AN: And I'm back. After such a long time there's finally a new chapter. I don't know what was wrong with me. I just struggled with this story, so I focused on some other ones, including the two oneshots I posted a few days ago.
But I finally sat down and worked on this story. I'm not a hundred percent happy with the outcome, but I didn't want to let you wait any longer.
oOo
CHAPTER 12: We Come Together
(Song by Regina Price)
For Mark it had, over the last days, become a morning routine to look after his daughter. Of course, this wasn't the only time of the day. Whenever he had a free minute, he used it.
But in the mornings, it was different. Addison was still asleep when he came to work, which meant that Charlotte was still in the hospital's nursery, freshly fed and diaper-changed by the nurses. He had some alone-time with her, which was very rare at any other time.
Because when Addison was there, she was overprotective – which wasn't necessarily a bad thing – and didn't put it past him to be able to take his own child more than ten feet away from her. And she had gone through so much for this baby – and she had custody. So he let her boss him around when she was there, and used the mornings for some time alone with Charlotte.
But this morning – Friday, 7:41 AM – when he arrived on the big window in front of the nursery, he wasn't alone. He considered to just walk past the other man, but then decided to join him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, a little insecure, when they were standing next to each other, staring through the window.
"I'm watching your baby."
Mark was confused. He hadn't expected this answer. The last times he and Derek had met had never really ended well – and he was reminded of that every time he looked into the mirror. He had thought Derek would snap at him or leave – or punch him again. "Why?" was the only thing he could think of.
"I'm looking at the life I could have had."
Mark looked at his old friend from the side, but Derek didn't turn away from the window.
"Because in the end it's all my fault."
"Why? Addison slept with me."
"I mean… she did it because I neglected her. Who knows, maybe we would have started a family a long time ago, hadn't I been so fixated on my job."
"Maybe." His fingers were nervously tapping on the wall next to him. Having such a personal conversation with the man whose wife he had stolen wasn't really something he did every day.
"And with those few words," Derek continued, "when she told me that it wasn't my baby, she destroyed my dream. Just before that… we had a fight in the scrub room. In the end she asked me if I still loved her. And I couldn't…" He sounded as if he was about to cry, but he didn't. "If I had said it, maybe she would have never told me. But I don't know what's wrong with me. I just couldn't say it."
He couldn't not notice the grief in his former best friend's eyes. Most people thought he was the bad guy because he left his wife in the middle of a crisis. They said he should have supported her, ignored the infidelity, because he had married her more than a decade ago. But this man was so deeply hurt by the awful betrayal. Mark understood, he was probably the only one that did. He knew that, even though Derek hadn't shown it, Addison had meant the world to him. And she had broken him, like he had broken her. The two of them were equally to blame for the divorce.
"She would have cheated on me either way, it had already happened months ago. But I wouldn't know about it. I would be a father. That's what I always wanted."
Mark remembered. They had known each other for a really long time, they had grown up together, been best friends for so long. He knew how long Derek had been wishing for a family. Addison had always been the one to hold him back. And he had tolerated it because he had loved her.
"I didn't show it, but I was so happy about the baby. And a part of me wishes she would have just continued lied to me, never told me the truth."
"That's why you're so angry? Because she took your chance to have a child?"
Derek turned to face him for the first time, and Mark noticed the tears shimmering in his eyes. "If it had just been the cheating… Who knows, maybe I could have forgiven her, eventually. But yes, she took my chance to have a child. And I know I'm partly to blame that it even came this far."
"I'm sorry, Derek. Not for sleeping with her or what resulted from it. Because, honestly, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But everything else. You mean something to me. I never intended to hurt you. It just… happened."
For a long time they stood there in silence. But it wasn't awkward at all. More…. Comfortable.
Finally, he broke it anyway. "Could you get Addison a few things from your apartment?"
"It's not our apartment anymore. It's hers."
"But you still have the keys."
"I do."
"So… she could use some clothes for herself and the baby. They've been living in hospital clothes for more than a week now. Please, do it for her."
"Okay."
And that was how Mark knew that she, after everything that had happened, still meant something to Derek, that he still cared. He wasn't just indifferent. Even though he wasn't in love with her, he at least still loved her. Because she had been a part of his life for more than sixteen years.
oOo
Mark didn't even get to Addison's room before meeting the next familiar face.
"Lexie." He smiled at the young woman that was slowly walking through the hallway, holding on to the rail on the wall.
And she grimaced when she saw him. She tried to turn around and walk around and walk into the opposite direction, but she was apparently still weak, so that Mark could catch up and hold her easily.
"Let go," she said without looking at him.
He didn't let go. Instead he pulled her to sit on the next gurney. "How are you?"
"Why do you care?" she snapped back.
"I saved your life. Remember?"
"I do remember. But after that you didn't care."
She was right, but only partly. He had at least thought about her. But he had been busy and stressed, so he had pushed her aside. And he wasn't proud of it.
"I got clean," she continued. "I had heavy withdrawal syndrome, it was the worst time of my life. And you didn't visit me one time. I was completely alone. I have no one."
"I'm sorry…" He knew that apologizing wouldn't make it better. He had known how lonely he was. And she had been there for him, too. "Addison is… she went into v-tach and was sedated. And when she woke up, her husband gave her divorce papers."
"I heard about that." Lexie was still staring at the floor.
"I've known her for sixteen years. She was alone, she had panic attacks, and-"
She interrupted him. "She's more important than me, I get it."
"That's not what I-"
"But it's true."
He didn't disagree.
"Okay, I'm clean. I'm getting discharged soon. Dr. Avery told me to study medicine. So I will apply at countless universities, until someone has mercy for a poor ex-junkie who never reached anything in her life."
"I have connections. I can help you."
"No, thanks. I don't need your help. Not anymore." She struggled to get up from the gurney. "Also, I met my sister. She just doesn't know who I am yet."
And with that she left and Mark couldn't do anything, except stare at her back.
oOo
"I have to tell you something." Alex turned towards Addison, Charlotte in his arms, and looked at her carefully. "And you have to promise not to freak out or be too shocked."
"Sure. What is it?" Addison sat on the bed, now wearing some sweat pants and her grey Yale hoodie – Mark had brought them yesterday, telling her that it had been Derek who had gotten them from their apartment – correction, her apartment now.
"From what I've heard… our exes paired up against us. I overheard some nurses talking…" He looked to the ground, gently rocking the baby.
"No. It's not what I think it is, right?" She grabbed the sheets for support.
"They saw the two of them leaving and on-call room together. Several times. If I'm interpreting it right-"
"My ex-husband and your ex-fiancé are having an affair," she finished his sentence.
"Exactly."
"Shit." She let herself fall back against the mattress. "How can he already be over eleven years of marriage?"
"I don't think he is. Maybe he uses Meredith to make it easier. But I don't think he's moved on already."
"I doubt that. We're talking about Derek Shepherd here. He doesn't have meaningless sex. Not even to get over a woman." But, honestly, how would she know that for sure? She had known him for three weeks before he had asked her out. She had never seen him with another woman, he hadn't had sex with anyone else since then – until now, apparently.
Alex put Charlotte back down into the crib. "Let's just not think about it. Hungry?"
"Starving."
~Seven Months Ago~
"Derek?" Addison carefully knocked on the door to his home office. It had been almost a week since she had found out about the pregnancy. And it was the first time he was sleeping at home since then.
"Come in," she heard his voice from the inside.
She slowly opened the door. Since when was she afraid to look at her husband, the love of her life?
"What do you want, Addison?" he asked after a few seconds of silence, not even looking up from his laptop.
She still had a chance to back out, to just turn around and leave. But what good would it do? She was pregnant, no matter what, and she wasn't planning to terminate. He would find out at some point. So rather sooner than later.
"I… need to tell you something, Derek."
"Huh?" He was still facing the article on his screen.
"Would you please look at me?"
He sighed with annoyance, closing the laptop an turning his chair around. But his eyes weren't really on her, but looking right through her.
"So, I…" One last chance to run.
"Addison."
No." She raised a hand to stop him. "Let me talk."
"Then finally talk."
And when she said it, it came in one breath, one hasty word. "DerekI'mpregnant." There. She had said it out loud. And she felt even worse because it was only half the truth.
"Whoa." He seemed confused and it took him some time to shake it off. "It's not the best time for a baby, don't you think?"
"Well, I didn't plan it to happen." No, she definitely hadn't. Particularly not that it was her husband's best friend's baby that she was carrying. "But it happened. Maybe it's a good thing." She slightly smiled at him.
"Maybe."
"We always wanted children, Derek. It never was the right time and now… I'm pregnant." She felt so bad, she just wanted to sink to the ground and cry. But she managed to keep it together.
"How far along are you?"
"Only six weeks. Anything could happen. I mean, I'm not the youngest anymore. But… we still have 34 more weeks to get used to the fact that we're becoming parents." She was lying into his face. She would have never expected herself to be able to do this. But she was. She just had to keep doing it for the rest of her life.
"Okay." He exhaled audibly. "We can do this. We're having a baby."
"We're having a baby."
oOo
AN: So this is it. Told you, not really the best chapter. Please let me know what you think.
I already finished chapter 13, just have to type it. I hope I can upload it soon, but I also have some struggles with my computer, so… let's see.
