Chapter 12: "I Don't Envy You"
It was the beginning of March; three months had passed since the attack on Pearl Harbor. Rafe and Danny were training for a top secret mission while Allie and Evelyn stayed busy in the hospital. Thankfully, the amount of injured wasn't anywhere near as bad as it had been following the attack, but it wasn't as quiet as before either.
Evelyn sat in the living room, staring at a small stack of paper on the desk. She was trying to write Rafe a letter, unsuccessfully. She couldn't figure out what to write. Granted, he wouldn't be able to read it until he came home, they were probably out to sea by now. "What do you say to someone you love, but had an affair with his best friend…" she wondered aloud.
Dear Rafe,
I don't know what to write. I don't really know what to say to you, because I don't know where we stand.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what happened with Danny. I don't think you believe me, but I am. I don't love him like I love you and he doesn't feel that way about me either. It's Allie he truly loves just like I truly love you. I could see it whenever he looked at her. His face lit up and his eyes shined. It's exactly how you used to look at me.
I love you Rafe. I do, with all my heart, and I'll do my best to make you understand that.
Evelyn threw her pen down and ran to the bathroom. This was the fourth time in two days she vomited up the contents of her stomach. What is wrong with me she thought? And then it hit her; her heart dropped and she couldn't hold back the tears from falling.
VVVVVVVVVVVVV
Evelyn made her way back to the living room and sat down at the desk. She stared at the letter before her. Do I write that to him? Do I tell him now, or wait until he gets back? Which would be easier on him? No matter what, he's going to be furious.
"Have you gotten a letter recently? From either of the guys," Allie asked Evelyn as she walked in to the living room of the nurse's house. Evelyn had been seated at the desk in the room pouring over some hospital order forms along with writing a letter to Rafe.
Evelyn shook her head. "No, but I'm trying not to think of it as a bad thing. They just might not be able to write now. We each got one last month, so…" she trailed off. "I just want them home. I need to try and make Rafe understand…" she trailed off, knowing full well Rafe wouldn't understand when he heard the most recent news.
Allie nodded. "Me too. I want them home. They need to be here," she said as she turned and started to leave the room.
"Hey Allie, I need to talk to you. Do you have a minute?" Evelyn looked over at the younger girl standing in the doorframe. "Please it's kind of important."
Allis sighed and turned back around. She sat in an armchair across from Evelyn and crossed her legs, waiting for Evelyn to start.
Evelyn paused. "I…I really don't know how to do this." She looked down at her hands, her fingers twirling around. "Allie, I'm pregnant." She glanced upward, trying to see Allie's reaction.
Time stopped. Nothing moved except Allie's jaw dropping open. She stared, then stood and quietly left the room. She didn't yell, didn't cry…just walked out.
Evelyn stared as Allie left the room. She sat for what felt like minutes, and then ran out to follow after her. "Allie, please. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't even know until today."
Allie shook her head, unable to comprehend what Evelyn had just told her. "It's Danny's I'm assuming, right? Cause Rafe was a jerk to you after he came back. So I doubt he'd screw around with you after that." Allie shocked herself with her language. She never used words like that.
Evelyn nodded, unable to speak. "I didn't want this. I promise Allie. All I want is to get Rafe back, and this complicates things a bit."
"You think? You know Danny's going to want to marry you after this. That's just how he is. He's a gentleman no matter what." Allie shook her head. "You may not have meant for it to happen, but it did. And now we all have to deal with the consequences."
Allie walked a few steps away and then turned, looking back at Evelyn. "How far along do you think you are?" Her voice softened and she looked at Evelyn with a sad expression.
Evelyn sighed. "Probably around three to four months. Allie, I don't want to be with Danny. I won't marry him, I promise. I'm hoping Rafe will understand."
Allie laughed bitterly. "He'll understand alright. He'll walk out again. Then the guys will get into another fight and everything will go to pieces again." Allie shook her head. "I don't envy you Ev. Not at all. I used to, when you were with Danny and he wouldn't even look at me, but not now. Not with all the problems you have."
"Danny always cared about you. I would catch him watching you when he thought I wasn't looking. Even when he was with me, he still looked out for you. You pushed him away. You pushed everyone away Allie." Evelyn looked down at the ground. "Could you please help me think of some way to tell Rafe and Danny? I don't want Rafe to hate me any more than he does."
"He doesn't hate you Ev. He's just…he's just Rafe. You hurt him, and bad. It's going to take a lot to get him to trust you again, and this doesn't help matters at all." Allie took Evelyn's hand in her own. "Well figure something out. I promise."
VVVVVVVVVVVVV
Evelyn managed to talk her way into sitting in the room while the mission was launched and completed. She convinced Major Jackson to let her, using quite a bit of skill on her part. That morning, she awoke, dressed and managed to make her way to the command center. She found Major Jackson and he seated her at a typewriter.
"Just type whatever information we pass you. Don't talk to them, they won't talk to you," and with that, he left her alone. She stared at the typewriter, unsure of what to do.
Just then, someone handed her a note card and she hastily read what was written in a barely readable hand. "Mission to begin: 0900 hours. Scheduled arrival in Japan: 1200 hours. Onward to China: 1400 hours."
Evelyn moved the paper so she could see the keys and pretend to type. She watched the people moving around her. Checking her watch, she looked in through the glass windows where Maj. Jackson was listening to the transmissions. She fumbled with the keys, keeping an ear open to listen to the news coming in.
Someone had a radio on and was listening to Pres. Roosevelt make a speech over the radio. All she could think about was Rafe and Danny and if they were going to be okay. Trying to make herself blend in, she stood and walked some papers over to a filing cabinet. Catching Jackson's eye, she strained to hear what was going on, but the room was soundproof. Just then, the door opened, an officer left to get coffee, and Evelyn silently cheered. She tried to keep busy at the cabinet without looking like she was eavesdropping.
"We caught them by surprise." "Bombs away. Bombs away." "There's the factory."
She thought she made out Danny's voice, but couldn't be certain. The officer quickly returned with the coffee and shut the door behind him. She slowly made her way back to her desk; collapsing, she felt numb.
After another hour, they sent her home with a warning that she wasn't to repeat anything she heard or saw. She slowly made her way home, unable to comprehend what she had heard. They were alive, at least at the time. Who knows what had happened after the door shut? Who knew what was happening now, or would happen in ten minutes?
Evelyn made her way into her room and collapsed onto her bed. She didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to have to repeat to Allie what she heard. As if by unwanted telepathy, a knock sounded on the closed door.
"Ev? Are you home yet?" Allie knocked on the second bedroom door. "Can I come in?"
Allie opened the door slightly and looked in. "Ev," she asked timidly. "Are you alright? Evelyn what happened?" She crept silently in and sat down on the bed next to Evelyn. The other nurse was curled up in a ball against the wall. Allie sat there, not speaking, waiting until Evelyn was ready to talk. She didn't want to push and make Evelyn uncomfortable.
"I don't know what happened," she finally said. "I couldn't hear anything that was going on. I only caught snippets at one time, and I think I heard Danny's voice, but I can't be certain." She looked up with tears in her eyes. "The survivors should be home within a month or so. At least that was on one of the papers I was passed." She shrugged. "I guess we'll find out in a month."
Allie leaned over and pulled her close, hugging her. "It'll be okay. They'll be fine. We just have to keep up hope." Even as Allie said the words, she didn't believe them. She couldn't be certain, but she felt like something was missing. It was the same feeling she had before she found out Rafe had been shot down. She couldn't explain the feeling, just knew it was there.
VVVVVVVVVVVVV
The weeks dragged by. They hadn't heard any news on who might have survived and who didn't. All the nurses huddled together every evening, waiting for news. Almost all the pilots in the unit they were stationed with had opted to go on the mission: Red, Anthony, Gooz and of course, Rafe and Danny.
"Allie, they should be home tomorrow." Evelyn said, running into Allie's room. She was trying to suppress a grin.
The past month had dragged by. Allie sat down every day to write a letter to Danny, but she never managed to write more than a sentence. She didn't know what to write, didn't even know if she'd ever see him again. She tried to keep herself occupied, but it didn't help. Her thoughts always wandered back to him. Allie prayed every morning and night, hoping for some word on their safety.
"What? What are you talking about?" Allie sat up and placed the book she was reading next to her.
"The pilots from the Doolittle raid. They're coming back tomorrow. That's Rafe and Danny!" Evelyn sat on the bed next to Allie.
Allie couldn't help the thoughts that surfaced, and then came out her mouth. "If they even are alive. We don't even know if they survived. You didn't hear anything past them bombing Tokyo. We don't know if they made it to China," she said quietly.
"We have to have hope Allie. We can't just give up."
VVVVVVVVVVVVV
The next morning, Allie and Evelyn waited at the airfield with the other families. They waited and waited for any sound of a plane coming. Allie looked around, she heard a plane coming and within the next thirty seconds, she saw it. Touching Evelyn's arm, she pointed as it came in for a landing.
The two girls held their breath, watching intently. The entire runway grew silent as the plane made its final approach and landed carefully in front of the crowd. Everyone watched as the door opened and Col. Doolittle stepped out. He walked down the stairs as other pilots made their way out of the plane. Other families made their way towards the plane, meeting their husbands, sons, brothers, boyfriends. Rafe stepped out and looked around, trying to see Evelyn and Allie.
"There he is!" Allie shrieked. She felt the grin emerge on her face as she looked around for Danny. "There's Rafe! He's alive Ev!"
Rafe turned towards the sound and smiled sadly at his little sister. He began to descend the steps as Allie and Evelyn walked towards him. Allie kept her eyes on the plane, waiting for Danny to emerge. She thought for sure he'd be right after Rafe. It was nearly impossible to separate the two, even after recent events.
Evelyn ran forward and hugged him tightly. "I missed you," she said. Rafe tentatively placed his arms around her, holding her close. "Did you forget to mention something," he whispered in her ear, feeling the slight bulge in her stomach.
"Not now," she whispered back as she turned towards Allie who had just walked up to them.
Rafe let go of Evelyn and stepped forward to hug his sister. "Where's Danny," she asked as she watched the plane door close. No more men were getting out, and Danny wasn't there. She gazed up into his eyes, waiting for a response.
"Can we move off the runway," he asked, steering her towards the gates and away from the people huddled around. The remaining families had met their loved ones, or come to collect the caskets. People were crying all around from both joy and grief.
"Rafe, where is he?" The grin had long left Allie's face and now she was upset, bordering on terrified. "Is he in one of those," she asked pointing to the group of wooden caskets.
"Come on Allie, let's go over here." They were so close to the gate, just a few feet. Rafe needed to get her beyond there, and then it seemed, it wouldn't be so difficult to tell her what happened.
"No Rafe. Tell me. Where is he? What happened?" Allie turned towards her brother, tears threatening to fall from her emerald green eyes. She stopped him, a foot from the gate and glared. "What happened Rafe?"
Rafe sighed. "Well, I guess this is far as I can get ya." He looked off towards the buildings, watching the birds fly in the air. "He's still in China."
"What do you mean he's still in China? Where is he?"
Rafe took her hand and moved her away from Evelyn. "It's okay Allie, he's fine. He was hurt real bad and we almost lost him. But he's alive," he said and Allie's face was flushed with relief. "He was too weak to move and the doctors thought it would be better for him to stay there in the hospital for a while. He's doin' better, don't worry. I saw him before we left." Rafe looked down at his sister. "He said to give you this." He bent down and kissed her cheek. "I don't reckon that's where he wanted you to have it, but well…" he trailed off, smiling slightly.
"When will he be home," she asked quietly.
"It depends on how quickly he heals. He had a piece of metal lodged in his neck and he was shot twice. It's a miracle we didn't lose him." Rafe finished, avoiding Allie's eyes. "He saved my life." Allie hugged him tightly, thankful that she still had her brother, that they didn't lose him again.
He turned to Evelyn. "We need to talk."
She nodded, looking down at the ground. She couldn't help but think this was a good thing. Without Danny here, Rafe might be more inclined to listen.
Allie kept her head down as they walked to the waiting taxi. Danny is alive she kept thinking. He's okay! She couldn't help but feel sorry for Evelyn. The poor woman had to try and keep Rafe's temper down while explaining the situation. Allie didn't envy her in the least.
AN: I am so sorry it took forever to update! But here it is, and it's a bit longer than the previous. Thanks to sugarlove, kline2011 and FlutieCutie for reviewing the last chapter. So please hit the little button below and leave me a wonderful review. Thanks so much for reading! I love you all!
