The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
So this chapter is sort of filler, sorry... hope you like it anyway =) I know I said things were going to get better and it's going to! Just give me a few chapters to get to it lol
Chapter 12
I tossed and turned all night, fighting off the gut wrenching sobs that kept threatening to take a hold of me. When I wasn't drowning in despair over James leaving I was freaking out over what to tell Edward. I had made up my mind to tell him the truth, I just wasn't sure how to say it. I never wanted to hurt him; things just sort of got out of control.
Morning came before I'd been able to figure things out, all I wanted to do was stay hidden under my blankets. I dragged my feet while getting ready for school, taking as long as possible. The bruises on my face had faded to disgusting greenish yellow, standing out brightly against my pale skin. Great, I thought sadly, I looked as horrible as I felt. I was just coming down the stairs when I heard a car pull into my driveway, it couldn't be I thought. I ran to the front door and when I opened it Edward was standing on my front porch.
"You never called to say you weren't coming to school, so I… just came. To see if you would like a ride." He looked like he wasn't exactly sure why he'd come, looking around the yard nervously waiting for my reply.
"Thank you." I was too surprised by his being here to say anything else.
We rode almost the entire way to school in silence. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. When we parked I reached for the door handle and stopped when I noticed Edward wasn't moving to get out of the car.
"Bella, what happened?" His voice was rough around the edges, not the usually soft velvet I was used to.
"Well, I just... went over to talk to James after your fight and." I thought he wanted to know how James and I happened, but he stopped me before I could finish.
"No, I mean- with us. Weren't you happy?" Edward finally looked at me; his eyes were wide and upset. Dark circles had formed under them- it was probably the worst he'd ever looked.
"Yes, I was. I just…" I sighed and covered my face in with my hands. How had I ruined things so badly? "It wasn't that you weren't great Edward, I don't know what it is. With James I just can't help myself, there is something about him that just pulls me to him. " I thought it'd be better to explain why I couldn't resist James than to tell Edward he wasn't who I wanted.
"Have you made up your mind then?"
"I think so." Truthfully, my mind had been made up for me. James had left, what else could I do.
"I'd rather tell you everything, and let you decide if you want to stay with me." It was all I could give Edward, if he denied me now, then that is what I deserve.
"Ok, if you really feel like you have to. But Bella, it doesn't matter to me. I know everyone makes mistakes. " I couldn't believe how understanding he was being, this was not what I'd expected from Edward.
His face was blank while I told him everything- the party, the beach, the fire, and even last night, everything except for the vampires. He only showed any sign of emotion when I told him that James had left. Maybe he'd heard how much it hurt me to say it.
I felt sorry for what I'd done only because I'd hurt Edward. I couldn't regret being with James. He is the one I was meant to be with, I believe that even if he doesn't feel the same way.
"I'm sorry Edward." He'd just been sitting there, quietly, for almost five minutes. He cleared his throat and looked out through the windshield.
"I believe that you are. I just need some time alone to think. I know I said it didn't matter to me, but I was wrong. What you did won't stop me from wanting to be with you, but it does change things." A lump formed in my throat, I'd hurt such a good person. I don't deserve him.
"Just one more thing… are we still going to prom together?" Edward gave me a half-hearted smile.
"If you still want to take me, I still want to go with you." I smiled back and got out of the car.
The day passed me by like a television show on in the background. I didn't hear what anyone was saying, and I barely noticed the sideways stares and whispers. I think I was partially in shock. It seemed strange to me that I wasn't more upset about one thing James had told me.
Vampires. They were supposed to be mythical creatures, strong and deadly but with weaknesses. He'd said they were different though, but how different? A cold dread had found its way into my stomach and stayed there, I felt more mortal than I'd ever felt in my life. It seemed like I might die at any second, a morbid paranoia was nagging at my brain. With every corner I took I expected to see the group of men, I mean vampires, from last night waiting for me. James had said they got to that girl at his party, Sherrie. What had they done to her? My father had said the attacks on the other girls had been brutal, so bad he wouldn't talk about the details.
When the last bell rang I walked out to the parking lot, expecting to have to walk home, but Edward was still waiting in his car. I paced nervously, not sure if I should bother him. It started to sprinkle lightly when he got out of the car.
"Bella, come on. I'll take you home." I wondered how long he had been watching me.
Edward dropped me off at home with an awkward good bye, promising to be back for me in the morning. I wandered around the house, worrying myself sick over James and Edward.
I was so scared about what might be happening to James. Where was he? Had the vampires found him? He made it sound like there was no way to hide from them, so why was he trying? I wish he would call to let me know he was safe, but I knew he wouldn't.
Every thought I had that wasn't about James was about Edward. I was worried about him; he had taken what I told him too well. What if tomorrow he realized what an awful person I am and changed his mind? Did I really want him to take me back? Part of me wished he would just yell and scream at me then never talk to me again. Having to fake having feelings for him just so I wouldn't hurt him anymore was difficult.
The next day was more of the same, Edward walking around like he was in a trance and me being almost sick with grief over James. Alice and Emmett gave me odd looks, I wasn't sure if Edward had told them anything so I just kept my mouth shut.
Alice and Rose broke the uncomfortable silence with talk about prom, making things seem almost normal. I didn't want to think about prom at all, I wasn't in the partying mood. It was coming though, in only a few hours actually. I was supposed to head to the Cullen's house right after school to get ready.
"Bella! What is your problem? Perk up already! Tonight is going to be great!" Rose poked me hard in the ribs. I forced a smile and asked some questions about how she was doing her hair and her dress without really hearing her replies.
Alice and Rose were deep in conversation about nails and hand bags so they thankfully ignored me on the way home. Something was giving me a bad feeling about tonight. I would rather just go home and hide. I knew Edward was counting on me though; tonight would be our chance to try and get back to normal. I snorted, normal, that was a joke. Nothing would be normal again.
"What's funny Bella?" Alice snapped be back to reality.
"Nothing, sorry." We were pulling up to her house now so I put on my happy face and faked my way through the preparations, trying to act as excited as Alice and Rose.
Now that we were all ready to go, and standing in the front yard of the Cullen's house taking pictures, a panic began to well up in my chest. I know something bad is coming, and people I love are going to be hurt. I don't understand how I knew; it was jus there in my heart. Tonight felt more like I was heading towards my funeral than to a dance.
