She waited. Days went by and still she waited. Her family was marching to what could be their doom and all she could do was wait. At least she wasn't alone. Dorian had also been left behind. To watch over and protect Skyhold in the Inquisitor's stead. He was about as happy about it as she was. Well misery loved company and so the two of them tried to help the other with distractions.

They talked about books. They played chess. They did everything but speak of the one thing on both of their minds. One day, it was more than she could take.

"Shouldn't we have heard something by now?"

"They won't fail. She won't fail."

It's not just her I'm worried about, she thought.

"You are worried about the Commander," he said, out of the blue. She was startled.

"Why would you say that?"

Dorian chuckled. "You two are not nearly as discreet as you think. The man follows your every move with sad puppy dog eyes and you… well you look at him like you want to pounce on him right there."

If he had noticed, who else had? "It's not like that."

"Well it should be."

"What do you mean?"

"It'd be a pity for one of you to die before you hash out your feelings for one another."

"Dorian the matchmaker, huh."

He snickered. "Well I can't say I'm not a bit disappointed. Wish the Commander looked at me like that. Oh the fun I could have. But alas. He seems to only have eyes for you."

She blushed. "It's unprofessional."

"Do you love him?"

She couldn't answer that. She knew the answer but she couldn't say it out loud.

"I'll take that as a yes. Then who cares if it's unprofessional. What are you so scared of?"

"I'm a mage."

"And? So am I."

"It's forbidden."

"Says who? The Chantry? Since when does the inquisition bow to the Chantry? You should tell him how you feel. Or are you afraid he won't accept you because of the baby?"

At least Dorian hadn't figured that one out yet. "Unless of course it's his. Which if that's true the two of you are more messed up than I thought."

"We are pretty hopeless."

"Ha! I knew it. So that's why it was forbidden. Seems the dear Commander couldn't resist you even when he was a templar."

"Dorian, you can't tell anyone."

"I didn't plan to but now I want to know why not? Why keep all of this a secret?"

"Because I don't know what the Inquisitor would do."

"Probably congratulate you. You think too poorly of her. She's letting you keep the child, clearly she thinks well of you. And we all know how she feels for the Commander."

"Exactly."

"You think she'd let jealousy cloud her judgment?"

"It's a possibility, isn't it?"

He won their game. She had barely been paying attention. "I'm still of the opinion, and my opinion is right by the way, that the two of you need to get over this forbidden bullshit and just be. Torturing yourselves is pointless. Unless of course the entire attraction is because it's forbidden. I could see the appeal in that."

"Of course it's not. I'd give just about anything if it weren't so complicated."

"It's only complicated in your head. At least think about it. What's the worst that could happen?"

She could think of a lot of bad things that could happen. "He needs to focus on the inquisition. I'm too much of a distraction."

"Now you are just pulling excuses out of the air. What are you really afraid of?"

"That he'll reject me. That I'm not worth," she patted her stomach, "that we're not worth it."

"You have control issues. You need to be the one with the power so you reject him because it's too much to bear for him to reject you. When in reality he wouldn't."

"You can't know that."

"I know men. And I can tell when one is completely in love. And he is, with you."

"He might not come back."

"But he might. Then what are you going to do?"

She just didn't know.

# # # # #

Cullen fought harder than he had ever fought before. Demons surrounded him and his men. The Inquisitor was lost. It was hopeless and still he fought. He couldn't give up. It just wasn't in his nature. Alistair fought by his side, the two of them making short work of the demons. Alistair hadn't lost hope like he had. He still believed that Hawke and the Inquisitor would come back. He wished he had the man's conviction.

They were being overwhelmed. They wouldn't be able to stem the tide. They were going to die. They had failed. Corypheus would win and the world would be ashes. He thought of Amell. He thought of their child. He had failed them. So he kept fighting even though it was hopeless because what else could he do?

Out of nowhere, the rift in front of them spit out four people. The Inquisitor raised her hand up and shut the giant rift, killing all the demons surrounding it. They were safe. She had come back. Alistair had been right. He couldn't stop the giant grin that spread across his face. That is until he realized that five people can gone through the rift and only four stood in front of them.

Varric looked sick. Cassandra looked lost. The Inquisitor just looked tired. And the grey warden, well he looked shell shocked. Where was Hawke? Alistair must have realized the same thing because he stomped up to the Inquisitor, fire burning in his eyes.

"Where is she?"

"Hawke stayed behind to let us escape. She died a hero."

"No she isn't dead."

"She's physically in the fade. No one can survive that for long."

"You did."

"I'm sorry. I truly am. But it was her choice."

"No, she wouldn't leave me. She wouldn't sacrifice herself unless you made her."

Alistair was starting to get aggressive so Cullen held him back. The man wavered and fell to his knees.

"She wouldn't leave me." Tears were starting to gather at the edges of his eyes. "Open a rift. I've seen you do it. Open one and I'll go in and rescue her."

"I'm sorry I can't do that."

"At least let me die with her."

Cullen's heart broke for the man. He couldn't imagine how he'd feel if it were Amell. Well he could imagine and it made him sick. Varric approached Alistair who was still on his knees.

"She wouldn't want you to be like this. She wouldn't want you to die. She wanted me to tell you that she loves you and goodbye."

"How could you let this happen?" he nearly screamed.

"I couldn't stop her. I wanted to. Maker knows losing Hawke is the last thing I wanted. But she… she fought bravely."

"And you abandoned her. You all did." His voice came out soft, broken.

Cullen helped Alistair to his feet. "She would want you to continue."

Alistair turned to him. There was no anger in his eyes, only pain. "How the hell am I going to tell Amell? How are we going to make it without her?"

He patted the man's shoulder. "One day at a time."

"How do you do it? Live without her?"

"One day at a time."