Authors note: Sorry for the delay in updating!! I hope you like this chapter and will really try to uplode again soon.
Chapter 12
The only sound that could be heard in the night was the sound of the wind blowing through the naked branches of the trees. Rose had been out here for half an hour. With the help of her lit wand had she managed to sneak out and wandered down towards the cliffs by the sea. It had taken only a short while for her eyes to adjust to the darkness after she had let the light out. With her left hand closed around the handle of Scorpius broom had she stood in the cold to work up enough courage to get on it and fly. Her whole body was shaking from fear and anger for feeling that unreasonable fear. She was going to fly tonight. Just do NOT think. But as Rose tried to throw her leg over the broom she could not, her body did not obey. The frustration that flowed through her made her kick the ground fiercely and let out an impatient grunt. Then with another deep breath she tried to force herself to relax and in one qick motion she mounted the broom and kicked off. The panic gushed through her as her feet left the ground and it took all of her willpower to hold herself in the air another 10 meters before landing again. Her breath was rapid and shaky. She could sense the adrenalin rushing through her system and bracing herself she took off again. Rose continued her "therapy" a few more times, flying a little longer for every time and eventually she flew for a full minute, sigsaging and diving a little. As she got down to the ground again and got off the broom she let out a sound in between a laugh and a sob. Down her cheeks ran tears of happiness, fear and exhaustion. She let the tears continue to slowly and silently wash over her face, there was no one here to see them now. A chill shook her body, reminding her that she had to return. Relucantly she began walking back, she did not care to light her wand, the light would make the world exist again and just for now she did not want to be a part of that world.
When she was back in her room she undressed and carefully folded her clothes and before putting the broom away she let her fingertips caress his initials. "This is madness…" Rose pressed her fingers to her temples in a useless attempt to force her mind to stop thinking of him. The first harsh kiss, the dangerous power he possessed, his small smile as he teased her, his seriousness and honesty as he talked her into flying with him, his smell, the feeling of his strong arms, the intensity in his eyes. Rose closed her eyes and let herself drift of to sleep thinking of Scorpius.
"Ah, Rosie, there you are! There was an owl for you." Ron said and indicated with one hand to a letter on the table. The inc was purple and Rose did not recognise the handwriting, she felt her father's mildly curious eyes, it made her feel irritated. She tried to ignore her own irritation; his reaction was a completely normal one. She herself would probably have asked what it was and who it was from. As the front door opened and a red-faced Hermione appeared Ron's focus shifted from his daughter. Rose took the chance to flee the kitchen, greeting her mother on her way to the living room. Still trying to figure out who the handwriting belonged to she opened the letter. It showed to be from Caitlyn, a short letter containing an invitation for a new year's party. In her purple inc Caitlyn apologised for the lateness of her invitation but begged that Rose should come.
"Mum, Dad! Euhm… … Caitlyn, a friend from Hogwarts invited me to a new year's party. Can I pleas go?"
"Caitlyn? I haven't heard her name before…" Her mother looked up from the newspaper.
"We met this year; her family brought a summerhouse in the same place where Edna has her summerhouse." Rose explained and her father nodded absentmindedly.
"How come you have never been friends before?" Hermione asked as she poured herself another cup of tea. Ron pushed his cup forward and she filled his cup as well.
"She is in Slytherin." It really was that simple, Caitlyn was in Slytherin and because of that the thought of them becoming friends had never even crossed their minds before. Saying it out aloud made her feel stupid and narrow-minded. She did not want to se herself like one of those persons that judged someone without knowing them. Her father gave her a slightly surprised look.
"Well of course you can go." Her mother smiled warmly at her and picked up a section of the newspaper, oblivion of Ron's somewhat uneasy look.
"Thanks mum, thanks dad!" and with that she hurried off to write her reply to Caitlyn. She reread the letter, Caitlyn had written a small party. As Rose tried to guess who else was invited, Scorpius immediately appeared in her thoughts. Of course he was invited, he was Nathan's best friend, but would he be there? For what felt like the hundredth time this past few days Rose tried to get him off her mind. With an impatient motion she ran a hand through her auburn hair. "Why am I being so stupid…?"
Four hours later an owl had arrived from Edna asking if she would like to come shopping. Apparently Miranda and Caitlyn had already said yes. The three of them had decided to take a tour in muggle London, Caitlyn had never really been there and was really looking forward to it.
Within two minutes Rose had sent her answer back to Edna, she had missed her friends and some shopping with them might be just the thing to snap out of her insanity. But she could not tell them, she had never before been in this situation; that she could not tell anyone what she was feeling. Her thoughts went on as she closed the door to her room. If I could tell them what would I say? She wasn't sure if she even wanted to put it in words. I lost my heart to someone I know I can never be with, to someone I can't ever have a future with, to someone I should not love. To be still was impossible, the uneasy feeling would not go away. With an air of desperation and despair she pressed her palms against her forehead. "Get your mind straight and just move on Rose. It can never be, YOU don't want it to ever be!" her voice was just a frustrated whisper as she tried to talk herself into feeling as she was thinking. "People fall in and out of love all the time…" The rest of the day she spent cleaning up in her room as she was not able to be still.
This would be a wonderful day! Rose had decided that the moment she woke up, this day was going to be an enjoyable one no matter what. When she arrived to the leaking cauldron where there were supposed to meet; the others were already there waiting for her.
"Whoa, did I get the time wrong, did we say ten and not eleven?!" She said jokingly looking at the big clock behind the counter.
"Veeery funny, but you know we are not late that often!" Edna tried to look offended but the curving of her lips just gave her a mischievous look.
"That is only because I remind you when all our classes start."
"Yes that's just it! Today we are going shopping; this is something really important and we need all the time we can get!" Caitlyn had already stood up and taken her handbag.
"So are you ready to go?" She fixed her shawl while the others got up, all of them was giggling. As they walked out of the door into muggle London Miranda through a glance over her shoulder at the young bartender with a simple: "bye", she let her eyes meet his and Rose pressed the back of her hand to her lips to muffle the new giggle. When it came to charming men Miranda was a true professional, the young bartender was already completely lost.
"I don't get how you do that!" Edna exclaimed with a laugh.
"It is not really that hard you know." Caitlyn put her arm under Edna's and gave her a devilish grin. "It's all in making them feel… hmm… impressive." Rose shook her head in an amused manner but she could not help but think back of her time with Scorpius, of the time when he had come to her rescue. His fury had been impressive and intimidating, she had felt small before his eyes and as she had looked up at him from his arms she had seen a glint of a strong, primitive want for revenge in his eyes. The memory almost made her shiver, but she forced herself to turn towards Miranda and pretend she had heard every word of what the tall girl had just said.
She had had a really fun time just as she had decided on, however her thoughts had kept going back to a certain blond boy, just as she had decided that they would not. With the thoughts had also a small voice appeared in her mind, a voice she knew belonged to the devil but which was sweet as honey and reassuring. A voice that told her what she wanted to hear without caring for what logic and sense said. Is it really that bad? This could be an adventure; it is already done so what would it matter to play a little more with the fire? You are a strong and sensible person, when it is time you can just move on. Otherwise you will always wonder what could have been… No one will know… But I will always know.
Of course Caitlyn had managed to throw a great party, except for their usual little Hogwarts gang Caitlyn had invited some friends from outside school. Amongst those were Caitlyn's her cousin Devin, an incredibly funny guy who had managed to become friends with everyone at the party within the flash of a moment. Scorpius was there too, and with him Rose's tension had increased. For the first hour or so Rose had kept herself from casting to many glances his way, but when she suddenly turned and locked eyes with him she had to confess to herself that she had wished to feel his eyes upon her the whole time. He broke the eye contact and she saw him walk out of the room. For a second she fought the urge to follow but she already knew it was a lost case so she silently slipped out of the group and walked towards the doorway where Scorpius had disappeared. A sensation that she was being watched made her look to the left and she met the eyes of a guy she did not know, probably a friend of Devin's. In his eyes there was a definite interest, she cast down her own eyes and made her way across the room. As she entered the dark hallway she saw his silhouette leaning against a closed door.
"Hi" he greeted her and Rose felt the single word like a soothing caress that took away all the tension in one stroke.
"Hi" In the dark and with her eyes that had not yet adapted it was impossible to see his face. But she felt his eyes; they were fixed intensely on her face. Something seemed to change and Rose suddenly felt afraid.
"Thank you so much for letting me borrow the broom." She leaned against the wall opposite him and offered a thankful smile. In one swift movement he had pushed himself of the wall and stood infront of her. She felt her heart leap and then his lips covered hers.
"It was a gift Rose." His lips had left hers but he still held her in his arms. Rose didn't dare to open her eyes.
"What is this Scorpius? What are we doing?" She felt his eyes on her face, how they softly moved over her features, in the same way that she felt his hand caress her cheek.
"Do we have to know?"
"But what about everyone else?" Her eyes fluttered open meeting with his grey eyes. He looked calm, she could see the trace of passion in his eyes but none of the feelings she felt; desperation, guilt and love. He gave her a smile, it was a smile rarely seen on his face, at least by her. It was a smile that of reassuring.
"Well they are not here; let's not think about them, about reality, not now." He tone was light, and with his hand he made an impatient gesture as if he waved away reality just as he would wave away a fly. All the same his words made Rose feel numb. For him this was not real, and she knew it could never be. They did not fit in reality, she could see herself tell her father about Scorpius, she could see his resentment but she could not see any happiness beyond that. She knew herself; dreams would never be more than dreams and to let this become reality was a dream. For the first time in her life she felt trapped in her own life, held back by the ones she loved, held back by their love. With sadness she realised that the high thoughts she had had of her own moral were only the creation of a naïve girl. She knew what she would become if she did not turn around now, a mistress, and a toy. No matter how much he'd done for her she was only an infatuation. And all though she knew all this, knew that it was only a matter of time until they would fall apart, until he would get tired of her, she kissed him. A part of her wanted to be mad at him for stealing her heart but she could not lie to herself, she was the one that had given away her heart and he had not lured her with beautiful words and promises.
