubbornly retorted. Just then he noticed something in the bushes, "Eh? What's this?" Ike pulled it out to reveal…(drum roll)…a rubber chicken! "FREDERICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE COME BACK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY DEAR FREDERICK!!!!!!" Ike screamed with joy and cuddled with his rubber chicken.
"…So you have obtained a rubber chicken…" The Black Knight uttered. Then he yelled, "RETREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS GUY HAS GOT A RUBBER CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and in a flash, the frightened Daein soldiers ambled out of Port Toha.
"Oh, my gosh. You have that stupid rubber chicken with you again?" Lenora asked, flabbergasted and somewhat annoyed.
"Yes, my Frederick has come back…" Ike was still snuggling with Frederick.
Titania came riding up to them and when she saw Frederick she screamed bloody murder, "OH DEAR ASHERA WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAVE US WITH THAT STUPID THING?!?!?!?!?!?!?! YOU COULD HAVE SENT STUFFED ANIMALS TO FALL ON OUR ENEMIES BUT YOU HAD TO SEND THAT STUPID RUBBER CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Aw, Titania...why do you still hate Frederick's guts? You've hurt his feelings. Aw… STOP CRYING!!!" Ike shouted.
"We should get to the ship…" said Soren.
"Ah, yes, to Begnion!" Ike replied and led his mercenaries to the ship. Their captain, Nasir, was waiting at the dock for them.
"AH!!!" he and Ike both yelled and pointed to each other at the same time. They then both gave each other an evil glare.
"It's the creep!" shouted Ike.
"It's the pirate!" shouted Nasir.
"You two know each other?" asked Titania.
"We met each other way back at Port Talma and the creep accused me of being a pirate!" Ike exclaimed.
"Well he looked like one!" Nasir said when Titania looked at him.
"Oh, well, let's just get on board, already." said Ike as he and the rest of the mercenaries boarded the creep's ship. Soon they set sail for Begnion.
Ha! You thought Frederick would never be in the story anymore, didn't you? Well, he's back!
