Disclaimer: i do not own high school musical i merely have created its dark side

Chapter 12: the hard part.

Ryan

I looked down at the letter in my hand astounded. It was from Julliard, it was just sitting there on the counter, maria our house keeper must have brought it in while i was out and when i saw it i took a sharp intake of breath. I opened it greedily to see what the letter concealed, where they kicking me out, what did this mean? i had stopped attending completely towards the end of the first semester, i had four weeks left but i don't think i was doing all that good anyway.

I let my eyes scan over the words quickly, there was a bunch of formal shit about my attendance and how i had failed all of my courses which i was expecting, but what i wasn't expecting was the second paragraph of the letter.

An appointment has been made in the admissions office on September 8th to discuss your future at Julliard we hope to hear from you in the near future.

I didn't realize i had a future with Julliard. I thought i had burned that bridge. It sent a thrill threw me and my smile was contagious. I don't know where it came from but i put it in my sweater pocket and made my way to my room. I stopped dead in my tracks when i thought about troy.

If i was going back to new york, what did that mean for him? Was he going to be okay here without me? Of course he was, he has his job at chasers to pay his bills and he has Naomi herself who has been a good friend. But was i able to give troy up? What if i left and my worst nightmare is realized when he falls for the ever perusing Naomi. She looks like Gabi.

And on top of that i am going to be telling him a lot of truths soon, truths that are inevitably going to hurt him and push him further away. I might as well have not walked into his life in the first place if i was just going to abandon him pursuing my dreams in new york. I sighed sitting down on the stairs. This little letter so vague in its pursuit has completely made me reevaluate everything i think is important. I was so close at getting a chance with the boy i had loves since freshman year of high school, a boy who had been threw a world of undeserved pain. Was it all a real chance or was he just so fucked he couldn't love a woman, was it that trauma that had him drawn to me? I was probably the only gay person he knew.

I decided to skip my room and just get in the car. Driving was relaxing, just me my headphones and the dull vibrations of the energy. I wasn't sure where i was going but i knew where i was going to end up. Chasers stood in front of me the H neon letter burned out and sticking out like a sore thumb in the darkness of the night. I thought to myself that maybe seeing troy would give me some sort of reassurance.

I walked into the bar and saw him siting on a stool with a burger of in front him and Naomi standing behind the bar in front of him dressed like a slut no doubt flirting up a storm. I rolled my eyes irritated knowing that i couldn't blame the girl, she knew i liked him forever but he was still straight in her eyes so he was fair game. But it still annoyed me that he worked with her. I was beginning to understand how girls felt when they had a boyfriend.

" hi" i said standing behind troy. Naomi looked up and saw me, she smiled and i couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. Troy turned around and the smile on his face was like a shot of optimism.

" hey, what are you doing here?" he asked getting up pulling me into a hug. I smiled at his endearment and i felt a wave of relief somewhat, for some reason he had this way of making me feel like nothing else but us mattered. I would brood about him while i was alone but when we where together i felt his affection. So why did i get so worried? I caught Naomi's eye and i knew.

" i was wondering if you have a few minutes?" i asked he looked about to react but Naomi made her presence known.

" he still needs to roll silver wear" she said " he is off in half an hour" we both looked at her incredulously but she seemed pretty bent. I was surprised but not at the same time. During this summer troy had become a weird division between her and i and i never thought it would be. I knew she thought he was good looking but never thought it would go this far.

" okay, I'll get a beer then" i said sitting down she smiled and this time i knew it was not genuine but she got the beer none the less. Part of me thought she was going to ask me for id, she would be that kind of person sometimes. And by that kind of person i mean a bitch.

She brought me my beer and smiled again, i returned a smile laced in fakeness. " so, i feel like we never talk anymore" she said, it was almost funny. It was true but the way she phrased it was as if it was my fault. The truth is we haven't talked a lot lately and that was because of her ever increasing interest in troy, and here he was working with her talking to her and ultimately leading her on, or was it me getting led on? " what have you been up to?"

" nothing really, i spend a lot of time at my sisters" i said. She made one of those looks that told you she thought you where pathetic. Naomi loved to let you know when she thought something was stupid.

" sounds like a party" but she said it like it didn't.

" well it wasn't, I've been helping her with applications" i said not that it was any of her business. I looked over my shoulder at troy who was wiping down a few tables. I took a long drink of my beer.

" a little late don't you think?" she said bubbly like hot oil.

" its for after the new year" i said " Sharpay has decided not to re enrol at u of a and try to reinvent herself" she smirked and i could see the bulge in her eyes. There was nothing stupid or pathetic about my sisters choice in pursuing other options and i knew that. it was just Naomi's way of making you feel small but it bothered me none the less.

" she didn't apply for Julliard again did she?" she asked with the tone of a sneer. I didn't know why it mattered but i had i feeling i knew why she had brought it up.

" yeah she did" i said " why?"

she smiled sweetly " i just think it would suck, if she got in and did what you couldn't, no offence" i felt the red creeping up my face and i wanted to vomit or scream or jump over the bar but i knew i was no one here, this was her territory and i had no power. And then i thought about the letter from the admissions office and i felt a little less angry at Naomi for her blatant jealousy. I finished the beer as the clock struck 10 and watched troy pull off his apron. He came up behind me and messaged my shoulders playfully.

" done" he said happily.

" jeez troy" Naomi said flirtatiously " you make it sound like you don't want to be here at all" troy smiled.

" oh come on, you know that's not true" he said with his signature troy Bolton grin. He had started to pick up a lot of his old traits, the smile the charm the chivalry. He was learning to not be angry and move on and be who he wanted to be which made what i was about to do a whole lot harder. " but you know how it is, work hard play hard"

" pshhh" she said " you didn't work hard"

i stood up, as much as the idea of siting here watching Naomi flirt with my boyfriend was appealing i wanted to leave and get as far away from chasers as i could get. " yeah well, its been nice talking to you" i said slapping a bill on the table. She widened her eyes at the amount.

" but you only got one beer" she said picking up the $50 bill.

" meh" i said with a shrug. " pocket change" i waked away from the bar and she was dumbfounded. I never liked to throw my money around like that but i couldn't stand the way she flirted with troy right in front of me, as if she was daring me to say something.

" what was that about?" troy asked as we walked to my car.

" what was what about?" i asked i heard him suck his teeth.

" Ryan" he said taking my hand in his.

" just, why does she have to be such a hoe?" i asked feeling like i was in high school all over again. " and she loves to just make smart comments like she is daring me to say something just so she can point out the fact that I'm some predatory gay!"

troy smiled humorously which made me feel small. " but you forget that it doesn't matter because you aren't a "predatory gay"" he said with bunny fingers. " because you already have me" he pulled me into his arms. " and you don't have to worry about Naomi coming between the two of us." even though he was standing there reassuring me of all of my worries i still had trouble smiling. We got in the car and he turned to me. " what's the matter?"

i looked him in the eyes, he was genuine i could always tell. I sighed and smiled faintly. " lets go somewhere". I drove us to the park where we had spent the night and we just sat there in the car. "i wanna tell you something" i said feeling my heart beginning to beat a little faster.

He looked on i could tell he didn't know how to respond so he just stayed silent. " i want you to know first , that i never lied" i said swallowing. No mater what i would not be called a liar. " but i did withhold a lot of truths." His face turned serous, a little somber but mostly it seemed as though he was bracing himself for what i had to say. My heart tightened and i felt like i wasn't going to be able to say it. " there's some stuff you don't know"

"about what?" he asked half smiling half in dread of what i was about to reveal. " Ryan no matter what I'm not going to be mad at you"

" you say that now but..." i said i felt the tears welling. I didn't want to lose troy but i was in to deep at this point. " troy, the truth, what really happened between you and chad and Gabi, no one knew" i didn't even know how to say it. I came knowing exactly how i was going to break it to him and i couldn't even speak properly.

" what are you talking about?" he asked confused. " just don't get so worked up"

" Zeke, Jason... everyone, we thought" i said shaking my head. " he told us he had tried to work things out with you, he said that he invited you to talk and that you attacked him in Gabi's front yard...troy for a whole year everyone thought..."

" that i was actually crazy" he said looking over at the park. I could see the hurt in his eyes and it hurt me to see it. I wanted nothing more then to hold him but knew he would only knock my advances away. " you knew?" he asked

i nodded. " yes i knew, i knew what Zeke knew and Jason and the others"

" you knew and you didn't tell me" it wasn't a question, it was a revelation and it struck me hard.

" i wanted to, i always wanted to troy you have to know that" i said frantically. I felt my breath hitch and i could feel the sting of tears in my eyes. He looked at me with a blank expression. " i was scared"

" is there anything else?" he said cutting me off. I sat there in silence and he waited looking impatient. " well, is there any other truth's you have withheld Ryan, or is that it?" i felt myself about to crumble but part of me knew that its what the old Ryan would have done not the new Ryan

" no there is more" i said swallowing my fear. " you asked me outside Maratha's house why i would call chad a cunt, and i never got to tell you why, he and Gabi are still together" i could see it in his eyes that i had just lost him. " you said you wouldn't be mad at me but you are"

" that was a mistake on my part" he said not being able to look me in the face. " can you take me home?" i wanted to scream, this was the last thing i wanted and the one thing i dreaded more then anything. I wouldn't be able to stand it. He was closing himself off.

" troy please you have to understand" i said in tears. " understand how hard this was for me"

" how hard do you think this is for me?!" he yelled. I had never scene him lose his temper before. Not like this and to tell it true i was a little scared. He hit his seat hard with tears in his eyes. I could see how conflicted he was " i'm sorry he said, I'm sorry i yelled, i just want to... go"

" home?" i asked he shook his head "I'm sorry troy" i said not knowing how else to address him.

" i know you are" he said not looking at me. I felt awful i knew this was eating him from the inside out and it was only a mater of time before he snapped again and this didn't help the healing prosess of that. He Slammed his head into the dashboard crying. I put my hand on his shoulder as he sobbed. He had done a good job of not letting all of his emotions out but he was hitting a breaking point. He cried for a few minutes the tears soaking the dashboard as i made circles on his back with my hand. I could feel every tremor and every hard breath that brought on more tears.

I wish i could make it all better for him but i knew there was nothing i could do short of being here. After a few minutes i decided to pull out a joint and spark it up. Troy tuned his head from the dash for a few moments and looked at me with puffy eyes as i pulled and inhaled. I held out my hand to him and he took it taking a long drag and holding it in for a few moments before blowing it out with a gentle cough.

I started driving the car unrolling the window slightly to let the smoke escape into the hummed night air. We didn't speak we just passed the joint back and forth. After it was done he put his head on my shoulder and sobbed all the way back to my house. I didn't want to take him home, not like this and i don't think he wanted to go home at the moment. He looked lifeless as he dragged himself threw the house.

" I'm hot" he said pulling his shirt off. I swallowed at his glistening back mussels as he made his way to the yard i followed he dropped his shirt on a patio chair and then pulled his pants off completely. He stood there naked and i stopped dead and he dove into the pool. I had scene troy naked that day in the yard but not to this extent. he swam around for a few seconds before turning to me. " are you coming in?" he asked. i Stood there looking at his nakedness standing in the pool. I was growing hard and and bit my lip. I pulled off my shirt and walked closer to the pool. He smiled and i didn't know if it was real or just the lust. I pulled off my pants standing there in my underwear. " no cheating. He walked across the pool and stood by the side. He pulled off my underwear and started kissing my stomach. He lifted my legs and emerged me in the water. Before i knew it he was attacking my lips. I was fully hard and could feel his hardness against me. It sent a rush of pleasure threw me which only made the tireless fight for tongue dominance. He thrust into me and started kissing and licking my neck. He pushed me against the side of the pool and grabbed both of our lengths stoking them.

" shit" i gasped. He stifled me with his tongue and lifted me so my legs where around his waste.

" i want you" he said slipping his penis under mine so it rubbed against my entrance. I breathed heavily thinking on the situation. I wanted nothing more then to have troy fuck me right here but the whole thing was clouded by doubt. Was he doing this to kill his pain? That was the only reason i could think of, this was sex not love making and i wasn't sure i was comfortable with that. He looked me in the eyes still rubbing his cock against me which caused sparks of arousal threw me. " please" he said with another kiss.

" then take me" i said. He placed his penis at my hole and stuck the tip in slowly. I felt a small pain but it was only small, he pushed in more and the pressure felt weird but when he hit the right spot i felt a wave of pleasure shudder threw me body. I breathed heavy and he kissed my lips.

" does it hurt?" he asked holding my back.

" no" i said " just keep going." I held onto the side of the pool as he thrust again. I let out a cry and he stopped again.

" I'm sorry" he said.

" don't stop troy just fuck me" i breathed. He thrust again with a shudder. And i groaned with pleasure. He looked me in the eyes and i wanted to laugh that he didn't get that i wanted him to just keep going. i grabbed his waste and pulled him closer and his eyes widened. And he let out a loud " fuck!" i nodded keeping the thrusting motion going. " like that, do you get it?" i said taking my hands off his waste and moving them to his neck. I could see the change on his face now that i had redirected him. His thrusts came faster and he began painting. He pressed his body against mine pulling up my legs and fucking me hard and with vigour.

" I'm coming" he said out of nowhere. We hadn't been ding it long but i knew lack of experience would finish us sooner then later. I felt him explode inside of me and pulled out quick " shit!"

" its okay" i reassured him laughing.

He leaned against me and breathed heavily. " are you okay, was it?"

" it was amazing" i said kissing his forehead. " it was everything i had hoped it would be."

" really?" he asked unbelieving. I rolled my eyes.

" no troy not really" i said sarcastically. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. " i just , was this... was this what you wanted?" he didn't answer for a few moments and it worried me a little.

" yes" he said plainly. I was sceptical of weather or not that was true. I wanted to ask him if he wanted this to forget what i had told him. I wanted to ask if this was just an escape from his true feelings but i knew i wouldn't get a real answer. For a while now i have gotten nothing but indecisiveness from troy, he would tell me he loved me and then show no sign of endearment for days followed by this, it was all to confusing to keep up with. And now i was faced with the choice of seeing where it could lead and leaving it behind completely to get a second chance at my dreams.

" okay" i said. We floated around in each others arms for a few minutes before getting out of the pool. As i was pulling on my shorts i heard the familiar click of the front door opening. It was odd because no one ever came over besides troy and Sharpay but she would usually call me first. I pulled on the rest of my cloths and went to the front foyer. I saw three black suitcases and a driver walking in with one more.

My parents where home.

My mother walked threw the door and sighed from the relief of the air conditioning. " ducky my boy, here to greet us?" she gushed to my embarrassment. I didn't know what to say because i honestly wasn't expecting them home. But that's not saying a whole lot considering i never knew when to expect them anymore but given the circumstances i wished they weren't.

" i was in the pool" i said " i heard the door, wheres dad?"

" he wont be around till later" she said " had some business down town, do you have friends here? Are you hungry i have Balinese on the way" she was speaking to me but her eyes where glued to her phone.

" yeah someones here" i said nervously. I was not at all surprised that my father was down town, he never liked spending time at home.

" aah well tell me who" she said pocketing her phone. " an old school friend, someone from new york?" her eyes widened in suspense, even though i had not spent a lot of time in new york and she was well aware of my lack of friends made in the big apple.

" no, well no to the latter" i said " its troy, troy Bolton"

she dead panned looking towards the back yard. " oh no Ryan" she said with a worried expression. " that just wont do"

" what wont do?" i asked not needing to ask but wanting to here the words.

" Ryan you know what he has done" she said " i don't think that is the kind of person you should be keeping company with dear, its not classy" i scoffed unbelieving at my mothers sheer lack of tact. And she wondered why i was so eager to distance myself from them. If my father where here there would be a spiel about how as long as i am living off of his money i will do what my mother says.

" that's bull shit mother and you know it" i said to her surprise.

" Ryan Evans!" she said loudly " how dare you, your father and i gone for so long and this is our welcome?" i wanted to laugh, as if she was off in some third world country helping starving children for the last half a year and not siting on a lounger in Dubai or Greece or where ever. " i will not have him in my house!"

troy appeared around the corner and walked towards the front door. My mother froze. " don't leave" i said to him. He turned around and looked at me. I see the pain in his eyes. This was just another thing i had kept from him. I knew about my parents dislike for him being the j=kindhearted philanthropists they are. " wait for me, in my car" i threw him the keys and he sulked to the door. I started walking up the sitars.

" Ryan where do you think you are going?" she asked " you have to understand we only care about your safety" i scoffed at the ridiculous idea that troy would ever lay a hand on me or anyone else.

"yeah sure you are" i said " about as much as you care about your image, the Evans image" i was too angry to look at her i wanted to leave quickly so i didn't have to see my father before he got home . " but don't stand here and tell me something we both now is not true" i felt the tears welling up in my eyes as i got to my room. My mother was on my heels. I garbed my Jansport and started to fill it with random articles from the dresser.

" Ryan you don't have to leave" she plead. " i just got here i wanted to spend some time with you"

i wiped my eyes. " well i have been here all summer mom" i said threw my teeth. " its the first week of august and i have been here since before that too, but where where you mother?" i said loudly " because that's what you are right, a mother?"

" Ryan i..."

" don't tell me how to run my life, when you have been absent for most of it" i walked from the room and rushed down the stairs so she wouldn't follow me fast enough to say another thing. I didn't want to see her face. I slammed the door and got behind the wheel. " I'm sorry"

" I'm sick of that word" he said " I'm done with sorry, you don't have to be sorry for what other people say, you don't have to be sorry because you where in a tight position it only makes it sound like they are all sorry and they aren't"

" still, I'm here for you" i said " because lets be honest, it still sucks" he scoffed and smiled.

" yeah" he said, i started the car and he stared absentmindedly out the window. " you know what the worst part is?" he said as i was driving, where i had no idea but i drove anywhere. " now that i know, i mean now that i know about the lies he told, chad" i nodded my understanding. " it just makes me realize that he never once wanted to make things better"

I sighed. I knew a huge part of troy just wished it had all never happened and he could have his best friend back, weather he wished he could have Gabi back is a mystery. " i understand" i said.

" not that he could have made things right" he said " but the fact that he didn't even try, that hurts" he turned to me. " in fact he put more effort into slandering me which..."

" is really fucked up" i interrupted. " but , he will never be happy, he has gone to so many lengths to ensure that he doesn't become the bad guy because he knows he already is"

troy kissed me suddenly like he so often did. We where driving so it was brief but it showed he appreciated what i had to say. " i don't think I'm going to tell Zeke and Jason the truth" he said to my surprise. " i know it sounds stupid but, its been so long, i,ve become a different person and I'm not sure i even want them in my life again"

when i thought about it it made a lot of sense. " they have a life with chad and they are happy with it, i don't want to stir up their lives any more then i already have and that's all telling them would do" he seemed sold in his decision and i would never try to move him, i will only ever support him in his decisions and hope for the best, and i can only hope he would do the same for the decisions i was about to make for myself.

A/N: so enter sex and another set of controlling parents and what do you get? more drama and more insecurity. Which is all a part of growing up right? Any who this is also the longest chapter to date but the next few will be equally as long if not longer. Also we are heading back into the mind of Sharpay so i hope you enjoy and don't be afraid to review i want to hear what the readers think and i will most likely have another posting next Tuesday. So till them stay gold pony boy!