Ch. 12 "Full Moon Desire"
It took all of five minutes for me to gather my emotions and return inside inconspicuously.
I had never been more thankful for the private realm of my mind, which was only mine to access and hidden from other prying eyes. I could play a straight face, but my mind would in no way suffice.
With the complexity of my thoughts – not ranging far from Billy's speech and Jacob, but encompassing it enough to cause quite a stir – I was able to keep a rather content look about my face.
With skill comes practice.
Lots of practice.
The tears I once cried had ended with the realization of yes I need to talk with Jacob down to the nitty gritty and apologize. Billy had made one good – and irksome – point throughout his mantra; that Jacob was, in simple terms, happier – more in tune and alive – because I was here. And just like Jacob, I was feeling the exact same way, being in his presence, unexplainably.
It only took me all of five minutes and Billy's wise yet painfully brutal speech to realize that we were deeply bonded and connected that we both had the unknown ability to heal the other, to make each other feel wholesome.
On my behalf, that was the truth. Spending time with Jacob was like cozying up in front of a fire with my favorite batch of ice cream. It was…relaxing. And I wanted more of it. I always wanted more of it, especially after Edward had abandoned me.
I couldn't be one hundred percent sure if that was the case with Jacob; he hadn't quite poured out his emotions and handed them to me on a platter yet. But there must be some truth in Billy's words; why would he lie about Jake's uppity mood – despite a few missteps – over the past few weeks if that wasn't the case?
Yes, Billy was wise and gentle, but in no way would he sugar coat the truth.
I went through all the motions of rubbing away the salty tears in my ears, clearing my rasped and emotional voice to sound normal, and making sure there were no tear stains coating the slightly pink blotches near my eyes.
And once five minutes rolled around I headed back inside with the confidence of having the final talk with Jacob. The talk which included me promising to the best of my ability to never leave him, to let me take care of him, to let me be there for him. And also the talk that would also clarify some things for me; like what he went through during those torturous two years – because I deserved to be shamed into a deep swell of guilt – and what he's thinking right now, about me.
No one had moved their positions from the living room…and Jacob was still absent.
Good, it would give me more time to process just how I would go about this task, since I feared Jake's retreat with my wanting to resolve everything. Because I wanted us.
Or as close to it as we could get.
I'd have to plan this carefully. The last thing I wanted was to pressure or push Jacob back into his uglier, shielded self.
I shot Charlie a tiny smile when he heard my approach before someone was lightly grabbing my arm, stealing away my attention (which wasn't much, especially with what was on my mind).
"Bella! Sue and I would love some help in the kitchen. The more hands the better," Ali smiled warmly, letting her offer hang in the air.
"I'd love to help," I murmured, returning the smile with a slight newfound glory. Maybe Billy was wrong, or maybe he was right, but I'd hold onto his idea that everyone was thankful on behalf of my presence rather annoyed by it.
Wasn't there some clichéd saying of 'ignorance is bliss'?
"Great! Ness, why don't you head upstairs and get Rach and Leah from her room, then help set the dining room table? Dinner should be finished up pretty soon," Ali announced to the room, only receiving a few grunts from the four men, all absorbed in the television.
Ali beckoned for me to follow her into the kitchen, where Sue greeted me with a soft smile which reached the wrinkles around her aged eyes, "It's nice to see you, Bella. You should start coming around more to help with the cooking. Charlie's constantly gushing about how good your cooking is!"
I blushed, shrugging my shoulders, "Well…I don't know about that. But I'd love to help."
"I'm just about finished with the fettuccini; I'm adding my secret ingredient now—" she winked, "—but the salad still needs to be prepared. Think you can manage?"
I nodded swiftly as Sue turned her attention back to the stove and Ali began transferring slabs of garlic bread from pan to platter.
I was a bit taken back by the large portioning of the food. I'd only witnessed the pack's appetite on occasions, though by memory I could faintly remember Jake's frightening appetite…which would be multiplied by three with the other werewolves in the house.
"So Bella, have you found your own place yet? I remember you mentioning something about getting a job in Port Angeles…." Ali was the first one to speak minutes later above the sound of boiling water and the chopping of vegetables I was carefully slicing to mix in with the Italian salad.
"Not yet," I frowned, concentrating on my task at hand; ending up in the hospital for lacerations was a sure way to ruin this 'family dinner', "But I think sometime this weekend I'll head up there and start searching for a small place…."
"I think Sea Side apartments are having a sale for renting…you might want to start there. It's right along the beach and everything, a bit secluded and quiet…not in the busy part of town."
"Thanks. I'll definitely check those out," I murmured appreciatively at my soon to be step mother's kindness that never seemed to once waver.
Over the past few days I came to a simple conclusion; I need my own place. My own place for myself. And though the idea of living with Embry and Jake was tempting, that's all it was.
The only con to living by myself was the reminder of my life over the past two years. Living alone gets lonely.
Maybe I could find a roommate. Of the female gender.
Ten minutes later, after I was done adding the finishing touches to my salad with cherry tomatoes, dinner was ready.
Collin went to dig in first, but was stopped by Charlie swatting away his hand, "Let the ladies serve themselves first, kid. There will be nothin' left once you two get to it," he smirked, casting a glance to Collin and Seth, both impatiently waiting for the 'ladies' to help themselves, all the while twiddling their thumbs in anticipation.
I took small portions since my appetite wasn't as nearly as large as those around me. Collin patted the open seat next to him, motioning for me to join him on the other side of the table, away from Vanessa, Rachel and Leah at the opposite end.
What a savior.
I let out a drastic sigh before whispering a quiet, "Thanks," to him, receiving a grin and wink in return.
Just then, as everyone was settling into their seats and digging into their meals, the door swung open and in walked Jake and Paul, both wearing matching wide smiles and distant chuckles over some absurd joke.
"Paul? What're you doin' here?" Seth mumbled with a mouth full of noodles, since this was a presumed 'family' dinner with the Clearwater/Black's and Swan/Akkin's.
"I couldn't wrangle him in from seeing Rach," Jake chuckled an apology as he rounded the large table to give Billy a pat on the shoulder and a kiss on the forehead to Sue, "Sorry we're late – traffic," he mumbled, still smiling as he took the only open seat on the opposite side of the table, next to Billy and his sister.
I caught the glimpses of the faces around me, which seem stunned into a silent shock at what I could only presume to be Jake's uncharacteristic…flamboyance.
To me, he was the spitting image of the person I remembered him to be two years ago, but by the looks on Sue's and Billy's face, it almost looked unusual for them to see this type of free spirited behavior.
I was sure everyone in the room – who were werewolves, that is – heard the spike in my heart rate when Jake walked in, because it was drumming incessantly inside of my ears all too loudly.
Paul made a beeline for his imprint, placing a passionate kiss to her lips that made not only me blush from the intensity of it before he swept her up in his arms, taking her place in the seat with Rachel now in his lap.
"Smells great!" Paul approved, loading more food onto Rachel's plate as she grinned sheepishly, murmuring words of affection to him.
As if this had already been rehearsed, Seth and Collin both made gagging noises at the sheepish PDA the imprint couple was partaking in, to which Paul threw – with much force – a piece of garlic bread at both of their heads, earning loud protests and disapprovals from the parents in the room.
Things took a drastic turn into the realms of awkwardness as the laughing died down, and though I didn't risk looking up, I could feel Paul's incredulous look at my presence.
"Delicious salad by the way," Collin nudged me with his elbow while offering me a reassuring smile, then stuffing more of said delicacy into his mouth.
I could only half smile at him with a silent 'thanks yet again for always trying to console me when I'm having a mini freak-out'. As conversation started back up, I finally risked a glance down at Jake, who I found was staring intently at me with that certain kind of look that bloomed butterflies in my center.
He smiled his signature smile, one to which I found myself shyly responding to. Jake's eyes then adverted back to Billy who seemed to be in the middle of talking to him, pretending not to notice our little exchange.
That in itself was enough to crush my paranoid fears of Jake being mad at me, or realizing he made a mistake in letting me back into his life since he had more time to mull it over. Although it had been three days since we last talked, it was all made up for in that moment.
I risked yet another glance to Vanessa and Leah, who were oddly quiet and staring intently down at their plates of food. It seemed as if they were the last obstacle I'd have to face, including Rachel. Yet they all seemed oddly forlorn…to which I was immensely grateful for.
I preferred them paying no attention to me like I was just some nonexistent whole in the universe rather than communicating death threats to me with their eyes.
I was used to be an unidentifiable object; something everyone looked passed or saw straight through.
Dinner continued. And continued.
I stayed intently focused on Charlie, Ali, Collin and Seth the whole time, trying to ignore the large elephant in the room.
For conversational purposes, Charlie figured it would enlightening – more like entertaining to the three other listeners excluding me – to tell embarrassing stories about my time spent here as a child.
Such as; tripping face first into a pile of mud while walking, hiding myself under layers of clothing to shield my sensitive skin from the sun while at First Beach with the Black's, sticking my nose into some book and remaining completely unsocial (he managed to also work in there that I played with barbies until I was eleven), and he then had the audacity to throw in the time I peed myself – when I was seven! – after a terrible encounter with a lose dog that chased me down on the beach, tackled me… and then proceeded to lick my face while I feared being bitten and ripped apart.
Black labs still to this day scare the hell out of me.
Real deal breaker, dad.
It seemed as if I couldn't sink further into my chair and try to no avail to hide the blush profusely attacking my face.
The least I could be thankful for was that everyone at the opposite end didn't seem to hear these stories, as they were too caught up in conversation and laughter of their own.
Although I did make out a trace of a faint smile on Jake's lips as I would occasionally catch his gaze lingering on me.
After an hour spent at the dining room table, I quickly offered to help Sue and Ali clean up the dishes as to distance myself from the awkward tension felt when I was around anyone other than the parents and Collin.
As I made my way to and from the kitchen, transferring plates and cups, I caught sight of Jake and Vanessa in the corner of the living room. Nessa was sitting on the couch, Jake in front of her on the table, holding both of her hands as he was ducking to catch her gaze. They seemed to be in some enthralling discussion, yet remained whispering to maintain whatever ounce of privacy they could.
It was hard to look at.
My breathing became labored.
A memory of three nights ago when Nessa called and left a message on Jake's answering machine attached itself to my thoughts; did she come by that night? Was her promise fulfilled? Even after Jake had so intimately and sweetly kissed me?
This was becoming an even stranger predicament than once anticipated.
After we have our talk, everything will be figured out. After we talk, after we talk, after we talk…
That was the only tune playing in my mind, and keeping me rather sane. This would be one of the many issues discussed sometime this evening.
Eight minutes later I was in the middle of placing the condiments back in the fridge when I heard Jake's approach. Though his heavy footsteps could have belonged to anyone, I felt somewhere immersed inside me that it was him. It could only be described as a tingling sensation, something that was factual, like the wind suddenly shifting course or the rain turning to hail.
The hair on the back of my neck stood on edge when I turned to face him with a stomach filled with a nest of butterflies, noticing the kitchen was unoccupied besides his presence.
"Where's Vanessa?" I asked almost instantly, peering over his shoulder to see the living room half empty and devoid.
Although I tried to look otherwise occupied in the kitchen, I couldn't help but spy on the scene taking place just in the other room a few minutes ago. I also didn't miss Vanessa's rather indignant walk out the front door followed by an attached at the hip Leah.
And I also couldn't help my curiosity. It was my subtle yet innocent way of leading into conversation about the girl in question and what entirely was going on with that situation.
The talk. Right. We'd have to talk more about that then. Once I choked up the courage to enlist some alone time with him…
"She went down to the beach early with Leah," he sighed, pushing a hand through his hair, "I told her that she's going to have to get used to the fact that you're gonna be around more…that I want you around. She's just…mulling it over…."
He gathered his thoughts, "If she can't accept it then…." Jake's voiced trailed off into an empty threat as he shook his head, leaving us both puzzled at his ultimatum.
My eyes flashed down towards the ground as my teeth tugged uselessly at my lower lip. I was feeling overwhelmed with guilt for causing this…but didn't I deserve to be selfish? Just this one time when all I've ever been is selfless?
Jake snuck a finger under my chin, forcing my eyes back to his smoldering ones, "Same goes for you; she'll still be around, you need to ge—"
"Jacob," I interrupted by placing a finger to his two full lips, "I already told you I'd do anything for you, to be back in your life. And…and I want to get along with Vanessa, I really, really do," I whispered, hoping to convey the truth in the sensitive timbre of my voice, despite the powerful affect his statement held on my heart.
"She's just making it really tough," I finished, frowning at the sting of rejection.
After a moment of contemplation, Jake smiled at me with a look of adoration as his thumb stroked my chin before he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his embrace. Immediately I went from rigid to relaxed in his arms and the supple warmth that I could feel inching its way through my skin.
I was still uselessly relying on chicken noodle soup and a warm bed to taint my addiction.
"I missed you," Jake confessed tenderly one minute later, his lips moving against the top of my head.
I wasn't sure what he was referring to; if his words had some hidden meaning of the two lost years or the three days we hadn't seen each other in.
But either way, the next words out of my mouth still meant the same, "I missed you, too. A lot."
I ran my hands over his shirt covered back, resting my head lethargically on his chest. I felt his lips form into a smile on my head, my eyes fluttered closed at the contact. It was torturous to sit through dinner away from him when it felt like some magnet tide was pulling us together, despite everything pushing us apart.
"You can call me anytime, you know," he spoke with lightness, half teasing yet half serious. I felt the palm of his hands burning straight through my shirt and into the strained muscles of my lower back.
And contrary to the heat, I shivered.
I pulled back to smile at him, "You can call me anytime, too," I hinted, offering him an open invitation to which I hoped he would RSVP and accept.
"You wouldn't mind that?"
"Jacob, of course I wouldn't."
"I'll take you up on that offer then, Bells," he grinned, placing a kiss to my forehead and then pulling back from me right as Rachel stepped into the room, shooting us a slight scowl that almost seemed permanent on her features.
I remembered she never liked me much as a kid, which seemed to carry over to present.
I returned my attention back to Jacob, forcing words like vomit up my throat, taking my chance.
"Can we talk? Sometime later…maybe after everything tonight…alone?" I asked meekly, my voice showing signs of desperation while trying to speak soft enough so Rachel wouldn't hear us.
"What…what do you want to talk about?" Jake's eyes slightly widened, fearing the worst. His voice rang with a tentative, guarded edge.
My hand flew out to grasp his in an attempt to soothe his worries, "Nothing bad. I'd just… like to talk to you about some things…."
Jake shifted on his feet warily. It wasn't hard for me to pick up on his little actions that spoke of his shielded feelings.
"Sure, honey," he murmured, giving my hand a firm squeeze, "I have to get going for a little, but I'll come find you later down at the bonfire, alright?"
I nodded eagerly. Jake placed a final kiss to my forehead before taking off out the back door with reluctance and a backwards glance.
A breath of pent up despondency forced its way out of me like an air bubble, to which I noticed that not only were my hands now shaking, but my whole body was trembling with its last dose of nerves and anticipation.
The feeling of dread mixed in with relief at the prospect of tonight. I felt uncanny and not wholesome when Jake wasn't around, and would continue to feel that way throughout the night until he showed up from wherever he ran off to.
Yet I was relieved that sometime tonight our issues would be resolved. That everything spiraled up inside of us would be discussed and diagnosed, that we could get everything off our chests. And that I could finally apologize for everything, to make this all a bit more substantial.
At least, those were my high hopes.
There was always the option that Jacob wouldn't be as ready as I suddenly was to put everything to rest. I intended to ask him – or beg – for some insight on his life during those two years. Of course he didn't owe it to me, but I needed to know. A part of me feared he would deny my request, that he'd shut himself off and effectively block me from laying everything – including his feelings – on the line.
Was it too soon? Should I just be thankful with what he's given me for now? These were the lonesome and rash thoughts rooting stem in my brain while we all – minus Jake – made our down to where the festivities for the evening were being held.
I stood insecurely at Charlie's side as he pushed Billy down the gravel road winding towards the beach. The only person I would have felt comfortable being around was Collin, yet he was off with Seth, Paul and Rachel ahead of the group of parents – and me – following a few yards behind them at a much slower pace.
I couldn't help but feel as if things were returning to normal…or close to it. Though it taken a few weeks, things had majorly progressed from a dead stop to now a tied race, but things weren't perfect – they would never be perfect – yet the surrealism was enough to sedate me from the previously inept world to feeling halfway content.
The First Beach parking lot was hidden under booths with white canopies lined in two rows, stretching along all the provided concrete. Blue and grey lights were strung between all the different canopies shielded from the sun, adding a dismal light to the shadowing day.
Many of the stands were filled with vegetables and fruit as a local harvest that Collin mentioned takes place two times every month over summer, a place for the community and people from out of town to sell their homegrown goods. A few stands had items such as jewelry, art, clothing, and mixtures of the sort.
On the beach a few bonfires were brewing as well as a few barbeques stoking. It seemed as if the whole town was here, and even a few people who looked to be from Forks.
I followed along the parents, suddenly feeling like my child, shy self and having to stay tucked under daddy's arm at all times.
All in good time…
A familiar face was approached at one of the stands, to which he motioned for me to come and join him. I took a glance at Charlie, whose arm was slung lovingly over Ali's shoulder as she picked and prodded at a selection of green vegetables.
"Bella, hey…how're you?" Quil asked, flashing me a crooked, boyish smile.
"Quil...hi. I'm doing alright, how have you been?"
"Good good," he turned to face the girl in his arms, "Claire, you remember Bella, right?"
The young girl's soft hazel eyes found mine as she nodded quickly, "Lookie what Qwuily got meee!" She squealed, shoving her arm out to me where a pink and silver laced hemp bracelet was wrapped around her small wrist.
"That was very nice of him. It's very pretty," I smiled as Claire giggled, reaching out her arms to be transferred from Quil to her mother.
"Wanna walk?"
I nodded, taking off at Quil's side down the large pathway filled with people all walking or stopping at each canopy to observe its items.
"Do you mind if I ask how you and Jake are?" Quil questioned, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and looking rather…shy.
I shrugged casually, "We're," I paused to think over my answer, "…making progress."
"Good…good, that's…great. I haven't seen him like this in awhile…." I watched as Quil's eyebrows mashed together, "I'm not saying that all this time you've been…absent… that Jake's just been wallowing and brooding… because he has been quite happy and…normal before, but now…he just has that light back in his eyes, y'know? It's different than anything I've seen in the past few years."
The way he stumbled over his words was implying his insecurities with telling me this, which was almost the exact same thing Billy had told me two hours ago…yet less stoic and more frazzled.
"Um…I…." Having no response left me also stuttering over my words.
Quil laughed deeply, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that…I'm happy that you and Jake are 'making progress'."
"Right. Well…thanks. I am too."
We walked in silence for a few more minutes, both of us lost gazing intently at each booth we passed by. Quil stopped at one booth in particular, tasting the sampled fresh honey. I noted he seemed to be distracting himself, as if something was on his mind he was trying to play off…
"Is Embry coming?" I asked for conversational purposes. I was never too good at that kind of stuff, but being awkward Bella once again sounded far from pleasant.
"He should be here later…."
"Where is he?"
Quil ducked his head, checking his watch, "He's running a quick patrol with Jake right now…at least he should be."
"Patrol? Are there…?" I left the question empty, not wanting to say the word 'vampires' around the hefty faction of people walking around us and the booth owner standing only a foot away.
"Nah, there hasn't been any action since that red-head was here with her little army," he snickered at the memory as my eyes bulged in return.
Many times over the past two years I'd thought about Victoria. Sometimes I found myself hoping she was killed, hoping she had left Forks when I had and was still tracking me, and sometimes I found myself hoping she'd just find me already and finish me off.
I never got my resolve. She was momentarily forgotten until now, until two weeks ago, like the rest of my past had been.
"Whatever happened to her?" I inquired thickly, feeling the swell of my throat begin to tighten.
Quil took a careful glance around us, making sure no one was listening in, "Well…we took care of her, obviously."
"What happened?"
"They came, we fought, we killed, the end."
"Just as easy as that?"
"Nothing's ever easy." Quil frowned, "A few of us got hurt, some things got outta hand, but it's over. I'm sure if you ask Jake he'll tell you more…."
"Why can't you tell me?" I eyed him skeptically, wanting to know all the details and…did I hear him mention something about an 'army'?
Quil shifted uncomfortably, pushing a hand through his short, spiky hair.
"He got hurt, didn't he?" I whispered weakly, already knowing the answer to my feared question.
"Tell me," I pleaded, grabbing his arm to stop his walking and turning him to face me.
"Look, Bella, Jake's fine…it happened a long time ago…he was just trying to be noble and save Leah. It only took him a few days to heal. You should ask him about it, and when he's ready to tell you…he will. I don't feel comfortable talking about it."
I had the urge to stomp my foot, but I finally agreed with a "Fair enough."
I wasn't sure why in hell it would make Quil feel uncomfortable to talk about Jacob's injury, but I didn't want to be the queen of persistence and stubbornness tonight. I would just add that to my list of things to be discussed with Jacob.
"We should go head down to the bonfire, get some good seats. You can sit with me and Claire if you want, she seems to like you. Normally she's quiet and unresponsive to most of the pack, but for some reason she'll talk to you," he mused with a smile, his eyes shining.
I nodded to his offer, feeling a bit alleviated that he was saving me yet again from an awkward search for Charlie and somewhere to sit. I took a glance around the wide expanse of clear land, hoping to see a familiar head towering about the crowds of people as we made our quest towards the sand.
"He'll be here soon," Quil laughed at me, knowing very well who I was looking for, "We'll save him a seat, yeah?" he winked before leading me through the groups of families and down towards where some people were gathering around the five different bonfires, laying out blankets or unfolding chairs.
The rest of the pack and some unfamiliar faces that looked to be their families all gathered around one bonfire in particular, settling into blankets against logs, continually glancing at the darkening sky as to make sure no looming rain clouds were threatening to ruin the evening's festivities with the chance of a downpour.
It wasn't hard to miss the formation in the distance of a storm rolling in. Everyone's anticipation was high, hoping it wouldn't ruin the night. Quil was telling an upset Claire that if the storm closes in sooner than expected, then the fireworks won't be displayed. This seemed to displease her, as a stubborn pout erupted across her face.
"So…what exactly is the reason for all of this?"
"Our town'll do anything to have a bonfire," Quil chuckled at my question, "But the council decided that the town needs more gatherings, more events to take place. Something to bring us all together, they feel like we're becoming 'modernized' and losing touch with our ancestors. These farmers markets they decided will take place every other Friday, but today's a special exception with the bonfires, fireworks and storytelling 'cause of the full moon. There's some legends that Billy likes to mess around with, and the man'll do anything to tell the tribes' stories. You haven't heard them before right? You'll love 'em."
Billy was pushed to the top of the bonfire, with both Sue and Old Quil at his side, Charlie and Ali not far either. The happy and wholesome look on my father's face had me wondering how I ever left here in the first place.
Young kids flocked in front of the three council members, sitting in the sand, looking eager for 'story time'.
*"The Quileutes have been a small people from the beginning," Billy began once everyone settled silently. "And we are small people still, but we have never disappeared. This is because there has always been magic in our blood. It wasn't always the magic of shape-shifting – that came later. First, we were spirit warriors…."
Billy was in the middle of explaining the Quileutes early history of being skilled ship builders and fishermen when I felt that certain tingle ignite inside of me. Something resembling chills crawled up my neck, mobbing an attack that suddenly made me feel anxious.
It was in that moment that I saw Jake and Embry's approach from the cluster of trees off in the distance, where the forest outlined the stretching Pacific. Despite Jake being a few yards away, our eyes locked through the dark blanket of the night into something heavy, something desirous.
The two final pack members made their way to the circle, my eyes trailing their every move. Embry gave me a playful pat on the head as he passed behind where I sat, making his way to the empty space at my left from where I sat besides Quil with Claire smooched between us. Jake followed, much to my delight, and took the spot next to me, right along my side.
An electric tingle jolted at the skin on skin contact of our arms. A heat built somewhere unfamiliar inside of me. At first I was rigid, stiff…but at the feel of his body pressed up against mine, my inner turmoil melted into a bland comfort as his presence washed over me.
The elation and pure joy I felt that Jake had come to sit next me was multiplied when I felt his lips near my ear, his breath succulent.
"Hey," he whispered in an uncanny husk, inhaling my scent as I felt his nose touch the base of my ear, causing my eyelids to flutter and for the same unfamiliar heat between my legs to burn.
I turned to offer a half smile in return to his grin. I turned away quickly to divulge my attention back on Billy, but not before I noticed the lust in Jake's eyes that only must have reflected mine.
*"Kaheleha was not the first spirit warrior, but we do not remember the stories that came before his…."
Billy's voice continued to float majestically over the crackle of the fire, capturing my interest of the Quileutes and their heritage. He transitioned from the tale of Kaheleha to Chief Taha Aki, beginning to explain the first time he had entered a wolf's body, the great wolf making room for him, to share.
Occasionally Billy would trail off, speaking in the native Quileute tongue, leaving me a bit frustrated to be missing part of the story which was wholly capturing my attention. My frustration didn't go unnoticed to Jake, who leaned back in closer to my side, his lips only centimeters from the same ear as before.
He began whispering and translating the words spoken by his father from Quileute to English in a thick murmur. One of his hands gently began to rub along my back, trailing a path of consuming fire. The timbre of his deep, raspy voice created a sense of beauty in the words he whispered to me. The seduction in his voice had my body completely yielding to him.
At one point he risked – much to my dismay, but not my displeasure – to trail his fingers along the bare skin at my lower back, where my shirt rose from the edge of my pants.
I bit back a tangled whimper in my throat.
He had me in some sort of trance, with the stroke of his words and the sensations pitting inside of me. Every ounce of exertion I had left in me to pay attention to what Billy was saying – something now about a third wife – was all wrenched away by Jake's touch.
My concentration was lost.
Time passed, the fire waned, and Jake's gestures ceased as he put about a foot of space between us just as the story was coming to an end. I couldn't find it in myself to look at him, for fear of what he would see in my eyes. He must have known what he was doing to me.
"And so, as the legend goes, on every full moon shape-shifters are reluctant to the change of their bodies, into brother wolf. The moon to them is like the sun to us; guiding, burning. It is instinctual for them to change once the full moon rises." Old Quil was speaking now, eyeing the full moon shining above us.
Paul and Jared let out boisterous howls into the evening air for affect, and then proceeded to laugh like idiots at the daunting looks on the children's faces after the council ended the story that I mercifully blanked out with thoughts of warm lips…
Under the veil of fervor I failed to notice that the sun had set in the horizon, that there was the soft tune of music playing somewhere in the distance and that Claire had fallen snuggly asleep at my side. My eye felt heavily weighted as I first took in Quil, grinning softly and stroking Claire's light brown hair. It wasn't only Claire who had fallen asleep; many of the other children and even a few women had fallen into a slumber.
I craned my neck with much determination – the butterflies in my stomach now flapping around my heart, increasing its pitter-patter – as I sought out Jake's eyes. Even though earlier this evening I was thankful for the private realm of my mind, it was no match for the man sitting next to me. It felt as if, as I was looking at him, that all my thoughts, lust, desire, questioning were all being transferred on some tightrope straight from my mind to the hollow sole of my eyes that he was looking directly into and seeing.
It was a stolen, intimate moment…and right as I found the courage to part my lips and speak words of solace, Embry beat me to it.
"Bella! C'mon, let's dance!"
Without breaking the hold on Jake's eyes, I replied with a numb, "Sure," and then willed myself to glance away from him after trying to decipher what was hiding behind his irises.
The answer was almost as clear as day. And it petrified me.
Embry helped me up, and in that moment I realized what I had agreed to when he grinned at me and dragged further down the beach to where there was already a group of people dancing.
"Whoa whoa whoa, wait. I can't dance…I change my mind."
"Just relax, Bella. Try to…loosen up."
Right. Well, if the burning deep in my stomach was any indicator of my desired lust, I wouldn't be loosening up anytime soon.
More than I felt comfortable with, Embry pulled me into his embrace, capturing my waist with his hands and swaying to the slow beat of the music.
"What are you –?" I fidgeted against him, the gesture feeling a bit more than 'friendly'.
"Trust me, miss paranoid," he bent to whisper in the same ear like Jake had done only minutes ago.
"Embry –"
"Bella, shush. Go a long with it, will ya?"
I tried pulling back yet again, a dismal frustration burning inside of me.
"I have a plan, don't mess it up," Embry continued to try and persuade me, "Just dance, and I'll explain."
I let a gurgled sigh, caving in to his attempts.
"Okay, so…the other day, I came up with this fucking ridiculous plan…that might just end up with me getting a can of whoop ass…but it's worth it. It's called operation G.J.P.H.H.O.H.A."
"Am I supposed to know what that means? Embry…are you drunk or something?"
He chuckled into my hair, "No, I'm not. And it means; 'Get Jake to Pull His Head Out of His Ass'."
"You have to be drunk to come up with that," I giggled.
"Arghhh, Bella. Stop making fun of me! Look, you'll thank me in the end so stop being such a smart ass. If Jake sees me flirting with you – you have to flirt back too, or else this will be a total fail – then he'll get jealous, realize it's you he wants, and you two can put us all out of our misery of watching you two eye fuck-oggle each other. Capiche?"
"You're out of your mind."
"Probably."
"He's with Vanessa."
"Not for long."
"But—"
"Shhh, he's coming over. Go along with it," Embry finally whispered, leaning in too close for comfort.
I closed my eyes, trying to somehow shut the world and its problems out. I wanted to shrink away and hide.
The tingling sensation returned, and moments later Jake was out our side, clearing his throat. I struggled to pull back from Embry's vice like embrace, but I was no match for his strength. I also didn't fail during my time of struggle to notice the menacing and feral look on Jake's face as he glared daggers at his friend.
"Right…well…Bella, thanks for the dance," Embry cleared his throat, "Hopefully I'll see you later." And with that he winked, let go of me, and even dared to kiss me on the cheek.
I was blushing in spite of myself.
I could hear the faint grumble building inside of Jacob's chest as I mentally cursed Embry. What an idiot.
"Can we have that talk now?" he asked, his voice dripping with a strong trace of misplaced jealousy as he looked down at me with a pained expression.
All I could do was nod.
"Let's head back to Sue's…," Jake muttered, shooting a displeasing look and the crowds around us.
"Sure," I agreed yet again, glad we could manage to some find privacy. Throughout the night I planned to rehearse what I would say to Jake, but I had gotten… distracted. And I was unprepared. I began breathing heavily on the trek back to the Clearwater's residence.
Just start off by apologizing, by telling him your feelings, by coming clean and asking for his forgiveness…
I followed Jacob into the kitchen step for step, my mind too wrapped around the conversation I was about to have with him to notice the difference in the way Jacob was acting.
For leverage, I leaned back against the isle counter as Jake turned his back to me and leaned over the sink. It wasn't hard to miss the twitching of his muscles and the unsteady waves of trepidation rolling off of him.
After swallowing my lump if dignity, I waited until he turned around to face me, and as time continued on and he remained shut off, I decided to break the silence.
"So, I…uh…I mean, there are some things I want us to talk ab—"
Something triggered in Jake, because in the beat of a heart and a blink of an eye, he was standing before me, towering above me.
I sucked in a quick breath, expecting anger, expecting black eyes.
Ever so gently his hands ghosted down my sides, stoking the same fire planted at my core. His hesitancy was forgotten in the moment that he lowered towards me, lifting me gradually so our bodies rubbed torturously together before I was seated in the counter, my legs parting for Jake before my mind could even process a thought other than how my body reacted to him.
It was a feeling I'd never experienced as he stepped between my legs.
Simultaneously our eyes glazed over as our chest heaved in breaths of building anticipation. With a look of primal need that sent waves of pleasure to my core, Jake's lips hungrily found mine.
I gasped, and the thoughts of what we were supposed to be doing disappeared with the guilt I should have felt.
The kiss wasn't slow or gentle like our previous ones. It was primal, hot, needy…. Our tongues fought for dominance, to which I loosened my control and yielded completely to Jake.
His hands seemed to be everywhere on me; gripping at my thighs, pulling them wider to rub the hard bulge of his jeans at my core. The sensation caused me to break away from the kiss, to let a moan push past me as my head fell back and my eyelids fluttered under the weight of pleasure.
The magic of his hands moved up my sides, one gripping the base of my neck and mixing in the locks of my hair to crane my head to the side as he attacked the bare skin there; kissing, sucking, biting in all the right places.
"Bella…fuck…you smell so good…I need you so bad," he growled huskily into my ear, pulling roughly at my hair as he continued to inhale, and something about it was primal. Something I wanted to be taken by.
His statement mixed in with the feel of his free hand skirting up my ribs to brush his thumb across my shirt covered breast was enough for my panties to become soaked.
My hips bucked into his, a growl escaping his lips as a whimper left mine. What was he doing to me? This was all so foreign and unfamiliar.
My hands, on instinct, left their grip on the counter to sneak under Jake's shirt and find his chiseled abdomen. I scratched roughly at his skin, from his back, to his sides, and down to his navel…hoping to leave my mark.
His growing erection thrust against me, soaking me further as his hand escaped under my own shirt for skin on skin contact. I arched my back into him while whimpering for more.
"Jake…," I groaned with no sense of awareness, except for the feeling of being overwhelmed and completely and utterly frightened with the unknown.
To this Jake popped the button of my jeans and bit down at my collarbone. Our breathing became heavy, his chest vibrated and tightened under my eager touch.
The sound of fireworks exploding out into the night air outside could be heard in the silent realm of the house. The bright light shone through the windows.
The next part happened painfully slow. With the burden of ecstasy and want, nothing much was comprehensible besides the feeling of Jake orbiting around me. I could have stayed lost forever in the mold of his hands, under the power of his lips.
The back door to the kitchen opened and closed with a resonating thud, sending shockwaves through the silent house, embracing the two lovers positioned at its granite countertops.
In unison both Jake and my movements let up; I stiffened, sitting up a bit straighter, Jake pulled back, leaving the fresh air that skirted in through the door to chill the wet kisses along my neck, our hands still hidden under clothes and my legs still locked around his waist.
Our heads snapped towards the intruder at the same time, taking in the almond shape eyes of…
"Leah."
A/N: Again, I'd like to thank you all for your kind reviews. They mean a lot (:
Hmmmm, so what happened with Jake after the fight with Victoria that Quil feels uncomfortable talking about?
Questions, questions…
The quotations with the asterisk* in front of them were taken directly from Eclipse, yadda yadda, SM owns, blah blah, all that jazz. Most of the legends – minus the whole 'full moon' thing – was referenced from Eclipse.
Thanks to ForeverDreamland who suggested a certain something in this chapter (; Love you and your naughty mind! Go read her story Coming Closer – it'll make you sob!
