Chapter Twelve

Nicknames

That evening, the four Marauders walked together to the train station to see Peter off. Light snow was falling, to their glee, and the ground was powdered with white.

"Have a great holiday, Peter," said Remus, smiling.

"Yeah, have a fantastic one," said James.

"Hope you get loadsa gifts," said Sirius cheerfully. "Merry Christmas!"
Peter grinned. "Thanks, you guys! 'Bye!" He jumped onto the train and scrambled to find a compartment.

The threesome waited until the train had screamed and chugged away. Sirius watched, satisfied.

"Does anyone else feel slightly less burdened now that Pete's gone?" he asked.

Remus and James exchanged looks. "What have you got against the dude?" demanded Remus, exasperated but amused despite himself.

Sirius shrugged. "He's so..I dunno, annoying isn't exactly the word. C'mon, let's head back to the castle."

There was slightly more spring in his step as he walked off.

"All the people who annoy me," he explained when Remus and James had caught up with him, "are gone."

"Like?" said Remus.

Sirius ticked off on his fingers. "Peter – sorry, but it's true. The whole lot of my family except Andromeda, especially Cissy and Bella. Snivellus." He sighed in contentment. "They're all gone. Except for Evans. She's staying, I heard her tell Marlene."

"Why does Evans bother you?" said James, looking injured.

"Oh sorry, I forgot YOU FANCY HER!" said Sirius cheerfully.

"I do not!" insisted James, going verrrrry red. "And shut up!"

"But you do fancy her," insisted Sirius evilly.

"I DO NOT!"

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do TOO."

"Do NOT."

"DO – "

"For the love of God, will you two ever stop going at it?" groaned Remus as James jumped on Sirius and began to tackle him. Not to be bested, Sirius tackled him back. For a few minutes the two rolled around on the ground, beating each other up as well as two best friend eleven year old boys can beat each other up.

"No," they replied in unison as Sirius received a punch on his right shoulder and James on his left.

"If you can't beat 'em.." muttered Remus, remembering the expression and thinking it was very appropriate at this point in time. "Or, in this case..if you can't join 'em.."

He leaped on James and skillfully punched him in the nose.


"Remus hits hard," complained Sirius after the three boys had finished attempting to kill each other and were trudging back to Hogwarts, not the least bit injured but a bit sore.

"Yeah, who'd think such a puny weak little guy was so strong?" intoned James.

"Shut up.." said Remus.

"But I'm serious – " went on James.

"No you're not, I am."

There was a silence.

"Hee hee hee," cackled Sirius.

"NEVER..EVER..SAY..THAT..AGAIN!" yelled James.

"James, it can't be healthy to attempt to strangle me," choked out Sirius, attempting to loosen James's grip on his throat. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that on top of the Evans talk..

"THAT WAS SO UNFUNNY THAT IT WASN'T EVEN FUNNY!" shouted James. "IF YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, I SHALL THROTTLE YOU!"

"Okay," gasped Sirius.

"Glad we got that out of the way," said James, releasing his best friend from death lock. "Anyhow. Remus..you're a weakling. How in the world did you manage to break my ribs?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I did not break your ribs."

"Yeah, well you came pretty darn close," muttered James. "And in any case..where do you get all that hidden strength? Unless.."

Remus felt all the air knock out of him. Oh..dear..lord..

"..It's all the chocolate you eat!"

Remus breathed a sigh of relief – wait, what? "Wait, what? I do not eat a lot of chocolate!"

"You do too! You are a total chocoholic, I swear!"

"James is right," agreed Sirius. "Seriously – ha ha – '' At a death glare from James, he sobered up immediately, "I mean, er, honestly, at desert you always, always, always go for the chocolate pudding or milk or truffles first. Seriously – I mean, honestly – what do you have against, like, vanilla?"

"I like chocolate," protested Remus in a wounded voice. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, I guess," said Sirius, "just that you eat SO MUCH! I'm serious!" Apparently unable to resist, he added, "Ha..ha..not that I couldn't be Sirius.. OUCH THAT HURTS JAMES! GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME, REMUS!"


That night, as the three friends lay in bed, talking idly through the dark, Sirius pointed something out that had been weaving through James's head all day.

"Y'know, we fully and totally need to do a gigantic Christmas prank. We've only done one this year. It's an abdominalation!"

"Do you mean an abomination?" yawned Remus.

"You're an abomination, Sirius," said James sleepily.

"Your face is an abdominatalation," declared Sirius.

"ABOMINATION," yelled Remus.

"Calm down, Remmie," said James tiredly.

"Do – not – call – me – Remmie!"

"All right, Nerd."

"Don't call me that either!"

"Well, whadya want me to call you?"

"I dunno, maybe, hmm, REMUS?"

"But that's so BORING!"

"As I have said..numerous times..that. is. my. Name."

"It's a boring name. Your new name is Chocoholic!" declared James with flourish.

"No. It. Is. Not."

"Whatever," cut in Sirius dismissively. "Well, I'm going to sleep, now." A few minutes later, there was loud, painfully fake snoring from his bed.

"Be very afraid," intoned James. "He's planning something as we speak."

And yes, Sirius was planning something as they spoke. What? Only the best prank ev-er!

A/N: Dun dun dun...