Family

After hours of cuddling Lilly seeks refuge under Ryan's legs. We explained Sophie that the dog needs to get used to us first, and that it could take a while; that we have to give this time to the dog. Unfortunately it is obvious where the dog feels most comfortable and I know that we have to try every kind of persuasion technique we know.

"I think Lilly likes Ryan." Sophie says to me. She doesn't sound disappointed or anything. She even sounds a little happy about that.

"Probably she feels that Ryan knows best how she feels now: away from home and in a new family." I'm astonished about Sophie's understanding, despite her age.

"Maybe." I only say. I watch the boys of our family caught deeply in a conversation. Ryan's still thoughtful. I feel a little bit guilty. I know that Ryan will digest this evening a little longer than necessary. His past is still an important part of him and I doubt it will change one day. Sophie and I join the boys and we start to play some games, until late at night.

Sophie and Seth are in bed. Sandy and I are tidying up the living-room. Ryan helps us. It is visible that he hasn't recovered yet. I look over to my husband. We should try to take some of the heavy feelings from him. He shouldn't feel burdened by his past.

"Is there anything we can get you before you go to bed?" I ask him. He looks confused. He still can't believe that we can see what is up his mind – that there is actually something on his mind.

"Uh…no thanks…I…think I should go to bed too." He says.

"Do you think that you can sleep?" My husband asks him. Giving only hints never worked. You need to address the problem directly otherwise Ryan finds a hundred different ways to avoid the point.

"Uh…dunno…I'll see." He says. He looks a little helpless and lost.

"Oh honey, we shouldn't have brought up this topic." I feel really bad now. He still suffers and it's doubtful whether he ever will stop doing so.

"No…it's okay. I don't think we should have waited any longer telling her." He answers. He's always the one who provides you with understanding, even if nobody else does.

"Come here, sit down." I say and sit myself down on the couch we've been sitting before. He follows my command, head ducked. My husband follows him and sits down next to him, so that he's now sitting between us.

"I know that this hadn't been easy for you this evening, and I'm proud of you how you can handle this. But you should also know that we don't expect you to go over this like it doesn't mean anything to you; and you can talk to us about it, no matter what it is about. Okay?" I tell him. I see that this makes him feel uncomfortable. Somehow he's caught in a strange situation. He has two families. A family he lived ten years with; he grew up with, which only caused him pain and harm. And another family he has now lived eight years with, which tried to be a family for him. I say we've succeeded, but he can't forget his own family and no matter what had happened, they're still his family and that's what's making everything so complicated.

"Yeah…I know…it's…just…you mean the world to me…and I really love you, but…my mother and Trey they still mean something to me, they are still my family and…it…I dunno." He trails off.

"It still hurts and we can understand that. You don't need to have a bad conscience towards us when you still feel something for them. It's natural. We never expected you to forget them." My husband intervenes now. It's as usual. Ryan doesn't know what to say, and we need to tell him that we understand what he feels. Sometimes I have the feeling as if we have to tell him what he's feeling; as it sometimes seems that he isn't sue himself. Ryan shrugs his shoulders and I wrap my arm around him and pull him a little tighter against my side.

"This…doesn't make things easier." He answers.

"Maybe not, but it might encourage you to talk to us about those things and relive you from your bad conscience." My husband says.

"Uh…thanks." He answers shyly.

"Oh sweetie." I say and pull him even a little closer to my side. He leans his head on my shoulder.

We sit there for a while and then decide it's also time for us to go to bed. When I go pass his room, I see him standing in his room, focusing on a corner in his room.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"I think the dog has found its place." He says and points into the corner he was watching. The dog lies curled together on his sports cloth on the floor.

"I guess she likes you."

"Great." He mumbles. I pat his back.

"Leave the door open, maybe she chose another place." I say to him.

"I don't have any other choice, do I?" He asks.

"Well, you can throw her out, but do you have the heart to do this to such a cute little creature?" I ask him teasingly. It's an open secret that he couldn't. He'd rather sleep on the couch than throwing his sister's dog out of its sleeping place.

"No." He sighs.

"Now go to bed and tomorrow we'll see what happens." I say to him and kiss his forehead.

"Good night." He says and then disappears in his bed.

When I get up later the night I see light streaming through the slit. He's still not sleeping. I have a close eye on him over the next few days. We know that he'll need some time to get over this again, but we'll give it to him. There have been worse things to get him through to. This shouldn't be such a problem. He trusts us and allows us to help eventually. We are his family and he knows it. We are his family and he is our son and brother.

~END~