A/N: So I originally wasn't going to publish this one, it was just going to be a one shot of fluff/smut/inner Addison turmoil that lived in my documents forever, but then the actual Word doc. became 22 pages and I figured what the heck. It's of Addison's first day back at med. school, around 8-9 months after having Laurie and Rinny (Derek, Mark, and Naomi, etc. are all third years). But don't judge it by that summary...it's kind of cute. Hope you enjoy! And thanks for reading! :)
*The middle of this chapter is rated M*
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
First Day of School
Addison's POV
August, 1990
"I can't believe tomorrow is my first day back at school after almost nine months," I sigh, sitting next to Derek on the couch as one of my eight month old babies, Rinny, sits on my lap, sucking on a teething ring. Subconsciously I hold the little girl tighter against me, one arm wrapped around her belly, and place a kiss on the top of her head. She has her father's dark curls already.
"I know, me either," Derek looks down at Laurie, our other eight month old, who is fast asleep against his chest. "But mostly because I can't believe they're almost nine months old already. It seems like yesterday we found out you were pregnant."
"Tell me about it. They're getting so big already...aren't you baby girl?" I coo at Rinny. She tilts her head back to look up at me and smiles.
"Maaa," she babbles. Rinny's such a mama's girl, I'm convinced "mama" is going to be her first word; now I can only hope I'm around to hear it, thanks to school. I grin at her and rub my nose against hers, surprising her enough to make her sneeze. Derek and I laugh.
"Are you nervous, to go back?" Derek asks. "I mean, I still think you're brilliant and you're gonna do great, but if you're nervous and want to talk about it, I'm here."
I rest my cheek against his shoulder. "No, I'm not too nervous to go back; I've been in med. school before, I know what to expect. To be honest I'm more nervous about leaving them alone for the first time. This will be the longest I've ever been away from them..." I stroke Rinny's arm as she gnaws on her teething ring some more.
"Addie, you're still an amazing mother, even if you go back to school."
"It's not that, it's just...what if they need me and I'm not there? What if they say their first word or take their first steps, or God forbid they get hungry, and I can't..."
"Honey relax," Derek kisses the top of my head. "We interviewed probably every nanny in the city; Abigail will be great. She has almost 10 years of experience, the girls really took to her, and you'll only be gone about five hours a day. They're not going to starve, that's why you've been pumping and bottle feeding for the past month, and they'll still love you just as much when you get home as they did when you left." Derek wraps his free arm around my shoulders, the other holding Laurie to his chest.
The truth is, Laurie has taken to the bottle very well, and doesn't mind if it's bottle or breast, just so long as she gets fed. I'm still breastfeeding Rinny at least once a day; she loves the physical contact and it's been difficult for me to wean her off of that, since I've been home every day. Needless to say, I'm more nervous to leave this little one in my lap alone tomorrow.
"I know you're right, I do, but when I got pregnant, I thought the hard part would be staying home and taking care of two babies at once. Now I can't imagine doing anything else." I kiss Rinny's head again. "They made it easy for me."
Suddenly, Rinny drops her teething ring as she lets out a long yawn.
"Looks like someone's finally getting tuckered out," Derek chuckles.
"Yeah," I laugh, cradling Rinny against me as she closes her eyes. "Laurie can sleep through anything; it's this one I have to work everything around." I rub Rinny's tiny back gently as she coos off and on quietly.
"Well I guess we know which one's gonna the obedient twin," Derek kisses Laurie's head of ginger hair.
"Noo," I coo at Rinny. "They're both good girls. Laurie's just more…laid back. I think they'll grow up to be best friends – their personalities complement each other."
"We should probably start thinking about bed ourselves," Derek whispers as Laurie stirs against him, her little hands curling into fists. "Big day tomorrow."
"Mmm," I sigh, not wishing I could just stay curled up here with my husband and two babies forever.
"I love you, Addie. You're going to do great tomorrow, I know it." Derek tilts my chin upward to face him and kisses me on the mouth.
"I love you too, honey."
Silently we get up, each carrying a baby, and make our way upstairs to the girls' nursery.
"Could I see Laurie for a minute?" I whisper, adjusting Rinny so I'm holding her with one arm. Derek hands me my smaller girl.
"There's my ginger baby," I coo at her. "Well girls, this is your last sleep before Mommy has to go back to school tomorrow. What do you think? You think tomorrow will be fun, getting to play with Abigail?" They both continue to snooze against me, not even fazed by what I said.
"But I promise I'll be here when you wake up in the morning," I kiss their little heads before putting them in their respective cribs. When they were both really little for the first month or so, we had them sleeping together, but we stopped as soon as they both put on a few pounds.
"And Mommy will be here if either you wake up crying in the middle of the night," Derek jokes, leaning over to kiss each girl's forehead.
"Oh ha ha," I roll my eyes and wrap my arms around him from behind, the both of us standing in front of Laurie's crib. I look down, watching my daughter's chest rise and fall with each breath.
"We should get to bed," Derek turns and wraps an arm around my shoulders again.
Quickly, I kiss the inside of my index and middle finger and press them lightly to Laurie's forehead. Derek and I quietly leave the bedroom, my head against his shoulder, trying not to stress too much about tomorrow.
A half an hour later, Derek and I lie side by side in bed. I can't tell if he's fallen asleep yet as I stare up at the ceiling wide awake; slowly, I place my hand on top of his.
"Honey, you need to get some sleep," he mutters, startling me. "You have a big day tomorrow."
"Hey so do you," I turn and look at him. "First day back after summer break."
"Yeah but I was working in the lab five days a week. You're coming back from a much longer break. You're going to be amazing Addie, but only if you get some sleep..."
"Derek, am I a bad mother?" The question slips out before I can stop it.
He turns onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. "Addison, what on earth would make you ask such a question?" He places a hand on my cheek, rubbing soft circles with his thumb.
"I don't know...what if I go back to school and get so busy I don't have any time for them anymore? What if I become absent and work-obsessed when they grow up, or cold, like my mother? What if...what if they end up hating me?" My eyes well up at just the thought of that last question.
"Addie," he whispers, pulling me into his arms and kissing just under my eyelid to stop a tear from falling. I bury my face into his neck, dropping a few light kisses. "Our children could never hate you," my husband comforts me; I just nod. "They'll be proud of you. You're going to become a doctor."
"I just hope you're right," I sigh.
"I know I'm already proud of you," Derek holds my chin up so I'm looking at him again and kisses my lips. "Our children are lucky to have you as their mommy. And trust me, you're nothing like your mother," he makes a face and I laugh.
"Thanks," I give him a genuine smile. "And I think our kids have a pretty good daddy too."
"He tries his best," Derek moves a hand to my back, rubbing it lightly.
"I think I'll keep him anyway," I smile, and lean up to kiss him. Feeling his lips against mine, I let out a soft moan and before I know it, I'm wanting more. I could probably count on two hands the number of times we've done it since the twins were born almost nine months ago; first, I wasn't able to for eight weeks, and then after that one of us was almost always too tired. Needless to say, we've become masters at cuddling.
But tonight would be good; I'm stressed and nervous and he's…we'll he's Derek. He knows how to make me feel better.
"Hmm honey, are you sure you want to this," he mutters against my lips.
I respond by kissing him again lightly, slipping my tongue into his mouth as he rolls on top of me.
"Everything's going to be okay tomorrow," Derek mumbles against my skin, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck and collarbone.
"I know," I say quietly, tilting my head back and moaning as he starts unbuttoning my shirt and leaving light kisses on my breasts. I run my fingers through his hair gently. For a moment I feel self-conscious; even though I'm only 23 and we've made love since the twins' birth, my body's changed. And yet, Derek being Derek, he he's somehow able to read my thoughts and tell me exactly what I need to hear.
"You're beautiful, Addie," he whispers, pulling back to look me in the eye. "Let me take care of you tonight."
I kiss him, with every ounce of love for him I have in me, before clothes are shed and I feel him do just that – take care of me – as he settles in between my legs; entering me, filling me completely.
He begins to thrust into me, slowly and carefully, making me reach back with one arm and grab at the headboard. Immediately he makes me feel safe, protected, and loved. And I know that I never want to be with anyone else for as long as I live.
Derek cradles me against him as we come together, moaning each other's names.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I moan, taking a breath between each word, as he kisses my neck and down to my chest.
"I love you…"
I run my fingernails up and down his bare back. "I love you too, so much."
He remains inside me as we lie tangled together, catching our breath. He tucks a tendril of hair behind my ear lovingly as I press my forehead against his. The blue in his eyes is so bright, my little red-headed baby is lucky to have inherited them.
Catching him by surprise, I roll us over so I'm on top, straddling him. I smirk as I feel him grow hard again almost immediately.
"Seriously?" He raises an eyebrow up at me.
"I can't help it if I'm in the mood now…" I whisper seductively, leaning down to kiss him as I move my hips over his, to become one once more.
The next morning I swear is one for the books…as the worst morning of my life. Because scheduling with his course load, Derek had to sign up for an early morning class, so by the time I start pacing around the living room holding both babies, he's been gone for two hours. Abigail is due to arrive any minute, and I'm a nervous wreck. I still have no idea how I'm going to say goodbye to my little girls, who are babbling away at each other playfully.
I remember taking extra special note of Derek's goodbye to them a couple hours ago:
"Be good for Abigail today, girls," he holds them and kisses their little cheeks, making them giggle. "Daddy loves you so much!"
He's so used to this though. Not that he's an absentee father, but he's basically been studying and working since they were born, not including over Christmas breaks. I on the other hand have only been studying from home, with a baby on my lap. For some reason, holding them and saying "Mommy loves you so much!" is not even near good enough, because I don't want to leave them at all.
"Mommy loves you so much," I whisper to them as I rock back and forth slowly. Laurie places a little hand against my cheek.
"Ooo bah," she babbles. I laugh.
"Oh really?" I respond, kissing her pudgy hand.
"Maa," Rinny makes the same noise as last night as I sit down on the floor with them, letting them crawl around my lap.
"I am your mama, Rinny," I stand her up next to me. "I am your mama." Pulling her closer, I blow a raspberry on her cheek and she laughs. That cute little baby laugh I'll be craving all day.
As if on cue, I hear a car pull up in the driveway. Abigail, our nanny, is here. Scooping Laurie and Rinny into my arms again, I stand up. I leave lingering kisses on each of their heads, letting their scents relax me, knowing the goodbye that's yet to come.
A mother of twins, I've become a master at opening a door while holding two babies, which is exactly the first words that come out of my mouth upon greeting Abigail. In return I'm greeted with the same warm smile and calm voice I got to know during the interview.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Abigail asks, as if she can sense my nervousness.
"I'm…I'm okay."
She gives me a look.
"Okay, I'm a nervous wreck. But Derek and I trust you, and it's only five hours," I sigh.
"Honestly, I've been doing this for so long I'd be a little concerned if you weren't nervous. It's perfectly normal the first time, but I can guarantee you these little munchkins are in good hands," Abigail smiles and tickles Laurie's little belly, making her laugh.
"Hello Laurie baby," Abigail coos, picking her up. Already my arms feel empty without her. "Oh you're so beautiful, look at you."
"Boo?" Laurie looks up at the girl with wide eyes.
"Yes you, beautiful girl."
I smile, watching them. Really, I know my kids are in good hands and I'm just being one of those clingy new moms, but this is the first time and it's rough.
"And little Katherine." She turns her attention to Rinny, who's resting her head against my shoulder like she knows I'm about to leave.
"We like to call her Rinny. I'm not sure if she'll even respond to Katherine just yet," I laugh.
"Oh right, I remember you mentioning that."
"I think…I'm gonna run upstairs and grab my bag and what not, I'll give her to you when I get back. I think it might be a little harder on her than miss motor mouth over there." I gesture to Laurie, who's still trying to talk to Abigail. It's clear to anyone that Rinny is so much more attached to me than her sister is.
"You just do whatever you need to do," the nanny smiles. "Laurie and I will just stay down here and have a little talk, won't we?"
"Aaah baa," Laurie giggles, trying to grab Abigail's nose.
I laugh, walking up the stairs with Rinny, when I hear Abigail's "hey you got my nose!"
"Today's a big day for us, sweetheart," I tell Rinny as I pick up my bag, hooking it over my other shoulder. Suddenly, I feel a lump make its way into my throat. "But we're both gonna have to be extra brave, okay?"
"Bahh," Rinny smiles up at me.
"Mommy's only gonna be gone for five hours, and your sister will be here with you the whole time. You're gonna be okay, Rin."
"Maa…mama," she smiles again.
I almost drop my bag on the floor. Rinny just said her first word. Instead I just squeeze her tighter and allow a couple of tears to spill over.
"Yes baby girl, it's mama," I smile, leaving kisses all over her cheeks.
"Mama!" Rinny laughs, thinking it's a game. It would be too, if only I didn't have to leave her in five minutes.
"I love you so much little one."
"Eye eye oo, mama," Rinny copies.
"We're gonna have to go downstairs soon, baby. Mama has school today, and you…you get to stay and play with Abigail."
"Souu?"
"Yeah, honey I have school."
I kiss her head one more time before taking her back downstairs.
"You'll never guess what happened," I say to Abigail, who's sitting on the couch with Laurie.
"What?"
"Rinny just said 'mama.'"
"Seriously? Addison that's amazing!"
"Yeah, I was standing in the bedroom with her, and she just…said it," I'm smiling like an idiot.
"Such a smart little girl you are, Rinny," Abigail stands up with Laurie and tickles Rinny.
"I should probably get going…you're sure you know where everything is?"
"I remember this house like the back of my hand. You're all set, soon-to-be-doctor Shepherd."
"Remind me to give you brownie points for that," I joke. Reluctantly, I had over my curly haired baby to her. Since she can still see me, Rinny doesn't fuss.
"Well hi there," Abigail smiles at her. "Remember me? Abigail? We're gonna have so much fun today, little girl."
If I thought my arms felt empty earlier, it's nothing compared to now. Reaching into my purse, I grab hold of my car keys; I almost want to get out there faster so my girls don't see me cry.
"Alright little ones," I force a smile, talking to my daughters. "I've gotta go to school now. But you two be good, and I'll be home really soon."
I kiss each of their foreheads.
"Mama…" Rinny touches my face. It's all she wants to say this morning.
"Mama will be back so soon, baby," my voice breaks.
"Ooo ma!" Laurie laughs as I wave goodbye to her.
"Derek and I will be back at three," I tell Abigail. She nods.
"We'll be just fine. Have a great first day! Call if you need anything, and I've got car seats if for any reason we need them," she reassures me.
"Will do. See you in a few hours."
I adjust my bag and walk out the front door, not wanting to look back for fear of bursting into tears. After a moment, however, I realize my daughters have beaten me to it. Even through the closed door, I can hear a symphony of crying, and it takes all that I have not to run back in and keep them cradled against me all day.
I know they're okay, they're not sick, they're not hurt; this is just new. I have a feeling Laurie will stop soon, once Abigail does something to amuse her. It's her sister I'm worried about, the little girl who never ever lets me out of her sight. Sometimes she even cries when Derek holds her instead of me.
As soon as I start my car and make it down to the red light at the end of the street, I lean my head against the steering wheel and sob for my little girls. I am an extremely clingy mother, I realize that, but maybe that's because my own mother never gave two shits about where her little boy and girl were, that was the nanny's job. No, this is my job. The best job I have ever been chosen for, and yet here I am.
After a minute, the car behind me honks; the light turned green. Wiping my eyes quickly, I drive off toward Columbia, making a mental note to find my husband, ASAP. I could really use a hug.
"Hey stranger!"
An excited voice breaks me from my daydream, naturally, of my daughters still at home with the nanny.
"Naomi," I smile up at my best friend, whom I haven't seen in a few weeks.
"It's so good to see you back here! We've missed you." She pulls me up into a hug, then takes the desk next to mine. The both of us are taking an anatomy class together. Despite being a semester behind everyone else, I studied enough at home with the twins to test into most third year classes like everyone else. Lucky me.
"I've missed you too, Nai, really," I give a small smile.
"Still thinking about the girls?" She places a sympathetic hand on my arm.
"Haven't thought about anything else all day," I sigh. "It's been two hours and I feel like I've abandoned them."
"Look, I imagine Derek's already given you this spiel a hundred times, but just in case, Addison you have not abandoned your children; you're becoming a doctor! Now how many new mommies can say that?"
"Not many I guess," I smile sheepishly.
"Exactly. Your girls are going to be proud of you; you're making something of yourself. You and your husband. And hey, you and Archer grew up with nannies, and you both…well you ended up just fine."
"Very funny," I laugh. "But thanks. It's actually disgusting how many times I've needed to hear that recently."
"Well I'll tell you as many times as you need."
"So how are things going with you and Sam?" I ask, changing the subject before I can start crying again.
"Okay, I'm not a hundred percent sure yet, but I think I'm getting introduced to the mother this weekend," Naomi suddenly looks nervous.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, seriously. Sam mentioned something casually the other day about making a trip home and then he asked me to come with him. But like I said it was casual, so I don't know if we're actually going yet or not."
"Oh god, I remember meeting Derek's mother for the first time…"
"And? How did that turn out?"
"I'll let you know when I figure it out myself. At first I thought she hated me for stealing her only son, but then she was never like openly mean about it, and then I got pregnant and she immediately went all gaga for her granddaughters. So I can't really tell if it's me she likes, or if she's only faking it because of the twins."
"That…sounds way more complicated than I ever want to deal with," Naomi muses.
"My advice? Meet the mother then wait a solid five years to have his baby. I didn't really have that option once the stick turned blue," I chuckle.
"I'll definitely keep that in mind…then double check my birth control prescription…not that I don't love my little goddaughters of course."
"Don't even worry, I understand. I would give anything not to feel like the worst mother in the world right now," I look down at my desk, thinking of the girls, wondering if Rinny's doing okay.
"I'm sure when you see their smiling faces in just a few short hours, all will be forgotten."
"I just hope you're right…" I sigh, as the professor walks in. "However, I don't hope you're right about this professor being a total ass. I don't think I could handle that and leaving my babies all in one day."
"Hey all I said was I had this guy last term, and he was a royal pain in the you-know-what. Maybe the summer changed him…"
"Ha, don't sound so convincing," I roll my eyes.
"Alright students!" Our professor, Dr. Kammerling, shouts to the lecture hall. "Take out a pencil and paper, let's start this term off with a pop quiz!"
Great.
After a long and tedious first day, I'm finally on my way home from school, following Derek's car with mine. Luckily on Mondays we end at the same time – sort of like a double surprise for our kids, and nice for me since I don't really get to see him (or Mark for that matter) during the day. I'm so excited to see my babies I could almost jump out of my skin.
As soon as we both park and get out of our cars, Derek comes over to me and pulls me into a kiss.
"Did I mention I was proud of you yet?" He kisses me again.
"I think you may have mentioned it once or twice," I smile.
"Well I'm going to keep mentioning it until it sinks in," he smirks, giving me a third (and a fourth) kiss on the lips. "Oh and hey, Mark said he might stop by in a couple hours – and by might I mean there's like a 99 percent chance – he says he as a story for you."
"Great," I groan. "Can't wait to hear who this one is…" I grab my bag and follow him to the door.
"How do you know it's a someone?"
"Seriously, do I even need to answer that?"
Derek thinks. "No, no you don't."
I smile again, but that smile soon fades, for as we walk closer to the door, the first thing I hear is the sound of crying. Having spent over eight months with the twins, I can tell their cries apart no problem; this one is Rinny, and for some reason that doesn't surprise me.
When we walk in, I notice Laurie lying peacefully on her belly on a blanket in the middle of the floor, gnawing on a teething ring. Just as I had suspected. On the other hand, Abigail is trying (and failing) to calm a crying Rinny by bouncing her around the living room, as I had done this morning. However, the first thing I notice is that Abigail is now wearing one of my shirts.
"Oh hi!" She says to us, trying to stay calm for the crying baby in her arms. "Rinny, shh, look there's Mama," she points to me and I immediately drop my bag and hold my arms out.
"Oh, baby girl what's wrong?" I cup her head to my chest as she continues to let out small sobs. "I'm home; I'm right here, you're okay."
Derek averts his attention to Laurie, going to sit on the carpet with her.
"She's been crying like that for an hour," Abigail says quickly. I kiss the top of Rinny's head, already ingraining the feel of her in my arms again. "I tried to feed her, I changed her, sat out in the back yard for some fresh air, I even took her temperature just in case – it was normal – but the only thing that got her to calm down a little bit was…was putting on your shirt," she finishes, biting her lower lip. "She smells you on it and it…helped her calm down a little. I won't go through your clothes again, I promise."
I rub Rinny's back slowly; her cries have gotten smaller.
"That's okay," I tell Abigail. "I know you were just trying to help her. You're more than welcome to use my clothes if it makes her feel better. I kind of expected this from Rin anyway; she and I are close…huh?" I look down at my daughter.
Abigail exhales, almost like she thought I would yell at her for using my stuff. "You're right about Laurie being laid-back though, she's an angel. They're both angels, Rinny just realized you were gone again, and…"
"Abigail, really, it's fine," I smile, just happy to hold my baby again after a long day. "I'm gonna take Rin upstairs for a little bit, but I'll see you tomorrow? Same time?"
"Same time," she smiles. "Thanks, Addison."
I walk Rinny up the stairs and into the nursery. She's still making little crying noises with each breath.
"Shh baby girl, I'm back, Mama's back," I sit down in the rocking chair with her and rock back and forth slowly. "I know…I missed you too." She curls into a little ball against me as I cradle her, looking up at me. Really though, if I could have cried my way through the last hour of school, I would have too.
"Hi sweetheart," I smile down at her, rubbing my nose against hers. I run the back of my index finger over her soft cheek, wiping away her tears, just as she reaches up to grab it. "Rinny…what's wrong? It's Mommy." I kiss her forehead again.
It occurs to me suddenly that she may want to be fed. I read in a baby book before the twins were even born that sometimes infants can use breastfeeding as a coping mechanism when they're stressed or craving physical contact, and my older girl has been a prime example of that thus far.
Prying my hand away from her small fingers, she starts to cry again as I unbutton my shirt and tuck her inside against my bare stomach.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," I whisper, touching her cheek.
"Sweetheart…" I coo, trying to get her to latch on. After a moment she does, placing a small hand on my chest as she starts to nurse. I let her pudgy fingers wrap around mine as we rock back and forth.
"I'm so sorry Rin…I promise this will get easier on both of us," I look down at her. "But I'll always come home to you, baby, no matter what. I love you and your sister and your daddy more than anything else in the world; I'll always be here for you."
I lean my head back against the wooden chair and exhale as Rinny continues to nurse. I feel so bad for my little one; today must have been hard on her. But even if I wasn't going to med. school, I know this day would have had to come sooner or later, and she won't grow up resenting me for it. Honestly she might even like the alone time when she's a teenager…whoa back up. I refuse to think about my babies as teenagers until the last possible minute.
After a while I start to doze, my finger still caught in my daughter's little hand. It's not until about a half hour later when I'm awakened by her pulling her mouth away.
"Feel better, little one?" I kiss the side of her head after bringing her up to my shoulder to burp her. Patting her back lightly, I wonder what Derek and Laurie are doing downstairs. I figure he probably assumed Rinny needed some down time, so he's waiting for us to come back.
I think Rinny and I both needed some down time with each other after today.
"Mama…" Rinny mutters, hiccupping and closing her eyes.
"Mama's right here baby," I whisper, rubbing her back. The poor thing is tuckered out. I hum contentedly and drop a few more kisses on her head before carrying her back downstairs. Normally I would leave her in her crib to sleep, but there's no way I'm putting her down any time soon.
"She doing okay?" Derek meets me at the bottom of the stairs, holding Laurie.
"Yeah, she's okay," I move a hand to Rinny's back again. "Long day."
"Abigail told me Laurie said her first word today," Derek smiles.
Shoving aside the feeling of wanting to curl up and die because I missed my other daughter's first word, I smile back.
"You did?" I leave multiple kisses on her cheek, making her giggle. "What did you say, Miss Laurie?"
"Momo," Derek grins.
I exhale. At least it wasn't a real first word, something like "mama" or "dada."
"Apparently Rin had been saying 'mama' all day, and Laurie was trying to copy her."
I laugh.
"Oh, and since you went upstairs we've been working on something that we need to show you," he carries Laurie back to the blanket on the living room floor and I follow. "I swear this child is a genius."
He sits down on the floor with his legs out in front of him, and places Laurie on the blanket.
"Okay Laurie, wanna show Mommy what you can do?"
I sit down crisscross next to my husband, cradling a sleeping Rinny against my chest.
Derek holds his arms out for Laurie to grab on to.
"Daa," she smiles up at him, before using his arms to get herself into a standing position.
"She can't walk or anything yet, but watch this," Derek holds her up by her underarms only for a moment before letting go. He keeps his hands next to her, but otherwise, she's standing up completely on her own, at nine months old.
Suddenly, before Derek can catch her, she falls back onto her bottom. I expect her to cry, but instead she just looks up at us and says…
"Ooop."
Laughing, Derek scoops her up and showers her little face with kisses.
"Daa," Laurie laughs as he settles her on his shoulder, facing me. "Maa," she reaches out for me.
"Is that my talented baby girl?" I take her hand. "It seems like one of you had fun today…"
"Abigail said she was an angel. They read two books together, and Laurie wanted to turn the pages."
She reaches her hand out for her sister and me again, and I stick my face in it so she can grab my nose.
"Wwin," she babbles. "Wwin!"
I think she's trying to say her sister's name.
"Did she just…?"
"Was that…?" Derek and I ask at the same time.
"She's trying to say Rinny's name," I smile. "And Rinny's asleep. Figures."
"Maybe later when she's not napping, sweetheart," Derek says to Laurie, who's reaching over to Rinny.
"Aaand we get to do all of this again tomorrow," I sigh, as Rinny grabs my finger again in her sleep. "And the next day, and the next day…I don't know if I can do it."
"It'll get easier with time," Derek kisses my temple. "For you and for them."
Laurie sticks her left thumb in her mouth and leans against his chest.
"I think we could all use a nap," he whispers, standing up.
Still refusing to put Rinny down, Derek and I take the twins to our bedroom and lie down side by side, a twin on each of our chests.
"Hey, hun?" I nestle my head right by his shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for being so supportive."
"Addie, you're my wife and these are my children. What concerns you always concerns me, and I'll always be there for you."
I press a kiss to his shoulder. "I love you, Derek."
"I love you too, Addie."
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