Butterfly
Genre: General
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine, no matter how much I pray for it to be it isn't. /cries/
Please R&R…Thanks! (Really, please review/begs/)
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Transformation. Metamorphosis. Change. Growth.
That's what a butterfly is.
I guess it could apply to me. I know it's applied to many other people. After all, everyone changes, don't they? But have I really changed as much as everyone thinks?
It's true that I act different, but isn't that all it really is, just an act? Do I really feel any different? Do I really think any different? I'm still the same as I was all those years ago; I just got better at masking it. I just learnt what was right and what was wrong. But that doesn't mean I agree with it.
I know teamwork is important, I learnt that. I know that comrades come before the mission, I learnt that too. But I don't agree with it. I still feel like I did when I was a kid, I still feel like the mission should be the most important thing. Is that just lingering in my mind because of what happened to my father?
Absolutely.
I don't want to end up like my father, I don't want to die disgraced and rejected and… alone. I don't want to be alone, no matter how much I act like I do I really don't. No one wants to be alone.
There isn't a single person in this world who wants to feel useless, alone, and like they have no meaning in their life. Everyone wants to be needed by someone, no matter who that someone is.
I praise teamwork, and I know that's important, and I praise protecting our comrades, but I don't believe that's important. Our comrades aren't our responsibility; everyone has to look after themselves. I don't like feeling that I have to protect everyone and that if someone dies it's my fault. It's not my fault, it's no one's fault but that persons own.
Yet I still keep on preaching that we have to look after each other. I keep on lying to myself and everyone else.
Butterflies can change, that's what they're supposed to do, and that's what they're meant to do. Humans aren't meant to change, we're meant to live how we're raised. Our personality, our thoughts, our very being is decided when we're kids.
I learnt that protecting our comrades only kills us in the end. And no matter how long I lie to myself and how long I pretend and act like that's not what I learnt; I will never forget that lesson. I will never be able to preach about protecting our comrades and truly believe my own words.
But everyone else believes me; I guess I'm better at acting then I ever thought I was. But lying to everyone is easier when you're lying to yourself at the same time.
I don't know why I lie about this, I don't know why I feel I have to act like I've changed. I don't know why because I know no matter what I do; I'll still end up dieing alone.
Butterflies.
I wish I could be like a butterfly, I wish I could've changed.
I've wish for a lot of things; none of them have come true.
