A/N: Hey! So, here's the next chapter for all of you who are still with me. Hope you like it! Mistakes are mine!


Chapter 11

Whatever Emma did – her mind always wandered back to that embrace. Back to that moment when it had felt as if her heart was about to stop beating altogether. She thought of the older woman's dark, silky hair whenever she crossed paths with a brunette on her way to college. She thought back to the tightening of Regina's arms around her whenever a cool breeze blew through her coat and tousled her hair. And she closed her eyes every single time her nose caught a whiff of her fragrance – a composition of cinnamon, oranges, apples and infatuating spices.

Emma had stopped wondering about the nature of her feelings and growing attraction towards Regina when it had become abundantly clear to her where their origin was rooted. And it terrified her to no ends because it wouldn't it have been wonderful to live in denial just a bit longer?

It had hit her one evening. Maybe three or four days after their moment in the kitchen when Regina and Daniel had been about to leave for a date night in some fancy restaurant in the city. He had kissed her on the left corner of her mouth before taking her hand and wishing Emma a good night. It had been an innocent gesture, maybe not even of special meaning. Something of a routine. A simple gesture. But the blonde had felt such an immense pang of jealousy that she wasn't even sure what had surprised her more. Her own reaction or Regina's intense gaze over Daniel's shoulder directly meeting her eyes before she turned away. The whole night Emma had had a hard time not thinking about the woman who belonged to the man who was basically part of her family.

One week later he had left the States again to go back to Europe. So today was practically the first time in weeks for them to spend the evening together. And hopefully, they would talk. Because Emma was about to burst. There had been nothing but the exchange of looks and smiles. And even once or twice the innocent brushing of fingers although this might have been a coincidence altogether. Or wishful thinking.

She needed answers. Although she wasn't even sure of the questions to ask.

But she would confront the hauntingly beautiful brunette. Tonight.


Regina sat in her office with her hands folded underneath her chin. There was a tiny smile resting on her lips as she stared at nothing in particular. In front of her lay numerous stacks of legal papers and pleadings, open books and scribbled drafts.

Earlier that day she had taken Daniel, who still had been unaware of her growing inner confliction, to the airport. He had kissed her goodbye, mumbling against her lips that he already missed her and that he would call as soon as he reached the hotel.

He hadn't called yet, of course. He was somewhere up in the air for another three hours or so.

Her smile began to fade when she realized that she had another meeting with Dr. Hopper in the afternoon. Her courage to talk has been fading again and the desire to face and confront herself had been reduced to a minimum.

She had taken her meds. She had it under control. The fear and the anxiety. The panic attacks. And against all odds Emma made her feel calm. Although the blonde had been the trigger in the first place for all these emotions to rise up to the surface again.

She could not explain it. Oh, how much she longed for an explanation. For answers. And understanding.

Her own mother didn't even know that Emma was staying with them. That had come to her mind when she had seen one missed call on her phone. Regina hadn't called back, though. She rarely did. The desire to avoid as much contact with her mother as possible was still growing with each passing day.

Daniel had always known that Cora was a piece of work, so he never pressed the brunette to call or visit. He didn't know their story, though. Why their relationship was as bad and as painful as it was. Regina had merely told him, that her mother had never been able to accept her and love her for who she was. She just had never been good enough.

And he had never asked any further questions. Sometimes, these days, he probably wondered if he should have…

Regina shook her head and massaged her temples with two fingers. There was so much to do and she couldn't focus even if her life depended on it.

She would be on her own with Emma tonight. There was no Daniel anymore who would unknowingly shield her from a well-needed conversation.

Naturally, she had noticed the immense tension radiating back and forth between Emma and herself. She had felt the blonde's eyes lingering on her for too long. And Regina had caught herself watching the other woman more than once for too long.

With surprise, she had felt her jaw clench whenever someone had been looking Emma's way or throwing her a smile whenever they were out and about. It was no secret that the young woman was drop dead beautiful.

"Enough of this…" Regina whispered under her breath when she finally put her glasses back on to at least get a bit of work done.


It was already dark outside when the brunette finally left her office and hurried towards the parking lot. She was going to be late for her appointment with Dr. Hopper.

Absorbed in rummaging through her bag in search of her car keys she stopped dead in her tracks when she spotted someone leaning against her car, their hands buried deep in the pockets of their jeans.

"Regina," Emma said softly and smiled as she pushed herself from the car and took a step towards the brunette.

"Oh, my…Jesus, Emma you scared me. What are you even doing here?" Regina asked puzzled while her heart seemingly doubled its speed. She closed the remaining distance between them, the car keys finally dangling between her fingers.

Emma nervously laughed, her green eyes sparkling in the streetlights illuminating the parking lot.

"I…Uhm, actually I don't know. I…" She stopped, pulled herself together and flashed one of her brilliant smiles that which always made Regina catch her breath.

"I wanted to ask you out. I guess. For dinner."

When she saw Regina's eyebrows shoot up in surprise…or maybe delight…or was it fear? She quickly added:

"Not a 'date-date', no worries." There was that nervous laugh again.

"More like a…'I'm in a desperate need to talk to you'-date. Or, you know what. Let's not call it date at all. Let's just have dinner together. And maybe talk. If you feel like talking. If not, just let me ramble on. I reckon I'm obviously good at that." Emma rolled her eyes at herself and shifted from one foot to another.

"You're adorable," Regina whispered and gave her a tiny laugh.

"I…" She was about to decline since she needed to get to that appointment. And because she knew that no good would come out of this.

"I'd like that." She said instead, listening to her heart this time and resisting her common sense.

"You do?!" Emma had suspected Regina to say no. But somehow she had wanted to try her luck anyway.

"Yes, Emma. Yes, I do. Have dinner with you. And maybe talk. If I feel like talking." The older woman quoted.

It felt right. Of all the things she had ever questioned in her life, this felt like the most right decision she had made in a long time.

And still so wrong, nonetheless.


They sat silently in the car as Regina maneuvered them through the traffic, quietly swearing at "all these untalented idiots blocking their way".

All the lights, buildings, cars and people were distorted into a colorful blur as they rushed through the streets. There was honking and yelling, laughter and singing and all of this gave Emma a tingling feeling in her stomach. And somehow she was happy, but also unsure and nervous. She probably shouldn't have come. She shouldn't bring Regina in situations like this. Hell, she knew that. And she felt bad when she thought about the feelings she had. She didn't want to intrude. But she also couldn't stay away. Emma was drawn to that woman like she had never been to anyone before. It was almost scary.

When Regina finally pulled over to park the car they still hadn't said a word. But for some reason, their shared silence wasn't uncomfortable. It was like both of them were dwelling in the presence of the other, not daring to ruin that fragile bond that had somehow formed between them. Both of them willing to face the unknown, being aware that there was no running away anymore. At least not at the moment.

The restaurant Emma had picked was a small Italian place called 'La Grotta', where the walls looked like they were carved into stone and the furniture was made of dark wood and everything looked very cozy and warm due to the light mainly coming from all the candles all over the walls.

But above all the reason she picked this place was the hope that she hasn't been here before. With him. With Daniel.

Emma needed something that only they would share. Nothing that Regina already had memories of.

"Wow - never heard of this place before." Regina smiled while she grabbed her bag from the back seat and locked the car.

There it was. Almost too cliché. But right now Emma didn't care.

"Yeah! A friend recommended it. Said they have the most delicious pasta." Emma answered, combing through her hair. That wasn't true, though. She had spent almost two hours of research last night to find the best insider tips in town.

Regina rounded the car and let her keys vanish inside of her coat.

"Shall we then?"


They ate, drank wine and talked. About everything except themselves. They shared smiles and exchanged looks, but both them dreaded to start the conversation they so desperately needed to have.

It was Emma who finally took all her courage in both hands. For one moment she even considered taking the brunette's hand into hers, but found reason in the thought that it might be too much and would probably scare her away.

"Regina?" The blonde didn't even dare to look up at first and fixated her eyes on the dark red liquid swirling around in her glass.

"Yes?" The brunette knew what was coming. You could see it in her eyes. The fear, the anxiety, the excitement but first and foremost a tenderness of an incomparable fragility. She was so afraid of doing wrong. And of getting hurt.

"What's this? What is going on between us?"

Regina sucked in a sharp breath. She knew it was coming. But still felt so unprepared. She had no answers, had she?

"Emma, I d…"

"Don't say you don't know what I mean, please. Please, Regina. I know that you've felt it. I know that you've noticed it. Don't lie to me. I-I know you're scared. Hell, I'm scared to no ends. But I can't pretend any longer that there is nothing going on! Please!"

The desperation was evident in her voice as well as in her eyes.

"I…canot stop thinking about you." The blonde quietly admitted.

"Ever since I've held you in my arms you're there, you know? When-whenever I close my eyes… My god, I can't believe I'm telling you this. But I can't go on like this. Your looks, the smiles…you're taking my breath away every fucking time I lay my eyes on you."

Emma's voice was agitated and she bit her lip.

Regina's eyes glazed over with tears and her hands were trembling as she tried to flatten them out on the table.

"Emma, I…" Her voice broke and she didn't know what to say at all. Of course, something was going on. But it was one thing to dream about possibilities and another thing to face them as the truth.

"Emma, I…I like you."

"Yeah?! I like you, too. More than I should!"

Regina flinched at the acrimony of the blonde's words. Nevertheless, she reached over and took Emma's hand in hers, giving it a soft squeeze. Emma closed her eyes in response and pressed her lips together.

"I mean, I don't even really know you, you know?" The younger woman continued in a trembling manner.

"I know you have this dark secret that you never tell anyone about and try to cope with all alone. Because you think it's so brave. And you don't want to burden anyone with the part of yourself that is not so easy to handle. And because nobody would understand, right? But you're wrong, Regina! You're wrong! There are things we can't and first and foremost shouldn't face alone!"

That hit home.

"And…and maybe you should come to realize that not everybody wants to hurt you."

Regina quietly withdrew her hand from Emma's to cover her face.

Then there was silence. Regina didn't answer. She didn't argue or fight back in self-defense. She just sat there trying to hold back her tears.

The blonde watched in silence as the older woman composed herself. Her cheeks were reddened and her chest was heaving.

Regina wondered if she had ever cried in public. She was fairly certain that she hadn't.


When they were back in the car, neither of them knew what to say. They drove in silence and when they finally were back home Regina turned the engine off but made no further move to get out.

She reached over and took Emma's hand in hers. Again.

She wanted to tell her. Everything.

About her childhood. Her mother. The beatings. The therapy…which had been supposed to make her normal. But had robbed her of herself instead.

She wanted to talk. But couldn't. Not yet.

Regina felt how Emma had begun to stroke the back of her hand with her thumb.

"I like you, Emma. I really do. And admitting that alone is probably the most fearless thing I've done in a long while."

That sent goose-bumps all over the younger woman's body.

"I've seen you looking at me, Regina. And I've never been looked at like this before. I wouldn't believe a single word if you would try to tell me otherwise."

"Now you're being quite sassy." Regina tried to smile but just looked tired. Tired and sad.

"Whatever it is that's haunting you, Regina. You don't have to fight this alone."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Emma. You're so young…"

"But maybe I do." Emma quietly responded, still holding onto Regina's hand. She had a strange feeling when it came to that. Not quite an idea, but a dark notion.

The brunette shot her a long look before returning her gaze to the front and into the dark.

For a moment her thoughts traveled to Daniel, who must have arrived at his hotel hours ago. She should have been honest with him. She should have talked to him long ago. But how? If, for most of her life, she hadn't been able to think about all this without freaking out.

She turned herself towards the blonde, gave her hand a small squeeze and then lifted it up to trace Emma's cheek with her fingertips.

"I will talk to you, Emma. I promise. Just give me more time. And…try to be patient with me. That's all I ask of you."