Thanks as always to my wonderful beta riftintime.
Chapter 12
Ianto awoke with a start. He felt arms around him, a warm body pressed against his back, and Jack's familiar scent in his nose. Oh, God, Jack! He stiffened. Jack's here, in my house, in my bed! Jack had bathed him. Jack had dressed him and put him in bed. Jack had stayed. Jack's holding me! Ianto was mortified. He felt Jack hold him tighter. He's not going to let me move away. And then Ianto relaxed again. He had to admit, it felt good to be held like this. Then he remembered the events of the previous day, and bile rose in his throat. He heard Jack's voice say, "The first night is the hardest, Ianto."
How can Jack be so kind to me after what I've done? How can he stand to be near me? Why aren't I dead or retconned back to puberty? Why did Jack take care of me last night? He turned in Jack's arms to face him. "Why?" was all he managed to get out. His throat was raw.
"Because, you were right. I didn't pay attention, and I screwed up. I will help you through this."
I don't deserve it, Jack. He closed his eyes. He felt Jack kiss the top of his head. It was the first real sign of affection Jack had ever shown him. The tears rose up and threatened to fall again. No! He screamed in his head. I've been pathetic enough. Jack is right. I have to suffer this. I will not be this wretched anymore. No one should have to take care of me, least of all Captain Jack Harkness!
"I have to get back to the Hub. I'm sorry I can't stay longer. I'll come back when I can."
He felt Jack get up and heard him dressing. Ianto remained still with his eyes closed. He then felt Jack leaning close to his ear. "Please try to eat something today, Ianto."
He felt Jack kiss his forehead and heard him leave the flat.
Ianto lay still in bed, willing himself to move. He had to get up. He had to move. Jack was going to come back, and Ianto would be damned if he was going to let Jack see him in this pitiable state again. Ianto slowly drew back the covers and swung his legs around. He rose to his feet. His stomach lurched, and he raced to the toilet. He vomited bile, since there was nothing in his stomach. When was the last time he had eaten? He couldn't remember. When his stomach had finally settled, and the vomiting stopped, he slid down to the cool tile floor of the bathroom. He lay there for a minute before scolding himself. Get up, Ianto Jones. You have to endure. You cannot let Jack find you like this again. With one powerful heave, he lifted himself off the floor. He grabbed his tooth brush and began brushing his teeth, while he turned the shower on and adjusted the heat.
Ten minutes later, he was showered and searching through his boxes for clothing. He put on a pair of jeans and a black hoodie. I'm going to have to unpack all of this shit, he thought surveying the room. What am I going to do with Lisa's things? He felt his stomach give another heave. No No No! I won't do this! I have to endure. Jack's coming back. He stood for a moment, not knowing what to do. Then he remembered Jack's voice saying, 'please try to eat something today, Ianto'. He walked slowly to his kitchen. There was little food in his flat, but he managed to find some bread and jam and made some toast. It tasted like sandpaper, but he forced it down with a glass of water. He then surveyed his surroundings. There was a sofa, but it was still wrapped in plastic from the movers. The only furniture he had unpacked was the bed and a bedside table. He'd really only came here to sleep. "Well, I might as well unpack some stuff. Bad enough that Jack's seen the state of my flat," he said aloud.
He set to, and by the time Jack let himself into his flat that night, Ianto had unpacked the sofa, a television and DVD player, and a kitchen table and two chairs. He was unpacking dishes and silverwear, washing them and putting them away when Jack strode through the kitchen door. "Ianto Jones, this is a sight for sore eyes," Jack said, with a big smile on his face.
Ianto put down the dish he was washing. "Good evening, Sir. Would you like a cup of coffee?" Jack's smile faltered a little. "Well, I can't tell you how much I miss your coffee, so I'm not going to refuse, but…"
Ianto turned to the coffee machine and began preparations. "I brought dinner, Ianto." He brandished a bag. "Chinese. Did you eat anything today?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Ianto, don't do this to me."
"What, Sir?"
"Don't put on your butler mask and pretend that everything's okay. I'm glad you're up and finally unpacking your flat, but I can't have you hiding behind that disguise you wear."
"I don't know what you mean, Sir."
"Ianto…" Jack said menacingly.
Ianto's whole body went rigid. "Please, Jack," he whispered. "Please just let me get through today."
Jack looked hard at him, then nodded and put the food down on the table. "Have enough clean plates for two?"
"Yes, Sir. Do you want your coffee with dinner or after?" Ianto asked as he picked up two plates and silver wear and set them on the kitchen table.
"How about afterwards? Let's eat. I'm starved. I spent the whole day chasing Weevils around Splott. Why is it always Splott?"
Jack launched into a description of the day's events, as Ianto served the food. Ianto did his best to eat what he could, but ended up pushing a lot of his food around his plate as Jack talked. When Jack finally pushed his chair away from the table and threw down his napkin, Ianto stood and went to the coffee pot to prepare two mugs. "Let's take them in the living room, since you have a sofa to sit on now, Ianto."
Ianto nodded, and they settled themselves on the sofa. Jack took a sip of his coffee and moaned with pleasure. "I can't tell you how much I miss this coffee, Ianto! It's going to be a long month without you. I had to send Gwen down to the archives for files today. She got lost and it took us half an hour to find her again."
"You let Gwen into my archives," Ianto said, arching an eyebrow.
Jack laughed. Ianto really liked the sound of his laugh. "Thought that would get a rise out of you. Now, let's see if we can't get this flat looking lived in."
"You really don't have to help me, Sir."
"I know, but I'm going to, Ianto, so you're just going to have to deal with my company."
"Yes, Sir."
Jack and Ianto worked at unpacking boxes of books, CDs, DVDs, and other various items. After a couple of hours, Jack said, "I should get back to the Hub, Ianto. Will you be okay?"
"I'll be fine, Sir."
"Do you want me to stay?"
Yes, Ianto screamed in his head. Please don't leave me! "No thanks, Sir. I'll be fine."
Jack looked at him a long time before he said, "Okay, Ianto, but promise you'll call if you need me."
Ianto nodded. He knew that he wouldn't call, no matter what happened. Jack moved towards him, but Ianto stiffened. If he touches me I'm going to break down and beg him to stay. I can't let that happen. Jack saw the movement and stopped in his tracks. "Please call if you need me, Ianto," Jack said as he grabbed his coat and walked out the door.
Several hours later, Ianto woke up screaming and drenched in sweat. He wished he had asked Jack to stay.
