A/N: The next few chapters are going to go through his days at the school and then to life outside of school. I hope its not too boring : )
It felt like forever in this place and as the days went by it became more weird. I met a girl at one of the school dances. It was similar to what a prom would be like. Except at this prom I would have asked Jasper instead of going alone. Her name was Jessie Isabella Hamilton and she sort of looked like Bella in ways but non-similar in others. She wore glasses and was very quiet. I could tell she liked me on how much she followed me that night. I had to avoid her as much as possible. It was like I was stuck in an alternate universe,
I also tried to dodge that Corey guy as much as possible. From what I knew he hadn't told any one the fact that I could be gay. He stared at me often when I did see him though. He would be the closest look alike to Jasper that I probably could ever find. I'm surprised I hadn't noticed before. When he wasn't looking I would stare back.
He was originally from Florida so his voice had a slight drawl and as deep. His hair was just like Jasper's, style and color. His eyes were so bright they popped. A nice blue hue that could leave any girl breathless, or guy for that matter. He was very muscular. When some of the students played basketball out on the court he always took off his shirt. I admired his sinewy figure from afar. God had to put him here to torture me for what I had done.
Today was tag football and I wasn't in the mood for playing. The moment I saw my room mate, Blake, I knew he would ask. They needed one more member. I sighed and put down my book. It held my phone in it secretly. I would carry it around all the time hoping that I would get a call that never came.
"Hey bro, wanna play?" He motioned towards the team.
"Who's side am I on?" I asked, eyeing the J.H. wanna-be.
"Mine of course." He chuckled, turning to see who I was staring down.
"I'm in." Time to kick some ass.
We were up by seven points and I was sure we weren't going to be losing. I ran ahead for the ball, yelling "I'm open." One more touchdown and it would end the game. I jumped up, caught the ball, and ran as fast as I could. I was almost there when a blur crashed into me. The pain was unbelievable due to no padding. I rolled with the idiot, groaning as my ribs began to ache. I was forced flat on my back, my head colliding with the soft dirt.
I blinked my sight back into focus. Corey was on top of me, looking in my face. I growled and tossed him off me roughly, ignoring that I had a boner. A fact that didn't go past his notice. By the time the others caught up to us it was gone.
"Shit. What the hell Corey?" Blake went up to him and pushed him. Corey's hands went up backing down. "This isn't real football."
"I wasn't thinking." He explained scratching his head.
"Do you ever?" Blake rolled his eyes, grabbing my hand to pull me up. I dusted my clothing off, a bit annoyed that my fairly new outfit was now ruined. I gave dumb fuck a death glare and stormed off forgetting my book behind.
Snatching the towel off the rack, I scrubbed my hair, still in pissed off mode. I slammed the door to the bathroom with a huff. I hated that mother fucker. I eyed my side and noticed a bruise springing up across my ribs. If I could punch that mop-headed freak I would. After my hair was dry I started on my body. I didn't even take the time to realize that some one else was in the room.
"Yo. You could cover that beast up." I froze whipping a towel around my nakedness.
"That better not be who I think it is. If so, get the hell out before I get kicked out of this place." I grounded out, my fists clenching.
He snorted in laughter. "Calm down man. I was just returning your book and phone." I turned to face him then. I must have forgotten it on the field. I looked at him apologetically until I realized he was going through my things.
"What the hell? What are you looking at?" I rushed to my bed but Corey quickly got up, playing keep away.
"Ooh man, he's hot. What's his name?" He skittered to my left.
"Jasper. Now give my goddamn phone back." I lunged for him again and this time he yanked off my towel while ducking. He dangled my phone and towel out and laughed like a school girl. "Fucking crazy fag." At that he stopped and frowned. I took that time to snatch both items. "Got you." I hissed, re-wrapping it around my waist. I watched him sit on my bed, head dangling. His shoulders slightly shaking. What just happened? I sat next to him. "Shit, look I'm sorry, I just knew you would give me back my stuff if I said that."
I sighed. It was sad. I couldn't even bear to hurt the Jasper look alike. That was why I was really so mad. He reminded me of him, yet Corey was so much bolder. Just as that thought crossed my mind he turned and kissed me. My eyes opened wider as his full warm lips slid over mine. I hadn't kissed any one since⦠The pressure roughened and before I knew it I was being straddled by the guy as his tongue plundered my mouth. I wasn't even sure why my tongue started playing along. A small moan escaped his mouth as my lips finally responded. His hand clenched in my hair. I hated the fact that I got an erection when my mind was screaming for me to end this shit. I could feel his probing my stomach when he shifted his hips, humping me.
I was stunned when we broke apart and Corey ripped his shirt over his head. He had the same skin tone and muscle definition as Jasper. Fuck. Me. I came undone. Grabbing the back of his neck , I pulled him in for another kiss. His hands were under my towel, massaging just below my towel line. I shouldn't be doing this now, my mind tried to reason. My lip was sucked into the other party's mouth. I growled and turning, threw him on the bed. He bounced slightly, but I watched as he shimmied out of his pants. He went commando. I smirked.
My penis was straining against the somewhat tight cotton confines and I tossed it aside. I realized it had been far too long since I had a warm body. I wanted to feel someone under me, writhing, begging me for more, saying how much they want me, and most of all, loving what I was doing to them. Or maybe loving me. I cringed. It was just sex. I watched him rip open a condom he must have pulled from his pants pocket before lowering them.
I took it from him and hastily sheathed myself in the slick rubber. I draped myself over him once again and resumed our passionate kissing. He made me hate him even more when I caught the bliss on his face. His moan vibrated in my mouth. Our aching penises rubbed together. What was I doing? Was I that much of a man whore that when the first guy to show me a bit of attention came along I would jump his bones? Jasper was so right about me.
It felt good though. To be needed. Jasper did not need me and this guy, Corey, he did and I barely had a few conversations with him. My heart ached. I couldn't do this. Sensing my hesitation I felt warm hands grip my ass and legs wrap around my waist. Jesus. Too long, too long. I was pushed and pulled in a rhythm against his pre-cumming member. His head tossed back in a gasp. His lip was between his teeth and in that moment I saw Jasper.
"Fuck." I scooted back, trying to untangle myself. "I can't."
Furiously the boys eyes popped open. "You just wasted my condom. I could have used it on someone else you know. I only have five left!" I was being used. What remained of my hard on dissipated. "You are gay right?" I shrugged. "Just get on with it."
Before I realized it I had deposited him outside butt-naked with his used condom and his clothing. I heard him running off before he was seen. Tears brimmed in my eyes. So I had officially traded places with Jasper. Going to the closet, I snatched out a pair of pajama pants. After putting them on, I flopped down on my back on the bed. I hate you, I inwardly said to my penis. And with a growl I turned over and tried to get sleep.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
"Engph" I moaned, rolling to grab my phone. Where the hell was it.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
I heard Blake groan on the other side of the room. I ran my hand over my face before searching the floor. I patted down the side before reaching under it.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Found it. Flipping it open I read the text.
Bro, been shit with out you. Call me sometime. Alice misses you. Rose and I broke up. Found out Jasper is at a rehab clinic for spinal injuries. Call me fucker. I need some brotherly love and not that homo stuff. - Em
I snickered. You're going to have to wait. I pulled the cover over my head and slept.
Morning came too soon. It felt like I had just blinked and it was time to get up. I rolled over to find Blake already awake and dressed. He was texting on his phone with a stupid grin on his face. I snickered. Whoever he was talking to was lighting up his life, I quickly scanned over his noticeable hard on, in both accounts. He shifted subconsciously into a new position, throwing his pillow over himself. I audibly laughed then and he cast me a glare which caused me to throw my hands up as I stood.
He smirked back at me, and I shook my head still slightly cracking up as I entered the restroom. I relieved myself and then washed my hands. I started thinking about yesterday. If that happened to me today, I don't think I could say no. I sighed, my will was waning.
I didn't bother taking a shower since I took one last night. After staring in the mirror, which felt like for ages, I opened the medicine cabinet and took out my toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, and floss. I was very anal about my teeth now. Probably stress.
After finishing up, I went and grabbed some clothes. Blake was already gone, so I just stripped and got dressed there. I slipped on my shoes, and ran my fingers through my hair. Another day of hell. I grabbed my books and headed down for breakfast.
The food was oddly good today. I sat across from carrot-top head again. He averted his gaze and I shoved some scrambled egg in my mouth. I detested him more now than I did the other day. He reminded me so much of Jasper it was seriously starting to piss me off. I wanted to flatten his face into the pavement outside.
Blake noticed our eye war and nudged me.
"What's up with you two?" He whispered.
I shrugged. "I just hate that guy."
"Heh, yeah, we used to be friends until he tried to get with my girlfriend." I snickered. That guy was so gay. No way did he even like chicks.
"That's messed up."
"It was. We all used to be best friends back home. He lived with my family because he came from an abusive home and my family fostered kids. Until my dad was murdered anyway. After that we were both sent here by my Mother. She was a bitch apparently. Had me fooled. I can't wait to get out of this incarcerated state." He sighed and I kind of felt bad for him. His thoughts were undoubtedly taking him down memory lane.
"My dad sent me here. He thought that he could erase me from his memory if I were away. You have any siblings?"
"Yup. A bunch." His voice was saddened a bit.
"They here too?"
"Nope." I left him alone after that.
"And that is why gay marriage is an abomination." Collin stated after he read his report.
"Maybe that sweater your mother made you is an abomination." I chimed in, feeling some what irritated as to what he was saying. A few people laughed at him and he glared at me.
"Well class, lets open this up into a debate shall we. Collin you presented your facts well about why gay marriage isn't right with God. Any one else?" Mr. Hunter smiled. I hated this Bible 12 class.
I raised my hand. The teacher nodded.
"I feel some people hold the Traditional view simply because it is just that, traditional. Church tradition can be wrong whether you think so or not."
"God's word is never wrong." Collin huffed. Jesus-freak.
"Astronomers challenged the traditional interpretations of 1 Chronicles 16:30 and Psalm 104:5. Tradition also thought that interracial relationships were wrong. But they aren't."
"Our bodies were designed for heterosexuality. We have to procreate." He quipped. "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve nor Amanda and Eve!"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not arguing that he created us with heterosexuality in mind. I'm just saying does that really mean that using our bodies in any other way is wrong? God designed us to talk, to hear, to see. There are plenty of people who are deaf. They use sign language to communicate. Our hands were not primarily supposed to be used for that and I doubt any of you would see that as wrong. If we went by that basis nothing would be right. If anything becomes sinful because it wasn't designed for that then we would be still walking around and not using bicycles or cars. As far as procreation, what about couples who can't have children due to being infertile. Is that sinful? Sex is meant to be enjoyed because it bonds you 1 Corinthians 6:16." I smirked. "Also, doesn't it say some where in the bible that 'thou shalt not pass judgment'?" The look on the boys face was priceless.
"Are you coming out to the class Edward?" Collin lashed out. Every one gasped besides Blake who just laughed at his psychoanalysis.
"Are you?" I said pissed off. "You're the one promoting gay hate bullshit which is not even what a godly person as yourself should be doing. It makes me wonder if you have some self hate issues going on. Like the fact that you wear that polka dot tie and clean crisp white shirt with a green sweater vest. Now that's the real atrocity here!" Every one snickered. OK heh, maybe that was a little coming out. Great one Ed, talk about his clothing choices.
"Edward, Dean's office. Now. You can not use that kind of language here." The teacher sternly stated. I could tell he was taking the other boys side.
"Whatever. I really don't give a shit. I didn't want to be in this fucking class anyway. FUCK THIS SCHOOL!"
I grabbed my books and stormed out the room, slamming the door behind me. Maybe what he had said really was getting to me. I accepted for once, truly accepted that I was gay. I closed my eyes against the onslaught of Jasper and I and how I messed it all up by denying that fact. I had to get home soon and make it right.
"Come in." The Dean ushered me inside and I watched him take a seat. "Mr. Cullen, I have called your father and informed him of what happened today and he told us to throw the book at you. I for one, do not believe in those tactics." He smiled at me, leaning forward and folding his hands together. "But I do not believe in insubordination either." His smile faded.
"Yes, sir." I shifted nervously.
"A weeks worth of activities will be taken away and you will have more chores than normal. You will have window washing added to your trash duties for your hall." Is that it? I almost laughed. "Also, you will have to stay in your room after hours unless it is study group times. At all times. I know you have had a few months with us, but I am trying to show you some leniency here. Please do not disappoint me." My face fell. "Also, hand over your cell phone."
"I don't have a cell phone, sir." I blatantly lied.
"Mr. Cullen, I've seen you checking it. I wasn't going to say anything because I wanted to believe you would prosper but keeping you connected to your home life is causing problems here. Now please, before I have to do anything else, hand me your cell phone. You have one more month left with us. Make it a happy one." He held his hand out.
With out a word I reached in my pocket and retrieved it but then a thought flew through my head.
"Sir, may I just text my mom and let her know I will no longer have my phone?" He nodded. "Thank you."
Em, get me the fuck out of here. Figure out a way. This is fucking prison. - Ed
I powered down my phone and handed it to him. In turn, he placed it in his desk.
"You may go now."
My head hung low as I stood up. My will had just snapped and I was close to tears. That was the last thing I had that was even remotely close to Jasper. I hadn't heard from his mother in quite a while but she could call. I mean, right? Maybe I should just let it go and face the fact that he's no longer interested. I sighed and walked somberly to my room.
Ending A/N. Nooooooow Review plz! And here is a new chapter preview. I don't know why but I like doing these things! Do you dislike or like?
It had been a week since I had sent that text to Emmett and every day since I packed up my things every night in hopes he could spring me. I waited up all night just to see a car wind up the road, but every time I was met only with darkness. I tried to tell myself it would get better. Regardless, I knew it was inevitable that my depression was coming. I had three more weeks of this hell hole. Phone less, privilege less, loveless, boring existence. I scrubbed the windows, watching the sudsy water drip down in rivulets. My tears flowed just as freely. It was one of the few times I have ever cried in public.
It was odd how strong I was, yet how weak I could be when I didn't have power. This horrendous time in my life was giving me incredible insight about myself. I fucked up. I always fucked up. I messed up my home life because I was being stubborn. Carlisle deserved everything that I had told him, and much more, but couldn't I have waited? Honestly, I would have moved out in a couple of months. What really was even keeping me there? I had a tiny amount of money, I could have left. I was starting to realize I could possibly love the self-torture.
I was hurting myself because I never let myself grieve. I missed my mother so very much. She had been everything to me. The world was better for her being in it. She was the most sweetest and kindest person I had ever known and she had left me. It wasn't her fault really, she was ill. I should just accept that and move on. I stayed bitter and corrupted myself; and my heart, Jasper. She didn't want to leave me, I know she didn't.
I began drying off the window and my tears, letting the sun shine through. It was a bright day today, and I smiled. In a way, washing this window was a symbol for my life. It was dirty, blocking life's essence, and all I had to do was clean it up, and everything would be good again. I chuckled, I was so gay. I was getting in touch with my feminine side for sure with all these emotional quips.
"What are you laughing at Cullen?" Collin said, kicking my bucket of water, sloshing some onto the carpet before I picked it up.
"Bite me." I said simply as I moved it down the hall to the next window.
"I believe that is something you would like for your boyfriend to do, correct?" He sarcastically flung at me. I gritted my teeth. For fucks sake, this Jesus freak was annoying.
"Nope. I don't have a boyfriend."
He smiled. "I'm quite sure. Well, there is another more urgent job for you to do."
"Which would be?" I asked unenthused as I scrubbed.
"The Dean told me to tell you that you need to clean out the supply closet ASAP."
"Which one?" I threw my rag into the bucket of water. He was torturing me for sure.
"I'll show you."
