Chapter 12: One Man's Meat Part 4
Larry was in a pickle yet again. This time, how to tell Snack that Candy left him. He drummed his paw pads on the table
Snack suddenly hopped onto the table. "Hey baby. The barman told me this was the finest bottle in the house. "Thanks again Eric!" The gopher called over to an orangutan who suddenly shouted
"Don't look at me!"
"Where's Candy?" Snack asked the five hundred pound lion as he looked up at him after looking around.
"I-I'm sorry pal." Larry said sincerely. "She's gone."
"Gone? Whaddya mean gone?" Snack asked in confusion.
Larry looked away with an uncomfortable look.
"Oh my god." Snack said in a crushed tone. "She left me. Why would she do that?" He asked as his voice broke up slightly. "I thought she really dug me."
"She did." Larry lied.
"No Larry, I was kidding myself." Snack said in distress. "No woman's ever gonna love me. I'm unlovable." He said with his voice cracking up. He broke down and started crying. "Don't look at me." He glared over at the bartender who replied with the same "DON'T LOOK AT ME!"
"Snack. She didn't leave you." Larry said suddenly seeing a way to save his best friend's heart from being broken into tiny pieces.
"Then where is she?"
"I..." Larry stuttered trying to say something. He looked down at the heart with "Snack and Candy 4Ever carved into it with an arrow piercing it. He groaned. "I ate her."
"What?" Snack asked in shock.
"Yeah. It was the diet. "I uh, I couldn't help myself." He chuckled.
"You BARBARIAN!" Snack snapped. "I thought you where my friend!" He said in a different kind of voice. A betrayed one.
"I am your friend." Larry snapped back.
"NO YOUR NOT!" Snack snapped again. "I am friendless! I have NO ONE!" He knocked over the wine bottle and hurled over the wing basket filled with bones. He then hopped to the ground and shouted "WHY?" As it seemed like rain was pouring down on him. But it was just the bartender rinsing out a very wet towel. Snack atarted sobbing as he walked away.
The next day, Kate and Larry where taking a walk in the park. "I just couldn't tell Snack the truth!" He defended himself. "I mean, she said she could never love a guy like him."
"I HATE her!" Kate said in anger. "Then again he is repulsive."
"Kate this was the first time I actually saw Snack IN LOVE." Larry said after taking a bite out of a celery stalk. "And I'm afraid if I tell him the truth he'll shut down completely. And never be able to love again." Then he thought about what he just said. "Oh my god that rabbit really did take my man eggs."
"Larry!" Roy called with a jump rope in his hands.
"Down." Larry said and he and Kate hid behind some plants.
"Where are you? Time to burn calories with ze skipping of ze rope!" He didn't find Larry. "Oh well. Cinderella dressed in Yella went downtown to meet a fella on ze way her girdle busted. How many people where disgusted?" He started counting in German as he continued to skip rope.
"Welcome back boys." Sarmoti grinned. "I'm feeling lucky today." He said as he pulled the Ace of Clubs from the deck.
"Grandpa." Sierra said as she slammed the door open. "You have to give Justin his money back."
"I'd love to give your boyfriend his money back, but I spent it." Sarmoti said as he scratched his chin.
Harry scoffed from the couch and closed his book. He narrowed his eyes when he saw Sarmoti scratching his chin. "Let me try to win it back then." Harry said.
The older felines looked to the young human. Gamblers where getting younger everyday. "Alright kid, you wanna play with the big boys? Deal him in." He said to Duke who nodded
Larry crashed Snack's memorial to Candy.
"This diet is making you insane." Kate declared.
"We'll just stand over here." Larry said motioning her to a spot in the back.
"Goodbye baby." Snack said as a monkey dumped a dozen roses in a grave Snack dug for Candy. "I'll miss you forever."
Larry's stomach growled. And he was humiliated by Snack by him declaring that he was a murderer. "Perhaps I should talk to a lawyer." Larry said nervously. The two orangutans reading during the service gave him business cards.
"So kid." Chaz teased the eight year old human. "Seen Sierra's boyfriend cry lately? Do you think she finds him more or less attractive?"
The older felines all laughed as Harry glared around the table. He noticed the tall, dark and handsome panther sticking his tongue out. And Bernie twirling a whisker.
"Sierra likes a man that cries. And you know what? So do I." Harry said with a smirk that made Chaz blush red with his black fur. While on the streets Harry had to often resort to prostituting himself sometimes to make enough money to survive. His age was handy because who among the police would suspect a young boy to be a hooker? "Which is why I'm gonna love you when you see my cards. I call. Full House. Ace High." Harry revealed his hand which was three Aces and two Kings.
"Aww, Shirley Handfull!" The panther said in place of swearing. "How did he know I was bluffing?" He threw down his cards. "Well, he cleaned me out too." Chaz said as he stood up with Duke and Bernie.
"Chaz, for the record I'm telling my wife I loaned you money for rehab." Bernie told his panther friend. .
"Its just you and me kid." Sarmoti raised an eyebrow at Harry as he fanned out two halves of the deck after Harry pulled in his winnings. Double what Justin lost. "You know you can walk away now and call yourself a winner."
"Deal the cards Bernie." Harry ordered to the white lion wearing sunglasses. Bernie dealed them both five cards after shuffling with the skill of a vegas dealer. They where playing Duces Wild. Meaning Twos could be anything and Five of a Kinds where possible.
"Three cards." Sarmoti said handing tossing three from his hand.
"Three cards." Harry also said tossing He recieved two Aces to add to his one Ace of Clubs and a two. Four of a kind! Harry tried to not let his hand be known to Sarmoti So he studied the old lion carefully.
"You should probably fold. I've got a top notch hand here." Sarmoti said to the young human as he scratched his chin.
Then Harry realized Sarmoti's tell. He scratched his chin when he fibbed to Kate about gambling. When he told a date that he'd call her later and to his knowledge never did, and when he told Sierra he spent Justin's money.
"Don't worry Kate, there's no gambling on my watch." Sarmoti said as he scratched his chin.
"I'd love to give your boyfriend his money back, but I spent it." Sarmoti told Sierra as he scratched his chin.
"All right then baby doll." Sarmoti said to a leopardess that he frequently dated. "I'll call you later." He said as Harry passed by and saw him scratching his chin.
"Well?" Sarmoti asked.
"I'm all in." Harry smirked as he pushed his chips into the pot.
"Aww nuts, all I got's a...Royal Flush." He said revealing the last Ace and King, Queen, Jack and Ten of Hearts.
Harry was so stunned he dropped his hand. "What? But...but you-"
"Scratched my chin?" Sarmoti smirked at the naive boy. "You just got played by the master." Sarmoti smiled as he pulled his winnings into his bag. "Thanks for the cabbage grasshopper." He simirked as he waved the bag of winnings.
"See ya fellas Sarmoti laughed as he started to get up but heard sniffling. Harry was going to start crying. "Hohoho." He laughed as he put the bag down but saw Harry's head on his arms. "What's wrong?" He asked. He hated seeing the kid cry. It wasn't pretty.
"I," He sniffled. "Promised Sierra I'd win Justin's money back cause its his mom's birthday." He continued to drip tears from his puppy dog eyes. "And now he can't even buy her a card or anything else! I hate this stupid game!" Sierra had been watching and had been wondering what was going on. He said he had a plan to trick their grandfather.
"I'm sorry kid. Here. Here's your money." Sarmoti pushed the box toward the human boy.
"I don't want it." Harry said as he continued sobbing and pushed it back.
"And what's his name's money is in their too. Tell him to get his mom a crock pot or whatever broads use in the kitchen."
"Thank you grandpa." Harry said after hugging the old lion. He took the winnings from the table.
"Hey." Sarmoti chuckled in realization. "I just got played didn't I?"
Harrysuddenly stopped fake crying. And Sarmoti saw a smirk on his face. "Lie to me." He said simply and walked to his room with his winnings.
"Hehehe. I knew he had it in him." The elderly lion said with a smile. "He's gonna be the one who puts me in a home." He said with pride in his voice. The kid needed to toughen up. And this was one life lesson that had taken root.
"Hey buddy." Larry said that night at The Watering Hole. Snack was using a lion voodoo doll. It was chubby like Larry. He stuck a knife in it and then a pair of scissors. "Still mad at me?" He asked.
"Oh look. Its the lady killer." Snack snapped. "And I don't mean the good kind like Benny D. Williams or David Copperfield."
"Look Snack, maybe she's not the girl you thought she was." Larry started.
"You mean now that you turned her into poo?" Snack asked in an angry tone as he turned back to the voodoo doll.
"Snack." Larry started but he was stopped by the gopher.
"You took away," The gopher said as he put the voodoo doll in a blender filled with some kind of alcohol. He then pushed the button and it vwhirred and shredded the doll. "The only woman who ever loved me. What could you say that can make one ounce of difference?"
Larry tried to say something. "Nothing." He sighed. He started to leave and Candy made an appearance.
"Candy?" Snack asked after shaking his head in shock. "Oh my god! Larry didn't eat you?"
"You thought I died?" Candy asked. "That is so sweet! One moment sweetie." Candy said before Snack could embrace her. "Excuse me, did anyone turn in a belly button ring? If I don't put it back in soon the hole will close." She asked the bar tender before turning to Snack to explain about the ring.
"No. I dumped you." She explained to the confused gopher.
"Larry knew." Snack realized.
"I told him to tell you. I have a new boyfriend now. He's a lemming. He and his friends are taking me hiking at Half Dome."
"Candy slow down, don't lemmings go to Half Dome to jump to their..." Snack trailed off. "Have fun!" He perked up and waved her off.
"Sorry buddy." Larry said sincerely.
"I don't know what to say Lar." Snack said after Larry sat down next to him on a stool. "Your a real friend. I'd kiss you if you didn't have that funky diet breath.
"You would have done the same thing for me." Larry waved it off.
"Doubtful Lar. Snack said as he shrugged. You know what? You need a break from your diet. Dinner's on me."
"Now we're talking. I'll go find a waiter." Larry said as he got up. He was stopped as a bunny slid down on a vine.
"THERE YOU ARE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET WIDE LOAD!" The drill seargant screamed. "RUN!" The rabbit said as Larry started trying to get away from him. "BEFORE I GRAB A CARROT AND USE IT AS A THERMOMETER! YOU DON'T ASK AND I WON'T TELL! MOVE IT!"
End of One Man's Meat Is Another Man's Girlfriend
To Be Continued...
So a little of Harry's past year before he met Kate and Larry's family is revealed. Yes he's gay. No he won't have sex before he's sixteen again. But yes, he will have a relationship with Chaz. Maybe with Sarmoti too.
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Dean the Cuddly Fox
