As a thank you for the response to the last chapter, I rushed this one out. It's a little shorter but I think it makes it point. Forgive any errors I made, please and thank you.
And, you guys, thanks so much for your reviews! They honestly give me courage to keep writing for you. :)
Also, writing is keeping my mind off the fact that I move into a dorm with a complete stranger in less than a month. OH. MY. GOSH. :O
Chapter TWELVE
I met my mom in the kitchen the next morning. She grumbled a greeting to me and clanged the coffee pot back into place, not yet fully awake and her hangover in full thrust.
"I'm going to Macey's today to finalize our plans for the trip." I told her, and she waved her approval. "I'll be back pretty late."
She nodded.
"Do you think Josh and I have chemistry?"
That caught her attention. She turned around quickly and took her first look at me that morning. "What?"
"It's just that I was thinking that maybe we didn't," I muttered, embarrassed at bringing up the topic but needing my mother's opinion. "And I was wondering if you thought we did. Or if it's okay to not have it."
"Oh, honey," she said. She set her coffee mug down on the counter and stepped towards me, pulling me into a tight hug. "Why are you so worried about that?"
"Well, we're in high school. Shouldn't we be passionate or whatever?"
"Every relationship is different. Just because people are passionate doesn't mean they're in love," she said, "and you and Josh have such a strong bond."
"But bonds are different than chemistry." I whined. I was sounding dangerously like a six year old who didn't want to take her nap.
"Well, technically, bonds are part of chemistry." My mom said, her inner-teacher coming out to play.
"Mom!" I tried to push away from her, not wanting to hug the person trying to outwit me with logic, but she held on to me with her special mom-grip.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it would be funny but what do I know?" She said. "Truth be told, I think I'm still a little drunk."
I laughed and hugged her once more. To anyone that walked into the kitchen right now, it might have seemed awkward to see the two of us just standing there, hugging for such an elongated period of time. But to me, it was incredibly comforting and actually brought me relief rather than helped me avoid my troubles. My mom was safe and constant, and I found myself wishing that I had gone to her earlier in the summer rather than hiding out in my room and moping.
She let me out of the hug but kept her hands on my shoulders. "Do you think that Josh and I are gonna make it through this summer?" I asked her quietly.
"If you're determined enough, Cammie, I think you're capable of anything." She added, "You are your mother's daughter after all."
She smiled at me and I couldn't help but return it. "Thanks." And then I said, "I guess I just feel like the distance is really putting a strain on us. We've barely had a chance to really talk."
She nodded. "I know."
"Is that..." I hesitated. "Is that why you and Dad...?"
I trailed off, unable to finish the thought. She knew where I was going though. She stepped away from me and picked her coffee mug up before placing it down on the counter again.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -"
She shook her head and said, "No, no. It's okay. Really." She wouldn't look me in the eye though. She took a giant gulp of her coffee and I could tell from her expression that it burned her tongue, but she still swallowed. "I knew it was only a matter of time until he was brought up. Until you wanted to know more."
"You don't have to tell me." I mumbled. I hated seeing my mom look so vulnerable. She was supposed to be the strongest woman I knew, and yet whenever my dad was mentioned, she seemed to deflate. And that, in turn, hurt me.
Now she looked at me. "Cammie, I don't want you to think that you can't talk to me about these things. Okay? Yes, your father and I had issues and yes, there are some that I'm still dealing with. But, honey, that shouldn't affect you."
I nodded. "Okay. I'm gonna get ready to leave."
She pursed her lips. "Cammie? I want you to know that your father and I had problems before he got his job in Pittsburgh. The distance just brought them to our attention."
I nodded again and left the kitchen. I got ready quickly and was leaving the house fifteen minutes later even though Macey wasn't expecting me for another hour.
And all the while I was thinking about that conversation and how that was the most my mom had said about my dad in three years.
~.~.~.~
I was at Macey's all day with Bex and Liz, only part of it actually spent planning our trip. For the most part, the four of lazed at the poolside. Eventually I worked up the courage to tell them about my phone call with DeeDee.
Their lack of surprise in turn surprised me.
"Well, it's about time!" Macey cried after I had recounted the conversation.
"What?" I stuttered.
Bex gave me a disbelieving look. "Well, come on, Cammie. Anyone could see you were ready to explode."
"I couldn't see that!" I shouted and she held her hands up in surrender. "I feel so guilty."
Macey grunted. "You have nothing to apologize for. If you ask me, the only one who should be groveling is Mr. Insensitive." She considered that. "And maybe Miss American Sweetheart."
I scowled at her. "Josh is not insensitive."
She pretended to be flabbergasted and fluttered her hand up to her heart. "Whoever said I was talking about him?"
Bex laughed. The humor was lost on me. "This is serious."
"Yes, it is," Liz agreed. "I'm sorry they're upsetting you. Do you need to call DeeDee to let off some steam?"
As my three best friends laughed at my expense I wondered what exactly I had done to end up with the likes of them.
They finished their jibes soon enough though and spoke to me seriously once again. "Don't worry about it." Macey shrugged the event off.
"He hasn't called yet, though. Don't you think he should have called by now?"
Liz was the first to answer. "Maybe he's collecting his thoughts, you know? Trying to avoid a fight over the phone."
"But they have to talk about this," Bex said. "They can't just sweep it under the rug. Otherwise it'll fester."
I looked at the three of them worriedly. "Fester? I don't want it to fester!"
"Then make sure you guys actually talk on the phone," Liz said, "Have a real conversation and talk about your worries even if it's hard."
I knew she was right, and I so desperately wanted to have a talk like that with Josh. Our ability to talk to each other was what had made our relationship so strong, and I hated that this summer seemed to be eroding that strength. But every time we talked on the phone or wrote each other emails, it seemed like something was off. Like the feeling I'd had in my room last night. I recognized everything before me, yet my surroundings were unfamiliar.
Being in a another country was causing Josh to become a foreigner to me. And that wasn't how traveling abroad was supposed to work.
I squared my shoulders, scrounging up the little bit of courage within me. "You're right," I said to Liz. "We need to talk."
"Even if it's hard?"
I nodded. "Even if it's hard."
"Even if he yells?"
"Josh doesn't yell."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Even if you yell."
I pursed my lips but didn't argue again. "Even if I yell."
Macey clapped her hands together. "Well, now that we've got that straightened out. Who wants a drink? I can get Lola to whip us up daiquiris. Or margaritas?"
She wiggled her eyebrows, willing us to be corrupted by her.
And after all, if our parents were allowed to go crazy on the Fourth of July, shouldn't we be allowed a little freedom on the fifth?
If Lola disapproved of our behavior, she bit her tongue.
~.~.~.~
I pulled into my driveway just after seven, long after my single daiquiri was finished and after a full day of being with my girls. It felt like we were getting back to normal - or should I say, like I was getting back to normal. The four of us were fitting back into our groove.
Despite the fact that my boyfriend was in another country.
Despite the fact that Macey seemed to be keeping secrets from us.
Actually, now that I thought about it, it wasn't that unusual for Macey to hold onto secrets.
Perhaps it was because I was busy musing over Macey's unusual behavior that I didn't see the figure exiting the neighbor's house until it was right in front of me, blocking my path.
"Cammie, hi."
I looked up at Zach's face which stared back down at me with an expression between concern and frustration.
I forced a smiled on my face. "Well, good evening, Mr. Goode. How can I help you this evening?"
He slipped his hands in his pockets and it struck me that he seemed almost nervous. "Do you have a moment to talk?"
"Why? Are you going to analyze my relationship again?"
"No." He sighed. "Look, I wanted to apologize about last night. I wasn't exactly in my best state of mind -"
I snorted. "No shit, Sherlock."
He continued. "And I wanted you to know that I know I made a mistake. And I'm sorry."
I considered him for a moment. "Just one mistake?"
"What?"
"You said you made a mistake last night. Which implies you're not sorry about part of the night. So what are you apologizing for?"
He was at a loss of words. "I, uh, -"
"Are you sorry about the Eva thing? Or the chemistry thing?" I asked somewhat harshly. I crossed my arms and waited for an answer.
The look in his eyes shifted. Darkened. "Why do I get the feeling that either answer I pick is wrong?"
I pushed my hair behind my ear, irrationally frustrated. "Why do you have to pick an answer, Zach? Is it because you're not really sorry at all? You just want me to forgive you and let go of last night?"
He shook his head but didn't deny anything. "I don't want last night to hurt us."
"Us? What us?" My voice had risen several octaves and reminding myself that we were in my front yard didn't bring it down any. It only made my words come out more rushed and frantic. "There is no us, Zach. The only us is me and my boyfriend - who I have plenty of chemistry with!"
Zach's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, really? Is that why you seemed so happy when you got off the phone last night?"
"Well, maybe I would have looked happier if I hadn't gotten an eyeful of you and Eva against the shed!"
He smirked at me like he'd just won a prize at the carnival. "Why would me kissing Eva upset you?"
"It doesn't!" I insisted. "Kiss whoever you want to kiss, Zach. I'm not your keeper."
"Whoever I want."
I looked at him like he was an idiot. "Yes. Now, if you don't mind my mother is expecting me home for dinner."
That was a lie and when he put his hand on my shoulder, I thought for sure he was going to call me out on it. I opened my mouth to demand he let me go but then he leaned in closer and my retorts and sass dissipated. His eyes, as they had several times before, caught me off guard. The sun hit them at just the right angle to make all the different colors shine out. I saw green and gold, and in the pitch black of his irises, I saw my own reflection. It was growing larger with every inch that his face came closer to mine.
I could feel his breath on my face and in the back of my mind I registered the smell as cinnamon, a smell I'd never found appealing before but was now craving the taste of. It occurred to me that in a few seconds I might just get the chance.
But, of course, it was the moment my eyes began to close - the moment I allowed myself to admit how attractive I found Zach - that my phone rang.
I shot back from Zach like I'd been shocked and fumbled around in my bag to get my phone out. My breathing was uneven and I struggled to get it under control. The effort proved to be fruitless, however, because my heart rate skyrocketed when I saw who was calling me.
Based on my expression, it wasn't hard for Zach to figure out who was on the other end. "Are you going to answer it?"
It was a simple enough question. There were only two answers that I could choose. Yes or no. And yet...
The phone rang again for the third time as Zach waited for my answer.
And I stared at the name of the boy who for years had been the most trusted and endeared person in my life. Just today I had committed myself to trying to fix whatever was off center in our relationship. And now, only a few hours later, I was about to throw that all out the window for a boy who almost hooked up with Eva Alvarez last night? How was that acceptable in any way?
I answered the call and brought the phone up to my ear. "Josh, thanks for calling me back."
I pretended not to care that I had forced myself to answer the call.
I pretended not to care that the first thing Josh wanted to talk about was DeeDee.
I pretended not to care that he defended her and not me for the next hour.
But most of all, I pretended not to see the look on Zach's face when I answered the call, and I pretended not to notice that a part of me was disappointed with my answer, too.
So?
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Feelings?
