June 28th (Day 3, Night)

Mulan lies in the bed of her room. Darkness surrounds her and she breathes it in. She clasps her hands over her stomach as she stares at the bare ceiling and listens to the high pitched silence. She sits up to the pitter-patter, before the floor creaks and the fire is lit. "Oh, Mushu. It's you."

Mushu climbs onto the white bed, "And who are you exactly?"

Mulan pauses only for a moment, "It's me. Mushu, you know me."

Mushu stands with his arms crossed, "No. I'm rather sure I don't know you." He uncrosses his arms, only to bring them up and point his hands out at her, "You're always just pretending to be something you're not." His voice saddens, "I just want to get to know you. Why won't you let me?"

Mulan shakes her head with sorrow and irritation, "What are you talking about? Just this afternoon you told me to act and dress the part."

"Yes, but there's a difference between acting and being," Mushu raises his hands again. "and when you're here, alone with me, I want you to feel like you can be yourself and just tell me anything."

Mulan's at a loss for words, but then she remembers the army. She shakes her head, "But you do know me. We all shared a tent for three years. You should know me fairly well by now."

Mushu begins to cry, "I know I should, but I don't. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You're always trying to be something you're not. Many times, even when we were only in the tents, you were still just trying to be someone else. You were just acting all the time." He gives a quick smile, "Don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're so great at pretending to be something," His smile fades. "but I never got to know you the way I should have." Mulan's rather annoyed but doesn't know what to say. "I want to get to know you, Mulan. When I'm the only one around I don't want you to feel like you have to be quiet or size up to other soldiers."

Mulan's jaw gapes with anger, "But that was me. I wasn't acting. You know me."

Mushu shakes his head, "See. This is what I'm talking about. You're so good at acting you even believe it yourself." Mulan sees hope within his eyes. "It's time to just let this go. You're not a soldier anymore. You're a bride, and if you want to impress Shang, then you need to work on that."

Mulan stands from the bed in frustration, "I'm done with this." She looks back before leaving, "I don't care if you can't accept me. I'm accepting me, and for your information Shang doesn't mind." She leaves the room and begins out of the house, while ignoring the comment she doesn't comprehend.

The wind's howling covers her cries and the cold air freezes the tears to her cheeks. Why don't they understand? Why can't they just pay attention and realize who I am? This is me... how could they— How could Mushu think anything different, and how could he possibly think anyone could put on such an act for such a long time? This isn't an act. This is me.

Mulan goes through the stone arch and forwards herself to the white bridge, as rain drizzles down the memory of her song. It was a sad attempt to let people know I had a problem... I felt like it was the only way they would listen, not that they actually did. Mulan looks over at the magnolia tree and pictures the time her father sat there with her. He had tried to use the late bud of that summer as a symbol of how I will bloom as a bride in time. I didn't know what to say, so I only smiled. I really had hoped that I could become the perfect bride, the perfect daughter, but deep down I knew that wouldn't be possible and I feared they would blame it on a lack of trying. She looks down at her reflection and becomes numb. I'm tired of this. Mushu's right about one thing; I can't keep pretending to be something I'm not, and I can't keep worrying about what other people will think. I have to do this for me.

Mulan observes her features through the blue tank top and cotton shorts. Even with a lack of fat, her curves and small shoulders stick out, but she's glad to notice her army training has increased her arm muscles and decreased her chest size. Mulan's about to turn away, realizing it's not enough, but as the cold rain drops harder the image in the water distorts into Ping. You know what you have to do.

Mulan looks up the hill at the six-sided temple, before she crosses the bridge and climbs the stone stairs. She enters reluctantly, remembering how horrible they treated her last time. She tries to light an incense, but the wind immediately blows it out. Kneeling down, she forgets about it and begins the prayer. "Ancestors, I beg you to listen. I have prayed to you for years, begging things to change. I realize now, things have changed," She remembers what Shang told her. "and that I have changed, but it's not enough." She pauses only for a moment, "No one in my family is acting like anything has changed, and when they see change they reject it." A tear would have run down her face if her cheeks didn't still burn from the headache of the last cry. "They reject me, and I'm just not sure how much longer I can put up with it for." Mulan hears something in the distance and turns to see her mother holding a lantern out in the sleet. She turns back to the tombstones, "Please, ancestors, just let something change. Let me just be me." She takes a dizzy breath, "Let me be me, and let my family accept it."

"Mulan," She hears her mother scream through the hollering wind.

Mulan whispers, short of breath, "Let my family accept me for who I am."

"Mulan," The voice is closer now, but Mulan isn't able to turn around. The last thing she sees is the cold floor, "Mulan." before her eyes flutter open to her mother standing above her bed. She sees her mother's condescending look, "It's about time. Wake up."

"For what?" Mulan shakes her head from the grogginess.

"My husband brought to my attention that if you haven't learned how to be a woman yet, then someone is going to have to teach you." Mulan looks up, hoping that her mother is only joking on some level, but she knows before their eyes even meet that only a stern expression will be seen.

"What do you want me to do?" Great start at getting them to know and accept me. You idiot.

She sees a smile grow upon her mother's face. "First off, get dressed in proper clothes and without binding. I will expect you in the sitting room."

When her mother leaves Mulan comments aloud, "Fine. I was getting sore anyway." She sits up as Mushu comes out of hiding and watches as he climbs the bed. This looks familiar.

Mushu responds, "Well, that's awfully nice of her. Maybe if she offered you help before you ran off, then I— I mean you— wouldn't be in the predicament you're in now."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mulan had meant for it to be more influential, but it only comes out as a whisper. Her stomach growls loudly for once, but it is ignored.

"Nothing. It's nothing." His voice raises with excitement, "Well, come on now. Stand up and get dressed, before she comes back in here." Mulan looks around, really paying attention to her environment for the first time since she woke. Her room looks slightly distorted, and it's hard for her to focus on her surroundings. If she didn't know better, and if she had never experienced this before, then she would probably just think her sight is fading, but she knows that's not the case. She pushes a hand down on the bed to stand and slowly makes her way to the wardrobe. It's hard for her to distinguish which dress pieces go with which, but she makes up for it by sorting by color. However, the bright fabrics don't help her mild dizziness. "Are you alright?"

Mulan twists her head in confusion, "Oh, yeah. I'm— I'm alright."

"Really, because you don't look well." He pauses as he notices Mulan finally take out an outfit, before he turns away, "When was the last time you ate?"

It takes a moment for Mulan to respond, as she had forgotten how to put the dress on again. When did I eat last? This morning? "I'll eat later." She puts the blue dress on, "I can only imagine what disaster Mother has planned."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad."

Mulan sluggishly brushes through her hair and has to take the hair off her brush twice in order to finish. She slowly replies, "Oh. I'm sure it's going to be bad." as she puts the rolled up balls of hair into the fireplace.

Mushu comments, "Awe. No, it won't. You're just looking at it wrong."

"How should I look at it?" Mulan puts the brush away and shuts the wardrobe doors.

Mushu turns around, "Well, for starters, instead of thinking of these lessons as her trying to change you just think of it as gaining an extra set of skills."

Mulan takes a long breath and realizes the extra air helps with the dizziness, "Alright. I'm ready, so I'm going to the sitting room." She takes another long breath, "I guess."

Mushu responds with energy and strength, "Don't be discouraged. I have faith in you. I know you can do this."

Mulan slightly shakes her head, "Right." as she slowly walks out the door, but the word comes out as a whisper and she knows it won't be heard. She continues to walk to the sitting room, but it's not long before her mother is seen in the hallway.

"There you are." Her mother is clearly in a hurry. "Come on. Follow me." There's only a second of a pause before her mother asks, "What took you so long?"

Mulan stumbles her words, "I forgot how to put the dress on."

Her mother shakes her head, "You could have just stayed quiet. You didn't have to make up an excuse." There's silence as Mulan tries to process what was said.

"But I—" Her words are cut off as she's shushed by her mother.

They make it into the sitting room and Fa Li turns around, "I don't want to hear it. You have worn dresses your entire life. There's no way I'm going to believe you forgot how to put one on."

"But, Mama." She's shushed again, except this time with a finger pointed at her.

Mulan stays quiet and her mother smiles, "I thought we would start out with something easy— walking— which also happens to be the first thing people will judge when they see you."

Mulan's mouth opens in shock, "But, Mama. I—"

"None of your excuses." Mulan looks down at her clasped hands in worry and anticipation. "Now, walk slowly with each foot stepping in front of the other." Mulan begins, swinging each foot carefully out and in front of the other one. "Wait."

Mulan looks up at her mother's hand rubbing her forehead. What could I have done wrong now?

Her mother puts the hand down and takes a calming breath, "Keep your feet close together at all times." Mulan thinks about saying something but doesn't in the fear of being ridiculed again. She begins to walk with her feet closer together but forgets to walk one line. She fixes this and puts one foot in front of the other, before her mother can yell at her. However, her pace is even slower than it was before, as she keeps feeling her foot hitting the back of her other shoe. "Men want girls who work fast pace, so walk faster," her mother commands. Mulan begins to walk faster, but trips-up only after a few steps. "What happened?" Fa Li doesn't give time for her daughter to respond, "Who are you?"

The question was rhetorical and only dealt in frustration, but Mulan feels the need to answer it anyway. She only remembers the distorted reflection in her dream, "I— I'm Mulan."

Fa Li stands still, not blinking, "You hesitated." That's the problem. She still thinks she's... oh, who was she pretending to be? Ah, never mind. It's not important. "Who are you?" This time the question is dealt with strength and criticism.

"Mu-lan." She ran out of breath halfway through it, but it goes unnoticed.

"And what are you?"

"A girl," Mulan answers, flustered.

She sees her mother shake her head, "No. You're a woman." The term makes her feel a little sick. "You're old enough to bear children, so you're a woman." Mulan darts her eyes to the floor, trying to remember the last time she had an expected reminder of that fact, but she doesn't. "What is it?"

Mulan's slight smile drops and she replies, "Nothing." in a startled tone, but tries not to give anything away. I can't let them know.

"Right. Well, that's enough for tonight." Fa Li hears her daughter's stomach growl. "When was the last time you ate?" Fa Li had yelled, but she's genuinely concerned.

"Ah." Mulan's memory from the day is foggy, and she only remembers Shang leaving. She takes a breath and clears her throat before answering more certain than she is, "This morning."

Fa Li shakes her head, "Eat and then go straight to sleep." She turns around and strides out of the room, leaving Mulan alone.


- So, I don't know what I accidentally saw/read when I scrolled down to see the length, but whatever it was must not have been what I thought since the chapter wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Or, well, you know what I mean. Fa Li wasn't as cruel as I thought she would be. Anyway, what's the next chapter? "Prayers Granted"? I don't remember what that's about at all, but I'll probably remember when I start editing it. Let me just take a moment to thank everyone who's gotten this far. I know my stories can get a bit long, so anyone who's dedicated enough to pursue them despite length has my appreciation.