So sorry for the long wait! I got really busy, and I also wanted to make this chapter perfect. Vampire Diaries is on tomorrow (well, it will probably be today by the time you are reading this). Enjoy this chapter AND the new episode!
By the way...this chapter is really really long.
Bonnie
Bonnie heard the knock at the door she had been dreading all morning, and stood up to go answer it, but Elena beat her to it. Bonnie pressed herself against the wall of the kitchen so that she couldn't be seen from the front door. She had to strain to hear what they were saying.
"Let me see her." Damon's smooth voice demanded.
"Why?" Elena asked. Bonnie could almost hear her eyes narrowing.
"Because I have to ask her something. Now if you don't mind—" Damon pushed past Elena, heading for the kitchen. Bonnie pushed away from the wall, leaning on the counter in an attempt to look casual. He smirked when he saw her. Elena followed close behind, appearing in the doorway next to him.
"It's okay, Elena. I need to talk to Damon." Bonnie dismissed her. Elena looked back and forth between them, before going upstairs. Bonnie hoped she wasn't still listening.
"Good morning, Bonnie." Damon said. It wasn't sarcastic at all, which made it that much harder to say what she was about to say.
"We have to talk." Bonnie stated.
"Yes…I think we do."
"Damon…we can't do this. I can't do this. We can't be together." Bonnie said reluctantly. She thought that maybe it would be easier if she just came right out with it, but nothing would make this any easier. Although he would never admit it, Bonnie could see the sheer hurt and pain in his eyes, before it was covered quickly by his detached, nothing-hurts-me expression. It didn't look like he was going to say anything, so she spoke again. "I don't know what happened last night, and I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it, but I'm sorry I kissed you."
"You…" Damon trailed off.
"I just can't lie to Elena any more. I already feel terrible about sneaking off last night." Bonnie explained.
"You could tell her." Damon suggested quietly.
"I can't do that. She just won't understand." Bonnie took a step closer to him, looking into his eyes. "Do you understand?" she asked. There was a long moment of silence, before the blank look in Damon's eyes was replaced by the sarcastic, cold look that she hadn't seen since the first day she met him. She had figured out that it was his way of self-defense.
"Of course I understand. So sorry to bother you." His words had a bitter edge to them, and without a goodbye or even another glance, he exited the room and was out the door. She wanted to call after him, to explain, to ask him if there was any way they could be friends, but Damon didn't seem to have anything in between enemies and people that he loved. She couldn't shake the feeling that she had just lost something, something great. Bonnie was not alone for long, though, because Elena was downstairs again, undoubtedly having heard the door slam.
"What was that about?" Elena asked her expectantly.
"I don't know." Bonnie lied.
"Well, just so you know, Tyler's party is tonight."
"Tonight?" Bonnie repeated, tearing her gaze from the door to Elena. "I don't know. We do have school tomorrow…"
"Oh, come on, we'll be home by ten." Elena promised. Bonnie considered this. She wasn't really in a party mood, but she figured it would be a good distraction.
"Fine." Bonnie said. "I have to get out of the house, I'm going for a walk." Before Elena could say anything, Bonnie was outside. She didn't know why, but was secretly hoping that Damon would be waiting for her. But she was alone.
Damon
Bonnie was beautiful. Bonnie was the most stunning girl he had ever laid eyes on. But she wasn't just beautiful; she was special on the inside, too. That much Damon understood. What he didn't understand, however, was why he felt like this.
He wondered why he felt so worthless and unwanted. Damon The Human had had this feeling before, he was sure of it. He had felt it a lot, growing up. Damon The Vampire, however, had not. No girl had ever told him no before. No girl had ever said that they didn't want him. No girl had ever denied him what he wanted from her…nor had he ever felt the need to ask for what he wanted from anyone. Damon had always liked how every pair of female eyes he saw would turn in his direction when he walked by, and he liked the way that he could hear their pulse racing when he would kiss their warm necks. He fed off girls upon whim, and had never felt guilty about any of it.
Then he met her, and everything changed. She didn't look at him hungrily, the way the other girls did every day, she looked at him with compassion and kindness. Even now, as he tried as hard as he could to push her out of his mind, he couldn't stop thinking about the electric thrill that had ran through his body when she had pressed her rose petal-like lips to his. She had given him a reason not to kill humans anymore. She had made him remember what it was like to be human.. She had made him feel alive again.
And then, she had told him that they couldn't be together.
Yes, now Damon could remember the name for what he was feeling. He felt rejected. It made him feel angry, too, that she had led him to believe that she wanted him, and then she pushed him away. He needed something to take his anger out on. That's when something moved in his peripheral vision. He hadn't noticed where he was before, and only now did he stop to take in his surroundings. After the trip to Elena's house, Damon hadn't felt at all like going back to his house, where he would have to explain everything to Stefan, who would be sickeningly sympathetic about trying to get him to admit that he had actual "feelings". He wasn't quite ready for that yet. Instead, he had simply walked until he reached the woods, and from there he kept walking until he reached the small clearing where his old house used to be. It wasn't like he wanted to reminisce about his memories, but this place was where he was born, and it was one of the few places that made him feel truly at home. He turned to find what it was that he had seen moving in the woods, and soon spotted it. Just an plain old average-sized deer. There were plenty of those around here. Then he got an idea.
He had three justifications for what he did next. The first was thirst. He hadn't fed in much too long, and, now that he considered it, he was extremely thirsty. He needed blood, and fast. The second was curiosity. Stefan fed off animals to survive, so what did they taste like? Damon had never felt the need to substitute animals for humans, but he wanted to know how different it was compared to human blood. The third was pure anger. He was frustrated and angry, but more of himself than Bonnie. He shouldn't have let her get into his head like that, and make him feel the way he did about her. He was frustrated that he still couldn't get her out of his head, and needed something to take his anger out on. Even if it was a mere animal, killing always made him feel dominant, and in control. About five minutes later, the deer was laying motionless on the forest floor.
"Well, that wasn't completely terrible." Damon thought. Maybe Stefan didn't have it so bad. Animals didn't require mind-control, so Damon decided that maybe he could incorporate a few into his diet out of convenience. A deer or two could make a good snack when he didn't feel like going through all the trouble of seducing girls, compelling them, etcetera. "This doesn't mean I'm any more like my brother. I just felt like eating something." Damon assured himself. "It could have just as easily been a human."
(A/N: I really don't know why I made him eat a deer…)
~~~~~evening~~~~~
Bonnie
Bonnie instantly regretted giving into Elena when she had persuaded her to come to Tyler's party. All she wanted that night was peace and quiet, so that she could think and figure things out. She had only realized this after she had walked in the door of the Lockwood mansion, with the pulsing music and crowd of people. Now it was an hour into the party, and she already had a headache. It didn't help that Tyler wouldn't leave her alone. She couldn't avoid him easily—it was his house. She just needed to get outside. Getting up from the couch, she was sitting on, she maneuvered through the crowd to find Elena, who was having a casual conversation with a girl from their history class.
"Elena, I'm going outside for a minute." Bonnie informed her.
"Is everything okay?" Elena asked.
"Just need some air." Bonnie said. Once she was outside, she ran across the lawn and began walking along the sidewalk in the dimly lit neighborhood. She noticed that the houses were nice, but most of them were shacks compared to the prestigious Lockwood mansion. However, she was only a few yards away from the house when a figure began to take shape in the darkness, locking her muscles in place.
Damon
Ignoring the voice inside his head screaming at him that he had promised himself not to do this, Damon kept walking along the sidewalk in the dark, waiting for prey to find him. A figure began to take shape in the in the darkness. It was small, but it was clearly not a child. "Perfect" he thought maliciously. And whoever it was, they were coming towards him. He couldn't see their face, but he didn't care. Thirst overpowered curiosity, at that point, and all he could focus on was human blood. Taking advantage of his enhanced vampire abilities, he ran so that he was behind the small girl, capturing her shoulders in his hands from behind. He heard her scream and jump in his iron grasp. His canines extended, and he began to incline his head to the girl's neck.
"Damon!" she screamed.
He didn't know how she knew his name, but he didn't care. Something clicked in his brain, then; her voice was familiar. Much too familiar, but he ignored every sense in his body telling him to stop and prepared to bite into her neck.
"Damon, stop, please! It's me! It's Bonnie!"
Bonnie. Bonnie. BONNIE! The man in Damon overpowered the monster, as he realized why her voice was so familiar, why she smelled so good, and why something inside him was telling him to stop. His grip on Bonnie's shoulders loosened, and she spun to face him, her big, heart melting tear-filled eyes fixing on Damon's, and he let go of her completely. Damon was disgusted with himself. Had he really just almost attacked Bonnie? Has he really just almost killed Bonnie? He waited for her to scream again, run, or both, but she didn't move. She just stood there, with no anger or accusation on her face, only sadness. Instead of getting angry with him, she simply reached out and touched his face. It drove him crazy how his skin tingled at her warm touch. Her palm just rested on his cheek for a few moments, and her eyes burned into his with an incredible intensity. It only made him feel more regret for what he had almost done.
Bonnie
"This isn't you, Damon." Bonnie said, removing her hand from his face.
"Your wrong about me. I'm a hunter. You can't change who I am." Damon stated flatly.
Bonnie saw the walls going up around his soul again; the walls that kept everyone out. She desperately wanted him to see what she was trying to tell her. She had every urge to go up to him and kiss him again, and remind him once again of how amazing he was and tell him that she still cared about him, but she couldn't.
"I—" she started, but didn't know what to say, and had to try again. "Damon, I don't want to change you. I like you just the way you are. I only want to help you see that you don't need to be this person, because this isn't you." Damon's deep blue eyes were barely visible in the darkness, but Bonnie strained to see them, yearning for some hint that he didn't truly believe that he was a monster. His eyes, and her psychic senses, told her nothing.
"Why do you care? You don't want me for anything. You kissed me, and then you pushed me away, and now that I think about it, that's pretty close to what Katherine did. I can see how you two are related, because you're just like her." Damon practically hissed the last three words.
Bonnie had so much she wanted to say, but the sting of what he had said buried the words. The last thing she had wanted was this. Beneath all the anger, Bonnie saw that there she had caused him pain, and enough that he was actually comparing her to Katherine. She could feel tears forming in her eyes, but she knew that crying wouldn't help at all. But what could she do to help him? For once, did she have nothing that she could say to him to make him feel better? Would telling him the honest truth even fix what she had done this time? Bonnie decided that she had to try.
"If you think I don't want you…" she trailed off. Now she knew what to say, she just couldn't form the words—no, feelings—into a sentence. She had to come up with something fast. Damon turned his back on her and walked away. She could see him now, because he had stepped into the pool of light outside the Lockwood's house, but she could only see the back of his leather jacket as he walked farther and farther away from her. "Damon!" she called out desperately. His step faltered slightly before continuing, but he was walking slower now. She took a deep breath before she spoke.
"Damon, the only reason I said those things was because I didn't want Elena to feel like I lied to her or betrayed her. I didn't think she would understand." He had come to a complete stop now but hadn't turned around. "And I still think that it might take a while if I tried to make her see everything. Elena would freak out." His head was tilted up, like he was looking at the stars, still unmoving on the sidewalk. She was just grateful that he was listening to her, so she continued. "But I'm going to tell her, and she's going to have to deal with it because…" Bonnie closed her eyes. "Because I've never felt this way about anyone else before." Opening her eyes, she saw that he was turned around now, looking at her. For a moment, she thought she saw in his eyes what she had seen the previous night; the look of longing and caring that he wore so well on his face. For a moment, she thought he was going to do what she wanted him to do so badly; to walk back to her and kiss her hold her in his strong arms, and tell her that he wasn't angry with her, but he didn't. Instead, he did the last thing she expected him to do. There was a rush of wind, and he was gone.
"Damon?" Bonnie said, almost in tears again. "Don't go, Damon." She called into the darkness, hoping he was still close enough to hear her, but it was no use. He was gone.
"Bonnie? Are you alright?" Bonnie turned toward the house, to see Elena standing on the porch. This wasn't how she wanted to tell Elena, but how much had Elena heard? Certainly, Damon would have heard if Elena had come outside. Was that why he had left?
"I'm okay." Bonnie said, but her voice cracked at the end and it gave her away. Elena ran over to her, wrapping her arms around her comfortingly as Bonnie shook with sobs.
"And he just left?" Elena spoke for the first time since Bonnie had begun the explanation about her and Damon. When they got home from Tyler's party, Bonnie had decided that it was time to tell the truth to her about everything, especially since the odds of her and Damon ever being anything more than friends—if they could even be friends—didn't look so great after tonight.
"Yes. I don't know why, maybe he just heard you coming and left." Bonnie shrugged.
"I can't believe him." Elena growled.
"Don't be mad at him."
"I have every right to be mad at him! He nearly killed you, and then he was a jerk to you. But what I really can't believe is that you actually have feelings for him. For Damon." Elena shook her head once, disbelieving.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But it doesn't even matter anymore, if he felt the same way about me he would have told me."
"You never know, with Damon." Elena mumbled. Bonnie looked up at her confusedly.
"What are you saying?" Bonnie asked.
"I'm saying that he might be hiding what he's actually feeling." Despite herself, a small thrill of excitement coursed through Bonnie when Elena propositioned this, but the irony that Elena was encouraging the concept of Damon feeling more for her than bloodlust snapped her back into reality.
"And what if he is?" Bonnie asked suspiciously.
"Bonnie," Elena began, reaching across the table to pat Bonnie's hand. "You're my best friend, and I want you to be happy. From what you've told me, it seems like he really does care about you. In fact, you might even be a good influence on him." Elena shrugged. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but, if Damon makes you happy, and you really are determined to change him, then I think you should try." Elena's look of encouragement and warmth faded abruptly. "If he tries anything with you, though, I'll have a stake through his—"
"Alright, I think I'm going to bed now." Bonnie laughed.
"Well, we can talk about it in the morning." Elena said.
"Okay." With that, Bonnie placed her coffee mug in the dishwasher and brushed her teeth, before turning out the bedroom light and climbing under the covers. That's when the nightmare started again.
Damon
Damon was determined to make things right. He couldn't believe himself. After thinking about Bonnie all day, and then hearing her tell him that she actually meant something by that kiss from last night…it should have made him happy. No, it should have made him grab her right then and there and kiss her passionately. That's what he wanted to do. He decided that he might as well accept that he had genuine feelings for her now, because no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, she was always in his thoughts.
This was what led him to be sitting on her bedside, gently caressing her cheek as she slept. He wanted so much to kiss her again, and those adorable pink lips were tempting, but he resisted. He was content just being next to her, watching her in the peaceful state of sleep. It wasn't long before she began to stir. Damon frowned when he noticed her whimpering softly in her sleep. He knew that it was probably just a bad dream, but he didn't like seeing her in discomfort. Soon, the whimpers became short, quick gasps, and she turned back and forth, tangling the sheets around her. She was clearly in distress, and then began mumbling words that Damon couldn't make out. It was the first actual words that he could understand that pushed him over the edge.
"Stop! Don't hurt him!" Bonnie cried, thrashing around in her bed.
"Bonnie! Bonnie, wake up." Damon said, shaking her gently. She shot up in bed with a wild gasp, and stifled a scream when she saw the dark figure perched lightly on the side of her bed. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she knew who it was.
"Damon?" Bonnie whimpered, the tears from her dream still running down her face.
"Yes, it's me. Look, I know your probably wondering why I'm here, but—" but Bonnie wasn't wondering why he was there, she was only grateful, because she was terrified of whatever that thing was in her dream, that was hurting everyone she cared about.
"Oh, Damon! It was horrible. It was hurtingyou, Damon!" Bonnie blubbered desperately. "And it was more than just a dream, I can feel it. It was a premonition."
"Bonnie, what's wrong? Tell me everything." He sat down next to her on the bed and put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes for a long, painful moment, before bursting into tears again. Bonnie buried her face into his chest and he clutched her small body to him, cradling her like a child. "Shh." He whispered in her ear over and over again, running his fingers through her long, beautiful hair in an effort to calm her down.
"You're safe, I'm right here. Nobody is going to hurt you." He promised her. Once she finally lifted her head, she told him.
"It wasn't trying to hurt me, it wanted you. It wanted to kill you, and it was much more powerful than you and Stefan put together. But wait a second—you're here! I thought you were made at me." Damon couldn't help but smile at the way her childlike eyes lit up, and how she changed her mood so quickly.
"No, I'm not mad at you." He said, and he moved so that he was no longer touching her. "Look, I was a jerk earlier. I didn't mean any of the stuff that I said. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, you were just angry." Bonnie said, the tears drying on her face. Damon just shook his head.
"That's no excuse. I only left because I heard Elena coming, and--" he stopped, reminding himself once again that he was talking to Bonnie, and he couldn't lie to her. Well, he could, but she wouldn't believe him. "I left because I was confused. I was so sure that I could just avoid seeing you after this morning, but it didn't work out that way. All day, you were all I could think about, and then when you told me that you had feelings for me, I didn't know what to do, so I just…left." By the end of his monologue, Damon felt even worse than he had before. What would she think of him now, now that he had openly admitted to literally running away from his problems?
Bonnie
"Damon, you don't have to apologize." Bonnie mumbled, concentrating on the loose thread of the blanket that she was fiddling with in her hands. "I understand that I hurt you, and if you hate me now, then I completely get it."
"I don't hate you." Damon said, running a hand through his silky dark hair. He waited for an endless moment, looking like he was about to say something he didn't want to admit. "I like you, Bonnie. I like you a lot. I don't know where it came from, and it's a little disorienting, but I do like you. There's something about you that's really special. "
Bonnie was shocked. She couldn't believe that all of this was coming from Damon. Damon, who, upon first meeting her, had threatened her life. Damon, who showed no compassion or caring to anyone. But, it was also Damon whose personality had captivated her from when her family first told her about him. Damon, who she had felt such a strong connection with when she had kissed him. Damon, who, despite the bad things that he claimed to be, was truly amazing.
"And the only reason I didn't tell you earlier today, was because I didn't want to go through it again. I didn't want to go through the pain…" Damon's voice faltered. Bonnie just kept shaking her head, disbelieving, as she laced her fingers through his.
"You don't have to go through any more pain, Damon." Bonnie told him softly, and it came out as almost a whisper. Without any more words, he kissed her softly.
The kiss started off gentle. Bonnie wrapped her arms around his neck, and his hands found her waist. She could feel the connection again, and it was enough to make her dizzy, but Bonnie found herself wanting more. She took control of the kiss, pressing Damon onto the bed, and welcoming his cool tongue into her mouth. A low moan came from his throat, and Bonnie could feel his tenuous hold on self-control flickering. They kissed for what seemed like hours, but it was only minutes before Damon pulled away abruptly, looking a bit flustered.
"I'm really not good at this, you know." Damon admitted.
"At what? Kissing? Oh you are, believe me." Bonnie said nervously.
"No, not that." Damon chuckled. "I meant the whole...well…feelings thing. It's not something I'm used to and—" Damon was cut off as Bonnie kissed him again, but more softly this time.
"I guess I should go now." Damon sighed reluctantly after a few minutes.
"No, stay." Bonnie pleaded.
"What would Elena think if she found me in your room tomorrow morning? I highly doubt she would be as kind about it as you were." Damon said, a mischievous glint in his eyes, but he lowered himself back down to the bed and Bonnie rolled onto her side to face him.
"I told her everything already." Bonnie admitted. Damon looked surprised.
"How did that go over?"
"Surprisingly well, not that I think she actually approves yet. That may take a while."
"I've got all the time in the world." Damon said, flashing a brilliant smile, before a serious look came across his face. "By the way, the thing I said about you being like Katherine, I didn't mean it."
"Oh." Bonnie said softly, feeling disappointed even though she knew that it was ridiculous.
"What's wrong?"
"Well, when you said that I was just like Katherine, I was a little hurt but I was also kind of glad." Bonnie admitted.
"Glad?" Damon repeated incredulously.
"Well, you said that she was really beautiful, sexy, and charming. I guess I was a little flattered to be compared to her." Bonnie felt very silly and embarrassed, and was looking down at the pillow beneath her. Damon began to chuckle.
"Bonnie, you're—" Damon paused, tilting her chin up with his finger. "You are beautiful, sexy, and charming. But you're also more than that. You're kind, caring, and you could bring out the best in anybody. Even me." She shifted so that they were in a more comfortable position. They were still lying on the bed next to each other, so she rested her head on his shoulder comfortingly.
"Damon, will you stay with me tonight?" Bonnie repeated, widening her eyes pleadingly. She had already asked the question, but he hadn't ever said that he would stay.
"I don't think that that's such a good—"
"Please, I keep having these awful nightmares, and I would feel so much better if you were here." Damon stared at her for a long moment, before giving in.
"Alright." He resigned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
Bonnie smiled and closed her eyes, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. It wasn't long before she fell asleep, and never once did a nightmare creep into her mind. Even in sleep, her subconscious mind was aware that he was next to her the whole night.
Okay, well, this chapter started a lot of things. What's going to happen with Damon and Bonnie? What's with the psychic dreams?
Vampire Diaries returns tomorrow! Who else is insanely excited?!
